Tag: Inspiration
What I Learned from being Fired 3 Times in 5 Months
Almost twenty years ago to the day, I got fired from a filing job at a major UK residential property developer.
I lasted four hours!
The manager called the temporary agency I was working for at the time and complained about my lackadaisical work ethic and lack of filing experience.
I couldn’t believe it. Who needs experience for a filing job? However, as I took my leave from the office and began the premature journey home to my parents’ house, it all began to make sense.
The day had started ominously. There were no pleasantries when I arrived, no shake of the hand or ‘how are you?‘. Instead, I was shown to a desk, some paperwork was dumped in front of me and I was told to file it.
Ten minutes in, I was bored out of my brain. Their instructions were vague and, I was so demotivated, I didn’t bother asking the manager for clarification. I just muddled through, making it up as I went along and counting down the hours until lunch break.
When I got the phone call from my agency, informing me of my dismissal, I was actually relieved. Despite being a little embarrassed I didn’t last a full day, I couldn’t wait to get out of the office.
The entire morning had been spent clock watching and contemplating my recent employment record. In the previous five months, I’d had six different placements. I’d been dismissed from three of them.
In the month leading up to Christmas, I’d worked in a retail store. At the time, they said I was needed for the holiday period and new year. After Christmas, they informed me they didn’t want me back.
After that, I had a two-week spell doing data entry for a local company. Again, they weren’t interested in keeping me on.
I then went to a local sign making factory and was put to work filing the steel and working in the post room. They fired me after a day.
The agency then thought it best to find me non-office related work. As a result, I was sent to wash dishes at a few different kitchens. This, I managed to complete without being fired. Although I didn’t enjoy the work, the shifts were shorter and, as a result, my boredom wasn’t as apparent.
Having managed to successfully see out these temporary dish washing contracts, the agency thought I might, once again, be ready for office work.
I wasn’t, though, and not only did the ‘four-hour firing’ episode bring an end to my time in this environment, it also brought a close to my reliance on agency work.
Follow Your Inspiration
As I made my way back home, I was buzzing. There was a question running through my mind.
I was done with boring jobs. I knew that. I wasn’t going to spend another hour of my life sitting in an office, wasting away. However, I was also contemplating whether I needed to do anything I didn’t enjoy ever again. Could I use this huge level of inspiration I was feeling as a guide and ride it all the way to the life of my dreams?
I’ve thought about that moment many times since. In some ways, it represents a crossroad in my life. However, rather than taking one path or the other, the conventional or the inspired, I set off walking a middle ground.
I never rode the wave of inspiration and I certainly did plenty of work and tasks I didn’t enjoy in the subsequent years. However, I’ve also followed my heart and made decisions based on what inspires me.
Now, having reaped the rewards of following my inspiration, I look back and wonder whether I could have pushed the envelope even further.
What would have happened if I did? Was there any potential failure or consequence so great it would have stopped me?
I ask these questions for two reasons. 1. I like to look back to learn for the future. 2. It might bear some relevance to you.
It’s no secret that worker satisfaction levels are pitifully low. I mention in my upcoming book ‘Do The Work you Love’ that, according to 2012 Right Management survey of the US and Canadian workforce, 81% of people in employed roles don’t enjoy their jobs.
Perhaps you are one of these people. Perhaps, like me twenty years ago, you’ve wondered whether you can just walk out on your job tomorrow and let your inspiration guide you to a new life.
Is it possible?
After twenty years of tentatively following mine, here are my thoughts.
The Journey
In short, my answer is ‘Yes’. I believe it would be possible to quit your job tomorrow and use your inspiration as a guide to create, and live, the life of your dreams. However, before I elaborate on my thinking, let’s define what following your inspirations means.
Following your inspiration means making decisions based on what excites you the most. For example, let’s say you’re inspired by the idea of writing screenplays. You already know that your present job, as a financial analyst, is not your dream, so you quit and begin a new adventure.
You hand in your notice (in practise, you might then have to work a few more weeks) and start working on your first screenplay the very next day.
It’s great fun. You’re learning every day, making progress and excited about the end product. You continue working away, regardless of your financial situation, because this is what inspires you. This is where the magic is at.
Months down the line, when the screenplay is finished, you begin shopping it around. Perhaps you’re successful and, only a few weeks into looking for interested parties, a studio wants to buy your script.
More than likely, you’re not and, as the months continue to pass, financial concerns start to play on your mind. You realise that, while you continue to shop your screenplay, you’re going to have to get another job. Of course, you don’t want to repeat your previous mistake and get trapped in a job you don’t enjoy, so you look for work that interests and excites you.
Perhaps you find it. Perhaps you don’t. Ultimately, you might have to take any job you can get in order to pay the bills. However, you’re still following your inspiration because you haven’t given up on your dream.
While working, you keep searching for interested studios or agents. If that continues to fail then, maybe, you shelve your first project and begin working on a second. You learn from your previous mistakes and create a superior script. Once complete, you again look for interested parties.
You keep repeating this pattern until you’re successful. Or, perhaps, you reach a point where writing screenplays no longer inspires you. Instead, you become more excited by the idea of taking your newfound writing skills and creating a health and fitness blog.
Perhaps the blog is successful and maintains your interest. Perhaps it doesn’t.
By now, you should understand what living an inspiration led life entails. You keep going and going, either being successful at making a living from your passion or, being inspired by a new idea and making a go of that.
Of course, while walking this path, you may have to do stints of paid work you don’t enjoy. Don’t worry if this is the case. So long as this doesn’t become your main focus, and is only undertaken until you’ve saved up enough money to make another concerted effort at making a living from your passion, then it’s ok. Eventually, you will hit upon an idea or a career that both inspires you and generates enough money for you to live on.
This is what following your inspiration looks like. Yes, it’s risky and you may have little money for vacations and consumer items. You may even be constantly on the verge of going broke. However, you’re alive!
You know why you’re living and every day is filled with purpose. This more than compensates for all the ups and downs and uncertainty you experience in the lead up to becoming successful.
But what happens if your inspiration is telling you to quit your job yet you don’t have a clue about what you might do? Can you still take the risk?
What to do if you Don’t have a Clue
Twenty years ago, I had no idea what my dream might be. As I walked back home, buzzing off the combination of a brilliant song and an exciting idea, my energy levels were at a peak. However, as great as I was feeling, there was no immediate outlet to channel my energy.
What do you do in a situation like this? Can you still quit your job the next day, simply believing you’ll find something?
If you decide to take this risk then you must master your energy.
To have an inspiring idea, you must be inspired. Release all of your doubts, fears and questions. Only then will you have the clarity of mind needed to discover an outlet for your inspiration.
It might take you a week, six months or even a year. However, if you remain inspired, regardless of what’s going on around you, a path will emerge.
It’s also important to realise this path might not lead you into a new career or business idea. It may simply lead you to travel. Or, perhaps, like Gregory Howe, author of the book Chasing Points, it might encourage you to set out on a new adventure – aged 34 he decided to quit his job as a school teacher and pursue his long cherished dream of becoming a world ranked tennis professional.
Whatever the case, the longer you remain inspired, the greater the chance you’ll discover an outlet to support you in a way that brings excitement and meaning. New acquaintances that lead to inspiring work can be made while travelling. An adventure, even if unsuccessful, might develop the character and skills needed to be successful in another endeavour. (While Gregory Howe didn’t become a regular fixture on the professional tour, he was able to write a book about his experiences and make money through the sales).
Inspiration is the source through which all of your great ideas flow. Therefore, don’t worry about the temporary loss of income caused by quitting your job. Instead, do whatever it takes to stay inspired and see where the path leads you.
Conclusion
I don’t want to tell you what to do. Afterall, everybody’s situation is different and I couldn’t possible know your circumstances. At best, all I can do is share my experiences with you and hope that something strikes a chord.
Despite my enthusiasm, I didn’t follow my inspiration all the way to the life of my dreams. Sometimes, I ignored it and made decisions based on what I believed were financial necessities at the time. As a result, I can’t say with any certainty what would have happened on that day, twenty years ago, if I’d refused to do anything that didn’t inspire me and lived in accordance with my heart. However, having lived a semi-inspired life since then, I can offer you some insights.
I don’t think basing all of your decisions on what inspires you is a recipe for disaster. In fact, the penalties for doing so are more psychological than real. Unless your dream requires you to put your life on the line, or take long term risks with your health, there is nothing to fear.
What are the consequences of starting a new business and failing?
You might lose a substantial amount of money. As a result of this, you might have to move back in with your parents. You won’t be able to buy the things you like or go on vacation. Savings you were setting aside for your first home may have gone.
While all of these outcomes are undesirable, none of them are life threatening.
Let’s look at another scenario.
What are the consequences of pursuing your dream of being a successful actor and failing?
Again, you might lose some of your savings while you support yourself on this adventure. Furthermore, for the five or so years you were trying to make it as an actor, other areas of your life, like relationships, may fail to advance. Then again, perhaps you’ve met some fantastic people on your journey and fallen in love.
Certainly, you’ll have fallen behind your peers in mainstream work. If you were to now re-enter, you might have to bear the indignity of them being in senior positions to you.
Again, I ask you, are any of these consequences life threatening?
No, none of them are. The money can be recouped and the relationships rekindled. The only damage you might suffer is to your self-esteem and this can be protected. Furthermore, surely, you’d feel better about yourself for having tried? Theodore Roosevelt once said,
“The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again . . .
who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at best in the end knows the triumph of high achievement, and at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
and I agree. The worst-case scenario is that you get to the end of your life and regret never having followed your heart.
Therefore, you have two options.
You can be like me, adopting a ‘dip your toe in the water’ approach to following your inspiration and take years upon years to be successful.
Or, you can plunge straight in, run the risk of enduring some scary moments and trying times, but potentially transform your life in a matter of a few years.
The choice is yours. Just don’t spend your life playing it safe, never having known what it feels like to be alive.
(image taken from LeonH photostream flickr.com)
How Strong is your Will to Survive?
My Grandma died last month. She was one hundred and one, 2 months shy of her one hundred and second birthday.
Over the years, I watched her pass through the various stages of deterioration. Amazingly, she was still walking and completely independent up until the age of 96. At that point, she had a fall, lost her confidence and, from then on, relied on a walking frame.
Despite this setback, she fought to maintain her independence and remained in her home until she reached her 100th birthday. She then moved into a local care home.
While in the care home, she still battled away. I visited her 3 times a year (my mum would make the journey to Yorkshire monthly). Throughout this time, her spirits remained high. She had little to do, as she spent more and more time in her chair, but she was always happy to see us and her mind was focused on living. Even as her eyesight began to fail, and she could no longer watch TV or read, she was still, largely, positive.
Then, after a visit from her new born great grandson, she started to weaken. She reported feeling tired and a couple of weeks after that, lost the ability to swallow.
This was the beginning of the end. At that age, no intravenous fluids are administered and the human body typically lasts no more than three to four days without water.
She lasted five.
I was with her two days before she passed. Despite being laid out in bed, unable to see, eat or drink, she still fought on. I heard the continual cycle of shallow gasps, followed by about five minutes of regular breathing, and wondered what she was living for?
Why did she hold on?
Keep Fighting
My Grandma always had a strong survival instinct. She never talked about death. She didn’t even talk about getting old. She just wanted to live.
At times, I wondered why.
During her final year, her quality of life was negligible. In fact, it had been diminishing ever since she’d had the fall aged 96. She had very little to do (being immobile) and very little stimulation. Human contact was all she had. My mum visited regularly and so did a couple of local friends.
That being said, she still spent a large amount of time on her own, in a bedroom, with only the noise of the TV to entertain her.
‘What kind of life is this?’ I thought, when I visited her the time before last. ‘Why doesn’t she just give up and let go? I would in a similar situation.’
However, now, I’m not so sure. Being with my Grandma in her final few days filled me with a huge sense of admiration. She had nothing to live for yet kept on fighting.
The family theory was that she’d been living to meet her great grandson and, once she’d done this, she gave up. I disagreed. While she was undoubtedly looking forwards to meeting Arlo, and it certainly gave her something to live for, there just simply wasn’t any quit in her. Life had to be taken.
Of course, in the end, it was. Even the people with the strongest survival instincts will eventually have their light extinguished. However, this isn’t the point.
We need to focus on the lessons these fighters can teach us. Why do they cling to life so desperately?
Is this all we’ve got?
You may not like my answer and, secretly, I hope it’s wrong. Watching my Grandma cling to life so desperately, when she seemed to have nothing to live for, made me think this is all we’ve got!
No heaven or hell or afterlife or spiritual dimensions. When that mortal light goes out, that’s it. Game over. We cease to exist in any shape or form.
Perhaps, subconsciously, we know this. We know there’s nothing else and that’s why we place such a high value on survival, even when our lives are shitty.
Of course, you may point to suicide – the number one killer of men in England and Wales between the ages of 20 and 49 – and claim it shoots down my theory.
Maybe so. Then again, people who voluntarily kill themselves would almost certainly be categorised as mentally ill and, therefore, not acting in their right mind.
Whatever the case, it’s clear the desire to survive has a lot to do with not wanting to lose the gift of life.
I understand this. When you stop to think about it, life is magical.
You get to wake in the morning, see a brilliant sunrise and listen to the birds sing. As I write this, the sun is descending and there’s a majestic red hue to the blue sky. Sights like these are precious. Still, they only represent the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the experiences life offers.
What about love? You can have an amazing spiritual and physical connection with another being which makes you feel alive in ways you never imagined possible.
What about creation? Whether it’s a child, a book, a product or a project, you get to create something that might have an inspiring impact on another person.
And what about the arts and sports? You get to listen to music which moves your soul, watch films that inspire and connect with a deeper part of your being and see paintings that transport you to another place and time. Then, you get to move your body in incredible ways, overcome challenges and feel the thrill of succeeding.
Furthermore, you get to explore. You get to discover the richness of life on earth, taking in all the spectacular scenes, smells and people.
Finally, what about being? Without any stimulus at all, you can still experience those quiet, still moments and feel connected to life.
When faced with oblivion, I could see why someone would want to cling to this with everything they’ve got.
Final Thoughts
My purpose in writing this is not to challenge your hopes or beliefs in an afterlife. It may well exist. Instead, my intention is to get you to appreciate the magic of being alive.
If this is all we’ve got, then you must make the most of it. Give more than ever, both of your talents and help when it’s needed. Dare to go for what you want. Fearlessly explore the avenues that could lead to greater love, freedom and expression. Appreciate each breath you take, each meal you eat and every sunset or full moon you see. Recognise it for the gift it is.
And, above all, don’t waste your time. Don’t spend your life doing things that make you unhappy. Don’t get distracted by mindless TV, trivia, social media or the internet. Don’t allow anxiety to take residence in your mind and prevent you from experiencing life to the fullest.
Live as much as you can. Get as much as you can out of life. Cling to it with every breath you have.
This is the lesson I took from witnessing my Grandma in her final few days. It reminded me of the Dylan Thomas poem ‘Do Not go Gentle into that Good night’. I don’t know whether my Grandma was a fan, but, somehow, it seems relevant.
“Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rage at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they,
Do not go gentle into that good night.”
My Mum read a eulogy at my Grandma’s funeral. Towards the end, she talked about the lessons she’d learned from her. With this being a personal development website, I thought it appropriate to end with them,
“Stay active, have an enquiring mind, take on new hobbies, never think of yourself as old and never leave the house without make up!!”
IN LOVING MEMORY OF JOYCE THOMPSON, 22ND NOVEMBER 1916 – 12TH SEPTEMBER 2018
(Picture n1: Taken circa 2002, me and my Grandma.)
(Picture n2: Taken in Northallerton, North Yorkshire on the morning of my Grandma’s funeral. In the background are the Hambleton Hills, her birthplace.)
Why you Shouldn’t Give up on your Dreams
I was talking to one of my tennis students today about her interest in drama and singing. I suggested she might want to pursue it professionally when she left school or university.
Her response was that it would never work. Apparently, to make a career as an actress you have to be incredibly lucky. She also mentioned that most people performing in West End shows are barely able to make a living.
I was disappointed to hear this. I don’t know how passionate she is about acting (I know she likes it a lot), so I don’t want to presume that it’s her dream. However, I was more disappointed to hear that a 15 year old already had this kind of belief system.
Where did she get it from?
At a guess, possibly parents and friends, most likely from fellow students or teachers at her drama class and receiving rejections from auditions. All of these voices and experiences, when delivered from figures of authority we’ve been taught to respect, bypass the critical, reasoning faculty of our mind and form limiting beliefs in our subconscious. We accept them as The Truth, but do we ever take time to analyse or attempt to discredit them?
The conversation reminded me of my own thinking when I was 22. At the time, I wanted to write a best selling personal development book but all I heard from my parents, another author and the media (reading magazine articles/writers’ handbook), was that this was an impossibility. There was no money in being an author, apparently. Furthermore, the chances of getting published were so remote it wasn’t even worth trying. Basically, it was down to luck. It was a total shot in the dark, so did I really want to invest all that time on something that might never work out?
Unfortunately, I believed these voices. I accepted them as The Truth. Whenever I contemplated my dream of becoming a best selling personal development author, a subconscious feeling of embarking on an impossible journey was triggered.
However, I persisted. I imagined my life as lawyer, accountant, working in a corporation etc as being so dull and out of sync with who I was, I reasoned that I may as well go for my crazy dream. What did I have to lose?
Many years later, I can see how that initial belief held me back. I never threw myself into my dream with the vigor that might have enabled me to be successful.
I don’t have that belief anymore. By challenging it, I can see there are a lot of grey areas when it comes to achieving a dream society declares impossible or dependent on luck. Here are some of them;
1. Almost everybody accepts the conventional way of thinking. They also believe the chances of achieving a ‘crazy dream’ are minuscule. This is actually to your advantage. It means that, if you persist, most of your competition is going to drop out, so the competition for places is not as intense as you think.
2. Although you may not achieve your dream, you can still make a living from it. Aim for the moon and you may hit a star, right? Although this quote makes zero cosmological sense, you get the idea. Despite what The System would have you believe, achieving a crazy dream isn’t always black and white. You might fail to becoming a best selling author or star in Hollywood films, but you might sell enough copies of your book to get by or land enough acting roles on TV or the stage to make it work. Isn’t that good enough? Sure, you’d rather accomplish the goal you set out to achieve, but it beats a load of other alternatives.
3. Luck isn’t necessary. Your own hard work will forge a path. When you challenge a system held truth (nobody makes money as an author, being a professional actress is all about luck), and PROVE to yourself that it isn’t, it messes with your head (in a good way). You discover that the world doesn’t work in the way you were led to believe. Your hard work and clarity of purpose, DOES make a tangible impact. As Steve Jobs said,
“The minute you understand that you can poke life and something will pop out the other side, that you can change it, you can mold it, that’s maybe the most important thing. To shake off this erroneous notion that life is there and you’re just gonna live in it.”
However, to get to this place, you have to challenge accepted beliefs. If you’re never take this step, the world will always conform to the way it’s been presented to you.
(Image taken from Deneb Catalan photostream flickr.com)
What to do if You’re Thinking About Giving Up on Your Dream
Yet another failure! As I checked the sign ups to my newsletter, my heart sank.
I’d heard good things about Facebook Ads. Authorities I respected said they were a great way to gain exposure and increase your following. Of course, you had to pay, but I didn’t mind as long as I saw a return.
That was the problem, though, there were no returns. Despite paying close to £500 on filming a video, editing and the ads themselves, I received no more than a handful of subscribers to my website. Yet another failure.
Of course, on its own, this failure was not catastrophic. However, when it’s the tip of a humongous iceberg, that stretches back 16 years, it’s hard to process.
It reminds me of a time, back in 2003, when I was struggling to get tennis coaching clients and wasn’t sure if I could make enough money to continue working.
It reminds me of a time, back in 2005, when I was spending money on advertising, to build awareness for my new hypnotherapy business, and nothing seemed to work.
It reminds me of my early and mid-twenties when I couldn’t get a date. No matter how many girls I asked, or what tactic or approach I used, nobody was interested.
And this mentions nothing of the struggles I’ve experienced attempting to become a personal development author and speaker. I had to rewrite my book four times, as I learned to gather and present my thoughts in a coherent fashion.
Even when the book was published, the failures continued. The next 6 years saw setback after setback as I attempted to learn the steps to building a brand and promoting my work.
Of course, it hasn’t all been doom and gloom. Over the years, there have been many successes. I got enough tennis coaching and hypnotherapy clients to build a successful business. I found the love of my life. Many copies of my book have been sold and I’ve received a lot of satisfying feedback on my work. However, my recent experience with Facebook Ads reminded me of those moments during my twenties when I just wanted to give up.
I’m sure I’m not alone in feeling this way. Many of you reading this will have had similar experiences. There’s something you want to do with your life, something you care about so much, yet no matter how hard you work and no matter what strategy you try, all you’re met with is a closed door.
Sounds familiar?
Well, if that’s the case, then I want to share something with you. I want to give you the strategy and reasoning process that got me through. I’m going to explain the dilemma you face, what your options are and help you understand what to do in these testing moments.
The Options
When considering giving up on your dreams, the first thing to understand is that your options are limited. You only have two (although there are sub-divisions within these options). They are,
Stick at what you’re doing.
Or,
Return to The System’s Path.
Unless home schooled (and even then, it’s difficult to completely escape its influence), you will have walked The System’s Path. It begins when you’re taught about the importance of getting good grades. These, you are told, will help you get into University. Once at University, you then have to get a good degree – life’s golden ticket and the route through which you secure a ‘good job’.
Once you get this job, though, the chase isn’t over. You must now pursue promotion after promotion, hoping you can earn enough money to retire early and wait to die in relative comfort.
Even if you don’t go the University route, you’re still indoctrinated on the importance of earning money. You have to trade your time for financial reward. It doesn’t matter how you do it (as long as it doesn’t break the law), and the subject of whether you enjoy it is irrelevant, but you must be able to provide for yourself.
This is The System’s Path. Most people begrudgingly accept it because a) they believe there is no feasible alternative or b) they’re afraid to challenge what so many people accept. However, when you leave the education system, you’re presented with a unique opportunity.
For the first time in your life, you can start walking your own path. A rare few grasp this opportunity immediately. Some do so in their 20s, after they’ve left University or are frustrated with a few years spent in the world of work. Finally, some make the brave decision later in life when they have the responsibilities of paying a mortgage and supporting a family.
Undoubtedly, some of you have also taken advantage of this opportunity. You’ve identified a passion and made inroads into earning a living from this project. However, as is inevitable on this journey, you’ve encountered failures and difficulties and now you’re questioning the validity of your decision.
What do you do?
The situation is serious. Your project hasn’t been as successful as you anticipated and now you’re faced with the pressing needs of making money and avoiding the heartache of continual failure.
In such moments, you consider returning to The System’s Path. You tell yourself you could get a regular job. This would remove all your financial concerns and help avoid the challenge of continually having to grow.
Also, you wouldn’t have to put up with the stress of thinking for yourself. Just do what everybody else does. Clock in. Work. Go home. Get drunk at the weekends. Or, watch TV. Go shopping or use the few free hours a week you have to take part in your hobby. Just focus entirely on your children and forget about yourself. It’s not a bad life. You’re not in pain (yet). You just have to put up with some boredom and stress.
But is this a long-term solution?
Yes, it may alleviate your immediate financial concerns but, six months down the line, will the symptoms that caused you to break free from The System’s Path not return?
Will the restlessness not re-emerge? Will the feeling that you could be doing so much more with your life not begin to haunt you again?
It’s likely it will.
So, I ask you again, what can you do?
You appear trapped between a rock and a hard place. Continuing to pursue your dream presents further, almost unendurable, financial and emotional hardship. Returning to The System’s Path only presents a short-term solution.
To answer this question and find a solution to your dilemma, you must gain a deeper understanding of what you really seek.
Listen to your Heart
Moments of desperation, brought about by repeated faiIure, create a vortex. The trivia of day to day life disappears as you gain clarity on the bigger picture. In these moments, you’re closer to your source of guidance.
Go deep inside your mind. Slow everything down. Notice your breathing. Now ask yourself, ‘what is my heart telling my to do? What do I know is right?’
Your hearts response will always be to follow its deepest calling. Behind the object of your quest (to sell a million copies of your book, to have your product on the shelves of major retailers across the world, to win a contest) is the desire to express yourself, to give and receive love and to realise your potential. In short, to be complete.
This is what you need to remember.
Then, you need to ask yourself a powerful question, ‘can this be achieved through walking The System’s Path?’
With the daily sacrifice of your inspiration and conscience this entails, the answer is, ‘no’.
Then, you need to ask yourself another question, ‘is the dream I’m currently attempting to achieve the vehicle through which I’ll become complete?’
Don’t expect an immediate answer. Instead, it will be revealed with time. You’ll have to return to your present quest, pick up the pieces and continue along your journey.
If it’s not the correct path, you’ll begin to see signs. Others ideas will present themselves to you. Ways of achieving your dream in a manner you hadn’t anticipated will become apparent. (For example, I genuinely thought I’d only need to release one book to become a best-selling self-help author. I now realise that I’ll need a whole series.)
Remember this golden rule – you only give up on your dream when you find something more inspiring.
If you do, be flexible. Be open to what your heart is telling you. It can be hard to walk away from a project when you’ve put so much into it but you rarely leave with nothing. The lessons you’ve learned, the skills you’ve developed and the character you’ve built, will go with you into the next one and ensure your success.
Martin Luther King used this technique for guidance when doubting his path as leader of the civil rights movement during the 60s. He faced death threats, jail time, physical harm and the opposition of state governments and local police forces. In a candid passage from his autobiography, he describes the exact process he went through when considering giving up on his dream,
“I got out of bed and began to walk the floor. I had heard these things before [referring to a death threat he’d just received over the phone], but for some reason that night it got to me. I turned over and over and tried to go to sleep, but I couldn’t sleep. I was frustrated, bewildered, and then I got up. Finally I went to the kitchen and heated a pot of coffee. I was ready to give up. . .
With my head in my hands, I bowed over the kitchen table and began to pray aloud. The words I spoke to God that midnight are still vivid in my memory:
“Lord, I’m down here trying to do what’s right. I am here taking a stand for what I believe is right. But Lord, I must confess that I am weak now, I’m faultering. I’m losing my courage . . .”
At this point it seemed as though I could hear the quiet assurance of an inner voice saying: “Martin Luther, stand up for righteousness. Stand up for justice. Stand up for truth. And lo, I will be with you. Even until the end of the world.”
I’ll leave you by paraphrasing Martin Luther’s message – live for what you believe is right. Stand up for what you love. The Universe will be with you, guiding you to where it wants you to be.
How your Mind is being Controlled and What you need to do to Stop it
Did you know that you only have 5% conscious control over your daily actions and decisions?
The other 95%, according to neuroscientists, is determined by your subconscious programming. This means that when you choose what to eat, perform in a presentation, compete in a contest, sleep at night and interact with loved ones, you have very little direct scope to influence the outcome.
Instead, what occurs is decided by your subconscious programming. This is determined by years of repeating certain actions (e.g. practising a musical instrument), behaviour (e.g. always choosing fatty foods) and also the beliefs you’ve adopted about yourself and the world.
There’s a problem with this 5%/95% balance. So that you don’t have to learn important skills and, even language, from scratch every time you engage in a task, you have evolved to run mainly on autopilot. However, it’s likely you’ve had little influence over part of the programming that controls you when in this mode.
Of course, you can repeat actions over and over and, thereby, learn a skill, but the proficiency with which you use that skill will be determined by your beliefs. Most of these beliefs (unless you are an exceptionally conscious being and have been since early childhood) will have seeped into your programming unconsciously.
Consider The System we’ve been raised in and you’ll see why this is a problem. We’ve been taught that so much is impossible and that we have weaknesses and limits. Furthermore, we receive conditioning through the various influential figures in our lives – parents, teachers, bosses, popular people we want to impress, girlfriends or boyfriends, religious leaders, therapists – who comment on our ability and worth. If their influence is strong enough, then we’ll believe what they say, whether their comments are true or false, positive or negative.
I hope the picture’s getting clearer. A person running largely on autopilot, receiving a large amount of negative environmental conditioning, over which (especially at a young age), they have little ability to filter out, ends up feeling powerless and frustrated.
Have you ever felt like this?
If so then I want you to know you’re not a victim to chance, God or genetics. Furthermore, your life isn’t doomed to play out the way it always has. There is a means to unlocking your potential and living the life you want but you need to be aware of The System’s manipulation.
In this article, I’m going to explain the ceiling it imposes on you and show you how to break free. For if a lack of understanding about the power of belief can shrink your opportunities, then clarity will open the gates to a life beyond your wildest dreams.
How Powerful is The Power of Belief?
The placebo effect provides the most compelling evidence of the power of belief. Throughout medical history, there are numerous documented cases of patients reporting healings, or that their symptoms have disappeared, after treatment with ‘fake drugs’ and, even, ‘fake surgery’. Of course, the patient doesn’t know this at the time. They believe they are the recipient of the correct medical intervention and respond as if it is so.
Take an example from the 2002 New England Journal of Medicine. In this case, prominent knee surgeon Dr Bruce Moseley, conducted an experiment on three groups of patients, all of whom experienced osteoarthritis of the knee.
Dr Mosely had enjoyed great success with his previous surgeries and wanted to discover exactly which part of the procedure was effective. Therefore, with the first control group, he shaved the damaged cartilage in the knee. In the second, he flushed out the knee joint, removing material thought to be causing inflammation. With the final group, he did nothing. He performed a fake surgery, making the standard incisions but carrying out no medical procedure. Of course, the final group were led to believe they’d received ground-breaking surgery and were put on the same postoperative care program as the other two.
The outcome?
The third groups knee conditions improved to the same level as the first two!
Take a moment to let that sink in. It means that belief played just as powerful a healing role as surgery.
Can your mind fathom that?
The System we’re raised in teaches us that physical injury or illness needs a physical cure. We’re like machines. If one part doesn’t work then you take it out, either replacing it with a new one or removing altogether.
Yet here we have an example proving there’s a force beyond the physical that also plays a role in healing. The mind, if convinced of the truth, can compel the body to produce a healing effect.
With this kind of power, what else do you think it could do (or more pertinently, prevent you from doing) if manipulated or harnessed in the correct way?
Let’s explore that question.
The above example was taken from a book called, The Biology of Belief, written by Dr Bruce Lipton. Further on, he provides another fascinating example but this time concerning the power of a nocebo – the reverse of the placebo effect where a suggestion or diagnosis causes illness when there was no physical cause.
In this example, a patient called Sam Londe was treated for a believed case of esophageal cancer. At the time (1974), the medical establishment believed this form of the disease to be fatal. Nothing could be done but ease the patients suffering and prolong their life before an inevitable death. His Doctor, Clifton Meador, treated him with this belief, and although initially helped Londe, was certain that the cancer would return.
Sadly, there were no surprises or miracle healings in this example. Londe died a few weeks after his diagnosis. However, there was a big surprise when the results of the autopsy were revealed.
It turned out that Londe had very little cancer in his body. There were a couple of spots on the liver, and one on the lung, but not enough to kill him. Furthermore, there was no trace of the esophageal cancer that was believed to be the cause of his death. Dr Meador told the Discovery Channel, ‘He died with cancer, but not from cancer.’
So, what killed him?
We can only conclude that it was the power of belief. The Doctor, an influential and powerful figure in society, presented Londe with a diagnosis that was not true. However, because of his status, Londe had not thought to question the Doctor’s diagnosis and instead, accepted it for the truth.
What followed was Londe’s death. Although there was not enough cancer present in his body to kill him, he’d developed a belief that there was. Due to this programming, his body was compelled (via the 5%/95% mechanism) to act upon this belief.
I’ve included these two examples in a deliberate attempt to blow your mind. I want you to understand the role the power of belief can play in your life, often without you realising it. I believe The System, either accidently or deliberately, uses the power of belief to blind you from how amazing life could be, both for you individually, and humanity.
Set the Elephant Free
Another reason for the second examples inclusion was to demonstrate the power we accredit the people The System considers influential. Do you think that if a friend told Sam Londe he had esophageal cancer and, therefore, had no chance of recovery, then his body would have responded in the same manner?
It’s unlikely. It was because the role of Doctor is so respected in our society, and seen as a keeper of knowledge that ordinary mortals do not possess, that his suggestion about the terminal nature of the cancer carried so much weight.
When you consider that Doctors are just one of many influential figures our system ascribes a significant influence over our minds, you begin to see the extent of the problem. When these voices combine, telling us how the world is, and what our opportunities are within it, a model of our possibilities is created in our minds. And much like the diagnosis the Doctor gave Sam Londe, this model shuts us down.
We no longer need the nine tenths of our brain we famously don’t access because, apparently, our possibilities are so limited. In fact, we hardly need anything at all to function in The System’s world. Just work hard and comply. Our creativity, innovation, imagination, personality and uniqueness have no purpose because we’ve been led to believe that a world where our dreams come true is pure fantasy.
So, how do you free yourself from The System’s manipulation and harness the power of belief so you can do whatever you want with your life?
This story, taken from Brett Moran’s book, Wake The F#ck Up, will point you in the right direction,
‘In Southeast Asia, elephants are still used for transportation. At the end of each day, the elephant handlers prevent them from running away by looping a thin piece of rope around one of their legs and attaching it to the ground using a small stick. Do you think the elephants, capable of moving massive loads, couldn’t simply pull out the stick and do a runner? Of course they could, so why don’t they?
When the Elephants are young they are restrained by hefty ropes and no matter how hard they struggle and pull they can’t escape. Over time they give up fighting and by the time they reach adulthood they have been conditioned to believe they can’t move when they’re tied up, even though the smallest of tugs would set them free.’
You are the elephant; wise, mighty and powerful.
Realise this, pull your rope out of the ground and do whatever the hell you want!
(image taken from DavidBlackwell stream flickr.com)
1 Weird Hack that will Massively Increase your Motivation
Do you believe in time travel?
I do!
Not in a ‘Back to the Future’ sense of the word (although wouldn’t that be cool), but I do believe in our ability to go back into our minds and memories and relive experiences from the past.
Some of you will know that, when I’m not running this website and promoting my book, I work as a hypnotherapist. One of the techniques I trained in is called Time Line Therapy.
This technique, created by NLP Master Trainer Tad James, asks the client to go back through their memories to a significant emotional event connected with the problem state they are experiencing in the present. For example, a person terrified of public speaking might go back to a humiliating childhood memory, of being laughed at, while trying to speak in front of a class at school.
They are then asked, ‘What’s the one learning that the you now, would tell the you back then, that were they to live it, would completely free them from this feeling of X (whatever the problem state might be)?’ If the client successfully embraces this learning, their subconscious is then updated and they are freed from an emotion that has been holding them back for years.
This is a simplified explanation of Time Line Therapy (and if you want a more detailed idea of how it works then watch this video of Tad James in action) but the point is that, through our minds, time travel is possible.
If you can get into a relaxed enough state, and focus clearly on a powerful memory from the past, after a while, you will be drawn deeply into that memory so that it begins to feel real.
You then have two options. You can just enjoy, or experience (if it’s a bad one), the memory. Or, you can use the Time Line Therapy question above and try to work out what you needed in order to successfully progress through what you were experiencing.
I’ve been using this hack a lot lately with some amazing results. I wander back in my mind to some key moments in my development, centered around the time when I first started getting intuitions about what I felt was my life’s purpose, and then ask this question, ‘What would I have done back then if I’d had the knowledge that I now possess?’
You see, back then, I wasn’t the person that I am now. Although I had this embryonic dream of writing a best-selling personal development book, it was also one of the darkest times in my life (I was 22 at the time and had just finished University).
I was lost and full of self-doubt. On top of that, I had these doubts echoed to me on a daily basis by careers advisers, parents and an environment of lack (lack of supportive friends, lack of my own money, lack of any contacts or ideas on how to break into the personal development industry).
As a result, my progress was incredibly slow. It was a case of one step forward, nine tenths of a step back. I doubted every decision (or proposed decision) I made and had to test the water with everything I did (rather than diving straight in, learning from my mistakes, and making progress).
With this approach, it’s hardly a surprise that the meteoric rise to the top I frequently imagined, never occurred.
But it could have done! And this is the point.
If only I’d known back then, what I know now, my progress would have been so much quicker. If I’d approached my dream with the energy that I now possess, I could have halved the time which I took to achieve it.
I don’t want you to fall into the same trap as you advance in the quest to live your dreams.
My problem was self-doubt but there could be any one (or more) of an array of problem states that currently block or slow your path. How can you tackle them?
As crazy as it sounds, by using the technique above!
Altering the Course of Your History
Right now, I want you to recall a pivotal time in your life, when you had the opportunity to make significant progress or alter the course of your life in a positive way, yet you didn’t take full advantage of it.
Drift back into the memory. Focus on where you were and what you could see. Remember the possibilities and excitement of the time. Try and recall what you were doing. You’re looking for a specific memory. The more you focus on it, the more real it will feel. Close your eyes if it helps (it probably will!).
Now ask yourself this question, ‘What would I have done back then if I had the knowledge that I now possess?’
Now see yourself doing it. Rewrite your own history and feel the excitement of putting that knowledge into action.
Then, once you’ve immersed yourself in the experience, write down your answer.
For help doing this, read the following example. It’s taken from my ‘success diary’, that I’ve been keeping since September 2002, and is an account of me going through the process outlined above.
The entry for the 1st May 2016 reads as follows:
The event I was thinking about last night was from May 2002. A month away from finishing at Manchester University, I was in the Library on the first or second floor, staring out of the window pondering my future. I was starting to feel alive again after having spent the last 3 years in another time and place. The power of my dream was calling me and I could feel the excitement of its possibilities. However, I didn’t throw myself into it wholeheartedly. There was too much doubt, delay and confusion in my mind.
If only, if only I could go back there now. I would attack my dreams full tilt. I’d have knuckled down and written my book [referring to what was to become Escape The System] in 6 months. It wouldn’t have been perfect but at least I’d have had something. I’d then have started promoting myself by starting up groups and perhaps gained a life coaching qualification. Then, as my skills developed, and my writing became more refined, I’d have got a publishing deal by 2006.
I’ve got to stop there because it’s pointless saying what I would have done. I can’t go back. All I’ve got is now. And as of today, I must approach my dream full tilt. Risk everything and don’t hold back. I can’t do anything about 2002, but, sure as hell, I can do something about today. Throw yourself into it. If these 14 years have taught me one thing, it’s that I never fail by taking risks to advance my dream. I fail when I delay and opportunities (and life) pass me by.
I highlighted my key learning (and answer to the question posed above) in bold. I’ve then taken that knowledge and lived it every day since the 1st May this year.
As a result, my motivation has increased immensely and I no longer fear cutting back on higher paying tennis coaching and hypnotherapy clients to make time to work on my greater, but less well paid (at the moment), dream of becoming a best-selling author. Experience has taught me that taking risks works and that removes any reservations I have about what I stand to lose. Therefore, my mind is clear and I’m free to act, certain in the knowledge that my actions will bring success.
Don’t Keep Repeating the Same Mistakes!
My learning demanded that I take greater risks and attack my dream with unrestrained energy.
What did yours teach you?
In whatever way you can, I urge you to apply that knowledge.
The increased motivation it provides is immense. How could it not be? Here you are, in exactly the same position as you were in the memory I asked you to recall (i.e. with an amazing opportunity to advance your life) but now you have the chance to benefit from your increased wisdom.
What could be more motivating or exciting?
You see, in some way, we do have the opportunity to go back and correct our mistakes from the past. We do it by taking on board the lessons they’ve taught us and then acting on them NOW.
(Image taken from Ape Lad photostream on flickr.com)
The 16 Things I Learned Working 20 Hours a Week Building a Business in 2015 (while still having a regular job)
I did it!!!!
That picture you see is me celebrating achieving my New Year’s resolution for 2015. At the start of the year, I set myself the goal of working on average 20 hours a week building my business, EVERY WEEK, for the whole year (while still working a regular job).
I’ve got to be honest, it was tough. It required a huge amount of discipline and a surprising amount of planning too. In the process, I learned a lot, both about myself, and what it takes to achieve your goals and New Year’s resolutions.
I will share these discoveries with you now. My hope is that it will give you the motivation to set and stick to your own New Year’s resolutions, the information on what to expect and the proof that it’s worthwhile.
And the lessons I’ve learned from this one year journey can be applied to any area. While my experiment focused on the benefits to building a business, these lessons will apply just as readily to someone looking lose weight, implement a regular exercise routine, enforce regular meditation or do anything on a consistent basis, throughout the year, while having multiple pressures on their time.
So basically, what I’m saying is, if you have a goal to achieve in 2016 then you need to read this!
Before we Start
Before we dive into the list, let me clarify a few things.
Firstly, when I say ‘building a business’, I’m referring to all work on my Screw the System project. This means blogging, updating my book, creating videos (here’s one related to this post), updating social media, attending and giving talks and coaching (not my hypnotherapy though).
Secondly, my ‘regular job’ is not regular (more on the relevance of this as we delve into the list). My main source of income is through tennis coaching and then hypnotherapy. I make a small amount of money (book sales) through the Screw the System project but it is certainly not enough to live on. (However, through the solid foundation I’ve built during 2015, I look to 2016 as the year I’ll earn half my income through StS).
Thirdly, I did not work 20 hours a week on building my business every week. It was an average. During the spring and summer it was more like 15 hours a week, while during the Autumn and Winter it got up to 25 hours and occasionally more.
To record my hours, I ticked a page in my diary (see pic) to keep up to date with my progress. On completing a block of 2 hours 45 minutes, I would tick that day off as complete.
Why did I choose 2 hours 45 minutes?
Add that up over 7 days and it comes to approximately 20 hours for the week. It was a figure inspired by reading an article on Jon Morrow’s site Boost Blog Traffic. He states that in order to create a successful blog (with a huge amount of traffic), you have to be prepared to put in 20 to 40 hours work a week for 4 to 6 years.
So, now you’ve got the background info, let’s get into the list.
1. THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN UTTERLY IMPOSSIBLE IF I’D WORKED A REGULAR JOB!
I have the upmost respect for anybody building a business, or creating a dream, whilst working a regular 9 to 5 job. I couldn’t do it!
We all know that a 9 to 5 is rarely a 9 to 5. When you include travel, and the strong likelihood you’ll be required to work overtime, you’ll probably be occupied from the hours of seven thirty in the morning to roughly seven thirty or eight at night. That gives you one quality hour a night to build your business (if you’re extremely motivated and don’t have any other interests) and means you’ll have to work 15 hours over the weekend.
As I said earlier, over a sustained period of time, there’s no way I could have done this (and I like to consider myself a highly motivated person).
2. DON’T UNDERESTIMATE THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING IN CHARGE OF YOUR TIME
The only way I could dedicate 20 hours a week to building my business, while working others jobs, was to be in complete control of my time. On average, throughout the year, my combined ‘regular job’ of tennis coaching and hypnotherapy probably occupied a little over 30 hours a week. However, I got to set my hours. Typically, I’d have every week day morning between the hours of 9 and 1 free to work on building my business.
This was probably the number one reason for me achieving my goal. Do not underestimate the importance of working less time and earning less money if it allows you to focus on something you consider to be your higher purpose!
3. THIS WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN POSSIBLE IF I’D TAKEN A VACATION!
For the whole of 2015, I never went abroad. I had about four weekends away either visiting my Grandma or going somewhere with my girlfriend. The rest of the time I was at home.
This may horrify some of you who work ‘regular jobs’ and use the thought of their next vacation as motivation to get through what can otherwise be a monotonous year. However, to paraphrase Seth Godin, when you’re living and creating ‘a life you don’t need to escape from’, you don’t really miss vacations.
4. I NEVER FELT ‘BURNT OUT’
Baring my few weekends away, I had no time off during 2015. I worked pretty consistently for 50 hours a week, EVERY week of the year. However, I never felt ‘burnt out’.
How could this be?
The simple answer is that all of my work inspires me. I don’t believe it’s hard work that makes you tired. It’s demotivating work that drains you. Working hard on something that inspires you makes you stronger.
5. I LOVE AND NEED MY SLEEP
I achieved this goal while regularly sleeping 8 hours a night (occasionally less, rarely more). I don’t believe that cutting down on sleep, or taking supplements so that you can work longer, is a route to greater productivity. Being fully alert and happy is the route to greater productivity, and over a sustained period of time, this can only be achieved by sleeping well.
6. I LOVE AND NEED MY EXERCISE
As is the case with number 5, this was something I wasn’t prepared to sacrifice. You can read about my exercise routine and why I feel it should never be sacrificed to the demands of a job here. I’m certain that my strict adherence to it was vital in recharging my mind and keeping me full of energy.
7. IT GOT EASIER AS THE YEAR WENT ON
This is something everybody who disciplines themselves to do something that, on occasions, they’d rather not do, experiences. There were times when I wanted to veg out and watch TV or browse the internet, but the more I forced myself to work, the more I enjoyed it.
It becomes a habit and this bodes well for anyone wanting to alter their eating habits, exercise more or cut out an addiction. Keep going because it gets easier.
8. IT WAS EASIER BECAUSE I KEPT TRACK OF MY PROGRESS
You’ve seen the picture of my diary above. This was a big big reason I completed my goal. I felt a huge wave of motivation every time I ticked a day off. It made me hungry for the next one.
9. PUTTING IN THE HOURS PAYS OFF
As a result of achieving this goal, I gained more subscribers in 2015 than I did in the previous two and a half years combined.
Previous to this year, the hours I put in were sporadic. I’d put in the odd 20 hours a week when I was working on something time sensitive, but then might only put in 5 hours a week when I was busy tennis coaching during the summer. Making sure there was never a time when I was putting in less than 15 hours a week this year was vital to maintaining my momentum. And as any sports person knows, momentum brings results.
10. PUTTING IN THE HOURS DOESN’T PAY OFF
Hard work alone doesn’t bring results. Although the jump in my subscriber rate was pleasing, my book sales didn’t match this growth and overall, I didn’t achieve the impact I’d hoped that amount of work would.
What’s the conclusion?
Smart work is essential. I wasted too much time messing around with social media when it could have been more effectively used writing guest posts for other sites.
11. SET YOURSELF MINI GOALS WITHIN THE TIME YOU WORK
This links to the concept of working smart. If you want to make the most out of a 2 hour time slot, then set yourself a task to achieve within that time frame. For example, I now insist on writing 300 publishable words per hour for any of my blog posts or books. It stops me daydreaming and made December of 2015 my most productive month by far.
12. PLANNING IS CRUCIAL TO ACHIEVING ANY GOAL
This was the biggest surprise to me. Working hard wasn’t the difficult part. Looking at my calendar and figuring out what ‘paid work’ I’d have to cancel, to fit in my hours, was. It was a constant juggling act. I didn’t want to piss off any of my tennis or hypnotherapy clients yet I knew that if I didn’t carefully manage my time, and say NO to extra work and social events, then I’d never achieve my goal
13. DISCIPLINE BEATS INSPIRATION EVERY TIME
I’ve tried the whole, ‘work when the inspiration hits you’ approach. Problem is, the inspiration doesn’t strike enough. It’s far better to have a set schedule for you business building work. If you’re feeling inspired, great; if not, well then at least you still get some work done.
14. RELATIONSHIPS WILL SUFFER UNLESS YOU’RE VERY VIGILANT
I’m close to my parents, have one girlfriend and three close friends. I don’t have time for anything more. I even worry that I don’t give enough time to these relationships – my girlfriend would certainly say so!But what’s success for? So that you can reach the top of the mountain and enjoy being there by yourself?
This is why, no matter what, you have to maintain your relationships and humanity. Sacrificing a friend in need for your own work is not an option. However, realise that you might come close to doing this on many occasions. Just be vigilant!
15. THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS THAN MONEY
I could have earned an extra $20,000 this year if I focused solely on tennis coaching and hypnotherapy. Some of you may find it insane that I consider myself richer for having put that time to use building my business.
I believe time will prove this to be a worthy financial investment but it isn’t all about the money. The feedback I’ve received from some of you concerning the impact of my book and work has given me a sense of satisfaction I struggle to put into words. You don’t get to walk this higher path when financial concerns are the driving force behind your decisions.
16. ACHIEVING THIS GOAL WAS AN INCREDIBLE BOOST TO MY SELF-ESTEEM
Sitting here, writing this blog post in early 2016, I feel incredibly strong. Part of that comes from knowing I’m a person who can set himself a goal and achieve it. I feel good about myself and I want you to feel good about yourself too.
So find a goal for 2016 that has a deep personal meaning to you, and will benefit your life in some way, and set out on a mission to achieve it. Do not sway in your commitment, and do not compromise the goal for anything, and I guarantee that this time next year you will have been hugely enriched by the experience.
10 Movies to Help you Live your Dreams
Walking your own path can be hard. It can seem that you’re all alone, taking on a world that doesn’t give a sh#t about you or have room for your unique talents and personality. Sometimes you may wonder if you’ll ever find a place to call your own or whether, ultimately, you’ll just have to accept The System’s path and to paraphrase Wayne Dyer, ‘let the music die still in you.’
I don’t want this to happen to you. I want you to feel certain in yourself and certain in your desire to pursue a life greater than the one The System offers.
But I know you’re going to need some inspiration to do it.
That’s why I’ve compiled this list. You see I know just how easy it is to lose heart when pursuing your life’s calling. I know how easy it is to look at yourself and ask, ‘am I the one that’s crazy?’
You’re not, though, and every once in a while a piece of creative art will come along and touch that deeper, all knowing part of you and remind you what you’re actually here for.
So with that in mind, please take a look at my 10 movies to reaffirm your right to live life on your terms. From the uplifting, to the downright rebellious, you’ll find everything you need to kick start, or keep you going, towards the life of your dreams.
1. The Matrix (1999)
Main Message: ‘The Real World’ is a lie.
Ever felt like there’s something wrong with ‘reality?’
Since birth, we’ve been bombarded with messages concerning the nature of the world we live in. We’re told about the written and unwritten rules, what’s possible, what’s impossible, what’s cool and what’s not. A fixed, uniform ‘reality’ is imposed upon our psyche and we’re led to believe it represents the boundaries and limits of our existence.
Then along came The Matrix. We watched Neo take The Red Pill and discovered that it was all a lie! Another ‘reality’, where anything is possible, exists and if only we can expand our mind to believe in our own limitless potential, we get to be a part of creating an exciting new world.
2. Moneyball (2011)
Main Message: Thinking differently will give you the edge.
Does defying conventional wisdom actually work?
If you ever struggle to believe the world will have a place for your crazy idea or product, then put on Moneyball and take note. Its main character, the Oakland A’s General Manager Billy Beane, has the seemingly crazy notion of selecting his team according to statistical performance. This flies in the face of conventional wisdom which dictates that a scouts ‘nose’ is the best method of selecting players. However, Billy Beane creates a paradigm shift because he dares to question the status quo and shows that a mind uncontaminated by dogma is free to focus on what brings the best results.
3. Men of Honour (2000)
Main Message: You can challenge The System and win!
A lot of people won’t pursue their dreams because they’ve been conditioned to think the chances of success are too remote. ‘Be realistic’ is the mantra we’re raised on and by adhering to it we’re supposed to avoid the risk of massive failure, loss of finance and social rejection.
After watching Men of Honour, though, you may begin to question the credibility of such a mantra. If Carl Brashear (the film’s main character played by Cuba Gooding Jr) can tackle the might of the U.S Naval Establishment and break down both colour, and disability, lines, then what’s our excuse?
4. Star Wars (1977)
Main Message: Pursue your Destiny.
Luke Skywalker stands staring out at the twin stars of Tatooine pondering his future. The safe option is to continue working at his uncle’s moisture farm. Choose this and he’ll be comfortable and avoid disappointing his family. However, he feels a calling to pursue a more risky, yet more meaningful option. This path, presented to him by Obi Wan Kenobi, exerts an almost magnetic pull and although fraught with danger, makes him feel alive in a way he can’t quite explain.
Can we say, with absolutely certainty, that we all have a preordained destiny waiting for us to claim? Probably not. However, what is undeniable is that your soul will speak to you at various points in your life, communicating through feelings and intuitions, to give you guidance on a path that will bring you the greatest amount of fulfilment. Will you be brave enough to follow this calling?
5. Fight Club (1999)
Main Message: Break Free from societal constraints.
Tyler Durden informs Jack (Edward Norton’s character) that, ‘You’re not your job. You’re not how much money you make. You’re not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet.’ He wants him to stop defining himself through The System’s values. He knows that if Jack can make this powerful transition then he’ll have a greater perspective on what’s important in life.
‘It’s only once you lose everything that you’re free to do anything,’ Tyler goes on to say. It turns out that breaking free from societal constraints gives you the chance to pursue life’s greatest prize – feeling alive.
6. Braveheart (1995)
Main Message: Everybody dies but not everybody lives.
Being a slave to the dictates of your society is a life worse than death. William Wallace fights for freedom from the tyranny of English Rule. He could bend the knee and accept subjugation. Do so, and he would live out the rest of his days in relative peace. But at what cost?
As it turns out, that cost is freedom and the film poses an important question – how far are you prepared to go to protect yours?
Wallace’s struggle reminds you that a life spent denying how you feel about obvious injustices, accepting orders from immoral people and not being in charge of your own destiny is not worth living.
7. The Adjustment Bureau (2011)
Main Message: ‘The Plan’ can be changed.
David Norris (Matt Damon’s character) lives in a world controlled by an all-powerful plan. Much like The System we are supposed to adhere to, it dictates what he should be doing with his life. If he ever deviates from this plan, by following his heart rather than what ‘makes sense’, then a group of mysterious agents from The Adjustment Bureau intervene and put him back on course.
However, Norris won’t accept the plan for his life. He wants to be free to pursue his own destiny and ultimately, this brave decision changes everything. We get an interesting and inspiring insight into what eventually happens to those who persist in their determination to live life on their terms – they end up setting the agenda!
8. Ali (2001)
Main Message: Don’t be afraid of who you are!
After refusing to be drafted into the war against Vietnam, Ali tells a reporter, ‘I aint got to be what you want me to be and I aint afraid to be who I want to be.’ This defiant stance against the U.S government, coupled with his radical conversion to the Nation of Islam, makes Muhammad Ali public enemy number 1 in America.
However, an incredible change has occurred in the public’s perception of Ali and he is now recognised as the world’s most loved sports star. How was this possible?
The lesson to be learned from the film is that people love people who stand for something. The System may vilify you at first, but if you stick to your beliefs (and what you stand for is just) then you will receive not only acceptance, but love.
9. The Imitation Game (2014)
Main Message: Not being ‘normal’ is ok
‘Normal’ people don’t do exceptional things. The films main character (Alan Turing) is a loner who has trouble forming relationships. However, he is also a bona fide genius who creates the first computer and decodes the Nazi’s ‘impossible’ enigma code. En route, he has to do battle with the British military establishment, a society that won’t accept homosexuals and co-workers who don’t understand his vision.
You may sometimes feel that the whole world is against you. Too often, feeling this way leads to the destructive belief that there’s something wrong with you for not being normal. If this is the case, then take heart from this film. Turing’s story portrays fringe dwelling as a gift that, if used correctly, can lead to you making a contribution that could change the course of history.
10. Dallas Buyers Club (2013)
Main Message: Defy The System’s expectations
‘Aint nothing out there that can kill Ron Woodruff in 30 days’. This is what Ron Woodruff (played by Matthew McConaughey) tells the doctors when they give a prognosis of 30 days to live after discovering he has AIDS.
What would most people do on receiving such news? Crumble in a mess of tears and bemoan their fate? Give up?
Not Ron Woodruff. In fact, as Matthew McConaughey discusses in an interview, this seemingly devastating news galvanised Ron with a sense of purpose he never previously had. Ron goes on to form a club that treats AIDS patients with effective dosages of drugs and vitamins (ironically, a treatment they don’t receive through mainstream medicine) and out lives his life expectancy by over seven years.
So when anybody tells you that you’re finished, or that it can’t be done, put on this film and remember that a bit of system defiance can take you a long way.
11. Your Turn
Let me know, in the comments section, if you think I made the right choices. And, if there are any classics that I missed, please inform me as I’m a huge movie fan and can always do with a shot of inspiration.
(Main image take from Pascal’s photo stream flicr.com) (Moneyball image taken from Wolf Gang’s photo stream flickr.com) (Star Wars image taken from Quicheisinsane’s photo stream flickr.com) (Braveheart image taken from Studio tdes photo stream flickr.com) (Muhammad Ali image taken from Cliff’s photo stream flickr.com) (Dallas Buyers Club image taken from Penn State’s photo stream flickr.com)
The Lessons Learned from Sharing my Work with the World
The date is the 18th February 2012, and my index finger is hovering anxiously over the ‘enter’ key on my laptop. I’m about to do it. After four and a half years of writing, editing, rewriting, taking breaks and pulling my hair out, I’m about to self-publish my book on Amazon.
As soon as I press that key it’s done. I’ve metaphorically stepped out of my bedroom and into the world around me with a big sign saying, ‘This is what I believe in. This is what I’m capable of. This is my dream.’
It’s a bold move for anyone with a creative vision, be it making YouTube videos, writing a book or a blog, creating music, presenting your art or even starting a new business. You’re a target. You’re raising your head from the parapet that virtually the whole of humanity hides under and saying, ‘this is who I am.’
What’s going to happen? Are people going to ridicule your efforts? Are they going to judge you? Are you going to fail and not a single person will be interested in your work? Might they even love what you do?
In my case, not a lot. You see I didn’t tell anyone or have a blog set up to promote my launch. I didn’t make use of my extensive client list from tennis coaching and hypnotherapy. Instead, I pressed the key and then, like a mouse, ran back to the safety of my hole in the wall (and to think I was surprised and aggrieved it took 6 weeks to sell my first copy to a non-family member!!)
Why did I do this?
Besides a total lack of promotional nouse, I think the answer was that I was afraid people wouldn’t accept me or my truth. I’d spent 9 years presenting this acceptable image of myself as the ‘nice guy’ who shows your kids how to play tennis and yet now I was telling everyone to Screw the System.
Where did this guy come from? Is he against us because we work regular jobs and live conventional lives?
These were the thoughts I was projecting in my head. As a result, I did my best to conceal my ‘other’ life. I wouldn’t bring up the subject in conversation and if someone did ask me about my book, they’d get a monosyllabic response.
Writing this now, I can’t believe what a terrible advert I was for my book. However, my irrational fear made me feel at odds with the very thing I had worked so hard to create.
What’s your Gift to the World?
Fast forward 3 years, and I no longer feel this way. Talking about my book is a pleasure and I’m finally going to email my entire tennis coaching and hypnotherapy client list (just as soon as I get my revised updates to the book complete).
Having gone through this experience, I have something to offer anybody contemplating sharing their work with the world.
I know there are a lot of you out there. I’ve spoken to some of you on Facebook, email and Skype about your plans to make YouTube videos, write books or start a blog. In fact, most of us dream of claiming a role greater than the one The System offers, but most of us never will because we have an irrational fear about failing or being rejected.
With the rest of this post, I will dispel these fears and explain why sharing your work with the world is a win-win situation for you. I hope it goes some way to giving you the encouragement needed to get your work out there. You just don’t know what impact it might have!!
Fear Busting
The mind can be fragile when it comes to revealing something highly personal about you to the world. Expect it to play tricks on you and come up with a bunch of crazy scenarios relating to your fears about what might happen.
- You might find you have imaginary arguments in your mind, where you’re defending yourself or your work, against people who you think wouldn’t approve.
- You might hear an overly negative voice in your head criticising your work and telling you it’s not good enough.
- You’ll most certainly be anxious about physically quantifiable results that reveal how your work is doing e.g. books sales on Amazon Kindle, YouTube likes and views, product sales if you’re starting a new business.
If any of these thoughts happen then the most important thing to remember is that they’re perfectly natural. The next most important thing to remember is that they AREN’T REAL!!! They are just thoughts in your head and bear no relevance to what may or may not happen.
In my case, all the crazy scenarios I imagined never occurred. Nobody I knew, either personally or professionally, rejected me as a result of my book. When they eventually found out, they, congratulated me, wished me luck or said nothing at all.
This reaction made me realise something profound about our fears concerning what other people think. 99% of the time, and this even extends to friends and family, people are so wrapped up in what they’ve got to do that they haven’t got the energy to be negative about something you’re doing. Own this knowledge because it gives you permission to be who you want to be, say what you want to say and do what you want to do. Create with freedom because the worst reaction you will encounter is silence.
Even if you do receive criticism from someone you know or an anonymous source, this can still be spun to your advantage. As long as the person isn’t mudslinging (in which case you should immediately disregard), then the criticism they are levelling at you might lead to huge improvements in your work. Therefore, treat them as gatekeepers. They can save you months of research by pointing out a flaw that is not always easy to see when consumed by what you’re creating.
The other fear preventing people from pursuing their creative endeavours is the prospect of failure. ‘What if I no one buys my work and I don’t make any sales? Or, what if my sales are marginal and all that hard work, money and time goes to waste?’
On the surface, these fears can appear more rational but once explored, you’ll discover that they too are baseless.
When sharing their work with the world, most people have a rough end goal in mind (e.g. gaining 10,000 subscribers to a blog) and view anything but attaining this goal as a failure. You must take a different approach. While end goals are important, what is even more so, is building confidence.
Your belief in your work determines the quality of your output. But how do you develop the kind of confidence that will enable you to produce quality content or products that have people flocking to buy?
Some self-help books and courses tell you that you need to repeat affirmations about how great you are. However, research (read DISTORTION 4 on the link) shows that this is incorrect. Instead, the best way to build confidence is to be praised by other people.
Now it just so happens that by sharing your work with the world you have the perfect outlet to receive this praise. So long as you adopt a ‘glass half full’ outlook, there will be plenty of small successes to celebrate.
For example, you’ve ‘only’ got 100 subscribers to your blog? That’s amazing. That’s 100 people who believe in you and value what you have to say. They didn’t have to sign up; they did it out of choice because they enjoy what you create.
Personally, the praise and feedback I’ve received from some of you has been like an elixir of belief creating a certainty that my end goal is achievable. I write with more passion and greater insight because I’ve had those small successes that let me know I’m on the right path.
This would never have happened if my fear of rejection or failure had been stronger than my desire to spread my message. Of course, those fears existed but I’ve subsequently learned they were completely groundless. This is what I want you to take from the article. If you have a desire to share your creative work with the world then go for it. You will only gain from the experience and perhaps, so too, will the world!
(Image taken from GotCredit photostrem flickr.com)
The Strange thing you didn’t know about Happiness and Success
Take a look at the picture on your left. Two characters are looking at planks of wood, one sees four, the other three.
Who sees the situation correctly?
Believe it or not, they both do because the position you are in when looking at any object or subject will determine the view you take of it.
You would agree with that statement, right?
Of course you would, but do you apply it to every area of your life? For example, do you have the ability to be that objective when measuring your own levels of success or happiness?
From over 10 years of working as a hypnotherapist, I would say that most of us don’t. Then it’s a case of absolutes.
- I can never overcome this problem
- I’m stuck
- I’m a failure
These are just some of the statements I’ll hear upon first meeting clients. While they could easily look at a dispute between other people and make points for why both parties had an equally compelling case, they can’t look at themselves and apply the same logic.
Then it gets emotional. The pain of past failure hits and blinds them from an alternative perspective. They forget all of the things they do well and start to mistake their negative perspective for ‘The Truth’.
As you can imagine, this has disastrous consequences for their quality of life. With this interpretation, they’re battling something unalterable. There’s no way around the fact they’ll forever lack the confidence necessary to find a partner, the talent to excel in their work or the willpower to lose weight.
But I’m not writing this to discuss my clients. I’m writing it for you.
You see the strange thing I want you to know about your happiness and success is that you determine how happy or successful you are! Not just in the sense that you have to work at it, but also in the sense that most of it is down to the view you have of yourself and life.
My Story
To expand my point, I’m going to tell you a story about my book writing experience. I’m going to give you a very candid glimpse into my world and then I’m going to invite you to judge me.
Am I happy and successful or a delusional failure? You decide (and you can even tell me in the comments section below).
My dream is to sell a million copies of my book. I’ve held this dream for about 10 years now and to date, I’ve only sold 337 copies. I started writing it in July 2007 and self-published the book on Amazon Kindle back in February 2012 (with no form of book launch whatsoever). After discovering the world of blogs, social media and internet marketing (a world that was totally alien to me at first), I’ve slightly revised my dream. Now I don’t have to sell a million copies with just one book, if I can get to that magic number with any subsequent books I write (all sales added together) then it will be mission accomplished.
So what do you think?
Clearly, I’ve failed, right? My goal is 1,000,000 and I’m at a measly 337.
From one perspective, I can see how someone could come to that conclusion. The numbers are astronomically out and I’ve put an inordinate amount of time (probably 6000 hours) for what would appear to be very little return. However, I can tell you now, hand on heart, that I feel anything but a failure.
Instead, I’m happy and I see myself as a success. This feeling of success is not just down to the facts that I’ve sold more copies than the average self-published author (250, if you were wondering), have some fantastic reviews on Amazon Kindle and have had people personally contact me sharing what a positive and life changing impact the book has had on them. While these factors are incredibly rewarding (sometimes bringing tears to my eyes) they could easily be washed away by the knowledge of what I haven’t achieved.
So you see the real reason why I’m happy and see myself as a success is because, for well over 10 years now, I’ve trained myself to focus on the positives. Since July 2003, I’ve noted down, in a series of journals, every single significant positive result I’ve achieved.
The impact this practise has had on my self-esteem, confidence and ability to weather a storm is colossal. I’ve gone from being lonely, bored and with nothing to live for, to waking up each day feeling energised and engaged by every hour of my life. So when I first published my book, and it took 6 weeks to sell its first copy to a non-family member, I didn’t panic or fall apart. Instead, I waited for the positives, and then started to build on them.
How this will Help YOU!
While you might agree that my happiness and feelings of success are genuine, it would still be possible to argue that, ultimately, I’m deluding myself. I’m light years away from achieving my dream and if I persist, then what about all the other areas of life I might miss out on? However, I would still stand tall in the face of this criticism because I know just how far I’ve come as a result of adopting this attitude.
Six months after having first published my book, and with barely double digit sales, I could have easily quit. The grind was just too hard. Not only had I toiled for years creating a bestseller worthy personal development book, I was now having to learn the very foreign field of promoting myself online.
And for what? £20 in my bank account and the tiny ego boost of saying that I was now officially an author. This wasn’t what I got into writing for, and it appeared that I’d given it an honest shot, so why not call it a day?
While most reasonable people would agree with this line of thinking, thank God I didn’t! I was still doggedly focused on the positives and after a while, I began to notice that they really were there.
Now, just over 3 years down the line, I feel like a different person. I’ve had enough sales to know that my book is marketable, I’ve had enough positive feedback to know that my writing has the ability to positively impact peoples’ lives and I’ve learned enough about promoting myself online, publishing and self-publishing to devise a proper strategy that will enable me to realise my dream.
None of this would have happened if I’d looked at those book sales and seen 999,663 failures instead of 337 successes.
But enough about me. The real question is how is this going to help YOU?
If you walk away from this article knowing that you no longer have to be held back by what you perceive to be a negative ‘truth’ about yourself, then my job is done. Furthermore, if you walk away from this article realising that there are very few limiting ‘truths’ in life then you are giving yourself the opportunity to live a much freer existence.
Is it ‘The Truth’ that I’m a failure in my quest to sell 1 million copies of my book? I don’t see it that way, and because I don’t, I’ve given myself the opportunity to learn, improve and put myself in a position where I really believe it will happen.
I’m just wondering how many areas of your life you’ve looked at negatively and duped yourself into giving far less than you’re really capable of. And I’m also wondering just how much more you will achieve when you learn that you can choose to look at yourself as a success.
So with that message, I will leave you to start noticing all the things you do well, the positive impact you have on other people and all the obstacles you’ve overcome. Note them down if it helps. You’ll be amazed at what you begin to see when you focus on all the reasons why you are happy and successful.
Call to Action
If you want to discover a passion you can make a living from and overcome the fears that are holding you back, check out my free course 30 Days to Escape The System. Click here to get the course right now! (You’ll find the tips on developing belief and self-confidence fascinating!)