Tag: Personal Development
How Journaling Saved My Life (and could do the same for you)
Let me take you back to July 2003.
At the time, I was working behind the bar in a dingy pub near the village where I lived. Every night, I had to pull pints, clear cigarette butt laden ashtrays into the bin and crouch down in the pubs’ humid basement to grab bottles of beer and J20 to restock the bar above.
It was horrible work – probably the shitiest job I’ve had (it’s between that and working in a call centre). I hated it but didn’t appear to have the resourcefulness to find anything else.
This was a surprise to me as, the year prior, I’d discovered the world of personal development. Like a sponge, I’d soaked up information on the power of belief, the potency of my subconscious mind, the law of attraction, the necessity of having a Definite Chief Aim and the significance of my thoughts.
I felt like I knew it all and yet . . . here I was working in an environment that couldn’t have been further from the life of my dreams.
Something was missing.
All I knew was theory. When it came to creating a tangible change in my life, I had nothing to show. . . until I discovered the power of journaling.
Journaling On Steroids
I’d actually started journaling the previous year. At the time, I was completing my finals and needed an outlet for the angst I was experiencing about post university life.
Although I only put pen to paper sporadically (to this day, I write rather than type my journal entries), it always had a wonderfully calming effect on my mind.
After I left university, I continued the practice but changed the focus of my journal entries.
Inspired by my discovery of personal development, the dream of becoming a bestselling self-help author had formed in my mind. As a result, my journal now served the function of charting progress towards this objective.
This helped but it wasn’t until July of 2003, while working in the aforementioned pub, that I added a crucial dimension to my journaling practice that was to change everything.
The idea behind this change was simple.
I needed a way to measure my progress. While I felt like I was growing, I had no real method of ascertaining whether my life was actually getting better.
This is where I came up with the idea of scoring my days.
Calibration
From July 2003 onwards, I started rating all of my days out of 10.
With 10 being the highest and 1 the lowest, I calibrated the quality of my life and got an accurate picture of where I was at.
After doing this for a month, I came to the conclusion that I was between a 5 and a 6 out of 10.
Yes, my life was boring but it wasn’t terrible. I had a roof over my head, food on the table and although I was still suffering from a string of psychosomatic conditions and sleeping badly, there was nothing seriously wrong with my health.
Going through this process was a wake up call. Many of us have a tendency to think our lives are shit until we sit down and take stock of the things we do and don’t have.
Sure, back in 2003, I didn’t have a girlfriend, a social life, a career or an interesting way to make money (and was still living with my parents). However, I did have stability, security, my body was in tact and hobbies in the form of playing tennis and going to the gym.
Life was dull but it wasn’t a disaster.
Learning this lesson grounded me and provided a platform to aim higher. From here, I started thinking about what it would take to score a 7/10 day rating.
I also added another facet to my journaling program that would significantly improve my life.
Results
Whereas scoring my days out of 10 helped me see the wood from the trees, noting every significant result gave me the feeling I was moving forwards and switched my focus from negative to positive.
Recording your results is as simple as it sounds. Every day, write down in your journal all significant success you’ve had (and if you don’t have any just write ‘none’). (Btw, if you want to read a sample entry from my journal to see how all of this works, read till the end where I’ll share one with you).
You may ask, “What counts as a significant success?”
My answer is anything that moves your life forwards (even if it’s just a little).
For me, it was;
- Getting tennis coaching clients
- Winning important tennis matches
- Getting hypnotherapy clients
- Helping a hypnotherapy client achieve their objective
- Selling a copy of my book
- Selling multiple copies of my books in one go
- Getting a book deal
- Crossing the 1000 copies sold milestone
- Going on a date
- Getting a long-term girlfriend
- Having a really good time with friends and family
- Making a profit on an investment
The list could go on but you get the picture.
I’ve tried to include my significant results in chronological order (at least when it came to my professional successes). This is for a reason.
I discovered, when perfecting this program, that what counts as a significant result one year, might not the next.
For example, I didn’t see tennis coaching as a big part of creating the life of my dreams (more a stepping stone). So, once I’d established a client based, and it was providing me with a liveable income, I didn’t count gaining tennis coaching clients as a significant result anymore.
Instead, my focus switched to selling books. Just one sale would count as a significant success. However, over a decade on from when I started, I’d need to be selling at least 20 copies a week to have that impact.
Do you see how this works?
To build the kind of momentum that will move you towards the life of your dreams, you must continually grow and achieve at higher and higher levels.
How It All Worked
Once I added this two step program to my journaling practise, my life started to change.
Within 6 months I’d left the pub behind and was working as a tennis coach.
Within 2 years, I was working as a hypnotherapist.
Within 3 years, I was regularly going on dates and then got a long term girlfriend.
Within 6 years, I’d bought my first house.
Within 9 years, I’d published my first book.
Within 15 years, I got a publishing deal.
Did all of these outcomes occur because of the journaling practise I’d created?
Probably not. However, it was the single most influential factor.
It turned me into a positive, motivated person.
The positivity came from only recording the successes I achieved (I’ll never make a note of my failures). Of course, I still fail (they occur far more frequently than the successes and I always try to learn from them) but I refuse to allow these failures to become the focus of my life.
The motivation comes from trying to reach the next level.
When I first started this practise, I wanted to go one level higher than where I was at (6/10) and score regular 7 out of 10’s. Once I’d done that, the goal became 8’s and so on and so on.
22 years later, I now score regular 10 out of 10’s (but I want every day to be a 10). This keeps me motivated. There’s always something to aim for.
How You Can Adapt This For Yourself
I hope my story has convinced you to give this journaling practise a try. Just to be clear, there are only two parts to its completion.
- Score every day out of 10.
- Record every significant success you achieve (can be more than one per day)
If you want some help with calibrating your days, use Maslow’s hierarchy of needs (see picture below).
You can see that the American psychologist split the human needs into five different levels. For the sake of your journaling practise, each one is worth 2 points.
So, if you have all your basic needs met (food, roof over your head and don’t have a life threatening illness), then you should be at a 4/10.
Then, if you have love in your life and good relationships, perhaps you’re at a 6. If you have all this and are successful at your work, then perhaps an 8. If you have all of these things and are living your life’s purpose, then you could be at a 9 or a 10.
Having said this, though, sometimes your feelings are the best guide to creating an accurate day rating.
How good do you feel on a day to day basis?
Are you loving life?
If so, score yourself higher on the scale.
Here’s an example from my journal.
Did Journaling Really Save My Life?
Ok, so I wasn’t suicidal back in 2003. However, moments of depression were all too common and I’d just come out of an even worse time at university.
Of all the personal development strategies and hacks I’ve tried, I can honestly say that journaling (and, in particular, this system I created for myself) has been, by far, the most powerful. It’s the thing that turned my life around and saved me from a life of misery and wasted potential.
My hope is that it does the same for you.
(If you want coaching on how to use this journaling method, email me at joe@escapethesystemnow.com and put ‘journaling’ in the subject bar to get 25% off your first session).
GET YOUR FREE COURSE
If you want to discover a passion you can make a living from and overcome the fears that are holding you back, check out my free course 30 Days to Escape The System. Click here to get the course right now! (You’ll find the tips on developing belief and self-confidence fascinating!)
Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash
The Only 2 Things I Learned From Tony Robbins
Am I a Tony Robbins fan?
Sort of.
I’ve never paid a small fortune to go to one of his events. However, I did buy a second hand version of one of his CD courses on eBay, have watched “I’m Not Your Guru” on Netflix twice and sporadically watch him on YouTube.
I guess it’s fair to say I dip in and out of Tony’s work. However, I still rate him as the GOAT of the personal development world (click this link to see a full run down of my rankings, with other prominent figures like Jay Shetty, Robert Greene and Jordan Peterson rated).
Having said that, though, there are only two of Tony’s teachings that have stuck with me throughout the years.
However, just because they’re small in number doesn’t mean you should underestimate their impact.
What I’m about to reveal is a deep insight into human psychology that has made me a more skilled therapist and helped me understand myself and other people better.
Assimilate these concepts and you’ll know more than 99% of the population regarding what drives human behaviour and why most people fail to make significant changes.
You can do A LOT with this knowledge.
Not only will you be able to transform your own life, making a breakthrough that you’ve perhaps struggled to attain for over a decade, but you’ll have an amazing insight into the actions and choices of other people, finally understanding why they do what they do.
Let’s begin.
The 6 Human Needs
American psychologist Abraham Maslow first wrote about the hierarchy of human needs in his paper “A Theory Of Human Motivation.”
He charted these needs in a pyramid, with physiological needs (food, water, shelter, safety from threat) forming the base and more complex needs (love, self-esteem and self-actualisation) coming to the fore once these were met.
The message was clear.
If you haven’t got access to food, water and shelter then little else matters.
So, putting these basic needs aside (because I know that 90% of my audience have them met), I’m going to focus on what happens next.
This is where Tony Robbins’s 6 human needs step in.
Think of meeting them as the pre-requisite to being a balanced, happy person. Furthermore, understand that they’re going to drive your behaviour and, if you’re smart about how you meet them, you can make your life infinitely more enjoyable and avoid the neurosis’s that seem to plague far too many people.
We’ll now look at each one of the six needs and discuss the ways in which they can impact your life.
1. Certainty
We all have a need for certainty.
Unless you believe you’ll have access to food the next day, your loved ones won’t suddenly abandon you and you aren’t going to be attacked when you leave your house, it’ll be very difficult for you to function as your anxiety levels will be off the charts.
This applies to everyone. However, some people take their need for certainty too far.
Life is inherently uncertain.
- You don’t know how someone is going to respond to your request.
- You can’t tell how many years you, or your loved ones, have left.
- You don’t know if your alarm will always go off in the morning and whether you’ll be late for work.
But guess what?
This is all ok.
No matter how much you need certainty, there’s something else that’s also true.
You are incredibly adaptive. Furthermore, if you look back at your life, you’ll probably discover that some of your best experiences occurred when you let go.
2. Variety
Needs one and two clash.
On the one hand, absence of change is reassuring. On the other hand, things always being the same is boring and drains our energy.
This means you must constantly juggle the first two needs.
Having certainty is good but look to implement variety within this foundation.
- Eat different foods.
- If you work from home, occasionally go to a café, a co-working space or maybe even abroad for a change of scenery.
- Experiment with a different sport or hobby.
All of these things prevent life from getting stale.
Also understand that marriages and long-term relationships can lose their spark because of a lack of variety. You’re with the same person, day in day out, year in year out, and sometimes you might want a change.
Perhaps you and your partner recognise this and are ok with an open relationship or time apart. Or perhaps you have to work hard to meet your respective needs for variety within the relationship.
Just appreciate that your need for variety can make a decades long marriage/relationship strained at times. Show understanding to yourself and your significant other.
3. Significance
This need drives a lot of human behaviour and, unfortunately, many people try to meet it in a way that negatively impacts their life.
Why do teenage boys join gangs when they know that a consequence of doing so could be prison or death?
Because these options are more appealing than being nothing or a nobody.
As a part of a gang, they are something. They have a place, a role and in the fucked up world in which they operate, a level of respect.
This need for significance, and the negative ways in which it’s met, can be seen in all aspects of human life (I believe the growth in the amount of trans people over the last 5 years has less to do with a natural inclination to be another gender and more to do with the need to be significant now that being transgender, amongst some people, is perceived as cool).
Whatever the case, make sure you meet your need for significance in a positive way.
- Succeeding at a goal
- Meeting your own high standards for how you want to behave
- Being important to the people you love
Furthermore, don’t let your need for significance run away with you. Don’t be an egomaniac or have to dominant every social interaction or block others from succeeding because you believe it will lessen your shine.
4. Connection
Don’t make the mistake of thinking you can go it alone or that you don’t need others.
I know, from personal experience, that this will only leave you prone to unhappiness and neurosis.
I used to feel weak admitting to myself that I needed others. It made me feel vulnerable.
Now, I understand connection as being an integral part of my life.
I actively seek it out, knowing that it will improve all other areas of my life and reward me with some of my greatest experiences.
5. Growth
So many people overlook this need.
They get trapped by their need for certainty (and its cousins, security and comfort) and thereby avoid the challenges needed to continually grow.
When meeting this need, it’s important to remember it has nothing to do with being better than other people.
Growth is personal. It doesn’t necessarily mean being the fastest at your 5k Saturday morning park run. However, it will mean beating your personal best.
It will also mean improving at your chosen work, perhaps gaining promotion or selling more copies of your product than you did last year.
It could also mean starting an entirely new career or business.
Don’t underestimate your need to expand and, even as you age and become less physically capable, you’ll still want to feel that you’re growing in other areas of your life.
6. Contribution
Robbins classifies this need as a spiritual one (along with the need for growth) and the first four are needs of the personality.
As a result, it’s a little more abstract and probably drives less of your behaviour. However, once you’ve met all five of the previous needs, you might turn your attention to helping others.
It’s true that there are few better feelings than coming to another person’s assistance and making their life better.
Remember this and look for projects where you can assist others and your community. Doing so might give you the feeling that you’re living your life’s purpose and be the icing on the cake of a life lived well.
The Power Of Identity
“The strongest force in the human personality is the need to stay consistent with how we define ourselves.”
– Tony Robbins
How do you see yourself?
Right now, complete three I am statements about who you are.
Mine are;
- I’m a good person
- I’m a winner (an identity I haven’t quite fully adopted but one that I’d like)
- I’m a healthy person
Of course, I could also list some negative identities but that’s not the focus of this exercise.
If, as Tony Robbins claims (and my therapeutical practise tells me is true), we conform to our identities, then negative ones need to be identified, reworked and turned into positives.
If not, you’re always going to be sabotaging yourself because you can’t outwork your identity.
Take my “I’m a winner” identity, for example.
Before I began to see myself in this way, part of my identity was focused around the idea that I was a “fighter.”
You might think this is a good identity, right?
Well, yes and no.
Good in the sense that I don’t give up – It helped me put in the countless hours needed to write my first book, wrestling with line after line, getting it to the point where it was good enough to release. However, what does a “fighter” do?
They fight. But that doesn’t mean they win.
Nowhere did this play out more than in my tennis matches. I’d fight and struggle (rather than flow and conquer), often being on court for up to 3 hours, but all too often losing matches I should have won.
Something internal was preventing me from taking the final step and securing the victory.
Of course, that something was my identity. I had to remain consistent with being a “fighter.” That self assured winning edge was not always there and, as a result, I could give everything I had and still come out second best.
Hopefully this example reveals a little more about why identity is important and how it works.
How you see yourself is one of the most important factors in getting to live the life you want.
Massive success, or a life of freedom, won’t be possible without the correct identity as a foundation.
Implementing this takes introspection.
- Complete the exercise above (the 3 “I am” statements)
- Explore your identities, and the ones you want to adopt, in a journal
- Furthermore, understand that any new identity must be believable for your mind to accept it
I recently saw a client who suffered with insomnia. While discussing the issue, he said, “I’m a terrible sleeper.”
I asked him how he could ever hope to sleep well if he was telling other people this and repeating it to himself?
Afterall, his mind was programmed to conform to his identity which meant sleeping badly.
Unfortunately, treating this issue wasn’t as easy as repeating, “I am a good sleeper.”
He baulked at the suggestion. It was unbelievable. However, after much investigation into his sleep history, what wasn’t was the identity of being an “average sleeper.”
He could believe that and, by doing so, it created the shift that allowed him significantly improve the amount of sleep he got each night.
Tony Robbins says, “Your identity is like a thermostat—it sets the standard for your behaviour. You’ll always find a way back to how you see yourself.”
Don’t dismiss the importance of identity or call it psychobabble.
Instead, investigate the role it’s played in your life. I would be surprised if you didn’t find that it’s been secretly limiting your prospects in some way. However, armed with this new information, you should now be able to set yourself free.
GET YOUR FREE COURSE
If you want to discover a passion you can make a living from and overcome the fears that are holding you back, check out my free course 30 Days to Escape The System. Click here to get the course right now! (You’ll find the tips on developing belief and self-confidence fascinating!)
Photo credit Scott Beale / Laughing Squid
Revealing The Hidden Secret in Think and Grow Rich (and how to use the book)
Think and Grow Rich is one of the most popular self-help books of all time (some estimates point to sales of around 100 million copies).
In this blog post, I’m going to explore the most prescient ideas from the book and explain why, almost a century later, they still have the power to change your life.
First, we’re going to look at the DCA or Definite Chief Aim. Napoleon Hill (the author) believed everybody should have one and I’ll show you how to create, and use it, so you can realize your life’s purpose.
Then, I’ll explain the true value of Think and Grow Rich, breaking down Hill’s 12 Steps to Riches and explaining how to use each one in turn.
Finally, I’ll reveal The Secret to unlimited riches that Hill frequently refers to, but never explicitly states.
Creating your DCA
There are six steps to creating your Definite Chief Aim. Taken from the book, they are;
Step 1: Fix in your mind the exact amount of money you desire. It is not sufficient to say “I want plenty of money.” Be definite as to the amount.
Step 2: Determine exactly what you intend to give in return for the money you desire.
Step 3: Establish a definite date when you intend to possess the money you desire.
Step 4: Create a definite plan for carrying out your desire, and begin at once, whether you are ready or not, to put this plan into action.
Step 5: Write out a clear, concise statement of the amount of money you intend to acquire, name the time limit for its acquisition, state what you intend to give in return for the money, and describe clearly, the plan through which you intend to accumulate it.
Step 6: Read your statement out loud, twice daily, once just before retiring at night, and once after arising in the morning. As you read – see and feel and believe yourself already in possession of the money.
Let’s explore the implications of these 6 steps.
One of the key themes of Think and Grow Rich is definiteness of purpose. You must be certain about how much money you want. Therefore, when creating your DCA, you don’t use guestimates, hopes or wishes. Instead, set your figure with conviction.
How much money do you want?
For a moment, forget societies standards. This isn’t about being realistic. Instead, give your imagination free reign and be honest. How much money will it take for you to be financially free?
Whatever that figure might be (and be precise, down to the penny), write it down now.
Now, what are you going to do to achieve it?
You have to do something. Winning the lottery won’t cut it.
Do you know your life’s purpose?
If so, great. You already know the means through which you’ll generate your riches.
If you aren’t sure, then go with your best idea. Don’t over analyse. Right now, what’s the most inspiring way you can think of, that stands some chance of success, to make money?
Got that? Good, use it for your DCA (you can always choose something else further down the line if you find it more inspiring and there’s a greater chance you can make money from it).
When do you want to realize your DCA?
The importance of set dates, and an exact sum of money, is that it sends a clear message/instruction to your subconscious. The second section will reveal how important the subconscious is but, for now, know it can only help you, if you help it.
Giving yourself a lifetime to achieve your DCA will mean you won’t achieve it until it’s too late. However, if you instruct your subconscious that 10 or 5 years is the deadline, then it knows the urgency with which it needs to deliver the money-making ideas.
So, go ahead and create your DCA.
If you need a little help, here’s Bruce Lee’s, taken from the book Fighting Spirit,
“I, Bruce Lee, will be the first highest-paid Oriental superstar in the United States. In return I will give the most exciting performances and render the best quality in the capacity of an actor. Starting 1970, I will achieve world fame and from then onwards until the end of 1980 I will have in my possession $10,000,000. I will live the way I please and achieve inner harmony and peace.”
Bear in mind that his was written in 1969, before Fists of Fury or Enter the Dragon. At the time, Lee was an injured, out of work actor with mounting debts.
In his mind, however, he was a superstar and, what some might have called empty words, soon became his reality. Be bold.
The 12 Steps to Riches
Think and Grow Rich is not a wealth creating manual, it’s an idea generating manual. Don’t be fooled by the title. You won’t find any advice on investments or saving your money. However, what you will find, is a lot of information on how to access the ideas that are going to create your fortune.
Hill believes in an idea generating loop that looks like this. The conscious mind (if there is enough emotion behind your thoughts), can make an imprint on the subconscious. The subconscious mind shares a connection with The Infinite Intelligence (the source of all knowledge and creation). The Infinite Intelligence will send ideas back to you, in the form of hunches or flashes of inspiration, which are received through your creative imagination.
Sounds far-fetched, right?
It’s not.
I’ll use myself as an example. My DCA is to sell 1 million copies of my books and, because I’m passionate about this goal, I get hunches from The Infinite Intelligence. These hunches take the form of book ideas – I currently have six titles in the pipeline. However, it doesn’t end there.
The Infinite Intelligence also gives me ideas for where I might find opportunities to sell my books. For example, I had hunch that I should attend a YES Group meeting in London to listen to a speaker. While there, I bought his book, got chatting to him and found out which company published his work.
A month or so later, I emailed him, after reading and reviewing his book, and asked if he had any contacts at the company to whom I could submit a book proposal. He did, I did and, a year and half later, I had my own book deal.
Here are two very real things – book titles and a book deal – gained through ideas generated by The Infinite Intelligence. It works.
To ensure you can share in these wealth generating ideas, you must master Hill’s 12 Steps to Riches. They are as follows,
1. Desire – each day, think about what you want to achieve.
2. Faith – feel, and live, as if you’ve already achieved it.
3. Auto-Suggestion – programme your mind by reading your DCA and other affirmations or visualizations on a daily basis.
4. Specialized Knowledge – Become an expert at something. This will increase the quality of your ideas about the subject you intend to become rich through.
5. Imagination – Recognize a great idea when you have it.
6. Organized Planning – Each month, write a new plan on how to achieve your DCA.
7. Decision – Reach decisions quickly. A mind constantly wavering between two or more options doesn’t have the power to make a connection with The Infinite Intelligence.
8. Master Mind – An individual only has one connection with The Infinite Intelligence. A group of ten people, all with knowledge pertaining to the realization of your DCA, has ten connections. Take advantage of this and surround yourself with intelligent people willing to help you in a reciprocal relationship.
9. Sex Transmutation – Channel your sex drive. Take the motivation it creates and, instead of pursuing physical gratification, seek spiritual rewards through working on your DCA.
10. Subconscious Mind – See previous explanation.
11. The Brain – Your thoughts have power. However, it’s only the thoughts backed by deep emotion that will carry enough power to make a connection with other minds and The Infinite Intelligence.
12. The Sixth Sense – Follow steps one through eleven and The Infinite Intelligence will communicate with you through your sixth sense. Act upon these intuitions.
The Secret
Hill claims that a secret to infinite riches was passed onto him by Andrew Carnegie during their first meeting (the steel magnate gave Hill the idea for writing Think and Grow Rich). Although he spends most of the Introduction waxing lyrical about its importance, he never explicitly mentions what it is. Instead, he leaves clues, claiming it’s referred to one hundred times throughout the book and, at least, once in every chapter.
I’ve now read Think and Grow Rich three times. It was on my final reading that I finally deduced the meaning of the secret. Ironically, Hill gives it away in the first line of the first chapter when he writes, ‘truly, thoughts are things’. Furthermore, a quote included between chapters, in a later edition of the book, spells it out even more clearly.
Is this news to you?
Probably not. Essentially, it’s what’s become known as The Law of Attraction. Your thoughts, feelings and beliefs, whether you direct them consciously or not, attract the circumstances, events and outcomes of your life.
You should be EXCITED about this information. Right now, you’re being presented with a way to transform your life and create whatever it is you desire. Shouldn’t you be jumping up and down, celebrating in the knowledge that your life will be great from now on?
I bet you’re not!
I also think I know why you’re not. After all, The Law of Attraction isn’t really a law, is it? There’s no mainstream scientific study validating its’ claims. Furthermore, nobody outside the personal development world thinks this way. They all KNOW that events and outcomes are determined by chance and that only those lucky enough to be born with an amazing talent get to do something extraordinary with their life. For the rest of us, we just have to make do, accepting whatever role The System gives us.
But who wants to live like that?
Isn’t it worth experimenting with Napoleon Hill’s secret to see if there’s something in it? Why not give yourself six months to see if you can create some results by changing the way you think, feel and what you believe? If it doesn’t work out then you can go back to how you lived before.
But, what if, there happens to be something in this secret?
If it’s true, then you’ll never be the same again. This could be the moment you realize that YOU are the master of your destiny. You have the power to shape your reality through your connection with The Infinite Intelligence.
Surely this knowledge is worth far more than material riches.
(image taken from samhsloan@gmail.com photostream flickr.com)
The Uncomfortable Truth about “The Secret”
Last night, I watched The Secret on Netflix. Despite this movie/documentary being made in 2006, and despite me working in the personal development world, I’d never seen it before.
I’d heard a lot about it. I knew that it’d been a personal development phenomenon – selling 30 million copies of the book – and introducing a new audience to the self-help world. I also had a good idea what The Secret was about – hence me never watching or reading it. However, I was slightly sceptical.
I’d heard a lot of criticism about The Secret and The Law of Attraction. Pseudoscience or New Age nonsense is a label that’s commonly applied. I believed it was too simplistic. Miracles manifesting in a matter of months. It didn’t measure up with my experience of changing my life. However, despite all this, I was pleasantly surprised when watching the film.
My only criticism was the production of the documentary (and on a tight budget the producers can be forgiven for this). Some of it did come across as a little cheesy and dated and the ‘movie sections’ lacked polish, giving the film a ‘made for TV’ feel. However, Hollywood gloss isn’t the reason people are watching The Secret, so let’s explore its message.
The Law of Attraction gets a lot of criticism. The main gripe is that it isn’t really a scientific Law. Unlike The Law of Gravity or the speed of light etc. . it, SO FAR, it hasn’t been proved. Does this mean it lacks credibility? Furthermore, Is everything that can’t be proved by science worthless?
It’s interesting that, to my knowledge, The Law of Attraction hasn’t been disproved either. The fact is, it hasn’t been tested. Nobody has conducted a series of experiments to check the validity of its claims. Perhaps, and this is why we have no results or findings, we presently don’t have the technology to make any measurements. We can’t see the direct correlation between a raise in mood or energy and subsequent positive events occurring in a person’s life.
I’m sceptical of science. I don’t doubt that it’s discovered some amazing things about how our world works, and brought advances that have massively helped the cause of humanity. However, I don’t agree with the God like status that scientists, doctors etc. are granted in our society and I certainly don’t believe they know all the answers.
As an interesting aside, the speed of light isn’t actually a constant. Despite scientists telling us it’s fixed at 299 792 458 m / s, there’s a lot of evidence to suggests it varies. (Dr. Rupert Sheldrake talks about this in his book and talk ‘The Science Delusion’ if you want to conduct further research.)
Anyway, back to my point. Just because science hasn’t proved The Law of Attraction, doesn’t mean it’s without merit. The basic idea is that YOU attract the circumstances and conditions of your life through the way you think and feel. You have an energy or, vibrational frequency, and this is transmitted to the Universe which responds with the physical equivalent.
It’s both an interesting, and liberating, theory. It means that, through your thoughts and feelings, you can direct and shape your life in a way you desire. You can be happy, healthy, achieve all your goals and experience love. There is nothing stopping you apart from the mastery of this ‘law’.
I agree.
While The Law of Attraction can’t scientifically be described as a ‘law’; it operates close enough to this definition to be effective. I’ve turned my entire life around through changing my thoughts and feelings. On many occasions, which I’ve documented in a diary spanning 16 years, I’ve changed the outcome of a tennis match, my ability to attract women, injuries and my ability to help clients, through raising my energy. There was a direct correlation. Higher energy (better mood) = improved outcomes. I don’t need a scientist to tell me this. I’ve conducted my own experiments and proved it to myself.
The Secret gives an excellent and easily applied explanation of The Law of Attraction. Think about the outcome you desire as much as possible and feel how you would feel if this outcome came to pass. Furthermore, always think about what you want. If you ever catch yourself thinking about the things you don’t want, then immediately correct this thinking and redirect it towards to something positive.
The Uncomfortable Truth
A major criticism of The Secret is that it claims each individual is responsible for ALL the events and outcomes in their life. This means that if you have cancer or a failed relationship, or get fired from your job, it’s because of something you thought and felt for a sustained period of time.
This triggers a lot of people. It’s an uncomfortable truth that challenges their notion of being a blameless victim. ‘I don’t deserve this’ they say. It’s cruel.
To some extent, I agree. You would never say to someone who has just been diagnosed with a terminal illness, ‘you brought it on yourself.’ However, I think people who despise The Secret or The Law of Attraction for this reason are missing the point.
Rather than blaming you for what has happened, you’re being given the key to change and recover. The film documents two cases of people who have bounced back from life threatening situations by using The Law of Attraction. The first, is a lady who healed herself of breast cancer in 3 months. The second, is a man who recovered from a plane crash that broke his back and crushed his diaphragm.
So, rather than focusing on blame, think about responsibility. If you take total responsibility for all the events and circumstances in your life, irrespective of how bad they are, you can then start to move towards a solution.
Finally, the issue of time scales must be addressed. On this point, I am slightly critical of The Secret. In the film, the author Jack Cranfield talks about how he manifested a $100,000 income in a matter of months. It all seems so easy.
My experience has been anything but. I’ve struggled for 16 long years to turn my life around. I’ve been successful, but it’s been the fight of my life. To see people talking about realising their desires in less than half a year is difficult to comprehend.
Again, though, this could just be a fault in my approach. Notice how I use the words ‘struggle’ and ‘fight’ in my previous paragraph. The Law of Attraction indicates that if one believes they need to struggle and fight against their conditions then they’ll receive more of this experience. Perhaps my own slow progress is a result of the internal battle that has been raging inside me throughout this time. And, if I could just believe with greater clarity, then I’d have achieved my desires far more quickly.
I can accept this criticism. In fact, I want to believe it because of the opportunity it presents. If I can let go of the struggle, then the possibilities for rapid manifestation are very appealing.
In conclusion, I couldn’t find much to fault in The Secret. Yes, The Law of Attraction isn’t a bonafide scientific law, but that won’t stop it from working in your life. My advice is to USE IT!
Why you Shouldn’t Give up on your Dreams
I was talking to one of my tennis students today about her interest in drama and singing. I suggested she might want to pursue it professionally when she left school or university.
Her response was that it would never work. Apparently, to make a career as an actress you have to be incredibly lucky. She also mentioned that most people performing in West End shows are barely able to make a living.
I was disappointed to hear this. I don’t know how passionate she is about acting (I know she likes it a lot), so I don’t want to presume that it’s her dream. However, I was more disappointed to hear that a 15 year old already had this kind of belief system.
Where did she get it from?
At a guess, possibly parents and friends, most likely from fellow students or teachers at her drama class and receiving rejections from auditions. All of these voices and experiences, when delivered from figures of authority we’ve been taught to respect, bypass the critical, reasoning faculty of our mind and form limiting beliefs in our subconscious. We accept them as The Truth, but do we ever take time to analyse or attempt to discredit them?
The conversation reminded me of my own thinking when I was 22. At the time, I wanted to write a best selling personal development book but all I heard from my parents, another author and the media (reading magazine articles/writers’ handbook), was that this was an impossibility. There was no money in being an author, apparently. Furthermore, the chances of getting published were so remote it wasn’t even worth trying. Basically, it was down to luck. It was a total shot in the dark, so did I really want to invest all that time on something that might never work out?
Unfortunately, I believed these voices. I accepted them as The Truth. Whenever I contemplated my dream of becoming a best selling personal development author, a subconscious feeling of embarking on an impossible journey was triggered.
However, I persisted. I imagined my life as lawyer, accountant, working in a corporation etc as being so dull and out of sync with who I was, I reasoned that I may as well go for my crazy dream. What did I have to lose?
Many years later, I can see how that initial belief held me back. I never threw myself into my dream with the vigor that might have enabled me to be successful.
I don’t have that belief anymore. By challenging it, I can see there are a lot of grey areas when it comes to achieving a dream society declares impossible or dependent on luck. Here are some of them;
1. Almost everybody accepts the conventional way of thinking. They also believe the chances of achieving a ‘crazy dream’ are minuscule. This is actually to your advantage. It means that, if you persist, most of your competition is going to drop out, so the competition for places is not as intense as you think.
2. Although you may not achieve your dream, you can still make a living from it. Aim for the moon and you may hit a star, right? Although this quote makes zero cosmological sense, you get the idea. Despite what The System would have you believe, achieving a crazy dream isn’t always black and white. You might fail to becoming a best selling author or star in Hollywood films, but you might sell enough copies of your book to get by or land enough acting roles on TV or the stage to make it work. Isn’t that good enough? Sure, you’d rather accomplish the goal you set out to achieve, but it beats a load of other alternatives.
3. Luck isn’t necessary. Your own hard work will forge a path. When you challenge a system held truth (nobody makes money as an author, being a professional actress is all about luck), and PROVE to yourself that it isn’t, it messes with your head (in a good way). You discover that the world doesn’t work in the way you were led to believe. Your hard work and clarity of purpose, DOES make a tangible impact. As Steve Jobs said,
“The minute you understand that you can poke life and something will pop out the other side, that you can change it, you can mold it, that’s maybe the most important thing. To shake off this erroneous notion that life is there and you’re just gonna live in it.”
However, to get to this place, you have to challenge accepted beliefs. If you’re never take this step, the world will always conform to the way it’s been presented to you.
(Image taken from Deneb Catalan photostream flickr.com)
Can you Trust your Intuition?
In the film, Interstellar, Matthew McConaughey’s character travels to a dimension beyond normal human consciousness. In this realm (far out in space), he attempts to communicate with his daughter to warn her about the impending doom planet earth is facing. However, because the means of communication are so limited, he can only relay this message through grains of dust arranged in Morse code.
This got me thinking. What if our own ‘Higher Self’, inhabiting a different dimension, tried to communicate with us? In fact, could the hunches, intuitions and visions we spontaneously receive be exactly that?
The concept of the ‘Higher Self’ is interesting. This is the ‘us’ that’s realised our potential and lives a life in accordance with this ideal. There’s no grovelling to the weaker elements of our mind. No addiction, perpetual fear or acting from ego. Instead, the ‘Higher Self’ is brave enough to do what’s right and wise enough to realise what this means.
Now, combine this concept with the much discussed theory among quantum physicists about the possibility of there being multiple realities, and that the past and future may be occurring at the same time as the present, and you have the potential for some fascinating occurrences.
What if our ‘Higher Self’, inhabiting a different dimension (much like Matthew McConaughey’s character in Interstellar), is trying to communicate with us and share information that could alter the course of our present lives? What if they were trying to guide us to our ‘true path’?
What is Intuition?
My understanding of intuition is this. Intuition is not directed thought. I regularly take 5 or 10 minutes out of my day, either in a quiet room or a peaceful, scenic location, and turn my thoughts over to the contemplation of my dreams.
This is directed thought. I’m channelling my consciousness in the direction of something I want to achieve, with the intention of priming my subconscious to offer insights on how to attain it.
Intuition is something else entirely. In my experience, it strikes rarely and is spontaneous. Furthermore, it’s always accompanied by powerful emotions. It may leave you with a message regarding a course of action you should take or the person you should become. This flash of intuition might not last longer than a matter of moments, but the feeling it generates will be remembered for a lifetime.
To help you identify your own moments of intuition, read an of example of mine.
Last year, I attended a Live your Legend meet up in London. I’d spoken at this group the previous year, giving my ‘How to Escape The System’ talk. At the end of the evening, a lady who’d attended the talk and bought my book, came over and struck up a conversation. Much to my delight, she reported having read the book and said she ‘loved it‘. So much so, it contributed to her decision to move countries and pursue a new job.
Although this was far from the first time I’d received positive feedback on my work, for some reason, this particular conversation had a profound impact. I was left with the feeling I would achieve my lifetime goal of becoming a million selling personal development author. It was a certainty. So long as I continued to do the work, I’d get there. Therefore, no matter what was happening in my life – the length of time it took, being conscious of getting older, problems in my relationships, potential money difficulties – I had to stay focused on my goal and keep going.
This was the message communicated to me by my intuition. For the rest of the evening, I was in a state of elation. Over the next couple of days, the intensity of the feeling wore off. However, the experience stayed with me as a reminder whenever I doubt my path or lose focus.
This is just one example of my intuition. I’ve had similar experiences regarding love and relationships, what I should do about the feeling that I didn’t ‘fit in’ and my life purpose.
On each occasion, the moment of intuition happened to me rather than me creating it, typically being triggered by a stimulus in my environment. The insights I received were incredibly clear and communicated through a knowing or emotion (I didn’t hear voices).
Who can you Turn to for Life Guidance?
Hopefully, with the assistance of my example, you can begin to identify your own intuition. The issue then becomes one of trust. Can you rely on the revelation your intuition reveals?
This question is especially important when you consider the possibility your intuition might prompt you to pursue a course of action incompatible with the logical reality of The System you live in.
Should I be listening to the feeling telling me I can become a million selling author? Should you be listening to the feeling telling you to quit your job and attempt to launch your new business?
In my experience, the answer is ‘yes’.
We have little to rely on to guide us through life. Our parents, as loving as they are, tend to advise us on how to become copies of themselves. Either that, or, they’re so afraid of us getting harmed, their guidance is overly cautious.
Following the crowd won’t work either. This will, at best, only lead you to a life of security and comfort. The higher prize of authentic success and true expression will be out of reach as you spend the majority of your life working to make somebody else rich.
So, who, or what, can you turn to for guidance?
You must look within. Not in the sense of endlessly deliberating over a course of action. This mental back and forth will only lead to procrastination. Instead, you must be aware. You must decide upon a goal you wish to achieve, or a life you wish to live, and then endeavour to claim it.
It’s through action your path will be revealed. As you strive to live the life of your dreams, if you can still your mind, moments of intuition will spontaneously occur and offer guidance.
A quiet mind is the key, though. Too many questions, or too much over-analysis, and the mental chatter will drown out the message.
What the Research Says
Of course, this is just my experience and you shouldn’t take my word for it. Instead, listen to the science.
Research undertaken at Boston College and published in The Journal of Organizational Behaviour and Human Decision Process in 2012 indicates intuition can be just as effective as an analytical approach when it comes to decision making. In fact, depending on the expertise of the decision maker, sometimes even more. The key ‘take home’ is this,
“Testing intuition against analysis, Pratt and co-authors Erik Dane of Rice University and Kevin W.Rockmann, of George Mason, found that people can trust their gut and rely on intuition when making a broad evaluation – one that doesn’t include a subset of additional decisions – in an area where they have an in-depth knowledge of the subject.”
This research is fascinating. Look at where intuition is at its most effective – ‘when making a broad evaluation’.
What are major life decisions if they’re not broad evaluations? You either decide to stay in your present job or quit and pursue your passion. You either decide to marry your boyfriend or girlfriend or call an end to the relationship and look for someone else. There’s no ‘subset of additional decisions’ to be made.
This is why you can trust your intuition. When there isn’t a large amount of data to analyse, it won’t get confused. It knows your hearts deepest desires and will keep you on a path aligned with their realisation.
Of course, this doesn’t mean the action it prompts you to take is easy. It just means it’s the right thing to do.
Final Thought
I have no way of knowing whether your intuition is your ‘Higher Self’ communicating with you from a different dimension. It’s a nice thought. However, I do know that your intuition must come from somewhere.
Unlike thought, it’s not self-generated. Therefore, its origins must, in part, be somewhere outside of yourself yet, at the same time, connected to you. Some people call this God, The Universe or the super conscious mind. The terminology doesn’t matter.
What does, though, is that you pay attention. Many people ignore their intuition because The System’s conditions them to believe the insights it reveals can’t work in ‘The Real World.’
But, do you know the problem with living a completely ‘head’ driven life? No matter how successful (in the eyes of society) you become, you risk feeling empty inside.
This won’t happen if you trust your intuition. It may lead you down a challenging path but you’ll feel alive every step of the way.
(image taken from Stuart Ranking photostream flickr.com)
Transform your Life with Fight Club Philosophy
Are you looking for a radical way to shake up your life?
Are you bored with the seemingly meaningless way of life The System offers?
Would you like your life to be one big adventure?
If you answered yes to any, or all, of these questions then I have the solution. It comes in the form of a 1999 film that introduced a revolutionary new character with a dark, yet liberating, life philosophy.
I am, of course, talking about Fight Club and Tyler Durden and, by learning from its philosophy, you’ll be able to transform yourself into the person you’ve always wanted to be.
Philosophy Number 1: Live a Life that Makes You Feel Alive
What was the fight club in Fight Club all about? A chance for some blue and white-collar workers to vent their aggression?
No, it was an opportunity for a group of men, totally disconnected from life, to feel alive.
Fight Club was criticised for the level of violence displayed. People said it promoted fascism and misogamy. These critics totally missed the point.
The men in Fight Club were so numb from a life of pumping gas, waiting tables, working in offices and chasing the empty dream of consumerism, that they needed something as extreme as fighting to remind them they were alive.
Remember what led Jack (Edward Norton’s character) to Tyler Durden and the creation of Fight Club. He was an insomniac. His life was so dull, he described himself as living in a state that was neither ‘asleep nor awake’.
What happened when he started attending fight club? He slept like a baby!
The lesson here is that without stimulation, your mind is prone to turning in on itself, shutting down or seeking other more destructive outlets such a drugs, emotional eating or gambling. Therefore, you must engage in, and with, the pursuits, people and activities that make you feel alive. This prevents mental illness, increases your happiness and unleashes your creativity.
Philosophy Number 2: Let Go of the Need to Control
‘Hitting bottom isn’t a weekend retreat. It isn’t a god damn seminar. Stop trying to control everything and let go. LET GO!’
– Tyler Durden
Do you find that attempts to control your life often backfire?
Whether a natural impulse, or inherited from growing up in such a demanding society (exams, deadlines, work targets etc.), the need to control is hard to resist. We struggle, push and strain, hoping that if we can exert enough effort, then we can achieve our goals.
But what if there was another way?
Throughout the film, Tyler urges Jack to let go of his need to control. This, he teaches him, is the only way to evolve and be free.
To prove his point, he lets go of the steering wheel while they’re driving on the freeway. Jack immediately urges Tyler to take control of the car. Tyler refuses. Jack’s been questioning him about the exact direction that Fight Club is taking as it transitions into Project Mayhem. He’s insisting that he’s kept informed of all developments.
Tyler doesn’t want to hear this. To him, it’s a sign that Jack hasn’t learned a thing since coming to Fight Club. He doesn’t realise that projects evolve and grow and can’t be micro managed. Sometimes, the destination isn’t clear, but if we’re open to where the journey might lead, we can still achieve the outcomes we desire.
Of course, without Tyler controlling the car, it crashes and careens off the road. It’s an extreme lesson and, for a moment, the viewer is left wondering what it’s about. However, Tyler, in his twistedly brilliant way reveals all, as says to Jack while scrambling from the wreckage, ‘God damn, we’ve just had a near life experience.’
He wants to show Jack what happens when you learn to let go of your need to control. You don’t die. Your world doesn’t fall apart. You don’t lose all motivation and you’re still able to function and perform important duties. However, what does happen, when you stop attempting to control every tiny detailed, is that you are opened to the adventure of life.
Defeats turn into opportunities. A blocked road alerts you to a more interesting path. Being injured or unable to do something, frees up time for you to explore other areas.
The message is that your subconscious mind is connected to a deeper wisdom than your conscious. You can’t possibly control all the millions of outcomes that need to go your way to be successful. It would take too long. At some point, you must let go and trust that everything that needs to happen will occur.
Philosophy Number 3: Do What Matters and Forget Everything Else
In one of the most powerful scenes of the film, Tyler holds a gun to a convenience store workers head. The worker (Raymond) is terrified. He thinks his store is being held up. However, his terror soon turns to confusion as Tyler starts questioning him about his life.
Raymond has been putting off becoming a vet because of all the obstacles he believes stand in his way.
Tyler views everything Raymond says as an excuse. So, he gives him an option. Either he can enrol in veterinary school and follow his dreams, or, Tyler can re-visit him in six weeks and blow his brains out.
Extreme and cruel?
Perhaps, but Tyler also makes a brilliant point. Far too many of us don’t follow through with the truly important things in our lives. We’re too willing to believe our own excuses and spend our lives focusing on the small stuff we think needs to be done.
The problem is that, unlike Raymond, none of us are faced with a life or death choice. When walking The System’s Path, our decline is slow. We don’t notice the loss of vitality and health until it’s too late. Looking back, we rue the wasted years and regret the dreams we didn’t follow but, at the time, we have no perspective.
When faced with a life and death situation, you see clearly. When threatened with the loss of everything, you realise you’re free to do anything. What else matters? Paying the rent on the crappy apartment you hate? Paying a mortgage to a bank who’s ripping you off? Turning up on time to a job that bores your brains out?
Are you really going to be thinking about these things on your death bed?
No, so why let them stop you going for the life you want?
The lesson here is that living your dreams is relatively simple. There’s nothing stopping you. If someone put a gun to your head and told you to follow through on that idea you have for a business, or pursue your dream to be an actor, you’d do it, and probably be successful too!
Final Thought
In, perhaps, the most powerful speech of the film (or any film), Tyler tells the group of disaffected men congregated at Fight Club, “We’re the middle children of history. No purpose, no place. We have no great war, no great depression. Our great war is a spiritual war; our great depression is our lives.”
It’s a sentiment echoed by another great thinker – Victor Frankl – when he wrote this in his best-selling book, Man’s Search for Meaning,
“Every age has its own collective neurosis, and every age needs its own psychotherapy to cope with it. The existential vacuum which is the mass neurosis of the present time can be described as a private and personal form of nihilism; for nihilism can be defined as the contention that being has no meaning.”
At its deepest level, Fight Club is a film about finding meaning. Life seems pointless because you’ve been conditioned to value things that make you feel empty (accumulation of wealth and status). If you can reject this conditioning and, instead, win the ‘spiritual war’ of your soul (obey your inner voice, rather than societies, in all your major life decisions), then the sense of purpose that eludes so many of us, will be yours.
(image taken from Jess’s photostream at flickr.com)
To read more on Tyler Durden and Fight Club, please check out Self-Improvement is Masturbation: Tyler Durden’s 3 Rules for an Exciting Life. With over 3000 shares it’s the sites most popular post.
Don’t end up Sleeping in Bed with your Mommy
Talk About It!
And this was the problem. One was a rugby player, one was a fireman and one was a comedian. The person they had to show the world, the man they felt they had to be to successfully navigate their strong male environment, never expressed the deeper side to their nature. Eventually, this shut them down.
Final Thought
1 Weird Hack that will Massively Increase your Motivation
Do you believe in time travel?
I do!
Not in a ‘Back to the Future’ sense of the word (although wouldn’t that be cool), but I do believe in our ability to go back into our minds and memories and relive experiences from the past.
Some of you will know that, when I’m not running this website and promoting my book, I work as a hypnotherapist. One of the techniques I trained in is called Time Line Therapy.
This technique, created by NLP Master Trainer Tad James, asks the client to go back through their memories to a significant emotional event connected with the problem state they are experiencing in the present. For example, a person terrified of public speaking might go back to a humiliating childhood memory, of being laughed at, while trying to speak in front of a class at school.
They are then asked, ‘What’s the one learning that the you now, would tell the you back then, that were they to live it, would completely free them from this feeling of X (whatever the problem state might be)?’ If the client successfully embraces this learning, their subconscious is then updated and they are freed from an emotion that has been holding them back for years.
This is a simplified explanation of Time Line Therapy (and if you want a more detailed idea of how it works then watch this video of Tad James in action) but the point is that, through our minds, time travel is possible.
If you can get into a relaxed enough state, and focus clearly on a powerful memory from the past, after a while, you will be drawn deeply into that memory so that it begins to feel real.
You then have two options. You can just enjoy, or experience (if it’s a bad one), the memory. Or, you can use the Time Line Therapy question above and try to work out what you needed in order to successfully progress through what you were experiencing.
I’ve been using this hack a lot lately with some amazing results. I wander back in my mind to some key moments in my development, centered around the time when I first started getting intuitions about what I felt was my life’s purpose, and then ask this question, ‘What would I have done back then if I’d had the knowledge that I now possess?’
You see, back then, I wasn’t the person that I am now. Although I had this embryonic dream of writing a best-selling personal development book, it was also one of the darkest times in my life (I was 22 at the time and had just finished University).
I was lost and full of self-doubt. On top of that, I had these doubts echoed to me on a daily basis by careers advisers, parents and an environment of lack (lack of supportive friends, lack of my own money, lack of any contacts or ideas on how to break into the personal development industry).
As a result, my progress was incredibly slow. It was a case of one step forward, nine tenths of a step back. I doubted every decision (or proposed decision) I made and had to test the water with everything I did (rather than diving straight in, learning from my mistakes, and making progress).
With this approach, it’s hardly a surprise that the meteoric rise to the top I frequently imagined, never occurred.
But it could have done! And this is the point.
If only I’d known back then, what I know now, my progress would have been so much quicker. If I’d approached my dream with the energy that I now possess, I could have halved the time which I took to achieve it.
I don’t want you to fall into the same trap as you advance in the quest to live your dreams.
My problem was self-doubt but there could be any one (or more) of an array of problem states that currently block or slow your path. How can you tackle them?
As crazy as it sounds, by using the technique above!
Altering the Course of Your History
Right now, I want you to recall a pivotal time in your life, when you had the opportunity to make significant progress or alter the course of your life in a positive way, yet you didn’t take full advantage of it.
Drift back into the memory. Focus on where you were and what you could see. Remember the possibilities and excitement of the time. Try and recall what you were doing. You’re looking for a specific memory. The more you focus on it, the more real it will feel. Close your eyes if it helps (it probably will!).
Now ask yourself this question, ‘What would I have done back then if I had the knowledge that I now possess?’
Now see yourself doing it. Rewrite your own history and feel the excitement of putting that knowledge into action.
Then, once you’ve immersed yourself in the experience, write down your answer.
For help doing this, read the following example. It’s taken from my ‘success diary’, that I’ve been keeping since September 2002, and is an account of me going through the process outlined above.
The entry for the 1st May 2016 reads as follows:
The event I was thinking about last night was from May 2002. A month away from finishing at Manchester University, I was in the Library on the first or second floor, staring out of the window pondering my future. I was starting to feel alive again after having spent the last 3 years in another time and place. The power of my dream was calling me and I could feel the excitement of its possibilities. However, I didn’t throw myself into it wholeheartedly. There was too much doubt, delay and confusion in my mind.
If only, if only I could go back there now. I would attack my dreams full tilt. I’d have knuckled down and written my book [referring to what was to become Escape The System] in 6 months. It wouldn’t have been perfect but at least I’d have had something. I’d then have started promoting myself by starting up groups and perhaps gained a life coaching qualification. Then, as my skills developed, and my writing became more refined, I’d have got a publishing deal by 2006.
I’ve got to stop there because it’s pointless saying what I would have done. I can’t go back. All I’ve got is now. And as of today, I must approach my dream full tilt. Risk everything and don’t hold back. I can’t do anything about 2002, but, sure as hell, I can do something about today. Throw yourself into it. If these 14 years have taught me one thing, it’s that I never fail by taking risks to advance my dream. I fail when I delay and opportunities (and life) pass me by.
I highlighted my key learning (and answer to the question posed above) in bold. I’ve then taken that knowledge and lived it every day since the 1st May this year.
As a result, my motivation has increased immensely and I no longer fear cutting back on higher paying tennis coaching and hypnotherapy clients to make time to work on my greater, but less well paid (at the moment), dream of becoming a best-selling author. Experience has taught me that taking risks works and that removes any reservations I have about what I stand to lose. Therefore, my mind is clear and I’m free to act, certain in the knowledge that my actions will bring success.
Don’t Keep Repeating the Same Mistakes!
My learning demanded that I take greater risks and attack my dream with unrestrained energy.
What did yours teach you?
In whatever way you can, I urge you to apply that knowledge.
The increased motivation it provides is immense. How could it not be? Here you are, in exactly the same position as you were in the memory I asked you to recall (i.e. with an amazing opportunity to advance your life) but now you have the chance to benefit from your increased wisdom.
What could be more motivating or exciting?
You see, in some way, we do have the opportunity to go back and correct our mistakes from the past. We do it by taking on board the lessons they’ve taught us and then acting on them NOW.
(Image taken from Ape Lad photostream on flickr.com)
How the ‘Muhammad Ali Mind-Set’ will help you Live your Dreams
Last weekend, I went to the Muhammad Ali exhibition at the O2 in London.
I left the venue buzzing. Not only was I dazzled by Ali’s boxing prowess and career, I was awed by the strength he showed in standing up for what he believed in and touched by his humanity.
But I also left the venue in a deep state of thought. Many of Ali’s quotes were plastered around the walls and most of them referenced his incredible self-belief. He went around telling people he was ‘The Greatest’ and this was even before he won a championship belt.
Read the quote below (taken from the exhibition).
Amazing, isn’t it? He was a kid from Kentucky who believed in himself and went on to conquer the world.
How was he able to do this? What was so unique about Ali?
Of course, his physical attributes and hard work played a massive role but there are plenty of other athletes who share these qualities.
So I want to focus on something else that Ali seemed unique in possessing, or was at least the undisputed king in this field – self-talk!
“I’m the greatest of all-times.”
“I’m so fast that last night I turned off the light switch in my hotel room and was in bed before the room was dark.”
“I’m gonna show you how great I am.”
“I am the king of the world.”
These were just some of the affirmations he would tell himself, his opponents and the media. Some were funny, some seemed arrogant but they were all fueled by a divine certainty in himself and his abilities.
I now want to explore the implications of adopting Ali style self-talk and delve deeper into the possibilities of you becoming great through using his method.
How do you see yourself?
I’m from the UK and, in general, we’re a pretty miserable bunch. I’ve grown up in a society where it’s more socially acceptable to put yourself down than to dare say something positive about your abilities.
I’m used to hearing people say,
“I’m rubbish at that.”
“I’m not good enough.”
“I couldn’t do that.”
It’s considered OK to tell people about your perceived weaknesses but a sign of thinking you’re better than others if you vocalize a belief in yourself.
How crazy is that? We’d rather encourage playing small, in the misguided belief that others will feel safe around us, than tell (and show) the world how great we are and give other people permission to let their light shine.
I doubt such an attitude is restricted exclusively to the UK. My country may be an extreme example but how many cultures encourage positive self-talk?
Not many, I would wager, and this is the problem.
You don’t get to be great by telling yourself that you’re rubbish!
Could there be millions of us talking ourselves out of greatness?
I think so!
And as it turns out, I’m not alone in my thinking.
Two giants of the personal development world list identity or self-image (basically how we see ourselves) as the main factor in determining a person’s level of success.
Tony Robbins, with his best-selling books, seminars with an accumulated total of well over a million attendees and celebrity roster of coaching clients, has this to say about identity,
Then there’s Dr Maxwell Matlz, who’s 30 million plus selling book, Psycho-Cybernetics, is based upon the idea that people conform to their self-image.
His is an interesting perspective because he was originally introduced to the importance of self-image through his work as a plastic surgeon. He discovered that while some clients were delighted with the results of their surgery, and, as a result, adopted a more confident and outgoing persona, others would experience no change in their confidence levels despite their operation being a success.
This led him to the conclusions that self-image was more important than actual image. He could remove or correct what the patient viewed as an ugly disfigurement, yet if the patient still saw themselves as ‘ugly’, then their self-esteem wouldn’t change.
Both Robbins and Maltz’s findings concur with my experiences as a hypnotherapist.
The most difficult part in helping a smoker give up their habit was convincing them of their new identity as a non-smoker. Often, changing the behavior wasn’t too difficult as most could go without smoking for a short to medium period of time. However, if that change was to last then they had to believe they were non-smokers. If they still identified as a smoker they might abstain for a couple of months but the pull of their identity would be too great for them to maintain their resistance.
The significance of all these examples is that we build our identity, or create a self-image, partly through self-talk. Constantly tell yourself that you are ‘The Greatest’ and you’ll unleash your limitless potential. However, tell yourself that you’re ‘not good enough’ or ‘rubbish’ or ‘ugly’ and you’ll unwittingly inflict a life time of self-sabotage on your efforts.
Mastering your Self-Talk
So how will you apply what you’ve learned today? It might wear a little thin if you’re constantly telling friends, colleagues and anyone who’ll listen about how amazing you are and accompanying it with a quick ‘Ali shuffle’.
So I suggest that in some (but not all) cases you keep your positive self-talk to yourself.
- Anytime you’re confronted with a work challenge, or are learning a new skill, you can gently remind yourself, ‘I can do this’.
- When you’re playing a match, or competing at a discipline, you can repeat the words, ‘I’m a champion.’
- Before you take to the stage to deliver a talk, or get up in front of your colleagues to give a presentation, you can tell yourself, ‘My words inspire.’
There are hundreds of small phrases that you can focus on in daily situations to reinforce the message that you have the ability to achieve anything you desire.
Of course, you have to feel them as well.
Think back to how Ali used to talk about himself. He would shout and holler, ‘I’m the Greatest of all-times.’ In some interviews he looked manic but it was this depth of feeling that turned mere words into a powerful identity.
It’s also important to note that there will be times when it’s appropriate to vocalize the belief you have in yourself. If someone at work asks you whether you can handle a particular job, if a prospective client wants to know if you can help them, if an organizer is asking you whether you’re ready to speak at their event, and you believe you are and can, THEN DAMN WELL TELL THEM. Don’t play small and say ‘maybe’ or ‘I’ll do my best.’
Look them in the eye and tell them that you’re the real deal and you can get the job done.
Let’s make a start right now, shall we?
In the comment section below I want you to tell me one thing you’re really good at or have done. And if you have a website promoting this skill then by all means leave a link.
I’ll start it off so no one feels awkward. You then follow my lead and from this day forward, start positively affirming your abilities and NEVER put yourself down!