Tag: social
The Strange thing you didn’t know about Happiness and Success
Take a look at the picture on your left. Two characters are looking at planks of wood, one sees four, the other three.
Who sees the situation correctly?
Believe it or not, they both do because the position you are in when looking at any object or subject will determine the view you take of it.
You would agree with that statement, right?
Of course you would, but do you apply it to every area of your life? For example, do you have the ability to be that objective when measuring your own levels of success or happiness?
From over 10 years of working as a hypnotherapist, I would say that most of us don’t. Then it’s a case of absolutes.
- I can never overcome this problem
- I’m stuck
- I’m a failure
These are just some of the statements I’ll hear upon first meeting clients. While they could easily look at a dispute between other people and make points for why both parties had an equally compelling case, they can’t look at themselves and apply the same logic.
Then it gets emotional. The pain of past failure hits and blinds them from an alternative perspective. They forget all of the things they do well and start to mistake their negative perspective for ‘The Truth’.
As you can imagine, this has disastrous consequences for their quality of life. With this interpretation, they’re battling something unalterable. There’s no way around the fact they’ll forever lack the confidence necessary to find a partner, the talent to excel in their work or the willpower to lose weight.
But I’m not writing this to discuss my clients. I’m writing it for you.
You see the strange thing I want you to know about your happiness and success is that you determine how happy or successful you are! Not just in the sense that you have to work at it, but also in the sense that most of it is down to the view you have of yourself and life.
My Story
To expand my point, I’m going to tell you a story about my book writing experience. I’m going to give you a very candid glimpse into my world and then I’m going to invite you to judge me.
Am I happy and successful or a delusional failure? You decide (and you can even tell me in the comments section below).
My dream is to sell a million copies of my book. I’ve held this dream for about 10 years now and to date, I’ve only sold 337 copies. I started writing it in July 2007 and self-published the book on Amazon Kindle back in February 2012 (with no form of book launch whatsoever). After discovering the world of blogs, social media and internet marketing (a world that was totally alien to me at first), I’ve slightly revised my dream. Now I don’t have to sell a million copies with just one book, if I can get to that magic number with any subsequent books I write (all sales added together) then it will be mission accomplished.
So what do you think?
Clearly, I’ve failed, right? My goal is 1,000,000 and I’m at a measly 337.
From one perspective, I can see how someone could come to that conclusion. The numbers are astronomically out and I’ve put an inordinate amount of time (probably 6000 hours) for what would appear to be very little return. However, I can tell you now, hand on heart, that I feel anything but a failure.
Instead, I’m happy and I see myself as a success. This feeling of success is not just down to the facts that I’ve sold more copies than the average self-published author (250, if you were wondering), have some fantastic reviews on Amazon Kindle and have had people personally contact me sharing what a positive and life changing impact the book has had on them. While these factors are incredibly rewarding (sometimes bringing tears to my eyes) they could easily be washed away by the knowledge of what I haven’t achieved.
So you see the real reason why I’m happy and see myself as a success is because, for well over 10 years now, I’ve trained myself to focus on the positives. Since July 2003, I’ve noted down, in a series of journals, every single significant positive result I’ve achieved.
The impact this practise has had on my self-esteem, confidence and ability to weather a storm is colossal. I’ve gone from being lonely, bored and with nothing to live for, to waking up each day feeling energised and engaged by every hour of my life. So when I first published my book, and it took 6 weeks to sell its first copy to a non-family member, I didn’t panic or fall apart. Instead, I waited for the positives, and then started to build on them.
How this will Help YOU!
While you might agree that my happiness and feelings of success are genuine, it would still be possible to argue that, ultimately, I’m deluding myself. I’m light years away from achieving my dream and if I persist, then what about all the other areas of life I might miss out on? However, I would still stand tall in the face of this criticism because I know just how far I’ve come as a result of adopting this attitude.
Six months after having first published my book, and with barely double digit sales, I could have easily quit. The grind was just too hard. Not only had I toiled for years creating a bestseller worthy personal development book, I was now having to learn the very foreign field of promoting myself online.
And for what? £20 in my bank account and the tiny ego boost of saying that I was now officially an author. This wasn’t what I got into writing for, and it appeared that I’d given it an honest shot, so why not call it a day?
While most reasonable people would agree with this line of thinking, thank God I didn’t! I was still doggedly focused on the positives and after a while, I began to notice that they really were there.
Now, just over 3 years down the line, I feel like a different person. I’ve had enough sales to know that my book is marketable, I’ve had enough positive feedback to know that my writing has the ability to positively impact peoples’ lives and I’ve learned enough about promoting myself online, publishing and self-publishing to devise a proper strategy that will enable me to realise my dream.
None of this would have happened if I’d looked at those book sales and seen 999,663 failures instead of 337 successes.
But enough about me. The real question is how is this going to help YOU?
If you walk away from this article knowing that you no longer have to be held back by what you perceive to be a negative ‘truth’ about yourself, then my job is done. Furthermore, if you walk away from this article realising that there are very few limiting ‘truths’ in life then you are giving yourself the opportunity to live a much freer existence.
Is it ‘The Truth’ that I’m a failure in my quest to sell 1 million copies of my book? I don’t see it that way, and because I don’t, I’ve given myself the opportunity to learn, improve and put myself in a position where I really believe it will happen.
I’m just wondering how many areas of your life you’ve looked at negatively and duped yourself into giving far less than you’re really capable of. And I’m also wondering just how much more you will achieve when you learn that you can choose to look at yourself as a success.
So with that message, I will leave you to start noticing all the things you do well, the positive impact you have on other people and all the obstacles you’ve overcome. Note them down if it helps. You’ll be amazed at what you begin to see when you focus on all the reasons why you are happy and successful.
Call to Action
If you want to discover a passion you can make a living from and overcome the fears that are holding you back, check out my free course 30 Days to Escape The System. Click here to get the course right now! (You’ll find the tips on developing belief and self-confidence fascinating!)
The Lessons Learned from a Wasted Youth
I turn 35 in a couple of months. I feel young but by the system’s standards I’m not too far off being middle aged.
Should this bother me?
While I can’t say getting older per se concerns me, what does bother me is getting older and not having done the things I wanted to do with my life.
Now that gets to me.
I look back over the years and, although I’ve been in a positive place for a good many now, I see large swathes of time where I was in limbo land, a desolate wilderness where I had little company but myself and little meaning to my life beyond holding out for something to change.
Secondary/High school saw me struggling to make friends as I resisted the tide of peer pressure.
University was occasional study, gym workouts and cinema visits but mainly time spent alone in my room feeling totally disillusioned with the world.
My mid 20’s saw me struggling to come to terms with, and initially resisting the call, to embrace the life I was meant to live.
As a result, I look back on my life now – from a position of confidence, wisdom and eagerness to embrace any opportunity – and wonder where the hell my youth went.
Turning your Life Around
Apologies for getting this post off to such a depressing start. I’m genuinely happy now and in a stronger position than I’ve ever been in my life. However, it’s important to recall the period of time where I wasn’t.
You see I want to explore how a person comes to terms with unfulfilled potential, wasted years and recovering after a huge setback. After all, I’m sure we’ve all had some of these experiences.
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You may have recovered from a major illness and be struggling to come to terms with all it took from you and wondering if you can ever be certain about life again.
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You may be in your 40s or 50s, completely disillusioned with your job and wondering to what purpose you’ve been busting your balls for the last 30 years?
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You might have just experienced a failed marriage or long-term relationship and be wondering how you could have invested so much of your life in something that has now come to an end.
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Or you might have just finished your education and be questioning what it was all about. Were you genuinely stimulated by what you learned or did you just spend the last 15 years doing what was expected of you? And what if your life now continues in a similar vein?
If any of the above has, or does apply, then I’m writing this for you. And despite the bleak beginning, the message is positive.
I want you to know that your life CAN turn around. I want you to finish reading this and realise that you can truly do anything.
Here’s how.
The Substitute Thought
You can’t get those days back. They’re gone. No matter how much you rue a missed opportunity, wish that things could have been different or think about the past, you can’t go back. In fact, partaking in this kind of thinking will only deny you the opportunity to live NOW.
I know it’s hard. Those lost years may seem unfair or even an injustice. After all, you were younger then and lacked experience and knowledge. You’re not a bad person; you just didn’t know what you were getting yourself into.
Of course, this is true and because it’s true, it makes it all the more difficult to move on. This is why you need a substitute thought.
Instead of racking your brains over what might have been, you need to use this pain as a reminder to channel all of your focus on getting the absolute most out of life, right now.
It’s the only way I’ve come to terms with wasting so many years of my life. Whenever a regretful thought or disappointed memory occurs I tell myself, “that’s why I MUST make the most of my life TODAY.”
No more watching TV or browsing the internet when it’s time to work on my dream.
No more giving into doubt and fear when making important decisions and thinking about future life choices.
No more repeating mistakes from the past that hold me back.
The pain of the past reminds you of the preciousness of today.
25 Years in Heaven
Ok, I hear you Joe, but you’re just talking about getting over a bit of teenage angst and a pretty dull early adulthood. What about the people who’ve had truly devastating life experiences?
To the doubters, I refer you to the story of Rubin “Hurricane” Carter. The misfortune that this man experienced was monumental. In and out of juvenile reform since the age of 11, he was falsely convicted of murder in 1967. He subsequently served 19 years in prison for a crime he did not commit, finally being exonerated in 1985.
Was he broken by this ordeal?
Despite being separated from his wife and kids, having a promising career as a middleweight boxer terminated and enduring the horrors of 19 years in prison, he displayed an amazing ability to make the most of his life once freed. He remarried and became executive director of The Association in Defence of the Wrongly Convicted. This video (watch the last 30 seconds for the most heart-warming part) and a quote before his death last year, should install the faith in all of us that no matter how wasted or tragic our past may have been, a life of complete happiness is always possible. As Rubin said,
“In my own years on this planet . . . I’ve lived in hell for the first 49 years, and have been in heaven for the past 28 years.”
Perhaps I was inaccurate in saying there was nothing we can do about our wasted or unfortunate pasts. A strange thing has happened to me since my life turned around. After a good many years of living happily and with purpose, I’ve begun to look at my wasted youth differently. No longer do I kick myself at missed opportunities. Instead, I see it as an inevitable learning experience that has guided me to deeper wisdom and knowledge. The meaning and memory of it has changed in my mind.
If you have not done so already, I want you to know that you can get to this place. Starting right now, your life can be that meaningful, joyous and exciting story you’ve always dreamed it could be; packed with all the romance and adventure you can handle.
There is nothing chaining you to your past. It exists only in your mind and as soon as you focus on have a great time right noweverything will change.
So step out of the shadows and seize the day!
Call to Action
If you want to discover a passion you can make a living from and overcome the fears that are holding you back, check out my free course 30 Days to Escape The System. Click here to get the course right now! (You’ll find the tips on developing belief and self-confidence fascinating!)
(Photo taken from Ardinnnn:) photostream flickr.com)
Self Improvement is Masturbation: Tyler Durden’s 3 Rules for an Exciting Life
Is your life dull?
Are you weighed down by the day to day stresses of paying the bills, commuting to work and dealing with people you dislike?
Do you sometimes wish you could be another person?
If your answer to any of these questions is ‘yes’ then we’ve got the solution for you.
Or more accurately, Tyler Durden does. His ingenious life philosophy is the antidote to modern living. In fact, the whole movie could be viewed as a treatise on escaping a meaningless life and discovering what it means to be truly alive. With Tyler as the mentor, and Jack as the student, we’re treated to 2 hours of radical insights on how to transform yourself from a disillusioned, aimless consumer into a charismatic, purposeful leader.
In this post, we’ve isolated 3 of these lessons so that you can accelerate your transformation and begin living a more exciting life.
Rule n#1: Stop trying to control your life
“I say never be complete. I say stop trying to be perfect. I say let’s evolve and let the chips fall where they may” – Tyler Durden
The most important lesson that Tyler teaches Jack is about letting go.
You see, Jack, like most people, has a big issue with control. He foolishly believes that he can micro manage every area of his life.
This should be no surprise, though; as it’s an approach we’re all familiar with. Ever since school we’ve been taught to control our behaviour, control our creative ideas, control our true opinions and even control our feelings. The system breeds generation after generation of buttoned up, tightly controlled individuals who believe the only way to get what they want from life is to force, strain and exert the maximum amount of influence over any given situation.
Tyler teaches us that there is another way. He wants us to know about the power of letting go. Far from resulting in a loss of productivity, this approach allows the puzzle to be revealed to you piece by piece as you’re opened to the flow of the universe. This jumping from answer to answer, in a never ending learning experience, permits the flexibility and creativity that are so essential to living an exciting life.
So the next time you find yourself trying to control your outcomes, remember Tyler word’s.
Then throw yourself headlong into your dream and be open to making mistakes. A path will emerge but you have to let it lead you.
Rule n#2: Stop caring about what other people think
“You’re not your job, you’re not how much money you have in the bank, you’re not the car you drive” – Tyler Durden
So many people define themselves by the image they create. Sometimes this can go so far that the puppet ends up pulling the strings.
But why do we lie, bullshit and exaggerate about ourselves?
The answer to this question can be found in the huge amount of value we place in what other people think. Evolutionary psychology suggests this has something to do with our unevolved instincts seeking to protect us from group rejection. Back then, being shunned by your tribe would have equated to death. However, now, this outdated safety mechanism actually chains us to a life of repressed mediocrity.
Tyler knew this and that’s why he was at pains to get Jack to leave his image at the door. Constantly feeling that you have to project an aura of success, toughness or confidence actually restricts your life. As Lao Tzu said, ‘Care about what other people think and you will always be a prisoner.’ Your fear of embarrassment, or being seen to fail, will prevent you from experimenting with new ideas or pursuing a goal that lies beyond the narrow parameters of what the system defines as normal.
Life lies outside these parameters. Remember that the next time the fear of what other people think keeps you in your box.
Rule n#3: Do whatever it takes to feel ALIVE
“God damn man!! We just had a near life experience” – Tyler Durden
Bare knuckle fighting, car crashes and corporate sabotage were just some of Tyler’s methods for awakening Jack.
To some, this was too extreme.
They missed the point.
Fight Club wasn’t about mindless violence, it was about feeling ALIVE. If anything is to be condemned, it is the system these men (and we) occupy. It is so mind numbingly dull that Jack needs extreme measures to resurrect his spirit. As Tyler said, ‘Our great depression is our lives.’
The implications of Rule n#3 are life changing. When we say, ‘do whatever it takes to feel alive’ we really mean it. DO WHATEVER IT TAKES!
- Quit your boring job
- Pursue your dream
- End your passionless relationship
- Get physical – whether this be through sports, sex, getting in touch with nature, creating something with your hands or martial arts
- Change your diet
- Meditate
DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO FEEL ALIVE!
This comes above and beyond making money. If there’s a decision you have to take that makes financial sense but will lead to a duller life then DON’T DO IT. The energy you live with is worth way more than any amount of money in the bank.
And Finally . . .
What’s the pay off? Why should you follow this unconventional advice?
This is best answered by Tyler himself when he explains to Jack the dramatic plot twist which turns the film on its head,
“All the ways you wish you could be me, that’s me. I look like you wanna look, I fuck like you wanna fuck, I am smart, capable and most importantly, I’m free in all the ways that you are not.”
In short, you get to unleash the Tyler in you. What could be cooler!
Get your FREE Course
If you want to discover a passion you can make a living from and overcome the fears that are holding you back, check out my free course 30 Days to Escape The System. Click here to get the course right now! (You’ll find the tips on developing belief and self-confidence fascinating!)
Did we miss anything?
Please leave a comment below if you think there are any rules we overlooked.
(Image taken from G Crackle Photostream flickr.com)
(Image taken from Diana Hidalga photostream flickr.com)
The 3 Things you Absolutely MUST do with your Time on Earth
I’m no fan of ’30 things you must do before you reach 30′ type lists. The idea that there is some universal standard of achievement and experience is too conformist for me.
So, I’ve come up with an alternative.
It’s not based on visiting a country on every continent of the world, learning to play a musical instrument or any number of equally interesting yet useless (unless you need a topic of conversation at a dinner party) pursuits. No, this list is far more radical, thought provoking and practical. In fact, it’s the antidote to all of the system’s ills. Depression, lack of purpose, loss of energy, addiction and low self-esteem will all disappear as soon as you commit to this holy-grail. While traditional bucket lists offer you a temporary escape from an otherwise mundane life, what I’m about to share with you is the secret to creating a reality you won’t need to escape from.
1. Achieve the Impossible
They told Roger Bannister it wasn’t possible for a human to run a mile in under 4 minutes.
They told Bruce Lee that it was impossible for an Asian actor to be accepted by an American audience.
The system is always creating the impossible. It wants you to believe that the status quo is unbreakable and that life can’t exist outside the parameters it sets to define reality. This illusion is created to prevent you from discovering a secret that would liberate the individual and make the system’s influence redundant – you have the power to create your reality.
However, this secret has to be LIVED to be truly appreciated. Unless you test yourself in a way that few people are prepared to do, you’ll never discover the power gained from achieving something others said you couldn’t. It’s life changing. And it’s easier than you think.
All you have to do to Achieve the Impossible is;
1. Do something other people said you couldn’t do.
OR
2. Do something YOU believed you couldn’t do.
Whether this means leaving the security of employed work and setting up your own business, undertaking an extreme physical challenge or overcoming a fear, addiction or hang up that’s been holding you back for years, Achieving the Impossible is one of life’s ultimate tests. Do it once, and you’ll want to do it again. Keep doing it and you’ll realise that most of the limitations we’ve been conditioned to accept simply aren’t real.
(Image taken from symphony of love’s photostream flickr.com)
2. Free yourself from Economic Servitude
Slavery ended over a century and a half ago?
Wrong! Although we are free in name and movement, there is still a dark cloud hanging over our existence. The Deloitte Shift Index 2011(check the Worker Passion section) indicates that 81% of people in employed work are not passionate about their jobs. Roughly translated – we spend most of our lives working jobs we don’t enjoy to make money to survive. This condition could be described as one of Economic Servitude. It’s about time freedom. Does the need to make money prevent you from doing what you want with your life?
For most of us, the answer is a resounding YES! If this is also the case for you then there are 2 ways to escape;
1. Make enough money so that you are not obliged to work.
OR
2. Work a job that you enjoy.
Making enough money so that you are not obliged to work can be achieved in a couple of ways.
You can actually do this through the system. The only catch is that it’ll probably take you about 40 years and you’ll be too washed up to really enjoy your freedom. Work incredibly long hours, save and disregard your well-being is the formula and for some it works.
However, I’m assuming you don’t want to go that route. If this is the case, then I’ve got some good news for you. It’s actually the people who break all of the conventions and bring something fantastically unique into the world that are the ones most financially rewarded for their time. True, you are either going to have to execute a brilliant idea, develop an outstanding skill or create something of great value but the rewards are huge. Instead of the system’s 40 year slog (which for most, still has no happy ending), you can be done in 10.
One of the great misconceptions is that you have to be a multi-millionaire to free yourself from economic servitude.
If you spend your days engaged in a line of work that interests you and allows you to express your creative abilities then you are free. This is the job where work isn’t work. Surveys tend to suggest you’ll need to be self-employed but it is possible to find this freedom through employed work. So long as you are working for a cause higher than making money, then you are already there.
And why is freeing yourself from Economic Servitude so important?
One word, freedom. You get to grow and live your life along the lines that bring the most reward to you.
(Image taken from 401(K) 2013’s photostream flickr.com)
3. Find your Paradise
Finding your Paradise is life’s ultimate destination. However, to describe it solely as a ‘destination’ is misleading. It’s something that you could attain today, yet lose a week later. Illusive in nature, it requires you to attain two components to complete the quest.
1. Physical Paradise
2. Internal Paradise
Physical paradise is the easier to explain.
This is about your environment. Contrary to what the system wants you to believe, we should ALL have our slice of paradise. It’s your mission to find out what this means for you. For some, it may mean the big mansion with the fantastic grounds. For others, it may mean community living and being surrounded by like-minded people who have each other’s interests at heart. Who knows, it could be a combination of the two.
While this may seem a reality far removed from the 2 bedroom flat you currently occupy, you must not be limited by convention. Finding a space you love and living with the people you love brings a tremendous amount of positive energy into your life. After all, what’s the point of Achieving the Impossible and freeing yourself from economic servitude if you can’t kick back and enjoy your time on earth?
Internal paradise is far more abstract.
It’s about the energy you live with on a day to day basis. How good do you feel? Depressed, so so, ecstatic?
Living in the state of internal paradise is an incredibly high energy experience. When you’re touched by this feeling anything seems possible and life becomes an adventure. All negative emotions cease as you’re hit with this overwhelming sense of being ALIVE.
You may have already had this experience on a few occasions. However, did you ever think to make living in this state your life’s mission? It can be done. Developing a thorough awareness of your thought processes and energy levels is the starting point. From there, you must free your mind from the system’s conditioning and learn to believe in a reality where anything is possible.
This process opens you up to the energy of the universe and should be undertaken by any person wanting to live an extraordinary life. It increases your well-being, enhances creativity and attracts the circumstances and people necessary to your advance.
If you’ve ever felt that there’s so much more you can be and do then this is for you. Begin today and you’ll discover that there’s no greater reward than the one reaped through self-mastery.
(Image taken from Antti Simonen’s photostream flickr.com)
This is your Life and its ending one minute at a Time
These 3 challenges are your blueprint for an extraordinary life. Don’t expect to complete them in a year. This is about building a foundation for your life that will never be shaken.
If you currently feel that your life lacks meaning, or that you’re sick of playing the system’s game, then this could be your answer. From today, you will never again be bored, never again feel lost and never again feel that your life is wasting away.
You are now the lead role in the greatest story ever told – your life. Go out and LIVE it!
Call to Action
If you want to discover a passion you can make a living from and overcome the fears that are holding you back, check out my free course 30 Days to Escape The System. Click here to get the course right now! (You’ll find the tips on developing belief and self-confidence fascinating!)