The 3 Steps to Becoming a Ruthless Winner (and transforming your business success)

by Joe Barnes


Mind Set


Date: Nov 29, 2022

The 3 Steps to Becoming a Ruthless Winner (and transforming your business success)

There are two types of people in this world. 

Winners and losers. 

Sorry to be so blunt but, at the end of the day, you either get your life exactly where you want it to be or you complain, makes excuses and accept that your life can never be the way you want. 

Is being a winner the most important thing in the world?

No. It’s more important that you’re a good person. But why can’t you be a good person and a winner? 

If I had to pull a number out of thin air, I would say 90% of people are losers and 10% are winners. Being a winner certainly isn’t common. Most people will have one, or more, areas of their life which aren’t the way they want. 

It’s ok to be honest about this. It’s alright to admit that, in some areas of your life, you’re a loser.

I was a loser for 90% of my life. It’s only recently I’ve turned a corner and changed my mindset (more on this later).

That’s why I can write with authority on this subject. I know the loser’s mindset. I’m aware of all the things you’ll tell yourself that, unwittingly, prevent you from winning. 

Right now, I’m going to share them with you.

Then, I’m going to show you how to win. 


Step 1: The 5 Lies Losers Tell Themselves

This is, by far, the most important part of transforming yourself from loser to winner. You have to stop thinking, and talking, like a loser. 

Every time a loser experiences a setback, or a failure, they’ll tell themselves one of these 5 things.

  1. I’m not worthy of success 
  2. The world is against me
  3. Failing to achieve my goal is ok/2nd place is good enough
  4. It wasn’t meant to be/The universe didn’t want me to have it
  5. My goal isn’t possible

Let’s explore each one of these lies in a more detail. 

  1. I’m not worthy of success

This lie can arise from low self-esteem or a perverse sense of morality (when so many people are poor, struggling, or losing in life, it’s not right that I should be the one winning). Whatever the cause, this thought must be expunged from your mind. Winning, if done fairly and without exploiting others, is good for everyone because it increases the amount of positivity in the world.

Furthermore, there’s the potential for greatness within every single one of us. You are worthy. It’s the system that makes you doubt your light. 

       2. The world is against me

When I first published my book, back in 2012, it took over 6 weeks to sell a single copy outside my immediate family. I was devastated. For four years, I’d worked on this project and now it had failed. However, it was a good book (I was certain of that), so I couldn’t figure out why it wasn’t selling. 

My ridiculous conclusion? The world was against me. Something in the universe, Amazon’s algorithm or people’s lack of good sense, was holding me back.

Of course, it couldn’t have been my lack of knowledge regarding marketing or my naivety about the online content creating space. Oh no, in my loser mind it had to be because the world was against me. 

If you ever find yourself thinking similar thoughts, stop. The world isn’t for, or against, anyone. It just is. 

       3. Second place is good enough

There are times when a growth mindset is useful. Furthermore, it’s ok if you don’t win every time. Sometimes, you can win just by learning an important lesson and improving. However, there will be other times, with your most important goals, when only first place will do. 

Learn to identify these occasions and refuse to settle for anything less than total victory. 

       4. It wasn’t meant to be

If the universe never meant for you to have something, then it wouldn’t have given you the desire in the first place. The universe wants you to have the life of your dreams. However, it’s not going to give it to you. 

Therein lies the distinction you need to understand. Everything you achieve in this life; you are going to have to make it happen. There is no “meant to be.” Instead, there’s just what you want and what you’re prepared to do to get it. 

        5. My goal isn’t possible

History is littered with unachievable goals that, eventually, occurred. Nelson Mandela once said, “It always seems impossible until it’s done.” He, alongside his ANC comrades, overthrew an entire political system.

Don’t tell me (and especially, yourself) that your dream of being a five figure a month coach, or making a living from your music, is impossible. 

If you ever find yourself repeating, or believing, any of these 5 lies then change your thoughts. Winners don’t think this way.

Here’s what they do instead. 


Step 2: Pick a goal that you must achieve 

I use the word “must” deliberately. This is something you can’t leave this earth without doing. It may be something as simple as having children. Perhaps it’s selling a million copies of your books. Maybe it’s climbing Mount Everest.

The specifics of your goal aren’t important. All that matters is that it’s important to you. Something about what the goal will force you to do, or become, is so significant to your life journey, and development, that to not get there would equate to a wasted, or failed, life. 

This goal should be easily quantifiable. You should be able to tell a friend, in one sentence, exactly what you want to achieve and be clearly understood.

Once you have this all-important goal, proceed to step 3. 


Step 3: Mentally commit to your goal

What does this mean?

You must develop total certainty in the knowledge you’ll achieve your goal. Make a decision that it’s going to happen. 

Then, no matter what you’re faced with along your journey, remain steadfast in your certainty. Never deviate from the thought you’re going to win. 

Comply with these 3 steps and something incredible will happen. You’ll keep getting more out of yourself (learning, improving and getting mentally stronger) until you achieve your goal and become a winner. 


How I did it

Last year, I experienced my own loser to winner transformation. 

It happened on a tennis court, when I was playing in the final of an ITF masters tournament in London.


My opponent had beaten me on 3 previous occasions. I hadn’t defeated him once. However, despite this unfavourable head-to-head, I knew this was my best chance to win. 

As the match began, my confidence soon wore off. I was playing terribly. It felt as though I was a puppet, and a vindictive puppet master was forcing me to make the most basic of errors. 

It wasn’t long before I dropped the first set 6-0. I was in full-on self-sabotage mode, an experience all too familiar to me both on, and off, the court. However, just as the match was about to run away from me, I made an important change. 

I started to alter my state. From years of immersing myself in the personal development world, and through my work as a hypnotherapist, I knew that the frustration and rage I was feeling would only lead to a continuation of my terrible form. I couldn’t hope to play well until I got myself feeling good.

This I did, raising my energy and reaping the rewards of my positivity by winning the second set 6-2. 

At this point (1 set a piece), the match, and tournament, was to be decided by a 10 point tie break (first player to get to 10 wins).

It was here that my loser mindset kicked in. 

I looked at my opponent and thought, “I’ve done really well. I’ve never beaten this guy and I’ve turned the match around. I was barely able to hit the ball over the net in the first set and now I’ve won the second. I’m proud of that. It doesn’t matter what happens in this tie break, it’s ok if I lose.”  

A split second later, though, and I couldn’t tolerate this thinking. It was not ok if I lost. I had to win.  

I’d been playing tennis competitively for almost 20 years. I’d done ok but never fulfilled my potential, often self-sabotaging in important matches. 

Now, here I was, 10 points away from winning my first ITF masters tournament and beating an opponent I’d yet to record a victory over. It wasn’t the time to rest on my laurels. Second place wasn’t good enough. 

Right then, I decided to win. For the next 15 minutes, I didn’t allow my mind to contemplate defeat or relax. I remained focused on victory and narrowly, and somewhat nervously, edged out a 13-11 win.

After this match, something inside me changed.

I could no longer look at low book sales figures on my Amazon reports and feel sorry for myself or wake up in the middle of the night and feel frustrated at not being able to get back to sleep. Neither of these outcomes (and many more) concerned me because I knew, ultimately, I was going to win.

I’d made a decision in my mind that I was going to get what I wanted (more book sales/a full night’s sleep etc). This absence of doubt ensured I remained focused on opportunities and got the best out of myself. 

I hope this blog post will help you do the same.  


If you want to discover a passion you can make a living from and overcome the fears that are holding you back, check out my free course 30 Days to Escape The SystemClick here to get the course right now! (You’ll find the tips on developing belief and self-confidence fascinating!)