Tag: Meaning
What To Do When It Feels Like Your Life Is Falling Apart
You have two choices when it comes to living your life.
- Adapt to the world and do your best to fit in.
- Listen to your heart and act on its promptings.
This article is written for people who choose option 2.
When you play it safe, you don’t have to confront the challenges that those who listen to their heart are forced to face. Instead, you get to sail through life, safe in knowledge that there’s safety in numbers and, if you do what everybody else does, it’s likely you can stay out of harms way.
Of course, this won’t save you from the truly terrible life events that plague us all – cancer, divorce, addiction, premature loss of a loved one. However, that’s not what I’m writing about today.
As important as that subject is, I want to focus on a slightly different aspect of the “life falling apart” experience.
In particular, I’m focusing on what to do when;
- Your business, which you’ve pinned all your hopes and dreams on, fails.
- Your money is running dangerously low because you’ve been trying to create the life of your dreams but it hasn’t panned out as expected.
- Your girlfriend/boyfriend or wife/husband leaves you because they don’t understand why you can’t settle for an ordinary life.
- You’re spending too much time on your own, and feeling lonely, because you find it difficult to engage with a world of superficiality and materialism.
- You look at other people, living regular lives, and can’t shake the thought of what you’ve given up by following a different path.
- No matter what you try, you can’t seem to get any clients or breakthrough to the next level in your business or life.
How do you handle these moments?
My Strategies
In one form or another, I’ve experienced every single one of the situations above. As a result, I’ve been through more soul searching moments than I’d care to count.
True, they were more frequent many years ago, when I was first starting out, but they still occur.
I still get down. I still question all of my life choices and wonder why the path I’ve chosen has to be so damn hard. I still get low on belief and struggle to see through the fog of negativity.
What do I do when this happens?
There are a few methods and resources I turn to in the dark moments. I’ve never documented them before but my hope is that by doing so, you might be able to borrow and adapt them to your own situation.
Yes, some of them are specific to my psychology but there should be something universal to them as well.
So, without further ado, here’s a list of strategies, perspective shifts and tools you can use when it feels like your life is falling apart.
1. Find Your Meaning
To my mind, Viktor Frankl’s, Man’s Search For Meaning, is one of the most powerful books you can ever read. Borne out of his experiences in a Nazi death camp, it documents a time when every day felt like his life was falling apart.
He had to cope with the death of almost all of his family and endure some of the harshest conditions known to man (freezing cold winters with only rags on his back, a starvation diet, hard manual labour and brutality from prison guards).
He estimated that his chances for survival were 1 in 20. However, he was one of the 5% and in his bestselling book, he shares insightful advice on how to get through anything.
Meaning is key. So long as you can find purpose in what you’re doing, it will be enough to keep you going.
For Frankl, you find meaning in one of three ways.
- Through a project or work you’re passionate about
- Through the people you love
- Through a commitment to maintaining your dignity and decency, irrespective of the adversity you face
This message has always stuck with me.
There were times when option 1 and 2 weren’t available to me – I felt like my work was failing and I was all alone. The only thing I was left with was option 3. However, it was enough.
I made a commitment to myself that even if my dreams failed and I spent the rest of my life on my own, I wasn’t going to lose my decency.
I could take pride in this. Of course, I wanted Frankl’s first two paths to meaning (and, in time, I got them) but remembering that I always had the third gave me something to hold onto.
2. Find Your Role Model
For me, two people spring to mind when I feel lost – Nelson Mandela and Rubin Carter (see Denzel Washington’s portrayal of him in the film, The Hurricane).
Both these people faced the worst kind of discrimination and depravation.
Nelson Mandela choose an incredibly hard life (not many people know this, but he could have become a royal advisor and bypassed the mountain of hardship he ended up facing). He did so because he believed in something so deeply (equality for his people) that he was prepared to give his life for this cause.
When it feels like my life is falling apart, I can picture him in his 2 by 2 meter cell on Robben Island, watching the years pass but staying firm in his commitment to do what’s right.
It reminds me that I must stay the course. Even when I appear to be stagnating, and nothing seems to work, I have to remember why I choose this path and this gives me the strength to see my mission through.
While I won’t necessarily watch The Hurricane when it feels like my life is falling apart (I’ve seen it about 4 times now so repeated viewing wears thin), I’ll remember the dignity of Ruben Carter while experiencing decades in prison for a murder he didn’t commit. I also remember a moving scene at the end of the film, when he’s finally freed and stands outside the steps of the courthouse giving a speech to the press. This reminds me that, one day, my salvation will also come.
These two people might not mean much to you. It doesn’t matter. There’ll be somebody that does and perhaps a movie or two that offers solace.
Bear them in mind when you’re feeling down. Use their example to remind you that you’re not alone in your struggles. It’s likely other people have been through far worse than you and yet still come out the other side successful and happy.
(It’s also worth mentioned that, at the end of The Hurricane, the title track So Amazing plays over the credits. This gospel infused song is something I also turn to when it feels like my life is falling apart and you should seek a similarly evocative song for yourself).
3. Journaling
This isn’t something I turn to only when I’m feeling down. I journal every week. However, it takes on a deeper significance when it feels like my life is falling apart.
The simple process of writing my thoughts down on paper can transform my mood in the space of 20 minutes.
I write about what I’m struggling with and what’s confusing me. Furthermore, I do it with honesty and without fear that another person might read my innermost thoughts.
As a result, I emerge from a journaling session with clarity. With the 300 or 400 words I write, I can usually see my way out of an overwhelming situation and find a new perspective that gives me renewed motivation.
If you don’t journal, start one now. Even if you just turn to it at your lowest points, it’ll be invaluable.
4. Prayer
I’m not religious so my prayers aren’t to the God of any religion. Nonetheless, I find the process of kneeling down by my bed before I go to sleep and asking for a solution, incredibly soothing.
Joseph Murphy, in his book, The Power Of Your Subconscious Mind, notes that most people will pray in times of desperation or when faced with a life threatening situation (whether they’re religious or not). Instinctively, we know there’s power in prayer. Perhaps it’s an opportunity to communicate with the universe.
Tell it what you want. Tell it how you need its’ help for your predicament to be resolved.
In my experience, most times, it answers.
5. Recalling Powerful Spiritual Experiences
I was 20 years old when I had the most powerful spiritual experience of my life. Lying in bed, before falling asleep at night, I was filled with a wonderful feeling that I’d always be protected.
It was euphoric and joyous and, in that moment, I knew I had nothing to fear from life.
The feeling only lasted for 5 minutes before I fell asleep but it’s stayed with me over the years.
Sure, I don’t live with it on a daily basis and neither does it prevent me from, occasionally, feeling like my life is falling apart. However, I can recall it and it’s useful to do so.
This spiritual experience reminds me that, no matter the difficulties I’m facing, some power greater than myself is watching over me and I’ll always be protected.
Recalling this makes me feel uplifted, blasting through the negativity that had, previously, overwhelmed me.
Obviously, it’s highly personal and I don’t expect you to co-opt my revelation. However, if you look back over your life, you probably have some of your own.
When did you feel in touch with a divine presence? What revelations have you had over the years?
Remember them as they act as reminders that whatever it is you’re going through won’t last.
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If you want to discover a passion you can make a living from and overcome the fears that are holding you back, check out my free course 30 Days to Escape The System. Click here to get the course right now! (You’ll find the tips on developing belief and self-confidence fascinating!)
Photo by christopher lemercier on Unsplash