Tag: Hypnotherapist
Was Following My Dreams A Massive Mistake?
At the age of 22, I took a big leap.
Despite having a politics degree from the University of Manchester, I decided NOT to follow a conventional career and life path and, instead, go with what my heart was telling me to do.
On the 19th March this year, I turned 46. Although this isn’t a significant birthday, it got me thinking.
Was I right to make the bold decision to follow my dreams?
Might my life have been better if I didn’t and, instead, stuck to the path that was laid out before me?
An Alternate Reality
To answer these questions, I reimagined my life (with a little help from Chat GPT) as if I had chosen not to follow my dreams and, instead, pursued a more conventional path. I then ranked the two paths according to four criteria – wealth, health, relationships, happiness – to determine which option would have been better.
Of course, for you to get anything out of this thought experiment (which, essentially, answers the question – is it worth following your dreams?), I’m going to have to be brutally honest. I can’t shy away from my failings.
My hope in taking such an unflinching stance is that you’ll finish this article with something of benefit.
Afterall, haven’t we all, at various points in our lives, dreamed of abandoning convention and doing exactly what we want?
Haven’t you been inspired by an idea and fantasised about following it through to the end, wondering where you might end up?
Below is my lived answer to what happens when you follow that calling.
The Backstory
Before I can assess the two different paths, I need to tell you how my life ended up after I decided to follow my dreams aged 22.
The year after that I trained as a tennis coach and have worked in this field ever since (running my own business and working as a Head Coach since 2011).
The year after that, I completed my training as a hypnotherapist and have been doing these two jobs simultaneously. However, neither tennis coaching nor hypnotherapy was my ultimate dream.
Ever since I was 22, I’ve aspired to become a bestselling self-help author.
It took me until 27 to take action on that dream. At 31, I self-published my first book. Aged 38, I got a book deal for my second book and, as of writing this blog post, I have 4 books available to buy and am 200 copies short of 10,000 book sales.
Am I satisfied with these achievements?
Yes and no. While I can recognise the impact I’ve had (coaching children to play national level tennis, assisting numerous clients to free themselves from lifelong issues and giving thousands of people inspiration and hope with my words), I can also see that I’ve fallen short of my mark.
I didn’t set out to sell 10,000 books. I set out to sell 1 million. The mission is not complete.
But what would have happened if I didn’t follow my dreams?
What would have occurred if, having left university, I used my degree to get a graduate job and pursued that path?
The Road More Travelled
I honestly don’t know what career I would have chosen had I followed this path. However, both my parents were lawyers so, for arguments sake, let’s say I followed them into this profession.
At this point I turned to Chat GPT.
I asked it to make a projection for an intelligent but demotivated new lawyer who did a 2-year law conversion course in 2003 and then went on to have a career in London. Where would they have ended up in 2026, aged 46?
My lack of motivation would have ruled me out from ever making partner in a major firm and earning the big bucks. However, according to Chat GPT, I’d have still gone on to have a respectable career.
Right now, I’d be a senior in-house lawyer making around £130,000 per year.
So, with that in mind, let’s compare this alternate reality, with my actual, real life in 2026, using the aforementioned four categories to determine which Joe came out on top (Conventional Joe or Rebel Joe).
Wealth
This one is a no brainer.
At present, and despite having three income streams, I make an average amount of money (and what would be considered low for a graduate).
My problem is that the income stream I’m most passionate about – writing – makes me the least amount of money and takes up almost as much time as my hypnotherapy and tennis coaching businesses combined.
As a senior lawyer, I’d be on a good salary and could likely afford to live in a home valued at somewhere close to £1 million. I’d be taking multiple holidays a year and, if I was sensible with my money, would have zero financial concerns.
Making this kind of money from writing is far harder than I anticipated.
My naïve assumption that I just needed to write an excellent book and that it’d sell itself has been shattered. I can’t find words to express how difficult it is to get yourself noticed on Amazon or the internet.
Winner: Conventional Joe
Health
I dread to think what shape I’d be in right now had I followed a conventional path and become a lawyer. I’m sure I’d look 10 years older than I do and have nowhere near the level of fitness and energy.
Chat GPT estimates that the early years would have been the worst. My career at a law firm would have seen me working 60 hour weeks and regularly having to be on call to meet deadlines. I wouldn’t have had time for exercise (not if I’d wanted a social life) and it’s likely I’d have aged a lot in this period.
While the move to becoming an in-house lawyer somewhere into my 30s would have seen me working less hours, I’d still be following the 9 to 5 lifestyle and structure.
This would take its toll. I currently exercise 5 times a week (tennis, weights, running and a little bit of boxing) and have done so for well over 20 years. I sleep well, eat a relatively healthy diet and feel great.
A big part of the reason I’m able to do this is because I set my own schedule. I’ll gladly shift or cancel clients or writing sessions so I can fit in a game of tennis or a trip to the gym.
I can only do this because I chose to follow my dreams. Making this decision means deciding how to prioritise your life and not allowing a company to do it for you.
Winner: Rebel Joe
Relationships
This is the most difficult category to rank.
I think if I followed a conventional path I’d have spent a lot less time on my own. However, I’d question the quality of the friendships and relationships I’d have built as someone living their life in a totally inauthentic way.
One thing that would have been better about following the conventional path is likely having two children, aged around 10 and 8, by now. But even then, I wonder what kind of father I would have been.
Of course, I’d love and provide for my kids but could I mentor them? Could I honestly say anything else to them other than “just follow the crowd” and not look like a total hypocrite in their eyes?
The great news is that me and my partner are expecting our first child in July. I know for a fact I’ll be a better father having been true to myself throughout my life. However, that authenticity has come at the cost of loneliness and rejection.
Winner: Tie
Happiness
I think when you follow your dreams, as compared with the conventional path through life, the highs are way higher but the lows are more devastating.
You’re truly alive.
I can’t explain the joy I feel when I receive a book review like the one below or successfully help a client with an issue that’s been affecting them for years. I’m living my life purpose.
Compared to that, I imagine my life as a lawyer would have been pretty flat. Sure, I would have enjoyed having a family but I don’t think I’d have gained much satisfaction from my work. I’d have been living and working in a system I didn’t believe in and I think that’d have drained me.
In contrast to this, I’m proud of the choices I’ve made in my actual life.
Sure, I wish following my dreams hadn’t been so damn hard and I do have regrets about what I’ve missed out on, but I can feel happiness in the smallest of things (a sunset, a song, waking up and reading in bed for 10 minutes).
I doubt I’d have that ability if I’d followed a conventional path. I’d be too stressed, rushed off my feet and concerned about all the small things we’re told to care about but don’t really matter.
Winner: Rebel Joe
Conclusion
I hope you’ve found my breakdown useful. I’m a huge advocate for following your dreams and this might make me biased.
Bear that in mind when forming your conclusions about which path is right for you.
For me, following my dreams was not the inspirational ascent some self-help books told me it would be.
It was grittier, tougher and uglier than I’d ever imagined but the intrinsic rewards just about make it worthwhile.
GET YOUR FREE COURSE
If you want to discover a passion you can make a living from and overcome the fears that are holding you back, check out my free course 30 Days to Escape The System. Click here to get the course right now! (You’ll find the tips on developing belief and self-confidence fascinating!)
What I’ve Learned From 20 Years Working As A Hypnotherapist
Exactly 20 years ago to this month (March 2005), I had my first paying hypnotherapy client.
To say I was nervous is an understatement.
My client wanted help to stop smoking and as I prepared the room for the session, I must have thought about leaving ten times.
Prior to this moment, I’d completed 10 months of training with a nationally recognised institute in Regents College, London. The theory they taught was fascinating and made it seem like treating clients would be a seamless experience. However, as I waited for my client to arrive, I felt woefully light on practical experience and painfully aware that my fresh faced 24-year-old appearance wasn’t going to fill the client with confidence in my ability.
I never heard from that client again. I very much doubt she stopped smoking. I feel a little bad that she had to part with her hard-earned money so a novice could get his break but we all have to start somewhere.
Since that inauspicious start, though, I’ve seen hundreds of clients, working thousands of hours on issues as diverse as weight loss, overcoming insomnia, reducing anxiety, and a host of psychosomatic conditions like being unable to look at TV or mobile phone screens without getting splitting headaches.
I’ve also worked in some interesting locations. Throughout my 20 years, I must have operated at 10 different clinics, been flown to Italy to help a client in his home and worked as an in-house hypnotherapist at a major engineering company.
What have I learned from all this experience?
A LOT.
Much like a previous article I wrote about my 20 years’ experience as a tennis coach (click here to read), there should be something here for everyone.
Whether you also want to become a successful therapist or just learn the secrets of a fascinating but little-known field, read on.
1. Leaving your comfort zone is how you grow
Let’s go back to my first session. Although filled with nerves and fumbling my words, I finished the job.
Much of my first two years was spent like this. Of course, I had some successful sessions but in many the client never booked a follow up or returned only to tell me that little to no change had occurred.
This made me doubt my abilities. Pre-session, I could feel the nerves rise in the pit of my stomach and I frequently thought of messaging my clients, making an excuse and cancelling our appointment.
However, I never did.
Instead, I reminded myself of the Woody Allen saying, “80% of success is showing up,” and made sure I take care of this side of the equation.
As a result, kicking and screaming inside, I forced myself into a situation that made me adapt, learn and grow.
To this day, I occasionally feel on edge with new clients (which, I tell myself, is a good thing) and get presented with unusual issues that make me question whether I have the ability to help. However, I’ll always push myself to meet the challenge.
My success has been built on this principle.
2. Improving as a hypnotherapist is straightforward
If you stick with a job long enough, you discover that getting better at it is fairly rudimentary.
You just need to put in the hours.
Even though, like me, you might feel out of your depth when you first start, by turning up, session after session, year after year, experiencing new cases and clients and dealing with unexpected situations (like clients breaking down in tears during hypnosis or their mobile phone ringing while in trance), you’ll be amazed at how much you improve.
There’s nothing glamorous about this. It’s not a hack. However, there’s real power in clocking up the hours.
3. You get the best results when you stop caring about the outcome
This statement needs clarifying.
I ALWAYS push myself to do the best for my clients. They’ve paid for an outcome and I do everything I can to make sure it happens. However, when that session finishes, and the client leaves the clinic, I won’t waste any time worrying about whether I’ve helped.
This wasn’t always the case.
For the first 13 years of my practice, I would die a little inside when a client reported that nothing had happened.
I took it very personally and started doubting myself and the effectiveness of hypnotherapy. However, at around the end of 2017, I stopped giving a damn.
My results improved immediately.
Stopping caring meant that I was more confident with clients, less prone to panic when something went wrong and my self-esteem as a therapist remained untouched.
I would estimate that my success rate with clients has risen from around 50% pre-stopping caring about the outcome, to over 80% since. It’s made a massive difference.
4. Your subconscious is ALWAYS trying to protect you
You want to get on a flight but you’re too scared to fly.
You want to fall asleep but something’s keeping you awake.
You want to deliver a great presentation at work but the words won’t come out.
Why do we keep sabotaging our best intentions?
You must understand that your subconscious has zero ability to rationalise. Instead, if something bad or traumatic has happened in the past, connected to the thing you’re trying to do, it will make the oftentimes false connection that that particular activity is a threat which needs to be avoided at all costs.
How does it get you to avoid the threat?
By pumping your body full of norepinephrine (the chemical associated with anxiety), and if that doesn’t work, perhaps a full-on panic attack.
It’s your bodies way of telling you to get the hell out of there.
Understanding this should ease some of the frustration you experience. You no longer need to beat yourself up over your perceived failures.
What you need to do next is update your subconscious mind by reframing the original scary/traumatic event that caused the problem so you’re no longer trapped by your bodies threat response. This can sometimes be done through self-hypnosis but it’s probably more effective to seek a therapist for help.
5. One of the most powerful hypnotic words is “notice”
“As you notice the sound of my voice you might be surprised to find that every word and sentence I speak helps you to relax more deeply.”
“As you notice the sound of the music in the background you might find yourself slipping deeper into a peaceful state.”
The word “notice” can draw a client’s attention to something in their environment they find relaxing. It also has a deeper use.
Life can be a mixture of positive and negative events but which one of those you more frequently notice will have a huge impact on determining your happiness and success.
Do you notice all the successes you had this week or do you focus on the one or two failures?
Do you notice the 10 lbs you lost over the last month or do you focus on the fact you still have 50 to go?
By using the word “notice” in trance, you can shift the client’s subconscious to focus on the factors that’ll make them feel good about changing a bad habit (how much cleaner and healthier their lungs feel after stopping smoking) or confident in their abilities (the audience members responding enthusiastically to their speech).
You can also use this word in your own life. Simply “notice” all the reasons you have to be happy and “notice” all the successes you’ve had in the past that give you reason to believe in yourself today.
6. Keeping existing clients is easier than acquiring new ones
I used to think the key to getting new clients was spending lots of money on advertising. However, when I acquired one, I’d always feel apprehensive about asking them to book more sessions because I didn’t want to come across as pushy.
This was a mistake. I was both leaving money on the table and neglecting client care.
Now, I’ll always ask a client whether they want to book another session (when the therapy has finished) or give them the other option of me emailing them in a few days’ time to arrange the next appointment.
Furthermore, if a client makes an initial enquiry and I email them back and don’t hear anything from them, I’ll send out a follow up email asking if they’ve received the first.
This is because they’re a warm lead (they’ve already displayed an interest in my services) and it’ll be far easier to convert them into a paying client (even if they have some doubts) than to pay for advertising which, over 95% of the time, will be reaching people with no interest or need of hypnotherapy.
Take care of your clients, follow up with them, do a great session and you’ll be amazed at how they become a source for more business through their recommendations and repeat sessions.
7. Limiting beliefs really do hold you back
If you recall the story that started this blog post you’ll remember that I referenced my concerns about being a fresh faced 24-year-old hypnotherapist.
This wasn’t a throw away comment. It was something I was painfully aware of whenever I’d be treating clients 10 years, or more, older than me (which was most of the time).
“How is this young kid going to help me solve my issues? What life experience has he had?” is what I’d imagine them all thinking.
As a result of these negative thoughts, a limiting belief formed. I convinced myself I was too young to be taken seriously as a hypnotherapist.
The outcome?
I spent the early years of my career struggling, both when it came to producing results and building a business.
I wasn’t alone, though, in having limiting beliefs. Most of my clients were there for the exact same reason.
As I got better at helping them and shedding my own limitations, I had a realisation.
OUR LIMITING BELIEFS AREN’T TRUE.
They’re just the product of an overactive imagination making false assumptions. In fact, they’re nonsense.
Furthermore, there’ll be an authority figure in your life (parent, teacher, media, boss, doctor) who’ll tell you that you’re not good enough or that there’s something wrong with you. However, part of maturing and developing critical thinking skills is realising that these authority figures are often flawed, incorrect or have an agenda in keeping you down.
My 20 years experience of working as a hypnotherapist has taught me that you should ignore their words (unless they’re giving you constructive advice or help).
You always have been, and still are today, good enough for whatever you want to do.
GET YOUR FREE COURSE
If you want to discover a passion you can make a living from and overcome the fears that are holding you back, check out my free course 30 Days to Escape The System. Click here to get the course right now! (You’ll find the tips on developing belief and self-confidence fascinating!)
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