Tag: Relationship advice

Why Rebels Struggle With Relationships (And Who They Should Date)

The world is made up of Leaders, Followers and Rebels. 

• The Leaders are driven by the need for power and maintain the status quo.
• The Followers are driven by the need for security and obey the status quo.
• The Rebels are driven by the need for freedom and challenge the status quo. 

Throughout human history, this dynamic has played out with society establishing itself, stabilising, decaying and then renewing.

This is the premise of my 4th book – The Rebel Code. It offers you 12 steps to succeed as the most misunderstood and undervalued category of the three. 

In the book, I explore philosophy, finance, life guidance, mental health and success all from the perspective of a Rebel. 

But there’s one area of life I didn’t explore: relationships.

If you’re a Rebel, who should you fall in love with? Someone who shares your need for freedom? Someone who offers you security? Or someone whose prestige and power opens doors to a seemingly more exciting world?

I’m going to explore the dynamics of any potential relationship you might have with a Leader, Follower or Rebel, breaking down the intricacies of dating each.

I do this to forewarn and prepare you. 

As a Rebel, relationships can be difficult. Each category has a preconceived idea of how you should behave, what’s expected from you and what the relationship will look like on a day-to-day basis. Armed with this knowledge, you can then better manage your potential partner’s demands and understand some of your own frustrations. 

THE CRITERIA  

Before the breakdown, here’s some background. 

I’ve already explained the main drives of each category but, so you don’t have to scroll up and because they’re important, here they are again. 

Leaders = Power
Followers = Security
Rebels = Freedom

While this may seem like a minimal amount of information, a lot can be extrapolated from a basic understanding of your partners’ main drive.

We’ll also explore introversion and extroversion. Which one of these you and your potential partner lean towards will impact your compatibility regardless of the category you belong to.  

Finally, virtue will also be considered. 

Just because you have a need for power doesn’t make you a bad person. Some leaders are altruistic and use their position to protect and benefit others. 

By the same token, a need for freedom doesn’t automatically make you a good person. Rebels who won’t commit to anything, or anyone, can be abrasive and, in some cases, harmful. 

Think of it this way. Virtue determines whether someone has the potential to be a good partner, while their dominant drive determines the particular challenges and advantages of being in a relationship with them.

So, with all these factors taken into account, let me find you the perfect match. 

Rebel And Leader

On the surface, this may appear to be the least compatible of the three pairings. When one partner is driven by the need for power and the other wants to be free, arguments occur. 

The Leader might attempt to control the Rebel. They want to feel in charge of the major decisions the couple makes and the direction of the relationship. The Rebel, while having no desire to control anyone, will refuse to be lead. Such a dynamic typically leads to deadlock, with the relationship being unable to progress.  

Initially, though, there could be chemistry.

Extroverted Leaders exude confidence. Introverted Rebels exude mystery. This is a heady mix. However, there’s always the potential for the Leader to destabilise the relationship because they can’t make the Rebel into what they want them to be. 

There is one variation of this pairing, though, that can work.

A virtuous and enlightened Leader, who understands the important role a Rebel plays as an innovator and as a disruptor, can handle the occasionally chaotic nature of the Rebel. In return, the Rebel will appreciate the understanding shown by this type of Leader, while also being attracted to their calm yet powerful demeanour. 

Finally, you must be aware of one dynamic that will never work.

An extroverted Rebel is a Leader’s worst nightmare. This type of Rebel oozes charisma and outshines almost everyone in a social setting.

While other Rebels and Followers will either accept, or not care, about playing second fiddle to such a character, the Leader struggles. They can tell they’re being eclipsed and this leads to feelings of insecurity. In their mind, no longer being the centre of attention equates to losing power and control. 

Ironically, such a Leader may be attracted to this type of Rebel, viewing them as a riddle to be solved and conquered. However, I would advise you to stay clear of their advances.

The attention they give may feel flattering but it comes with strings attached. Ultimately, they’ll want to subdue your rebellious energy and the psychological tug of war that ensues simply isn’t worth it. 

REBEL AND FOLLOWER

On the surface, this pairing shouldn’t work. There are few greater turn offs for a Rebel than someone who lets fear dictate their decisions. Even if the initial attraction is strong, the Rebel will find the Follower’s limited outlook (a typical occurrence when your horizons are narrowed by a need for security) claustrophobic and want to move on. 

In some cases, this can be a mistake. Rebels and Followers can form lasting, and successful, relationships if a few important criteria are met. 

First, the Rebel must be financially stable. If this is the case, the Follower feels secure and will show tolerance towards the Rebel’s adventurous outlook and risk taking behaviour. 

This tolerance can even apply if the Follower believes the Rebel has the potential to be successful (but is not there yet). However, it isn’t without limit and if the Follower is in an unstable financial, or domestic, situation for too long, they will seek a safer match.

Rebels can find comfort and a foundation in a Follower.

While it’s true that Rebels lean towards innovation and disruption, if they meet this need in their professional life, they may prefer something more stable at home. A virtuous Follower provides this stability.

There are few people on earth as selfless and kind hearted as this type of Follower. They spread warmth wherever they go and even Rebels (especially introverted ones), won’t be immune to this charm. 

Finally, there’s one type of Rebel/Follower dynamic that will NEVER work.

Followers who are weak, and lacking in virtue, are bitter and small minded. They revel in other peoples’ misfortunes or make excuses about why they never did anything with their life. 

As a Rebel, you need to steer clear of this type of Follower. Even if there’s some initial attraction, their negativity will only end up dragging you down. 

REBEL AND REBEL

On the surface, this appears to be a match made in heaven. You’ve finally found someone who understands your needs and isn’t going to tie you down to a relationship that feels restrictive. You can pursue your passions and interests, have time away from each other and reunite stronger than ever. 

The chemistry between two Rebels can be intense. At last, you have someone you can talk to about anything. Their open outlook matches yours so you never have to worry about being made to feel crazy or weird. 

It’s not all roses, though, as too many similarities can sour the relationship. 

While it’s true that Rebels love freedom, every human (regardless of their category) needs a degree of certainty in their life. If there’s little sense of “home” in the relationship or one has a tendency to break up and then want to get back together a month later, it’s unlikely to last. 

If both Rebels are introverts and virtuous, they’re more likely to avoid this situation and form a lasting bond.

A relationship where one Rebel is extroverted and the other introverted, can also work. However, be aware that a lot of people are attracted to the extroverted Rebel’s charisma and, if you’re prone to jealousy, then you could find this difficult.

It’s virtually impossible to form a relationship with a Rebel who lacks virtue. 

They care about little but the next adventure and thrill. For a while, you could be that adventure. However, you might find yourself discarded when they move onto something new.

A Rebel/Rebel relationship is compatible on one other level. 

Being open minded, the Rebel is unlikely to pressure you into getting married or to live up to the standards of what a typical relationship “should” be. This could be a great weight off your shoulders as you no longer have to conform to ideals that, deep down, you don’t believe in.  

Be careful, though, as there are two sides to open mindedness coin. What if your Rebel partner believes in polyamory or wants to be in a non-exclusive relationship? If this is the case, and monogamy is important to you, it might be a wiser to form a relationship with one of the other categories.  

CONCLUSION

If you’re a Rebel looking for love, these are my recommendations. Look for:

• A good Leader

• A dependable Follower

• An introverted Rebel

Freedom might be your greatest need, but it isn’t your only one. As a Rebel, you may spend your entire life resisting people who try to control you. Just be careful that, in your determination to remain free, you don’t push away the people who genuinely love you.

The right relationship won’t require you to abandon your rebellious nature. It will give you the security, understanding and companionship to express it fully.

GET YOUR FREE COURSE  

If you want to discover a passion you can make a living from and overcome the fears that are holding you back, check out my free course 30 Days to Escape The System. Click here to get the course right now! (You’ll find the tips on developing belief and self-confidence fascinating!) 

Photo by Gabriel Bastelli: https://www.pexels.com/photo/silhouette-photography-of-man-and-woman-1759823/