By the time I turned 26, I hadn’t had a date in 7 years.
Let me be clear on what this means.
That’s not going without a date but picking up girls in nightclubs. No, I literally hadn’t had any physical contact with a girl for 7 long years.
How do you imagine this made me feel as a young man, supposedly in the prime of his life?
One word suffices.
DESPERATE.
I was desperate on every level. I was desperate for sex, I was desperate for connection, I was desperate to say I had a girlfriend and I was desperate not to get left behind (it felt like time was running out on my love life).
What impact do you think this feeling of desperation had on my ability to get a date?
Let’s just say it didn’t help.
I probably reeked of neediness and it probably put a lot of women off. However, by the time I’d hit 29, my fortunes changed and I had no problem getting dates and attracting women.
What happened?
I had a breakthrough.
Something within me had fundamentally shifted and I was showing up in the world as a completely different person. And, where once all I experienced was failure, this new person attracted success.
How was this possible?
Although I didn’t know it at the time, I’d hit upon a formula that transformed my fortunes.
It was only later, as I replicated this breakthrough with my hypnotherapy business, that I began to realise what I’d done and codify the process.
Now, I want to share this formula with you.
Currently, you might be feeling similar to the elephant in the picture below.
No matter what you try, you just can’t seem to reach the next level in your life or business.
The good news is, though, that’s all about to change.
Below, I’ll share with you my 3-step formula for creating breakthroughs. Begin using it today and it won’t be long before you see a complete turnaround in your life and fortunes.
Before I reveal this formula, though, I want warn you about a series of mistakes so many people make when they’re feeling trapped and unsuccessfully trying to reach the next level in their life.
I call it “The 3 Step Failure System” and it goes like this.
Do you recognise any of your actions or thought processes in the 3 steps above?
I certainly do. I’ve been guilty of repeating step 1 and 2 over and over again. However, through this process of bashing my head against a brick wall, I finally stumbled upon a much better system for creating life changing breakthroughs.
Here it is.
Let’s explore each part now.
How does this differ from Step 2 of the “The 3 Step Failure System?”
There’s a nuance at play.
There’s nothing wrong with continually educating yourself and acquiring new knowledge, tactics and skills. This is to be encouraged. However, understanding your mindset while seeking this knowledge is very important.
Are you immersing yourself in the area in which you want to become an expert, learning more and upgrading your abilities?
Or, are you frantically jumping from one piece of information to the next, or from one expert to another, looking for a secret to success which you expect to bring immediate results?
If the answer is the former, then you’re doing the right thing. If it’s the latter, you’re approaching it all wrong.
There’s no secret to success, irrespective of the area you’re trying to create your breakthrough in. Instead, you must constantly acquire knowledge, improve yourself and through a process of mental osmosis, have this become a part of who you are.
I did this in my quest to improve my romantic life.
I read various books (The Game by Neil Strauss being the most helpful), went to see a dating coach and watched online videos of pick-up artists.
Of course, none of these was a magic bullet but, over the course of a few years, they helped upgrade my social skills.
You’ll be able access similar resources.
For free, you can learn from experts on YouTube and social media. You can also strike up conversations with people you meet at conferences, networking events and seminars.
If you have money to spend, you can buy books, audiobooks, pay for courses and coaches (just avoid the ones who charge too much and claim to know the secret to success in your industry) and go to paid events.
Be thirsty to learn.
This is the most important part of the 3-step formula.
To achieve a breakthrough in your life, you must become a different person.
Does that sound uncomfortable?
If so, think of it like this.
I’m not asking you to cast aside your personality, morals or essence. Instead, I’m saying that there’ll be some part of your belief system or identity that is repelling success.
This is what must change.
Typically, it involves letting go of a negative emotion.
For me, it was desperation.
I had to find a way to transcend my negative feelings despite the fact that, in my mid-20s, my love life was a complete failure.
This was hard to do. If I’d carried on in the fashion I had been, a future where I didn’t have a long-term partner and children was probable.
Somehow, though, I managed to let go.
I told myself that the desperation wasn’t helping me. Furthermore, I was sick of being down and lonely all the time. Even if I never met anyone for the rest of my life, I no longer wanted to live with this feeling.
So, after taking a run on a hot summer’s day in 2009, I decided to let go of my desperation.
That night, I picked up a girl in a nightclub. Two months after that, I had a girlfriend. A year later, I met the love of my life.
I don’t know exactly how your inner psychological shift will occur.
The first step, though, is identifying the negative emotion that’s holding you back.
The next step is to realise that, even if you never get the thing you want, your life is going to better without this emotion.
Then, let it go. Transcend. Despite every justification for feeling the way you do, commit to never allowing this emotion to rule your life again.
Once this occurs, the world reacts differently to you because you are a different person. Ironically, you’ll get the thing you’ve now let go of.
Don’t underestimate the amount of time needed to create a breakthrough.
Sure, the inner psychological shift I experienced in the example above occurred in an instant but years of learning, revaluation and failure preceded that moment.
So, keep going at whatever it is you want to achieve. No good will come from giving up.
Napoleon Hill lists persistence as the 8th step to riches in the self-help classic Think And Grow Rich.
There’s power in putting one foot in front of the other, again and again and again.
Remember, humans are incredible learning machines and persistence gives you the opportunity to learn something that could lead to a breakthrough. Persisting also gives you the time to develop greater self-awareness and make an inner psychological shift.
While practising persistence, keep track of all the small wins you achieve on your journey (either in your journal or on your phone or tablet). Review these from time to time. They’ll remind you that you are making progress and that your situation isn’t hopeless.
When do we say to a baby, “That’s enough, you’ve fallen over too many times, you shouldn’t try to walk anymore?”
Of course, it’s a stupid question.
So why, as adults, do we shut ourselves and others down?
Stay in the race long enough, always be learning, let go of the inner blocks and a breakthrough WILL occur.
If you want to discover a passion you can make a living from and overcome the fears that are holding you back, check out my free course 30 Days to Escape The System. Click here to get the course right now! (You’ll find the tips on developing belief and self-confidence fascinating!)
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