Tag: 12 Rules for Life
3 REASONS WHY YOU SHOULDN’T LISTEN TO JORDAN PETERSON
I’m late to the party when it comes to Jordan Peterson’s work. Prior to last year, I hadn’t read a word of his books and only given his speeches, and interviews, a cursory listen.
My first impressions weren’t good. I didn’t like his whiny voice or his pompous delivery (does he ever smile?).
And that might have been that if it wasn’t for the new book I’m writing.
Noticing the success of 12 Rules for Life and 48 Laws of Power, I was inspired by the idea of adding to this sub-genre. I wanted to come up with my own rules/laws for unconventional thinkers.
Thinking I might find some inspiration by reading one of the classics in the field, I bought Peterson’s follow up to 12 Rules for Life, Beyond Order. (I’d also been commissioned to write a piece for it on the memod app. Read here.)
Despite my initial misgivings, I actually enjoyed it. So much so, I went back and read the first book as well.
Peterson’s work is well thought out, excellently written and cuttingly insightful. There’s a lot you can learn from both books. But, and this is a BIG BUT, there’s some advice which you absolutely MUST NOT follow.
Despite bring brilliant at times, when Jordan Peterson gets something wrong, he gets it horribly wrong.
In fact, the next 3 pieces of advice/outlooks should come with a public health warning. They have the potential to REALLY damage your life.
N#1: Jordan Peterson has an overly negative outlook
There’s one phrase that Peterson constantly repeats throughout 12 Rules for Life (I must have read it 5 times). “Life is suffering.”
Why is this outlook so destructive?
Because our brains are constantly affirming our beliefs.
In his documentary series, The Brain, Dr David Eagleman explains how our brains process information. It starts with our eyes, observing something in the world and then sending signals regarding this observation to our thalamus and then on to our visual cortex.
At this point, something incredible happens. The signals are processed in the visual cortex and then leave to continue their journey back through the thalamus and on to the cerebral cortex with an additional 80% new information added.
This is incredible because the visual cortex is the storehouse of our memories and beliefs. Therefore, these are being added to, and influencing, the information we take in about the world.
Can you see why this is a problem?
If you hold the belief “life is suffering,” it’s going to prejudice the way you look at, and interact with, the world (and not in a good way).
You’ll always be on high alert, expecting and anticipating the next disaster to strike. When a friend gives you some good news, your brain won’t process an exciting opportunity. Instead, you’ll immediately start looking for the danger that must be inherent within the possibility.
This is a terrible way to live. It leaves you prone to depression (something Peterson openly admits to experiencing throughout his life – I wonder why!), unable to enjoy life’s genuinely pleasurable moments and lacking in the spark that makes people fun to be around.
Living with this belief will cloud your entire life and this is why you MUST reject it.
Life isn’t suffering.
Peterson is wrong. Not only that, he’s guilty of writings’ cardinal sin – presenting his biases as the truth. He mistakes his worldview with the worldview.
Of course, it would be naïve to suggest suffering, at some point, won’t enter into your life. However, it’s not the basic condition of life and the backdrop against which all of your experiences will play out.
You could use any number of metaphors to explain life (metaphors that, if you are wise, you’ll consciously choose). If you can say life is suffering, you can just as easily say life is joy. Life could be a game or a lesson. Or, you could use one of Tony Robbin’s favourites, “Life is a dance.”
Are any of these the truth?
No, but that doesn’t matter.
When it comes to interpreting life, there’s no objective truth. How you see the world is how you’re going to experience it. Therefore, it behoves you to reject any overly negative worldviews and instead, choose one that will enhance your experience of life.
N#2: He’s too future focused
In Rule 11 of his second book, Peterson states,
It may therefore be that it is not the present that is most real – at least as far as our consciousness is concerned. We have to fight to “be here now,” the advice of the sages. Left to our own devices, we turn our minds instead to investigating the future: What could be? Attempting to answer that question – that is life. That is the true encounter with reality.
Peterson considers the future more real than the present. As a result, he advises his readers to live, and act, with their future selves in mind.
This is not terrible idea.
Thinking of your future self when resisting the urge to eat junk food, or doing an hour of writing on your book while lacking motivation, is a great way to live. However, when you combine this future focused approach with the belief you must “prepare for the worst” in order to “keep the horror at bay” (both quotes from Peterson’s books), you have a recipe for an anxiety disorder (which surprise, surprise is exactly what Peterson has. He opens his second book with a painful account of his battle with benzodiazepine withdrawal. He initially took the drug to medicate against anxiety).
Despite what Peterson claims, reality is not found in the future. The only place you can experience reality is in the here and now.
Of course, this doesn’t mean you should discard planning, working towards your goals and sacrificing immediate pleasure for long term gain. These traits are fundamental to success. However, when your attention is constantly on the future, and you believe there’s a strong possibility a disaster is imminent, you end up depleting yourself through worry, stress and tension.
By contrast, living in the now strengthens you.
The multiple fears you have are released and, as a result, your creativity is enhanced, you’re more fun to be around and you’re in a better state of mind to appreciate the positives in your life.
Prepare for a positive future but live in the now. This is far better advice for a successful and enjoyable life.
N#3: He has disastrous ideas about marriage
Peterson doesn’t believe in couples living together before they get married. He recommends that, if you’re in a relationship with someone, and it’s going well (and presumably you’ve been together for a while), the next step is to get married.
To back up this claim, he cites research undertaken by M. J. Rosenfeld and K. Roesler in the Journal of Marriage and Family. His interpretation of this research is that marriages amongst couples who didn’t live together before tying the knot, have a better success rate than those that did. However, if you read the end notes of Beyond Order, you’ll see Peterson is being economical with the truth.
Here, Peterson admits the above research does not apply to the first year of marriage. During this period of time, far more couples who didn’t live together before marriage divorce than couples who did.
Presumably, these couples, who took the incredibly foolhardy decision to get married without gaining a deeper insight into their partners habits, behaviour and psyche, discovered what a calamitous mistake they’d made.
I’d also wager that many of the couples who remain married, after never previously having lived together, did so because of religious and cultural pressure (not necessarily because their marriages were happy). My rationale for this is that marrying without first, living together is more common among arranged marriages and people who are devoutly religious (and, therefore, less likely to divorce).
So, I’m pretty sure Peterson’s claims are bunk.
Furthermore, I’m really hoping you’d never be so stupid as to follow this particular piece of advice.
If you are going to get married to someone, you must live with them before. You have to gain a deeper insight into how the two of you can coexist in a confined space and deal with the day-to-day realities of life.
Relationships can be amazing when you’re out on dates and seeing the best of the person who’s the object of your affection. But what are they like at their worst? You’ll, probably, only discover this when living together.
With this insight gained, you’ll be far better positioned to decide whether they’re marriage material.
Conclusion
I don’t want to appear too harsh on Jordan Peterson’s work. His books contain a great deal of wisdom, often presented in a well thought out and engaging manner.
In fact, I recommend you read them (I gave them both 4 stars out of 5).
Just remember one thing while doing so.
As with any author you read (including myself), DO NOT mistake their opinions and worldview for the truth.
Instead, you must discover what works best for you. It’s often foolish to adopt an influencer, or authorities, approach in its entirety, believing it’ll save you. Only you can do that!
GET YOUR FREE COURSE
If you want to discover a passion you can make a living from and overcome the fears that are holding you back, check out my free course 30 Days to Escape The System. Click here to get the course right now! (You will find the unconventional approach to developing belief and self-confidence fascinating!)
(image curtesy of Gage Skidmore photostream flickr.com)
Why Starting Over Can Be The Best Thing That Happens To Your Product
Imagine this scenario.
Six months ago, you had an idea. It was a brilliant idea. While out walking your dog, doing the housework or enjoying a shower, you had a moment of inspiration.
In this moment, you came up with the title and concept for a new book, or an online course, or an invention with the potential to make you a fortune, or a new crypto currency that would empower some of the poorest people in the world who don’t have access to bank accounts.
Whatever your idea was, it was good. It was going to breakthrough and establish you as an authority in your industry.
So, you set to work on this product and, much to your surprise and pleasure, everything flowed. There were no snags and you were on track to meet your launch deadline.
Then, something happened. You had a passing conversation with a friend, mentor or investor and, just as you were about to leave and go back to work, they mentioned something about your product you’d never considered before.
They weren’t meaning to be critical or knock you. Instead, with their big picture view, they referenced something that you, in your inspired state of myopia, had completely overlooked.
Oh shit, you thought.
What if they’re right? What if X (the point they made about your product) completely undermines the validity of my creation?
These questions set off a train of negative thoughts and doubts that dominated your mind for the following days and weeks. The resulting mental anguish robbed you of all motivation to work. What was the point? If your friend’s, mentor’s or investor’s observation was correct, and you continued, then you’d be digging yourself an even deeper hole.
Has this experience ever happened to you?
If so, it probably left you frustrated, dejected and in a state of inertia.
If not, perhaps it’s right around the corner and the product you’re currently working on, that’s going so well, could be derailed by something you overlooked.
Either way, you’ll be keen to know what you can do.
A Book With 5 Titles
I began working on my 4th book in January of this year. I was super excited for what, I believed, would be my breakout work.
Having worked in the self-help industry for close to a decade, I was aware that books with ‘Rules’ or ‘Laws’ in the title, combined with a number, tended to do very well (48 Laws of Power, 12 Rules for Life etc). With this in mind, I came up with the title 99 Rules for Living.
Feeling good about the idea, I put pen to paper. Little did I know, by October of the same year, my book title would have changed 5 times.
First, 99 Rules for Living became 25 Rules to Live By. This happened after a call with my writing mentor. He pointed out that, with nothing more than one rule per page, there was little room for anything of substance. Furthermore, with 99 rules to cover, there was a chance some of them would be weak, generic and unnecessary.
Second, after 8 months and 50,000 words of writing, I had a new idea for the book while on vacation. What if I was to change 25 Rules to Live By into a men’s book called 12 Rules for Sigma Males? I could trim the 25 rules down to 12. Furthermore, I could make ‘men who wanted to succeed in a world where they didn’t fit in’ the focus of the book.
Although excited by this idea, my inspiration was laced with frustration.
Having already written 50,000 words, I was in no mood to start again. However, in the back of my mind, I knew there was something intriguing about the concept and that it might be popular with a niche audience.
Third, it turned out 12 Rules for Sigma Males wasn’t going to work. The idea was strong but, after greater research, I decided the concept of a ‘sigma male’ was too limiting to write about (and based on nothing more than a handful of YouTubers opinions on what constitutes this third male archetype).
This left me in a quandary, though, as when I asked some author friends, and created a poll on Facebook, the overwhelming response was that 12 Rules for Sigma Males carried greater appeal than 25 Rules to Live By.
Such a response made it difficult for me to return to writing the aforementioned book. Furthermore, it seemed the concept of creating rules for men (or people) who found it difficult to ‘fit in’, yet wanted to succeed in their own way, was popular. Was I onto something?
Fourth, 12 Rules for Sigma Males changed into 13 Rules for Rebels. Deciding that writing for this niche audience was the way forwards, I changed the focus of the book from sigma males to rebels (doing so allowed me greater freedom in my writing and also meant I could appeal to women).
In my excitement, I mentioned the new title to one of my readers and received this frustrating yet, in hindsight, obvious response,
“But Joe, isn’t ‘Rules for Rebels’ an oxymoron? Rebels don’t follow the rules.”
I felt like such a dummy. Of course, he was right and I was going to have to rethink the title once more.
Finally, 13 Rules for Rebels became The Rebel Code: 13 steps to help you succeed in a world where you don’t fit in.
After many days of agonising over what I was going to do, and rueing the thought of 8 months of wasted work, I achieved clarity.
Using Feedback to Help you Succeed
The above story documents an inspiring yet painful journey. Although I now feel my 4th book is greatly improved, the process was difficult and required some mental gymnastics to avoid the dejection that the thought of starting over again can bring.
Having been through this experience, I now want to share the keys to taking, what can appear to be, negative feedback and using it to your advantage.
- Ask yourself, ‘have they got a point?’ As inspired as you are about your new product, it may not be perfect. There’s a chance you’ve overlooked something and an extra pair of eyes can be a great way of spotting these flaws.
Once they’ve been exposed, try not to get too disappointed. Instead, tell yourself this is a good thing. This is the way your product improves and becomes the popular creation you initially envisioned.Of course, you may decide the feedback is without merit. You would be within your rights to do so. Furthermore, as the creator of your product, you must show leadership and not allow yourself to be swayed by everyone with a differing opinion. However, at least be willing for your ideas to be tested.
Putting them through the rigours of being pulled apart, and inspected from all angles, can lead to some great innovations.
- Understand that you are a not alone. Virtually every creator goes through the experience of receiving negative feedback and, potentially, having to start over again.
Hopefully this knowledge is of some comfort to you. I know your bubble has been burst but understand this is a natural process. In fact, once the sting of the initial disappointment has been overcome, embracing this process often leads to even greater products.Boeing began developing its iconic 747 planes in 1966. They’d received a massive $525 million contract from Pan Am who expected the delivery of these new, much larger capacity planes within a matter of years. CEO of Pan Am, Juan Tripp, also expected this new model to have a double decker fuselage.
Boeing also believed in this design and began creating their new planes with this in mind. However, despite investing heavily, they subsequently discovered problems with this approach.
First, it failed safety tests as passengers couldn’t evacuate the plane within the requisite 90 seconds. Second, it was much harder to load freight onto the planes given the relative confined space two decks created.
Despite the losses that starting over would incur, their design team began considering the possibility of a single, much wider fuselage. This innovation created a more spacious cabin for passengers to enjoy and, combined with the characteristic bulge at the tip of the plane (above the cockpit), gave the 747’s an iconic look that helped them dominant air travel for 50 years. *
- Realise that you can repurpose your work. Starting over again, or making drastic changes, can be disheartening. However, from my own experience, rarely is something you’ve spent time creating ever completely wasted.
I wrote 50,000 words of 25 Rules to Live By. I estimate that I’ll be able to use 25,000 to 30,000 of these words in The Rebel Code. With the rest of the words that won’t be used, I might be able to create blog posts or free PDFs that become lead magnets.Furthermore, understand that negative feedback about one part of your product doesn’t equate to a rejection of it all (so don’t be tempted to throw the baby out with the bathwater). You may have a brilliant idea that just needs tweaking. Therefore, starting over on one aspect of your work could be the thing that turns a good product into a great one.
Final Thought
The worst thing you can do when faced with the prospect of starting over again is to think the universe is against you and that you’ll never succeed.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
In fact, perhaps the universe wants you to succeed and these seemingly dream killing moments are synchronicity which, if listen to and understood, will guide you to create a genuinely ground-breaking product.
Get your FREE Course
If you want to discover a passion you can make a living from and overcome the fears that are holding you back, check out my free course 30 Days to Escape The System. Click here to get the course right now! (You will find the unconventional approach to developing belief and self-confidence fascinating!)
(image taken from Matt Grommes flickr page)
* The Unexpected Success of the Boeing 747, Ed Van Hinte, worksthatwork.com