Tag: Tony Robbins
7 Bible Quotes That Will Transform Your Life (Even If Your Aren’t Christian)
I’m not a Christian.
However, despite this lack of religiosity, I found myself drawn to the Bible after reading two influential books – The Power Of Your Subconscious Mind and The Power Of Positive Thinking.
Both quote the Bible extensively. They use it to both explain the points they’re making and add gravitas to their words.
It works!
Somehow, reading these old Bible sayings, written anywhere between 2500 and 2000 years ago (some Old Testament and some New), left a powerful impression on my mind.
It’s like life’s secrets are being shared with you.
Understand, assimilate and then live by these words, and the world is your oyster. They’ll show you a way to live and think that guarantees peace of mind and enables you to get what you want from life.
That last phrase might not sound very Christian. Afterall, isn’t The Bible supposed to be about serving others and self-sacrifice?
Maybe. However, the parts I’ve read, and love, read something like an ancient self-help book to me.
Tony Robbins, or Robert Greene, couldn’t have said it better.
The Bible seems to have been written by people who understand how the universe works. Tap into their knowledge and you’ll dramatically transform your life.
Here are 7 of the Bible’s most powerful quotes.
On Belief
If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.
– Mark ix. 23
I remember having something akin to an out of body experience when I first read this quote in The Power Of Your Subconscious Mind.
So, you’re telling me I can do anything I want with my life?
I can live my dreams? I have the power within me to make any outcome I want come true?
But how does the power of belief work?
Believe in an outcome and its realisation becomes a possibility. Not only do you activate all resources within you, a likely connection with infinite intelligence is also established, revealing a path towards the realisation of your desires.
Doubt an outcome, or believe that something is impossible, and you shut yourself, and the universe, down. There is no possibility of your desire occurring because you’re closed to the idea.
Ok, so this may work for the small things in life but what about the outcomes we know are impossible?
For example, let’s say I lose my arm in a car crash. If I believe it’ll regrow will that happen?
No.
You can’t defy the laws of biology and physics. However, you can work around them.
Through man’s desire to heal, and be whole, we’ve invented prosthetics.
To a medieval warrior who’d lost his arm in battle, the thought that he could have a functioning metallic replacement would seem impossible. However, fast forward 700 years and the impossible is made possible through the power of belief. (And who’s to say, in the future, we won’t discover a way to regrow limbs in a lab).
This is why it’s so important to believe in your desired outcome.
In fact, let your belief be SO strong that you meet the standard set by Mark in xi. 23,
Whosoever shall say unto this mountain, be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea, and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that these things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he saith.
The “mountain” represents an obstacle you’re struggling with in your life right now (and have maybe done so for years). Can you believe that it will be “cast into the sea” (submerged, drowned and no longer in your way)?
As crazy as that metaphor may seem, it’s useful as a barometer for how strong your belief needs to be.
Affirm, with absolute conviction, that you can have the life you want.
On Prayer
What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.
– Mark xi.24
I pray every other night. I kneel by the side of my bed and adopt the familiar prayer position.
First and foremost, I pray for the health of my soon to be born baby (4 months’ time) and for the health of my partner when she gives birth.
I then pray that my message will reach a million people through the sale of my books.
Sometimes, I even pray for obstacles to be put on my path as, historically, this has always led to greater growth.
When I pray, there’s emotion in my words. They feel like a demand and I always wake up the next morning feeling peaceful and clearer about what I need to do.
I’ve only just turned this into a routine. However, I have noticed that my prayers are being answered.
I can only guess this is because I’m activating the power of belief. There’s something in The Universe that responds to certainty. Science may not fully understand it, or be able to prove it (at the moment), but it’s there.
On Thoughts
For as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.
– Proverbs xxiii. 7
James Allen wrote a book about this line and explained it brilliantly.
You don’t get what you want in life, you get who you are.
Or, to put it another way, circumstances don’t make a person, they reveal him or her.
The Bible is telling you that you play an unrealised role in shaping your reality.
It’s not the case that you’re dumped onto the planet, in a certain environment (whether negative or positive) and the impact of this beginning then determines the rest of your life.
Instead, you have a choice. Sure, environment has an impact but you also have the power to create a new reality for yourself.
But how to do this?
Once again, The Bible provides answers in Phil iv. 8 when it says,
Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
Focus on the positive. Reject the negative.
Of course, this is easy to say but much harder to do.
Negativity is seductive. Negativity is addictive. Negativity is believable.
They’ll be so many things pulling you towards the negative.
What you must do, though, is train yourself to disengage from these thoughts and remember the verse from Philippians.
Keep pouring into the jug of positivity. Every day.
Eventually, your life will change to match your inner transformation.
On Fear And Worry
For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me.
– Job iii. 25
You attract your fears.
I learned this when overcoming a particularly bad case of insomnia. It go so bad I feared going to bed every night, anticipating only 4 hours sleep after I woke at 3am.
What I didn’t realise was that I was creating this experience through fear.
The more you focus on something, the more likely it is to occur. This is true for both the negative and the positive. However, the unfortunate reality is that the negative, especially the things we fear, seem to have more of an appeal (perhaps they’re more believable).
This will happen with every area of your life, not just sleep.
It could be a car crash. It could be getting fired from your job. It could be getting a disease.
And, if you go to extremes to avoid the outcome (such as never travelling in a car), you’ll find that your life gets negatively impacted in another way. So, in effect, you never escape your fears.
What can be done to avoid this situation?
Remember, and live by, the words in Matthew vi. 26, when he recalls Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount,
Therefore, I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, what you will wear. . . Look at the birds of the air: They do not sow or reap or gather into barns – and yet your heavenly father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
The Bible is offering you a recipe for a care free existence. Ditch the worries and, instead, know that you’ll always be provided for.
This is a much better way to live than constantly fearing the next disaster. Furthermore, you won’t be any more likely to fall foul of a legitimate danger (your instincts will see to that).
It’s the ultimate win-win.
Final Thought
When I re read these Bible quotes, the lesson I take from their words is that we, as humans, are co-creators of our reality.
We have far more power than we realise, perhaps far more than the Christian Church of old wanted us to believe.
Through the power of belief, we work with God (or the universe), and can bring about the most fantastic life for ourselves and, potentially, the most amazing world for everyone – a Kingdom of Heaven on Earth.
GET YOUR FREE COURSE
If you want to discover a passion you can make a living from and overcome the fears that are holding you back, check out my free course 30 Days to Escape The System. Click here to get the course right now! (You’ll find the tips on developing belief and self-confidence fascinating!)
Photo by Jametlene Reskp on Unsplash
The Only 2 Things I Learned From Tony Robbins
Am I a Tony Robbins fan?
Sort of.
I’ve never paid a small fortune to go to one of his events. However, I did buy a second hand version of one of his CD courses on eBay, have watched “I’m Not Your Guru” on Netflix twice and sporadically watch him on YouTube.
I guess it’s fair to say I dip in and out of Tony’s work. However, I still rate him as the GOAT of the personal development world (click this link to see a full run down of my rankings, with other prominent figures like Jay Shetty, Robert Greene and Jordan Peterson rated).
Having said that, though, there are only two of Tony’s teachings that have stuck with me throughout the years.
However, just because they’re small in number doesn’t mean you should underestimate their impact.
What I’m about to reveal is a deep insight into human psychology that has made me a more skilled therapist and helped me understand myself and other people better.
Assimilate these concepts and you’ll know more than 99% of the population regarding what drives human behaviour and why most people fail to make significant changes.
You can do A LOT with this knowledge.
Not only will you be able to transform your own life, making a breakthrough that you’ve perhaps struggled to attain for over a decade, but you’ll have an amazing insight into the actions and choices of other people, finally understanding why they do what they do.
Let’s begin.
The 6 Human Needs
American psychologist Abraham Maslow first wrote about the hierarchy of human needs in his paper “A Theory Of Human Motivation.”
He charted these needs in a pyramid, with physiological needs (food, water, shelter, safety from threat) forming the base and more complex needs (love, self-esteem and self-actualisation) coming to the fore once these were met.
The message was clear.
If you haven’t got access to food, water and shelter then little else matters.
So, putting these basic needs aside (because I know that 90% of my audience have them met), I’m going to focus on what happens next.
This is where Tony Robbins’s 6 human needs step in.
Think of meeting them as the pre-requisite to being a balanced, happy person. Furthermore, understand that they’re going to drive your behaviour and, if you’re smart about how you meet them, you can make your life infinitely more enjoyable and avoid the neurosis’s that seem to plague far too many people.
We’ll now look at each one of the six needs and discuss the ways in which they can impact your life.
1. Certainty
We all have a need for certainty.
Unless you believe you’ll have access to food the next day, your loved ones won’t suddenly abandon you and you aren’t going to be attacked when you leave your house, it’ll be very difficult for you to function as your anxiety levels will be off the charts.
This applies to everyone. However, some people take their need for certainty too far.
Life is inherently uncertain.
- You don’t know how someone is going to respond to your request.
- You can’t tell how many years you, or your loved ones, have left.
- You don’t know if your alarm will always go off in the morning and whether you’ll be late for work.
But guess what?
This is all ok.
No matter how much you need certainty, there’s something else that’s also true.
You are incredibly adaptive. Furthermore, if you look back at your life, you’ll probably discover that some of your best experiences occurred when you let go.
2. Variety
Needs one and two clash.
On the one hand, absence of change is reassuring. On the other hand, things always being the same is boring and drains our energy.
This means you must constantly juggle the first two needs.
Having certainty is good but look to implement variety within this foundation.
- Eat different foods.
- If you work from home, occasionally go to a café, a co-working space or maybe even abroad for a change of scenery.
- Experiment with a different sport or hobby.
All of these things prevent life from getting stale.
Also understand that marriages and long-term relationships can lose their spark because of a lack of variety. You’re with the same person, day in day out, year in year out, and sometimes you might want a change.
Perhaps you and your partner recognise this and are ok with an open relationship or time apart. Or perhaps you have to work hard to meet your respective needs for variety within the relationship.
Just appreciate that your need for variety can make a decades long marriage/relationship strained at times. Show understanding to yourself and your significant other.
3. Significance
This need drives a lot of human behaviour and, unfortunately, many people try to meet it in a way that negatively impacts their life.
Why do teenage boys join gangs when they know that a consequence of doing so could be prison or death?
Because these options are more appealing than being nothing or a nobody.
As a part of a gang, they are something. They have a place, a role and in the fucked up world in which they operate, a level of respect.
This need for significance, and the negative ways in which it’s met, can be seen in all aspects of human life (I believe the growth in the amount of trans people over the last 5 years has less to do with a natural inclination to be another gender and more to do with the need to be significant now that being transgender, amongst some people, is perceived as cool).
Whatever the case, make sure you meet your need for significance in a positive way.
- Succeeding at a goal
- Meeting your own high standards for how you want to behave
- Being important to the people you love
Furthermore, don’t let your need for significance run away with you. Don’t be an egomaniac or have to dominant every social interaction or block others from succeeding because you believe it will lessen your shine.
4. Connection
Don’t make the mistake of thinking you can go it alone or that you don’t need others.
I know, from personal experience, that this will only leave you prone to unhappiness and neurosis.
I used to feel weak admitting to myself that I needed others. It made me feel vulnerable.
Now, I understand connection as being an integral part of my life.
I actively seek it out, knowing that it will improve all other areas of my life and reward me with some of my greatest experiences.
5. Growth
So many people overlook this need.
They get trapped by their need for certainty (and its cousins, security and comfort) and thereby avoid the challenges needed to continually grow.
When meeting this need, it’s important to remember it has nothing to do with being better than other people.
Growth is personal. It doesn’t necessarily mean being the fastest at your 5k Saturday morning park run. However, it will mean beating your personal best.
It will also mean improving at your chosen work, perhaps gaining promotion or selling more copies of your product than you did last year.
It could also mean starting an entirely new career or business.
Don’t underestimate your need to expand and, even as you age and become less physically capable, you’ll still want to feel that you’re growing in other areas of your life.
6. Contribution
Robbins classifies this need as a spiritual one (along with the need for growth) and the first four are needs of the personality.
As a result, it’s a little more abstract and probably drives less of your behaviour. However, once you’ve met all five of the previous needs, you might turn your attention to helping others.
It’s true that there are few better feelings than coming to another person’s assistance and making their life better.
Remember this and look for projects where you can assist others and your community. Doing so might give you the feeling that you’re living your life’s purpose and be the icing on the cake of a life lived well.
The Power Of Identity
“The strongest force in the human personality is the need to stay consistent with how we define ourselves.”
– Tony Robbins
How do you see yourself?
Right now, complete three I am statements about who you are.
Mine are;
- I’m a good person
- I’m a winner (an identity I haven’t quite fully adopted but one that I’d like)
- I’m a healthy person
Of course, I could also list some negative identities but that’s not the focus of this exercise.
If, as Tony Robbins claims (and my therapeutical practise tells me is true), we conform to our identities, then negative ones need to be identified, reworked and turned into positives.
If not, you’re always going to be sabotaging yourself because you can’t outwork your identity.
Take my “I’m a winner” identity, for example.
Before I began to see myself in this way, part of my identity was focused around the idea that I was a “fighter.”
You might think this is a good identity, right?
Well, yes and no.
Good in the sense that I don’t give up – It helped me put in the countless hours needed to write my first book, wrestling with line after line, getting it to the point where it was good enough to release. However, what does a “fighter” do?
They fight. But that doesn’t mean they win.
Nowhere did this play out more than in my tennis matches. I’d fight and struggle (rather than flow and conquer), often being on court for up to 3 hours, but all too often losing matches I should have won.
Something internal was preventing me from taking the final step and securing the victory.
Of course, that something was my identity. I had to remain consistent with being a “fighter.” That self assured winning edge was not always there and, as a result, I could give everything I had and still come out second best.
Hopefully this example reveals a little more about why identity is important and how it works.
How you see yourself is one of the most important factors in getting to live the life you want.
Massive success, or a life of freedom, won’t be possible without the correct identity as a foundation.
Implementing this takes introspection.
- Complete the exercise above (the 3 “I am” statements)
- Explore your identities, and the ones you want to adopt, in a journal
- Furthermore, understand that any new identity must be believable for your mind to accept it
I recently saw a client who suffered with insomnia. While discussing the issue, he said, “I’m a terrible sleeper.”
I asked him how he could ever hope to sleep well if he was telling other people this and repeating it to himself?
Afterall, his mind was programmed to conform to his identity which meant sleeping badly.
Unfortunately, treating this issue wasn’t as easy as repeating, “I am a good sleeper.”
He baulked at the suggestion. It was unbelievable. However, after much investigation into his sleep history, what wasn’t was the identity of being an “average sleeper.”
He could believe that and, by doing so, it created the shift that allowed him significantly improve the amount of sleep he got each night.
Tony Robbins says, “Your identity is like a thermostat—it sets the standard for your behaviour. You’ll always find a way back to how you see yourself.”
Don’t dismiss the importance of identity or call it psychobabble.
Instead, investigate the role it’s played in your life. I would be surprised if you didn’t find that it’s been secretly limiting your prospects in some way. However, armed with this new information, you should now be able to set yourself free.
GET YOUR FREE COURSE
If you want to discover a passion you can make a living from and overcome the fears that are holding you back, check out my free course 30 Days to Escape The System. Click here to get the course right now! (You’ll find the tips on developing belief and self-confidence fascinating!)
Photo credit Scott Beale / Laughing Squid
THE ONLY 3 THINGS YOU NEED TO DO TO ACHIEVE AN “IMPOSSIBLE” DREAM
Let me tell you a quick story.
Back in 2002, I had a dream of becoming a published author.
I wanted to write a self-help book. I’ve always been fascinated by the idea of personal transformation and thought it would be amazing if I could inspire other people to change their lives.
At the time, though, I was a clueless university graduate who’d just returned home to his parents’ house. I didn’t have any experience writing books, I didn’t know anyone in the industry and when I checked the Writer’s and Artist’s Yearbook, it said that almost all publishing companies didn’t accept unsolicited submissions.
Not a great start.
Compounding my doubt, and crushing my motivation even further, were the comments I received from the people I talked to.
- My parents told me I should look at mainstream careers as it was highly unlikely I’d ever get a publishing deal.
- A friend, who’d just started working for a major publishing company, told me about the massive number of submissions they received and the almost equally massive number of rejections these garnered.
- A published self-help author, who I’d been introduced to, outright told me there was no money to be made selling books and that it was impossible to support yourself through writing alone.
As you can imagine, all of these comments had a negative impact on my mindset.
I started to believe that my dream was impossible.
As a result, for the next 5 years, I did nothing (or, at least nothing related to working on my dream). However, in 2007, after the breakup of a newly formed relationships, I decided I needed something to bring me back to life.
So, I began writing my self-help book.
The Long Road To Success
At first, progress was slow.
It took me four and half years and four re-writes to finally have a manuscript worthy of public consumption.
After contacting an agent, and being rejected – thereby having my negative beliefs about getting a publishing deal confirmed – I decided I wouldn’t waste any more time following the traditional route.
Instead, I’d use the relatively new technology of Kindle Direct Publishing (KDP) and upload my book onto Amazon.
It took a year and 3 months to sell the first 100 copies.
It took a further 5 years to reach my first one thousandth copy sold.
My progress was slow and, baring some great feedback from readers, there wasn’t much in my publishing experience to indicate that the naysayers were wrong.
However, in 2017, I attended a YesGroup (a personal development group inspired by the teachings of Tony Robbins) meeting in London. At this meeting, an author called Brett Moran took to the stage and gave a great speech.
Afterwards, I bought his book, chatted to him and then went home.
After reading the book, I noticed he had a UK publisher and emailed him to ask if he wouldn’t mind sharing his contact.
Graciously, he agreed and I got in touch with someone at Watkins Media.
My first offering to them was Escape The System. It got rejected (although with seemingly genuine praise which made me think it would be worth contacting them again once I’d written another book).
That I did, the following year and, to my total surprise, they liked my book and offered me a publishing deal.
Fast forward to 2020 and my book, Do The Work You Love, was published. A dream, which everyone had told me was impossible to achieve, came true.
What I Learned From My Experience
Getting my book published taught me a powerful yet surprising lesson.
Achieving your dreams is easier than you think.
In fact, I believe you have a 66% chance of being successful (watch this video to discover how I came to this conclusion).
There are only 3 things that you need to do (irrespective of what your dream might be).
They are . . .
1. Take Action
You may have thought that the competition for whatever you want to do is vast. So vast, in fact, that it’s not even worth trying.
Let me tell you a little secret.
SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE!
What does that mean?
That 90% of your competition isn’t even going to take the first step to realising their dream. They’re going to believe the statements seen in the picture below, keep working their regular jobs and spend their evenings sitting on the sofa watching their favourite Netflix series.
All you have to do to put yourself ahead of 90% of the competition is take action.
- Set up your website.
- Go on that training course.
- Write the first 10,000 words of your book.
- Find a mentor.
- Create your first product.
Don’t underestimate how powerful these actions are.
Take a look at the picture below.
These are the sales rankings for my book The Rebel Code on Amazon US. It’s actually a bad sales day. Usually, I’d be floating around the 100,000 ranking and then much higher in the categories related to my genre.
However, even on a bad day, you can see that I’m inside the top 1000 motivational authors in the world.
How did I get there?
There’s nothing particularly special about me and I have no outstanding talents (otherwise I wouldn’t have to work SO damn hard for my success).
I simply took action. Again and again and again.
And while this step won’t win you the race, it will put you in the race (and that’s a lot further than most people ever get).
2. Learn From Your Failures
While achieving your dream is easier than you think, it’s not easy.
You’re going to fail (many times). That’s guaranteed.
Failure is tough and it affects us on many levels.
First, it’s embarrassing. No one wants to be seen falling short of the mark, especially if they’ve told the people around them what they plan to do.
Failure is also depressing. Forget the public embarrassment, the private defeat can be even worse. You worked so hard, dotted every i and crossed every t and yet, it still wasn’t good enough. This can weigh heavily on your soul, causing you to consider giving up.
Finally, and perhaps worst of all, our failures can appear to be proof that our dreams are impossible to achieve. What could be clearer? You tried and it didn’t work out. The naysayers were right.
This is the way most people understand failure. However, you can’t be like most people.
Instead, you have to view failure as an opportunity to learn.
Every time you fail, ask yourself these questions.
- Why did I fail?
- What can I do differently to achieve success?
Take the lessons on board and then bounce back stronger.
What does this mean?
As mentioned, your failures can take an emotional toll. It’s understandable you feel depressed in the aftermath of a crushing defeat.
However, you must become an expert in allowing this feeling to fade away as quickly as possible and then bringing even more energy to your work the next time you try.
- Be more dynamic
- Be more inspired
- Be more positive
This, combined with the knowledge gained from your prior defeat, will enable you to breakthrough and reach the next level.
3. Find A Way To Support Yourself While Working On Your Dream
Let me present you with a couple of likely scenarios for why you, or anyone else, might give up on their dream.
- You save up a sum of money to support yourself for a year. You then quit your job and give yourself 12 months to succeed at your dream. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work out. So, a year later, scared that you’re going to run out of money, you get a similar job to the one you had before. You give up on your dream, telling yourself that you gave it a good shot but that it was impossible to achieve.
- You spend 5 years trying to achieve your dream. A little bit of progress is made but you don’t get anywhere near being able to support yourself through this project alone. So, rationalising that any sane person would stop after such a lengthy period of time, you give up.
Both of these scenarios are reasonable, right?
Perhaps.
However, they’re unnecessary.
YOU DON’T NEED TO GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAM SO LONG AS YOU CAN KEEP FUNDING YOURSELF.
Plus, by continuing, you give yourself almost unlimited opportunities to succeed.
There are many ways to fund your dream.
- I use tennis coaching and hypnotherapy as a platform to support my writing ambitions. These occupations are reasonably well-paid and allow me the flexibility to set my own schedule.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger used appearance fees as a bodybuilder, running a construction company and real estate investments to support himself while aiming to become a Hollywood actor (it took him 7 long years but, because he could provide for himself, there was no need to give up).
- You might use freelancing, consultancy work, side hustling or working part-time/less hours in your current job.
Whatever the case, you must keep 10 to 25 hours a week free to work on your dream. Do this, and you can go on and on in your quest.
Then, with enough time, action taken and lessons learned from your defeats, you WILL succeed.
GET YOUR FREE COURSE
If you want to discover a passion you can make a living from and overcome the fears that are holding you back, check out my free course 30 Days to Escape The System. Click here to get the course right now! (You’ll find the tips on developing belief and self-confidence fascinating!)
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Use These 4 Laws By Robert Greene To 10X Your Following
I first read Robert Greene’s 48 Laws Of Power back in 2021. After reading it, I was, in equal parts, fascinated and shocked.
There’s no doubt that Greene has written a masterpiece. Deep thought and extensive research has gone into this work. Robert Green’s insights into what it takes to attain power are razor sharp, revealing how famous figures from the past were able to climb the greasy ladder and exert their influence on those beneath them.
But so what?
Does possessing power equate to living a good life or becoming a good person?
Probably not.
Instead of making friends, you’ll acquire people you can use. Instead of living a carefree, happy life, you’ll constantly be looking over your shoulder and worrying about whether someone is going to take your spot.
That was my initial opinion of the 48 Laws Of Power. However, with time, a deeper appreciation of the book has grown.
I’m now able to separate some of the more morally questionable laws from the outstanding insights into human nature.
Furthermore, after dipping back into the book for the second time, I’ve noticed how useful it is for creators (writers, youtubers, entrepreneurs, coaches, singers, musicians, influencers) who are aiming to build an audience for their work.
There are 4 laws in particular, which I’ll reveal and explain below, that provide you with all the information you need to grow your following to the level where you can get paid to do the work you love.
Study them carefully and incorporate them into your business and life.
LAW 6: COURT ATTENTION AT ALL COSTS
Stand out. Make yourself a magnet for attention by appearing larger, more colourful, more mysterious than the bland and timid masses.
– Robert Greene
Robert Greene believes there’s no such thing as bad publicity. Any kind of attention, whether negative or positive, is better than being ignored.
To make this point, he uses the example of 19th century showman PT Barnum. Barnum used to write scathing, anonymous attacks on his own circus show and then submit them to the local papers.
Why?
Barnum understood the importance of getting attention. Even if his circus was being decried, IT WAS IN THE PAPER. That’s all that mattered. People’s curiosity would be piqued by reports of the outrageous acts and want to see if the show was as crass as it was portrayed.
How can YOU gain attention for your books, music, YouTube channel, podcast or product?
Greene offers an interesting insight.
He suggests that something about your style of dress, or a personality quirk, or a catchphrase, should be affected and enhanced.
Some quick examples spring to mind.
- Michael Jackson – white socks, black shoes. Single white glove.
- WWE Wrestler The Rock (before he became a Hollywood actor) – catchphrase “Can you smell what The Rock is cooking?”
- Arnold Schwarzenegger – huge muscles, unusual accent.
- Jordan Peterson – always immaculately dressed, sometimes completing his look with a bow tie.
- Andrew Tate – smoking cigars, driving fast cars and calling ordinary people “brokies.”
The thought of copying one of these approaches may seem daunting but that’s the point. As Greene writes, you have to appear larger and more colourful than the “bland and timid masses.”
Of course, don’t do this in a cringey way. You’re not going to don an eye patch unless you run YouTube channel that focuses on 17th century pirates.
Instead, listen to Greene’s guidance,
Society craves larger than life figures, people who stand above the general mediocrity. Never be afraid, then, of the qualities that set you apart and draw attention to you.
Adherence to this law is about having the courage to be yourself. In a society where we’re always being told to play it safe and “fit in,” you must be brave enough to let the world see who you really are.
Accentuate your quirks. Give free reign to your individuality through your dress, the things you say and the way you behave. Not only will you gain attention, you’ll enjoy the freedom gained from being authentic.
LAW 13: WHEN ASKING FOR HELP, APPEAL TO PEOPLE’S SELF-INTEREST, NEVER THEIR MERCY OR GRATITUDE
Robert Greene points out that, “In your quest for power, you will constantly find yourself in the position of asking for help from those more powerful than you.”
Very few, if any, people make it on their own. Don’t delude yourself into thinking you’ll be the exception.
It’s more than likely you’ll need to build relationships with various kingmakers who can give you access to a wider audience.
- How do you get someone with a following of hundreds of thousands, or millions, to retweet your work?
- How do you join an author promotion that’ll give you access to over a hundred thousand email addresses?
- How do you get your paintings featured in a prominent art gallery?
- How do you get your song on national radio?
Greene warns against appealing to a kingmaker’s sense of justice, expecting them to help because of the righteousness of your cause.
They don’t care about how hard you’ve tried or how many years you’ve put into your project. Instead, they want to know what you can do for them.
Dale Carnegie echoes this sentiment in his book, How To Win Friends and Influence People. Principle 3 states, “Arouse in the other person an eager want.”
When approaching or making an offer to a kingmaker, think about how you can help them. How are THEY going to benefit by what you have to offer?
- Maybe it’s a share in your profits.
- Maybe it’s a chance to look charitable and magnanimous.
- Maybe it’s some behind the scenes work you can do that will save them time.
Apply this law to your marketing as well.
Your website, your leaflets and the landing pages for the products you’re selling, should all be about how you can help your customer and clients meet their needs.
LAW 32: PLAY TO PEOPLE’S FANTASIES
People don’t want to believe that years and years of hard work and effort is the answer to their problems. Instead, they want to be sold a fantasy.
- Tony Robbins claims that, “change happens in an instant.”
- Tim Ferris told his readers they only needed to work 4-hours a week.
- Politicians tell voters they’re going to reduce taxes AND increase public spending.
- New cryptocurrency projects emerge every week, enticing investors with the promise of becoming an overnight millionaire.
Although all of these promises are see through, they often seduce audiences because most people want to avoid the harsh realities of life.
Pay attention to this flaw in human nature and start to think about what fantasy you can offer.
- Could it be the fantasy of a dream body, achieved without restriction and discipline?
- Could it be the fantasy of the best version of yourself, without the limitations and doubts of the past?
- Or, could it be the fantasy of a new world to explore and get lost in, created through either your writing or music?
All of these fantasies carry a tremendous appeal. People will be drawn to them and won’t question their, somewhat, dubious claims because they’re so desperate to believe that such an outcome could be true.
Furthermore, a fantasy doesn’t have to be a lie. Sure, it has to be fantastical to seduce an audience but you can attempt to deliver on your promises as best you can.
Offer the stars and people might just settle for a trip into space.
LAW 34: BE ROYAL IN YOUR FASHION: ACT LIKE A KING TO BE TREATED LIKE ONE
This law is about self-belief.
Do you believe you’re destined for something amazing? Can you look in the mirror and see greatness?
Robert Greene uses the example of Christopher Columbus to highlight the importance of acting like a king.
He points out that Columbus knew very little about navigation, couldn’t work a quadrant and had never led a group of men. Furthermore, when appealing to the queen of Spain for the funds to discover a quicker trade route to India by travelling west, his proposal had no clear plan for achieving the objective. However, what he did have was a cast iron belief in himself and his mission, so much so he fabricated an aristocratic lineage in order to impress the royal court of Spain.
Bemused by Columbus’s bearing, Queen Isabella rationalised that there must be something about this man, and his bold claims, and agreed to fund his expedition. The rest is history.
Robert Greene instructs you to be, “overcome by your self-belief.”
Have no doubt in your mind that you are the person you say you are and can do the things you claim. Let it radiate out of you. Be so convinced that people can’t help but be won over.
Living with this level of self-belief plays a psychological trick on the people around you. Because you set such a high price on yourself, people will rationalise that you must have a reason for being so confident. As a result, they’ll follow you and purchase your products and services.
Act like a King to be treated like one!
GET YOUR FREE COURSE
If you want to discover a passion you can make a living from and overcome the fears that are holding you back, check out my free course 30 Days to Escape The System. Click here to get the course right now! (You’ll find the tips on developing belief and self-confidence fascinating!)
(Image taken from Goodreads)
3 REASONS WHY YOU SHOULDN’T LISTEN TO JORDAN PETERSON
I’m late to the party when it comes to Jordan Peterson’s work. Prior to last year, I hadn’t read a word of his books and only given his speeches, and interviews, a cursory listen.
My first impressions weren’t good. I didn’t like his whiny voice or his pompous delivery (does he ever smile?).
And that might have been that if it wasn’t for the new book I’m writing.
Noticing the success of 12 Rules for Life and 48 Laws of Power, I was inspired by the idea of adding to this sub-genre. I wanted to come up with my own rules/laws for unconventional thinkers.
Thinking I might find some inspiration by reading one of the classics in the field, I bought Peterson’s follow up to 12 Rules for Life, Beyond Order. (I’d also been commissioned to write a piece for it on the memod app. Read here.)
Despite my initial misgivings, I actually enjoyed it. So much so, I went back and read the first book as well.
Peterson’s work is well thought out, excellently written and cuttingly insightful. There’s a lot you can learn from both books. But, and this is a BIG BUT, there’s some advice which you absolutely MUST NOT follow.
Despite bring brilliant at times, when Jordan Peterson gets something wrong, he gets it horribly wrong.
In fact, the next 3 pieces of advice/outlooks should come with a public health warning. They have the potential to REALLY damage your life.
N#1: Jordan Peterson has an overly negative outlook
There’s one phrase that Peterson constantly repeats throughout 12 Rules for Life (I must have read it 5 times). “Life is suffering.”
Why is this outlook so destructive?
Because our brains are constantly affirming our beliefs.
In his documentary series, The Brain, Dr David Eagleman explains how our brains process information. It starts with our eyes, observing something in the world and then sending signals regarding this observation to our thalamus and then on to our visual cortex.
At this point, something incredible happens. The signals are processed in the visual cortex and then leave to continue their journey back through the thalamus and on to the cerebral cortex with an additional 80% new information added.
This is incredible because the visual cortex is the storehouse of our memories and beliefs. Therefore, these are being added to, and influencing, the information we take in about the world.
Can you see why this is a problem?
If you hold the belief “life is suffering,” it’s going to prejudice the way you look at, and interact with, the world (and not in a good way).
You’ll always be on high alert, expecting and anticipating the next disaster to strike. When a friend gives you some good news, your brain won’t process an exciting opportunity. Instead, you’ll immediately start looking for the danger that must be inherent within the possibility.
This is a terrible way to live. It leaves you prone to depression (something Peterson openly admits to experiencing throughout his life – I wonder why!), unable to enjoy life’s genuinely pleasurable moments and lacking in the spark that makes people fun to be around.
Living with this belief will cloud your entire life and this is why you MUST reject it.
Life isn’t suffering.
Peterson is wrong. Not only that, he’s guilty of writings’ cardinal sin – presenting his biases as the truth. He mistakes his worldview with the worldview.
Of course, it would be naïve to suggest suffering, at some point, won’t enter into your life. However, it’s not the basic condition of life and the backdrop against which all of your experiences will play out.
You could use any number of metaphors to explain life (metaphors that, if you are wise, you’ll consciously choose). If you can say life is suffering, you can just as easily say life is joy. Life could be a game or a lesson. Or, you could use one of Tony Robbin’s favourites, “Life is a dance.”
Are any of these the truth?
No, but that doesn’t matter.
When it comes to interpreting life, there’s no objective truth. How you see the world is how you’re going to experience it. Therefore, it behoves you to reject any overly negative worldviews and instead, choose one that will enhance your experience of life.
N#2: He’s too future focused
In Rule 11 of his second book, Peterson states,
It may therefore be that it is not the present that is most real – at least as far as our consciousness is concerned. We have to fight to “be here now,” the advice of the sages. Left to our own devices, we turn our minds instead to investigating the future: What could be? Attempting to answer that question – that is life. That is the true encounter with reality.
Peterson considers the future more real than the present. As a result, he advises his readers to live, and act, with their future selves in mind.
This is not terrible idea.
Thinking of your future self when resisting the urge to eat junk food, or doing an hour of writing on your book while lacking motivation, is a great way to live. However, when you combine this future focused approach with the belief you must “prepare for the worst” in order to “keep the horror at bay” (both quotes from Peterson’s books), you have a recipe for an anxiety disorder (which surprise, surprise is exactly what Peterson has. He opens his second book with a painful account of his battle with benzodiazepine withdrawal. He initially took the drug to medicate against anxiety).
Despite what Peterson claims, reality is not found in the future. The only place you can experience reality is in the here and now.
Of course, this doesn’t mean you should discard planning, working towards your goals and sacrificing immediate pleasure for long term gain. These traits are fundamental to success. However, when your attention is constantly on the future, and you believe there’s a strong possibility a disaster is imminent, you end up depleting yourself through worry, stress and tension.
By contrast, living in the now strengthens you.
The multiple fears you have are released and, as a result, your creativity is enhanced, you’re more fun to be around and you’re in a better state of mind to appreciate the positives in your life.
Prepare for a positive future but live in the now. This is far better advice for a successful and enjoyable life.
N#3: He has disastrous ideas about marriage
Peterson doesn’t believe in couples living together before they get married. He recommends that, if you’re in a relationship with someone, and it’s going well (and presumably you’ve been together for a while), the next step is to get married.
To back up this claim, he cites research undertaken by M. J. Rosenfeld and K. Roesler in the Journal of Marriage and Family. His interpretation of this research is that marriages amongst couples who didn’t live together before tying the knot, have a better success rate than those that did. However, if you read the end notes of Beyond Order, you’ll see Peterson is being economical with the truth.
Here, Peterson admits the above research does not apply to the first year of marriage. During this period of time, far more couples who didn’t live together before marriage divorce than couples who did.
Presumably, these couples, who took the incredibly foolhardy decision to get married without gaining a deeper insight into their partners habits, behaviour and psyche, discovered what a calamitous mistake they’d made.
I’d also wager that many of the couples who remain married, after never previously having lived together, did so because of religious and cultural pressure (not necessarily because their marriages were happy). My rationale for this is that marrying without first, living together is more common among arranged marriages and people who are devoutly religious (and, therefore, less likely to divorce).
So, I’m pretty sure Peterson’s claims are bunk.
Furthermore, I’m really hoping you’d never be so stupid as to follow this particular piece of advice.
If you are going to get married to someone, you must live with them before. You have to gain a deeper insight into how the two of you can coexist in a confined space and deal with the day-to-day realities of life.
Relationships can be amazing when you’re out on dates and seeing the best of the person who’s the object of your affection. But what are they like at their worst? You’ll, probably, only discover this when living together.
With this insight gained, you’ll be far better positioned to decide whether they’re marriage material.
Conclusion
I don’t want to appear too harsh on Jordan Peterson’s work. His books contain a great deal of wisdom, often presented in a well thought out and engaging manner.
In fact, I recommend you read them (I gave them both 4 stars out of 5).
Just remember one thing while doing so.
As with any author you read (including myself), DO NOT mistake their opinions and worldview for the truth.
Instead, you must discover what works best for you. It’s often foolish to adopt an influencer, or authorities, approach in its entirety, believing it’ll save you. Only you can do that!
GET YOUR FREE COURSE
If you want to discover a passion you can make a living from and overcome the fears that are holding you back, check out my free course 30 Days to Escape The System. Click here to get the course right now! (You will find the unconventional approach to developing belief and self-confidence fascinating!)
(image curtesy of Gage Skidmore photostream flickr.com)
7 Self-Help Principles and Practises that ACTUALLY Work
The self-help industry sometimes gets a bad rap. Rightly or wrongly, it can be viewed as exploitative and unscientific.
You might have had your own experience of paying hundreds, or possibly even, thousands of dollars for a course that promised the world yet delivered very little.
Yet, despite the downside, I still love self-help for its optimism, idealism and redemptive promise.
More than that, though, it has some incredibly powerful ideas and practises.
Self-help books turned my life around.
I’d spent 22 years on this planet before I heard a single voice, either in person or through any other medium, telling me I could have the life I wanted (a poor reflection on the societies we live in). Then, I stumbled upon The Power of your Subconscious Mind and started learn about the mind-body connection.
This, in turn, introduced me to other writers, speakers, bloggers and more. Over the course of nearly two decades, I’ve experimented with multiple practises and principles, applied what works and discarded what doesn’t.
Now, in this blog post, I’ll present you with my findings. My hope is that you can apply what I’ve learned to your own life and share in the benefits I’ve experienced.
1. Living in the Now
The premise of this practise is simple. You live in the now when you are completely absorbed in what you are doing in the present moment. There’s no thinking about what you did yesterday or regretting a decision you made 10 years ago. Likewise, there’s no thinking about what you’re going to eat this evening, worrying about a meeting you have next week or whether you’ll get ill at some point in the future.
I often ask clients with anxiety, ‘where are you now?’ I then get them to describe their surroundings and what they’re doing at this precise moment.
Do you understand what this does?
It brings you out of your head and into the world. When you live in the now you engage with your environment. You come alive and are responsive (as opposed to being anxious about the future or depressed about the past).
Although not always possible (and I’m not for a moment suggesting you ignore important parts of the human experience like grieving), this is the best way to live.
Your performance at sports, presenting, coaching and being present for other people will go through the roof. Furthermore, you’ll begin to enjoy life, appreciate the beauty and nature around you and possibly even feel more connected to the universe.
2. Being Grateful for what you have
Whether you express this by keeping a gratitude journal, repeating 10 things you are grateful for when you wake up or any other practise you find beneficial, being grateful for what you have is the best way to maintain a positive outlook.
At any given moment, your life is full of negatives and positives. Even the person who lives the life of their dreams could probably find 10 things they’re not happy about.
But what do they, and you, choose to focus on?
This is what’s really important. What you believe is a 5/10 life can easily turn into a 7/10 one when you pay attention to what you have (rather than focusing on what you lack).
Of course, being grateful for what you have doesn’t mean you ignore the negatives, refuse to learn from your mistakes or give up on trying to improve and make your life better.
Instead, it’s about your overall attitude. You become someone who acknowledges the good things they have in their life (and everybody has something, no matter what) and uses these as a springboard to create something even better.
3. Applying the 80/20 Principle
One of the greatest delusions you need to wake up from (if, indeed, you are experiencing it in the first place) is that positive results directly correlate to the amount of effort you make.
They don’t.
The relationship between results and effort is not 50/50 (fifty percent in, fifty percent out). Instead, it’s more like 80/20 (this can be eighty percent effort in, twenty percent result out or, if you get it right, twenty percent effort in, eighty percent results out).
19th century Italian economist, Vilfredo Pareto, was the first to observe and codify this phenomenon. It can be seen in all areas of life.
- 20% of the food you eat is probably causing 80% of the damage to your desire to lose weight.
- 20% of the blog posts you write are probably responsible for bringing in 80% of your websites’ traffic.
- 20% of your investment portfolio is probably generating 80% of your profits.
The 80/20 principle is most valuable when it comes to eliminating waste.
Let’s say you spend 20 hours a week working on your new business. 20% of this time is spent promoting yourself on social media. However, social media only generates 5% of the traffic to your website.
What should you do?
The 80/20 principle would suggest you cut back on social media usage and redirect your time towards the few, key clients, customers, topics and platforms that are generating most of your revenue or positive results. Focus more of your attention here and watch your business grow.
4. Record Everything
Over the years, I’ve got into the habit of;
- Giving each day a score out of 10
- Recording the amount of money I spend on food and drink every day
- Splitting my work into three and a half hour sections and then ticking them off in my diary when complete
- Writing down how much time I spend watching TV/Netflix/YouTube each day and placing a cap on its duration
- and many more
What does this do?
Primarily, recording everything gives you a goal to aim for and the motivation to get there. Furthermore, it keeps you focused on the small steps needed to achieve your big goals.
Often, when you have a big dream, you can get overwhelmed by the enormity of the task in front of you. By recording everything you do, you chunk down, and make yourself aware of a set of standards which, if achieved, will push you in the direction of being successful.
5. The Law of Attraction
Critics will tell you that the law of attraction isn’t actually a law and that its claims are unscientific and unsubstantiated. However, have these same critics dedicated nearly two decades of their life to measuring the correlation between their mood/energy and their environment (both physical body and external circumstances)?
I have and here’s what I’ve learned.
There is a mind body connection. Changing your state and raising your energy can have a profound impact on your sports performance, sleep, socialising, creativity and dating.
Can it bring you untold riches and amazing opportunities though?
This is harder to gauge. From analysing my own life, I would say that raising my vibration and deliberately working on making myself feel good has played a role (although possibly not directly caused), the many breakthroughs I’ve experiences (getting a publishing deal for one of my books, finding love, building a following for this website).
What about you?
To experience the benefits of the law of attraction, start developing a greater awareness of how you’re feeling on a day by day, hour by hour, basis.
How would you score your energy?
If it’s at a 5/10, what could you do to move it up to a 6? Keep progressing in this manner and you’ll be amazed at how your life changes.
6. Letting Go
This is the promise of every major religion. If you let go of your worries about how you’ll survive, or achieve a goal, and, instead, have faith that God will always take care of you, then amazing things will happen in your life.
This statement may put you off if you’re not religious. However, fear not, as the principle can be detached from the dogma.
At its core, letting go is about the power of belief. If you believe in yourself, and believe that your life will work out the way you want, then there’s no need to worry, be fearful of anything or try to control outcomes.
This shift, and corresponding release of negativity, will have an amazing impact on your life. Instead of trying to force your life in one direction, you’ll be open to the plethora of ways it’s possible to succeed.
7. Modelling
NLP made this concept popular. To master it, you need to look for the industry leaders in your field and replicate what they’re doing.
The idea is that, if they can succeed using a certain method, then you can experience similar results by adopting their strategy.
This is a huge time saver. Instead of wasting years in a trial-and-error process, you borrow from something, or someone, that’s been known to produce results.
You can also apply modelling to your mindset.
Ask yourself this question. How does the person you want to emulate think?
Let’s say you’re an insomniac and you want to sleep well. It therefore follows that you must think like the person who sleeps well.
Such a person doesn’t worry about getting enough sleep or panic if they’ve got something important to do the next day. Furthermore, they’re not super anxious in the evening, worrying about the time and concerned they might miss their ‘sleep window.’ In fact, they probably don’t think about sleep at all!
Learning to think like the person you want to become can remove all the inner blocks that are preventing you from living the life you want.
Final Thought
I hope you enjoyed my list. If you feel I’ve missed any powerful self-help principles and practises then please feel free to mention them in the comment section below.
(feature image taken from Angie flickr account)
Call to Action
If you want to discover a passion you can make a living from and overcome the fears that are holding you back, check out my free course 30 Days to Escape The System. Click here to get the course right now! (You will find the unconventional approach to developing belief and self-confidence fascinating!)