Author: Joe Barnes
7 Harsh Truths about Achieving your Dreams
WARNING: This post is NOT going to motivate you.
Finish reading it and you won’t be jumping out of your seat ready to take on the world or reaching into your wallet giving up your bank details in exchange for the latest online course that guarantees to make you internet famous (I DON’T EVEN HAVE ONE – I do have a book though. Contains just as much information at about one tenth of the price).
No, instead of motivating you, I’m going to prepare you. Finish reading this post and you’ll know exactly what to expect when it comes to turning your dreams into reality.
And whether your dream is to build an online following, start your own business, become a professional sportsperson or run for office, the advice still applies. It’s gleaned from 12 years of my own experiences, countless hours of research into successful dreamers and your own stories and recollections.
My hope is that by reading it, you are going to a) save a tremendous amount of time by NOT making some of the mistakes that I made b) travel your journey with renewed vigour as you now understand that failure, set-backs and the passage of many years are all perfectly normal and c) because of this understanding, NEVER GIVE UP.
So let’s proceed . . .
Harsh Truth Number 1: Nobody will do it for you
I remember walking round my village as a teenager hoping that I’d bump into a wise old man or the girl of my dreams who would suddenly come into my life and make me happy. IT NEVER HAPPENED. Even in the last two years, I’ve been guilty of wishing that some marketing genius is going to discover me and help promote my message to the masses. Guess what? IT HASN’T HAPPENED.
So what I’ve learned is this; you have to do it ALL yourself. Expect no help whatsoever.
Having said that, though, this doesn’t mean that you won’t get some. Back in 2007, after 5 years of carrying around the dream of writing a book in my head, I contacted bestselling author and personal development expert Tom Butler-Bowdon for help. What followed was a fruitful student/mentor relationship that greatly assisted me in transforming some of my dreams into reality.
So although help might come, I don’t want you relying on it. You’ll have to get the ball rolling and you’ll have to do all the leg work. Then maybe, just maybe, someone will step in and help you rise to the next level.
Harsh Truth Number 2: Dreaming alone won’t change a thing
Ever wondered why so many people who buy positive thinking books and attend seminars never realise their dreams and yet people like Richard Branson, who probably wasn’t reading Think and Grow Rich at the age of 18, do? It’s because there’s more to realising your dream than dreaming.
You must take action. Not only that, you must take action daily. The Secret may have sold us all on promises of feeling our way to abundant riches but you’re fooling yourself if you think you don’t have to actually do anything to attain your goal.
Harsh Truth Number 3: There’s no such thing as fair
This game isn’t won by the nicest, the kindest, those who deserve it or even those who produce the best work. It’s won by those who believe. End of.
Think about it like this, if dreams were decided by the principle of justice would Justin Bieber be one of the world’s most famous pop stars? What about the thousands of other more talented, harder working and more deserving artists out there who have no platform at all? Exactlty!
So rid your mind of the concept of fair once and for all. You can give it your all, bounce back from countless failures, do everything right and be down to your last penny but life will still serve you a shit sandwich until you start believing you CAN have exactly the kind of success you desire.
Harsh Truth Number 4: Your relationships may suffer
Realising your dream requires an obsessive amount of focus. It’s part of the reason why so few people ever do. In his book, How to Get Rich, publishing magnate Felix Dennis talks about the toll this can take,
“Focus, determination and relentless drive are wearing in themselves – both to you and those around you. Any distractions whatsoever can cost you a chance that may not come again. And, for the purposes of this book, family, lovers and friends are distractions, plain and simple.”
While these words may not provide comfortable reading, you need to be aware of them. You’ll have to decide just how much you are prepared to give to your dream and where the line gets drawn.
Personally, I would argue that a dream is worthless if it isolates and removes you from love. However, I would be lying if I said that the pursuit of my dreams hasn’t cost me socially. Balance is key on this one.
Harsh Truth Number 5: Prepare to be broken down
While the path to realising your dreams is a journey, ironically, it is a journey where the greatest distance travelled is within.
This inner journey can be summarised in a very simple two part process;
1) You get broken down
2) You build yourself back up stronger than before.
In his classic book, As A Man Thinketh, James Allen describes this as ‘self-crucifixion’. He says,
“Men are anxious to improve their circumstance but are unwilling to improve themselves; they therefore remain bound. The man who does not shrink from self-crucifixion can never fail to accomplish the object upon which his heart is set.”
You will not be able to shy away from this process. Every part of you will be tested to the limit. The weaknesses need to be brought to the light and removed. The fear needs to be faced time and time again until it scares you no more.
Harsh Truth Number 6: It takes time
10,000 hours or 10 years the experts reckon. Overnight success is unlikely. In fact, those we suddenly hear about in the media with a new hit record, or APP that’s made them a multi-millionaire, usually have long back stories containing years of failure and honing of skills.
It’s hard to escape the time factor so it’s important to be prepared. Only the strongest of dreamers will resist despair as the years pass and it appears you’re no closer to attaining your goal. Take heart though because time is an ally as well. The years sharpen your skills, crystalize your ideas and develop your wisdom.
When the time comes, you’ll be ready.
Beautiful Truth Number 7: It’s ALL worth it
THERE IS NOTHING IN THE WORLD THAT COMPARES TO REALISING YOUR DREAMS. NOTHING. The toughness of the previous 6 rules will be the last thing on your mind when the day of triumph arrives.
Ecstasy. Joy. Elation. Pursuing and realising a heartfelt dream brings the greatest amount of meaning, stimulation and love into your life. From my own experience, I can testify that I would experience the pain of the first 6 rules one hundred times over just so long as I make it to seven.
Over to You . . .
Are there any I missed out? Tell me about your own experiences in the comments section below.
Also, please make sure you share/email this post to fellow dreamers and give them the inspiration and information needed to turn their dreams into reality.
(Image taken from Symphony of Love photostream flickr.com)
Why Positive Thinking doesn’t Work: And why you need R.A.G.E instead
“Think Positive”
“There’s no such thing as failure”
Three cliched statements you’ll read or hear on any personal development blog, school or thousand dollar seminar.
Not here.
You see while each statement has value, they’ve become so overused and misunderstood that people generally have no clue what they’re talking about when saying them.
After all, what does ‘think positive’ really mean?
Non-stop thoughts about achieving your desires?
How does someone keep that up all day?
While I don’t mean to rubbish the concept of positive thinking (I believe an optimistic outlook is fundamental to success), I do feel it has its limits.
First and foremost, most positive thinking is unable to stir the emotions. You can visualise success but if all you’re doing is running images over in your mind then nothing sinks into the subconscious to make a change. There must be feeling to back up your thought and this is where positive thinking fails.
Of course, you could practise long and hard and get to that level, but what if there was a quicker way to connect with the motivation needed to get your dreams off the ground? What if there was a way to super charge your drive so that you kept every commitment to yourself and your business and work as if your life depended on it?
Well it just so happens that there is.
Read on to discover how . . .
Let the R.A.G.E Free
To ensure that you have the conviction needed to follow through on all your intentions and dreams you need R.A.G.E.
But this isn’t rage as most people know it. What I’m talking about has nothing to do with mindless aggression. Instead, it’s about raw emotion. In fact, that’s the first part of a definition which continues thus;
Raw emotion
Attached to
Goals and dreams
Every day
It’s this ‘must achieve my dreams at all costs‘ attitude which separates those that merely dream and those that end up living them. To get to this level, you need more than positive thinking. You’ll need to reach deep into your being and remind yourself why it’s SO important that you attain your goal. Ironically, these feelings are most easily accessed in a moment of failure or when facing the possibility of all your hard work amounting to nothing.
At this point, a little R.A.G.E seed will start to grow inside you but your positive thinking brain may try to quell the fire. Don’t let it. Instead, stoke the R.A.G.E. Let it grow until it becomes a monster. Shout if you want to. Break something if it makes you feel better, but do it with the clear intention that you are going to get to where you want to be.
This channelling of your raw emotion can bring about amazing changes. It puts you in a state even stronger than desire. It takes you to a place where you MUST achieve your goals.
Get to this level and there’s no question of veg’ing out in front of the TV or putting something off till tomorrow. You’ll find yourself driven by an almost insane hunger to right what feels like a wrong.
‘Ragers’
Have I piqued your interest a little?
Or perhaps you think I’m talking nonsense?
Well here are examples of a famous, and a not so famous (that’ll be me!), ‘rager’ that have used this quality to drive them towards their dreams.
- Michael Jackson. You remember Off the Wall right? Some critics cite it as Jacksons best work (I prefer Thriller) but he felt it didn’t get the credit it was due. Although most artists would be ecstatic with a Grammy award, he was devastated. You see that was the problem, it only won one. He felt (probably rightly so) that it should have won more and as a result of only receiving a paltry two nominations, didn’t even attend the ceremony. Instead, he watched from home and his family reported rage at the outcome and the repetition of three words over and over again, ‘I’ll show them.‘ Clearly, he did (Thriller won 8 Grammies) but would he have gone on to create the greatest selling album of all time if he hadn’t been fuelled by R.A.G.E at the lack of recognition for his first?
- Me. My journey to realise my dreams began with a moment of R.A.G.E. I was in my final year of what had been a miserable and dull university experience and I was telling my parents about my plans to become a hypnotherapist. ‘No way,‘ they responded. ‘What kind of money are you going to make doing that?‘. That was it for me. I’d spent 3 years studying a course that had bored me out of my brain and now, if I chose the conventional path, faced the prospect of a lifetime feeling the same. I’d already had a careers advisor telling me that a career in hypnotherapy wouldn’t work and when my parents reinforced his statement my mind flipped. I remember being in my bedroom, pacing around and gesticulating, saying, ‘Get me out of here’ again and again. I didn’t really know who I was directing this towards but my plea was heard. The very next day, I discovered a book that was to have a profound impact on my life. Although my subsequent journey has had more than its fair share of struggle and failure, I can honestly say that my life has been moving in a positive direction ever since that day.
These two examples of R.A.G.E depict a moment where the emotion was felt most keenly and then used to propel the individual to greater heights. However, it’s not always the case that a defining moment will indeterminately propel you forwards and provide lifelong motivation. Instead, you’ll need to summon this feeling daily.
Besides a moment of failure, the best way to do this is to dwell on the righteousness of your cause. Although the system influences us to ignore it, we all have a strong sense of justice. Tap into what you feel is good and right about life, and your motivation will soon become clear. Michael Jackson often said that what drove him was seeing people happy through the enjoyment of his music. Being denied the opportunity to do this through lack of recognition clearly hit a raw nerve. For me, the thought that we have to spend our lives working without any real purpose makes me furious. I believe we all have so much to offer but end up wasting these talents when conforming to the system’s notion of how our life should be.
My task for you is to find out, and define within two senteces, what challenges your sense of justice (let me know in the comments section below). Do this, and you’ll have access to a powerful source of motivation that will propel you into a life where you right this wrong.
(Image taken from Abi Skipp’s photostream flickr.com)
How to Succeed in Life:The REAL Answer
Have you ever noticed how life is all topsy turvey?
It’s crazy. Deceit and dishonesty seem to be rewarded. Good people get taken advantage of and the ones who deserve a lucky break never get it. Hard work doesn’t equate to success and doing your best often isn’t good enough.
Then there’s society as a whole. To quote Howard Zinn from his 1970 speech on civil disobedience, ‘Things are all wrong. The wrong people are in jail and the wrong people are out of jail. The wrong people are in power and the wrong people are out of power. The wealth is distributed in the world in such a way that doesn’t require small reform but a drastic reallocation of wealth.’
Or, as 2Pac put it, ‘They got money for wars but can’t feed the poor.’
Crazy huh?
So how are you going to succeed in life when all is not what it seems?
The Conventional Answer
The system would have us thinking along these 3 lines;
- Money is the clearest measure of success. Almost everyone falls into the trap of making financial considerations the driving force of their decisions. Have you ever noticed how people talk about having a ‘good job’ when what they should really say is a ‘well paid job’? It’s crazy. You could have been working at Goldman Saachs, directly contributing to the economic crisis of 2008, and people would have revered you as a success. ‘He’s working for one top investment banking firms in the world; he’s on a great salary. What a success.’
- Marriage and children are a pre requisite. Almost all of us are raised on images of the nuclear family being the ideal. It’s acceptable. It’s right. It demonstrates that you are a normal and reasonable person who is capable of being loved. The opposite, to be alone, to be gay or a single parent or to have kids too old or too young, invites the possibility of failure. The unspoken assumption is that you can’t possibly be happy that way. After all, true love can only be enjoyed between a man and a woman who have made a lifelong legally binding agreement.
- Always be in control. We live in a system where appearance is more important than what’s real. The aim of the game is to always look as if you know what you’re doing, enjoying yourself and getting things right. It doesn’t matter so much whether you are, just so long as you can maintain the facade. Pulling off such an act requires a great deal of self-control. Never show your vulnerability, always tell people that you’re ‘fine’, exaggerate your successes and hide your failures. Follow these rules and you’ll be able to convince enough people of your success that you may even begin to believe it yourself.
Unfortunately, these rules will only enable you to enjoy a superficial level of success. Making financial considerations the driving force of your decisions will rob you of all vitality as your passions and interests are routinely neglected. While the desire to experience love will enrich your life, the belief that you must do it conventionally may pressure you into a relationship with the wrong person and result in years of bitterness and regret. Finally, the need to appear in control will prevent you from acknowledging your failures and taking on board the lessons that could see you experience genuine success.
The Real Answer
While the system would have you following all of the above, you’ll have to break free from this conditioning and realise that success works counter intuitively. Here are 3 rules to get you started;
1. Seek Inspiration not Remuneration. This may seem dangerous, but getting to the top of the ladder is pointless if it’s leaning against the wrong tree. I would even go so far to say that you’re better off working for free in a job you love than being paid to do something you hate. You just never know where your inspiration could lead. You might start a blog, giving great free advice on a subject that fascinates you and discover that a year down the line you’re in a position to monetize and make a living from your work. Equally, you might get a placement as an intern doing something you love and find that the company hires you because of the enthusiasm you bring to the job. Of course, this isn’t guaranteed (although following rule 2 will greatly increase your chances) but the logic is sound. A person inspired by what they’re doing will find creative solutions, present themselves dynamically and work harder. Who can’t succeed when bringing these qualities to the table?
2. It’s not what you DO; it’s who you ARE that counts. So many people get this one wrong. They enter a new field (be it work, sports or even dating) and seek every ‘expert’ piece of advice they can find (sometimes to the point of overload). They think there’s a magic formula that all the pro’s know and if only they can discover it then they will share a similar level of success. I’ve got news for you, though, there isn’t. This may surprise you but there is no secret to success. Any path you take will get you there so long as you bring enough energy to the endeavour. So stop making what you’re doing (improving SEO, getting the perfect follow through on your golf swing, using the right NEG when approaching a girl you like) the focus. It’s not that some expert advice isn’t valid, but you can tick all the boxes and still not succeed. Therefore, to take your life to the next level you’ll need something extra. This X factor is your personal dynamism and it’s developed by feeling rather than thinking. Trust your intuition, believe in your ability and raise you emotional state to the point where you’re buzzing. Follow these steps and your success will be far swifter than the person who has plan for every outcome and think through every decision they make.
3. Let go of the Need to Control. For most people, this is the hardest rule to follow. The need to control is so ingrained in our psyche’s that we don’t believe success can occur other than by exerting the maximum amount of effort and will. However, this approach tends to backfire or at best, take a long time to deliver results. Therefore, you’ll have to adopt what may feel like an uncomfortable and dangerous stance and stop trying to control your outcomes. Stop forcing yourself to appear normal and successful in an attempt to win friends or clients, stop muscling your swing as you struggle to hit harder and stop trying to force yourself back to sleep. It may feel like you’re giving up but what you’re actually doing is demonstrating faith in your ability to succeed. Do you ever see a champion fretting, rushing and panicking over what they’re trying to achieve? No. They know they’ll be successful so they approach their task with calm certainty. The universe responds to this kind of faith. Allow it to work with, rather than against you, by trusting yourself.
(Image taken from alter1fo photostream flickr.com)
How to use the Power of Belief to Live your Dreams
LUKE: I don’t believe it!
YODA: That is why you fail.
Cast your mind back to Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back. In this film, a young warrior is sent to a wise master in order to develop his skills so that he can fulfil his destiny. The most important lesson that the master (Yoda) teaches his apprentice (Luke) concerns The Power of Belief. He wants him to learn that life isn’t governed by the material but instead by an invisible Force that permeates everything and everyone. This Force, if used correctly, will enable Luke to perform incredible feats and aid him with insights that both protect him from harm, and reveal a path to his destiny.
While you may think Yoda’s teachings belong to the realm of fantasy, there are many scientists who share his thoughts. Max Planck, Nobel Prize winner of 1922, once famously said,
“All matter originates and exists only by virtue of a force which brings the particle of an atom to vibration and holds this most minute solar system of the atom together. We must assume behind this force the existence of a conscious and intelligent mind. This mind is the matrix of all matter.”
And Niels Bohr, who shared the Nobel Prize for physics with Planck, said,
“Everything that we call real is made of things that cannot be regarded as real. If quantum mechanics hasn’t profoundly shocked you, you haven’t understood it.”
So what is this power and how does it affect you?
And more importantly, can it be used to help you Escape the System and fulfil your destiny?
How to Believe
The power I am talking about is, of course, The Power of Belief and it works because the reality we live in, contrary to what the system would have us believe, is shaped by the intangible rather than the material.
This means that to achieve your desires for greater wealth, freedom and performance, you have to become a master of the inner world. You can take every ‘practical’ step recommended (changing your diet, picking the ‘right’ investments, enhancing your SEO etc.) to advance your cause but if you don’t fervently believe in its ultimate success, then there will always be a bridge you cannot pass.
However, mastering The Power of Belief does not mean you have to have faith – at least not in a religious context. It matters not so much which outlet you choose, more that you believe at all.
Of course, a belief in yourself would be ideal. Too many of us place our belief in science, the government and media (although these two are waning), religion and even the system itself. What seems harder is to detach our belief from an external source and place it in ourselves.
Sadly, this maintains the system’s dominance and prevents some of the most brilliant talents and ideas – from individuals like YOU – ever seeing the light of day.
This is a situation that has to stop.
Starting now, you must learn to develop an unbreakable belief in both yourself and the dream you wish to achieve. To help, I’ve listed the 3 keys components to activating this power.
1. Belief needs Emotion
You can visualise yourself achieving your goals again and again and repeat affirmations until you’re blue in the face, but if you don’t feel any different then all you’re doing is seeing pictures and repeating words (for a comical take on how NOT to use The Power of Belief, check out this Old Spice commercial).
Instead, The Power of Belief will only be activated when you can feel what it will be like to realise your desires.
You have thousands of thoughts floating through our consciousness on a daily basis, the subconscious only pays attention to the ones with some emotional power behind them (whether negative or positive). This is why it’s so important to put passion into your beliefs. To change the ‘matter’ (conditions of your life), the ‘vibration’ has to be such that your atoms are functioning in an entirely new way.
2. Practise and Routine
As with everything, daily practise is the key.
Try to create a routine whereby you spend at least 10 minutes a day in isolated contemplation of your new beliefs. Don’t focus too much on the particulars of what you’re seeing or saying in your mind, but rather on where you have to go to feel like a champion. It may well be an image of you succeeding in your goal to have a million dollar property portfolio or having ‘International Best Seller’ written on your book, but switch it up if the conventional approach isn’t working. With practise, you’ll get to know the images and words that generate the greatest emotional response.
Then, during the day, when your mind is not immediately engaged, it should return to the task of supercharging your beliefs. Showers, commutes, walks and cleaning now become the perfect time to focus on who you are and what you’re going to achieve.
3. Give it Time
This is the paradox of using The Power of Belief. A lot of it is about what you DON’T do rather than what you do do.
There’s no quicker route to negating all the great work you’re doing than wondering when it’s going to happen. This displays a total lack of belief in the process.
Remember, The Power of Belief doesn’t work through instantaneous manifestation. You have to have a calm, unshakeable faith that what you want will occur.
This is not faith with a capital ‘F’, but instead the kind that’s understated in it’s certanty. Little phases you, your mood remains forever upbeat and there’s no attempt to force your desires.
Adopt this mindset and mountains will move, Empires will fall and most importantly, you’ll be able to live the life you want.
Over to You
Know anyone who struggles to believe in themselves or their dreams? Why not help them out by emailing them a link to this blog.
Also, please share your experiences with The Power of Belief below. Is there anything you’re struggling with? How has it turned your life around?
(Image taken from quicheisinsane photostream flickr.com)
Red Pill or Blue Pill? Morpheus’s 3 Rules for Living the Life you Want
The Matrix is real! I knew it when I walked out of the cinema over 14 years ago and my subsequent experiences only confirmed my initial suspicion.
Not that I believe we’re human batteries plugged into a computer mainframe, but the metaphor is very real. A whole planet fed a false version of reality built on the lie that we’re limited, unable to govern our lives and that the material is more important than the spiritual. I call it The System. The Wachowski brothers called it The Matrix, but we’re talking about the same thing.
Although the film presents a terrifying allegory of how we live, it is not without hope. In fact, at its core, The Matrix, is about humanities salvation. With Morpheus in the role of wise mentor, and Neo as the saviour, we get a glimpse of how to attain our freedom.
We all have, or will, experience our own Red Pill/Blue Pill moment. The choice between following our hearts or conforming to the system is presented to us on an almost daily basis.
Few are brave enough to heed the calling. Even fewer know where to start. That’s why I’ve collated Morpheus’s 3 key lessons to help you break free from your own matrix (the system) and start living a greater life.
Rule n#1: Don’t Accept ‘Reality’
“You’ve been living in a dream world Neo.” – Morpheus
The system’s version of reality is not THE reality. It’s only A reality – one of many possibilities. Most people fall at the first hurdle, believing that the version of reality they’ve been conditioned into accepting represents the truth about life.
Don’t make this mistake. It’s going to lead you to accept a world where only a tiny minority of ‘talented’ people get to do anything extra ordinary or exciting and the chances of you doing something similar are slim to none.
Instead, remember that we all live in our own unique realities. Yes, we may buy into the general consensus about how life is (the system’s reality) but this is only one version. We’re free to believe whatever we want to believe, and if the system’s reality isn’t serving our goals then we don’t have to accept it.
You could believe in a world where anything is possible and you could believe you possess the capabilities needed to live the life you want. Imagine the difference it would make if you could integrate this lesson. What were once unrealistic fantasies of how your life could be, now become inspiring visions for what you’re going to move towards. It may seem a simple shift in perception, but, when it comes to developing the conviction needed to pursue your dream, it’s everything.
Rule n#2: Free your Mind
“You have to let it all go Neo – fear, doubt, disbelief. Free your mind.” – Morpheus
When Morpheus says the above words to Neo, they are on top of a skyscraper about to make a leap onto another building. The distance is a good 100 feet, and considering the world record for long jump is 8 meters 95, it’s unlikely he’s going to make it. However, this is the world of the matrix, a false reality where the only limits are the ones you believe in.
Could you make the leap?
Remember, this has nothing to do with your physical capabilities. Right now, do you believe you will overcome the seemingly impossible to get to your destination?
If not, then you’d do well to heed Morpheus’s words. He wants Neo to release all fear and doubt and instead, operate on faith. He has to believe, without any external evidence to support this feeling, that he will get to where he wants to be. Can you do the same?
It’s such a fundamental question because, just like the 100 foot chasm that separates the two buildings, appearances are always going to deceive you.
From where you are now, to where you want to be, it may ‘look’ impossible. You might not have enough money; you may have too many present commitments. You might not have the right contacts; you may not even have the necessary skills. These are the doubts you are going to have to let go of. Then, you have to reach deep down into your soul and place all your faith in the righteousness of what you want to achieve. This alone will make the miracle come true and bridge the chasm between dreaming and living.
Rule n#3: Walk the Path
“Neo, sooner or later you’re going to realise just as I did, there’s a difference between knowing the path and walking the path.” – Morpheus
We all KNOW the path. We all know that if we keep stuffing McDonald’s in our face then it will sabotage our goal to lose weight. We all know that if we opt to watch YouTube instead of working on our book or blog then we are decreasing our chances of success. However, it is only a tiny minority that actually put this knowledge into practise.
What stops the majority?
Besides the obvious (but valid) answer of fear, I’m going to leave you with something you didn’t expect.
The system has duped us into believing that our lives don’t matter.
The world appears so large, and the system is constantly reminding us of our insignificance, that we believe we operate in an isolated vacuum. The thought never crosses our mind that we could do something meaningful or that our daily decisions and choices DO have an impact on the whole. As a result, we never bother to ‘walk the path’.
What difference would it make anyway?
A whole lot!
You see the system thrives (and even exists) on our apathy. If we were to realise that change comes from the individual deciding to ‘walk the path’ and action all of the things they know they should be doing, the world would look a lot different than it does today.
So don’t fall for this trap. Remember, your idea is needed and your skill is going to make a big difference to a lot of people. You ‘walking the path’ is the difference between a world where the people don’t give a shit about themselves or each other, and one where we value the important contribution we all have to make.
(Image take from Tyler Durdan’s photostram flicr.com)
Self Improvement is Masturbation: Tyler Durden’s 3 Rules for an Exciting Life
Is your life dull?
Are you weighed down by the day to day stresses of paying the bills, commuting to work and dealing with people you dislike?
Do you sometimes wish you could be another person?
If your answer to any of these questions is ‘yes’ then we’ve got the solution for you.
Or more accurately, Tyler Durden does. His ingenious life philosophy is the antidote to modern living. In fact, the whole movie could be viewed as a treatise on escaping a meaningless life and discovering what it means to be truly alive. With Tyler as the mentor, and Jack as the student, we’re treated to 2 hours of radical insights on how to transform yourself from a disillusioned, aimless consumer into a charismatic, purposeful leader.
In this post, we’ve isolated 3 of these lessons so that you can accelerate your transformation and begin living a more exciting life.
Rule n#1: Stop trying to control your life
“I say never be complete. I say stop trying to be perfect. I say let’s evolve and let the chips fall where they may” – Tyler Durden
The most important lesson that Tyler teaches Jack is about letting go.
You see, Jack, like most people, has a big issue with control. He foolishly believes that he can micro manage every area of his life.
This should be no surprise, though; as it’s an approach we’re all familiar with. Ever since school we’ve been taught to control our behaviour, control our creative ideas, control our true opinions and even control our feelings. The system breeds generation after generation of buttoned up, tightly controlled individuals who believe the only way to get what they want from life is to force, strain and exert the maximum amount of influence over any given situation.
Tyler teaches us that there is another way. He wants us to know about the power of letting go. Far from resulting in a loss of productivity, this approach allows the puzzle to be revealed to you piece by piece as you’re opened to the flow of the universe. This jumping from answer to answer, in a never ending learning experience, permits the flexibility and creativity that are so essential to living an exciting life.
So the next time you find yourself trying to control your outcomes, remember Tyler word’s.
Then throw yourself headlong into your dream and be open to making mistakes. A path will emerge but you have to let it lead you.
Rule n#2: Stop caring about what other people think
“You’re not your job, you’re not how much money you have in the bank, you’re not the car you drive” – Tyler Durden
So many people define themselves by the image they create. Sometimes this can go so far that the puppet ends up pulling the strings.
But why do we lie, bullshit and exaggerate about ourselves?
The answer to this question can be found in the huge amount of value we place in what other people think. Evolutionary psychology suggests this has something to do with our unevolved instincts seeking to protect us from group rejection. Back then, being shunned by your tribe would have equated to death. However, now, this outdated safety mechanism actually chains us to a life of repressed mediocrity.
Tyler knew this and that’s why he was at pains to get Jack to leave his image at the door. Constantly feeling that you have to project an aura of success, toughness or confidence actually restricts your life. As Lao Tzu said, ‘Care about what other people think and you will always be a prisoner.’ Your fear of embarrassment, or being seen to fail, will prevent you from experimenting with new ideas or pursuing a goal that lies beyond the narrow parameters of what the system defines as normal.
Life lies outside these parameters. Remember that the next time the fear of what other people think keeps you in your box.
Rule n#3: Do whatever it takes to feel ALIVE
“God damn man!! We just had a near life experience” – Tyler Durden
Bare knuckle fighting, car crashes and corporate sabotage were just some of Tyler’s methods for awakening Jack.
To some, this was too extreme.
They missed the point.
Fight Club wasn’t about mindless violence, it was about feeling ALIVE. If anything is to be condemned, it is the system these men (and we) occupy. It is so mind numbingly dull that Jack needs extreme measures to resurrect his spirit. As Tyler said, ‘Our great depression is our lives.’
The implications of Rule n#3 are life changing. When we say, ‘do whatever it takes to feel alive’ we really mean it. DO WHATEVER IT TAKES!
- Quit your boring job
- Pursue your dream
- End your passionless relationship
- Get physical – whether this be through sports, sex, getting in touch with nature, creating something with your hands or martial arts
- Change your diet
- Meditate
DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO FEEL ALIVE!
This comes above and beyond making money. If there’s a decision you have to take that makes financial sense but will lead to a duller life then DON’T DO IT. The energy you live with is worth way more than any amount of money in the bank.
And Finally . . .
What’s the pay off? Why should you follow this unconventional advice?
This is best answered by Tyler himself when he explains to Jack the dramatic plot twist which turns the film on its head,
“All the ways you wish you could be me, that’s me. I look like you wanna look, I fuck like you wanna fuck, I am smart, capable and most importantly, I’m free in all the ways that you are not.”
In short, you get to unleash the Tyler in you. What could be cooler!
Get your FREE Course
If you want to discover a passion you can make a living from and overcome the fears that are holding you back, check out my free course 30 Days to Escape The System. Click here to get the course right now! (You’ll find the tips on developing belief and self-confidence fascinating!)
Did we miss anything?
Please leave a comment below if you think there are any rules we overlooked.
(Image taken from G Crackle Photostream flickr.com)
(Image taken from Diana Hidalga photostream flickr.com)
Stop Living Like you’re not gonna Die!
My grandma is 96 years old and she’s still deeply concerned by the cost of a loaf of bread. Despite being a danger to herself and other road users, she’s only just stopped driving because she didn’t want to pay a nominal taxi fee for the 5 minute journey into town for her weekly grocery shop. She treble checks bills, worries about the hot water being left on too long and nags my mum over insignificant spending. In short, she is absorbed by the minutia of life.
This penny pinching isn’t the result of being close to poverty or the onset of senility though. Far from it, she has money to burn and my mum tells me she’s always been this way.
Then what is it that drives a person of far advanced years to spend the last of them absorbed by life’s trivialities?
A Common Disease
In diagnosing this problem we have to realise that this affliction stretches far beyond the elderly. In fact, it has spread so far that it has probably touched all adults and some adolescents at some point in their life. Some people are stymied by it and for others, it comes and goes. Although it can’t be spread by physical contact, it is highly contagious. Seeping through the collective consciousness, it is a disease of mind that leads the individual to live their lives as if they’re not going to die.
What do I mean by this?
Here are some of the symptoms;
- Putting everything off
- Veg’ing out in front of the tv for hours on end
- Focusing on just getting by
- Worrying about what other people think
- Being afraid to take risks when presented with an opportunity
- Aimlessly surfing the internet
- Sweating the small stuff
- Taking life for granted
It’s not that people living with this affliction believe they’ll live forever; it’s just that they’ve lost ALL grasp on what life should be about. Life is way too short to partake in anything on the above list. To do so demonstrates an attitude that thinks your time on earth isn’t important – that you have the luxury to waste it on things that really don’t matter.
Life’s Greatest Tool
If you’re still not convinced about the dangers of living your life as if it’ll always be there then perhaps you’ll listen to Steve Jobs. In his 2005 Stanford Commencement Address, he describes his daily awareness of the fact he will one day die as the greatest tool he had in making big decisions. He said that,
“Remembering you are going to die is the best way to avoid the trap of thinking that you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”
Ironically, the acceptance of an event we’re taught to fear can actually free us to really LIVE. Adopt Job’s attitude and you’ve got the ultimate measure of what truly matters.
Try this
The next time you’re really troubled by something, unsure of what to do or holding yourself back through fear of failure, grab yourself and march to the nearest mirror. Now, get up close and personal, look squarely in your eyes and either say out loud or in your head, ‘One day I will die.’
How do you feel now?
Like you haven’t got a moment to waste? Do other people’s opinions matter anymore?
Has, ‘How could I possibly quit my job and pursue my dream?’ turned into, ‘How can I not?’
The Shock of your Life
Think of this as a metaphorical defibrillator – you have to shock yourself back to life. It can become all too easy to live on autopilot. We have smart phones, newspapers, radio, music, magazines and television constantly fighting for our attention and a workplace where we perform the same role day in, day out. An event like death, marriage, the birth of a child or promotion at work may remind us that the clock is actually ticking but how often do these occur?
This is why it’s so important to be aware of your mortality on a daily basis. It gives each day a sense of energy and urgency. Steve Job’s once said that, since the age of 17, he would ask himself that if this day was to be his last, would he want to be doing what he was about to do. When the answer to that question was ‘no’ for too many days in a row, he knew he had to make a change.
Perhaps you may also adopt Job’s approach. However, don’t be too disheartened if, initially, you record a lot of ‘no’s’. Just an awareness that you need to change is a good starting point. From there, you can begin to find the answers that will alter your response to a resounding ‘yes’.
Attack it with a fanatical zeal though. In the words of another great (Chuck Palahniuk – author of Fight Club),
“This is your life and it’s ending one minute at a time!”
(Image taken from Celestine Chua photostream flickr.com)
Get a Life not a Career: Become a Hero not a CEO
Our outlooks are all skewed. We live in a system where the amount of money we earn and the status we attain is prized more highly than our levels of happiness and the good we do. It may sound crazy, but you’ll be held in higher regard if you’re the CEO of a colossal company, making decisions that wreck the lives of thousands and cause untold damage to the environment, than if you’re a charity worker looking to save the lives of the system’s rejects.
At least you’ll have millions of dollars in the bank and people will covet your job, right? After all, that’s what we’ve been taught to want for our lives.
Unsurprisingly, there is a massive fallout from living in a world with such an insane outlook. A huge dependency on all forms of drugs, scary suicide rates, the breakdown of the community and mass apathy are just some of the symptoms of this warped system. Even if none of the above apply to you, it’s likely that you’ve been struck by the meaninglessness of it all.
So what can you do? Carry on playing the system’s game believing there’s safety in numbers. Or, play a different game, get a new set of objectives and discover what happens when you refuse to accept what the system tells you you should want.
If you’re ready to take the plunge then here’s how.
Career Crisis
The first step to living a more rewarding life is to reject the ‘career mentality’. The thing that your parents, teachers and careers advisors tell you is so important to being a fully functional and responsible member of society is only going to drain you of all vitality and leave you a burnt out husk of the person you could have been.
For many, a career can mean;
- Most of your adult life spent doing something you don’t REALLY want to do
- Performing a role you have no real belief in
- The daily compromise of ideas and opinions for the sake of playing the game
You don’t want that! And that’s why you have to start shifting your focus towards getting a ‘Life’.
This means;
- Your inspiration (rather than fear or perceived necessity) guides your decisions
- Your success is measured by how good you feel rather than the money you make
- Your joy is gained by giving to other people rather than using them as a means to your advance
If you can shift your focus to these standards then you will begin to make the change.
Are you a What or a Why?
Understandably, though, you’ll want to know what the payoff is. To some, it may appear that you’re purchasing a one way ticket to a life of poverty and unemployment. Sure, it sounds like a great way to live, but we all know that the demands of ‘The Real World’ mean that your life could never be this way, right?
Wrong!
Choosing a life rather than a career gives you the most vital resource known to man – ENERGY. With this quality, supporting yourself is easier than you think. You see, there’s a common mistake that most people make when thinking about the world of work and the practicalities of making a living. They feel bound to the career model because they believe the flow of money can only be accessed by WHAT they do i.e. If I work as a doctor/office worker/salesperson/plumber etc . then I will receive a financial reward.
What they don’t realise is that people actually get paid (or get paid the most) for WHY they do something ie: I worked as a tennis coach because I loved seeing kids have fun and helping their games develop – Tennis and Coaching just happened to be a vehicle for this. Whether you’re a person who operates from a WHY or a WHAT (for a more in depth explanation of this phenomenon please follow this link), the point is that money flows in abundance to the people who have a reason (beyond financial reward) for what they do.
This links perfectly to the idea of having a Life rather than a Career. It’s the synergy of being inspired to do something combined with the high energy levels you bring to your work. Ironically, this will place you on pay scale above people stuck in their ordinary careers.
Find the Hero Within
If having a Life is what you should aim to live, then who should you aim to Be? While the system would point you in the direction of being a powerful member of society with a title like Manager, Director or CEO, to live a truly exciting and fulfilling life, you have to draw your inspiration from a completely different source. Movies are going to be more helpful than careers advisors and childhood fantasies will serve you better than following the footsteps of your peers. It may sound strange, but you’ll need to connect with the Hero you were meant to be.
Here are 3 steps on how to do it.
1. The ’cause’ has to be greater than the individual. Think Braveheart. William Wallace valued freedom even at the expense of his life. Therefore, your mission has to be about more than personal gain. Making a difference to the world is a great place to start.
2. Overcome all odds. Few things inspire people more than overturning a stacked deck. To become a hero, you must succeed in spite of everything that is thrown at you. Therefore, don’t look for the easy path. Instead, look for the right path and fight anything in your way.
3. Speak Up! Hero’s aren’t goody goodies. If something aint’ right then say it, no matter whose nose you put out of joint. Just remember that Hero’s often have to take the heat to create changes that benefit everyone.
Follow these 3 steps and great things will happen. In a world where people struggle to look at themselves in the mirror, you’ll be one of the rare exceptions who are proud of who they are.
The 3 Things you Absolutely MUST do with your Time on Earth
I’m no fan of ’30 things you must do before you reach 30′ type lists. The idea that there is some universal standard of achievement and experience is too conformist for me.
So, I’ve come up with an alternative.
It’s not based on visiting a country on every continent of the world, learning to play a musical instrument or any number of equally interesting yet useless (unless you need a topic of conversation at a dinner party) pursuits. No, this list is far more radical, thought provoking and practical. In fact, it’s the antidote to all of the system’s ills. Depression, lack of purpose, loss of energy, addiction and low self-esteem will all disappear as soon as you commit to this holy-grail. While traditional bucket lists offer you a temporary escape from an otherwise mundane life, what I’m about to share with you is the secret to creating a reality you won’t need to escape from.
1. Achieve the Impossible
They told Roger Bannister it wasn’t possible for a human to run a mile in under 4 minutes.
They told Bruce Lee that it was impossible for an Asian actor to be accepted by an American audience.
The system is always creating the impossible. It wants you to believe that the status quo is unbreakable and that life can’t exist outside the parameters it sets to define reality. This illusion is created to prevent you from discovering a secret that would liberate the individual and make the system’s influence redundant – you have the power to create your reality.
However, this secret has to be LIVED to be truly appreciated. Unless you test yourself in a way that few people are prepared to do, you’ll never discover the power gained from achieving something others said you couldn’t. It’s life changing. And it’s easier than you think.
All you have to do to Achieve the Impossible is;
1. Do something other people said you couldn’t do.
OR
2. Do something YOU believed you couldn’t do.
Whether this means leaving the security of employed work and setting up your own business, undertaking an extreme physical challenge or overcoming a fear, addiction or hang up that’s been holding you back for years, Achieving the Impossible is one of life’s ultimate tests. Do it once, and you’ll want to do it again. Keep doing it and you’ll realise that most of the limitations we’ve been conditioned to accept simply aren’t real.
(Image taken from symphony of love’s photostream flickr.com)
2. Free yourself from Economic Servitude
Slavery ended over a century and a half ago?
Wrong! Although we are free in name and movement, there is still a dark cloud hanging over our existence. The Deloitte Shift Index 2011(check the Worker Passion section) indicates that 81% of people in employed work are not passionate about their jobs. Roughly translated – we spend most of our lives working jobs we don’t enjoy to make money to survive. This condition could be described as one of Economic Servitude. It’s about time freedom. Does the need to make money prevent you from doing what you want with your life?
For most of us, the answer is a resounding YES! If this is also the case for you then there are 2 ways to escape;
1. Make enough money so that you are not obliged to work.
OR
2. Work a job that you enjoy.
Making enough money so that you are not obliged to work can be achieved in a couple of ways.
You can actually do this through the system. The only catch is that it’ll probably take you about 40 years and you’ll be too washed up to really enjoy your freedom. Work incredibly long hours, save and disregard your well-being is the formula and for some it works.
However, I’m assuming you don’t want to go that route. If this is the case, then I’ve got some good news for you. It’s actually the people who break all of the conventions and bring something fantastically unique into the world that are the ones most financially rewarded for their time. True, you are either going to have to execute a brilliant idea, develop an outstanding skill or create something of great value but the rewards are huge. Instead of the system’s 40 year slog (which for most, still has no happy ending), you can be done in 10.
One of the great misconceptions is that you have to be a multi-millionaire to free yourself from economic servitude.
If you spend your days engaged in a line of work that interests you and allows you to express your creative abilities then you are free. This is the job where work isn’t work. Surveys tend to suggest you’ll need to be self-employed but it is possible to find this freedom through employed work. So long as you are working for a cause higher than making money, then you are already there.
And why is freeing yourself from Economic Servitude so important?
One word, freedom. You get to grow and live your life along the lines that bring the most reward to you.
(Image taken from 401(K) 2013’s photostream flickr.com)
3. Find your Paradise
Finding your Paradise is life’s ultimate destination. However, to describe it solely as a ‘destination’ is misleading. It’s something that you could attain today, yet lose a week later. Illusive in nature, it requires you to attain two components to complete the quest.
1. Physical Paradise
2. Internal Paradise
Physical paradise is the easier to explain.
This is about your environment. Contrary to what the system wants you to believe, we should ALL have our slice of paradise. It’s your mission to find out what this means for you. For some, it may mean the big mansion with the fantastic grounds. For others, it may mean community living and being surrounded by like-minded people who have each other’s interests at heart. Who knows, it could be a combination of the two.
While this may seem a reality far removed from the 2 bedroom flat you currently occupy, you must not be limited by convention. Finding a space you love and living with the people you love brings a tremendous amount of positive energy into your life. After all, what’s the point of Achieving the Impossible and freeing yourself from economic servitude if you can’t kick back and enjoy your time on earth?
Internal paradise is far more abstract.
It’s about the energy you live with on a day to day basis. How good do you feel? Depressed, so so, ecstatic?
Living in the state of internal paradise is an incredibly high energy experience. When you’re touched by this feeling anything seems possible and life becomes an adventure. All negative emotions cease as you’re hit with this overwhelming sense of being ALIVE.
You may have already had this experience on a few occasions. However, did you ever think to make living in this state your life’s mission? It can be done. Developing a thorough awareness of your thought processes and energy levels is the starting point. From there, you must free your mind from the system’s conditioning and learn to believe in a reality where anything is possible.
This process opens you up to the energy of the universe and should be undertaken by any person wanting to live an extraordinary life. It increases your well-being, enhances creativity and attracts the circumstances and people necessary to your advance.
If you’ve ever felt that there’s so much more you can be and do then this is for you. Begin today and you’ll discover that there’s no greater reward than the one reaped through self-mastery.
(Image taken from Antti Simonen’s photostream flickr.com)
This is your Life and its ending one minute at a Time
These 3 challenges are your blueprint for an extraordinary life. Don’t expect to complete them in a year. This is about building a foundation for your life that will never be shaken.
If you currently feel that your life lacks meaning, or that you’re sick of playing the system’s game, then this could be your answer. From today, you will never again be bored, never again feel lost and never again feel that your life is wasting away.
You are now the lead role in the greatest story ever told – your life. Go out and LIVE it!
Call to Action
If you want to discover a passion you can make a living from and overcome the fears that are holding you back, check out my free course 30 Days to Escape The System. Click here to get the course right now! (You’ll find the tips on developing belief and self-confidence fascinating!)
Why you Should Feel Happy about being Depressed
Life Imbalance
- Endless hours spent working in jobs we largely don’t enjoy.
- Our spirits crushed as we’re strongly influenced to make the pursuit of money our main life objective.
- The disconnecting emptiness of a system that’s leading us away from our natural community sharing state into overpopulated isolation.
All of the factors, and many more, make depression almost unavoidable. It’s ironic, but you’re probably saner and more alive if you ARE feeling depressed.
3 Steps to Freedom
If, like me, you’ve felt the dark clouds of system induced depression blackening your outlook, then you’ll want to be free. So, I’ve put together a radical 3 point plan to help you understand and use this emotion.
Step 1: Rejoice. Congratulations, you ARE alive. What’s more, there’s nothing wrong with you for not fitting in or feeling depressed. In fact, in some ways, it’s the key to a much greater and far richer life. Your natural guidance system (feelings) is working and now it’s just a case of using them to find an avenue that lifts you up.
So feel good about your depression. Don’t see yourself as a victim to something beyond your control. In fact, reframe your experience so that it becomes a calling to something greater. You weren’t built for a mediocre life and that low energy feeling is just a reminder that you need to set your sights higher.
Step 2: Just say No! In all but the most extreme cases, I would advise NOT taking any form of medication. Your feelings are there for a reason and to have them medicated away masks the underlying problem. Some of the most brilliant people have suffered from depression.
Winston Churchill is a prime example. Fortunately for Churchill, though, he lived in a time before medication. Would he have been the same force in World War 2 if he was constantly popping pills that numbed and dulled his senses? It’s unlikely, and that is why you need your feelings. As well as sometimes dragging you down, they contain the keys to your brilliance.
Step 3: Think Big. I hope the message has sunk in by now. It is my fervent belief that most cases of depression occur because people simply aren’t living a life. The opportunities that the system presents are SO dull that they will fulfill only the most robotic of personality types.
You are going to need something else. Most importantly, you’re going need something bigger. The moment I committed myself to the pursuit of an uplifting dream, my depression began to lift. You will need to find something similarly grand. It may be a dream or an ideal but the most important thing is that you look beyond the confines of what is considered normal. In this space, you’ll find what your heart desires and the energy this provides will make those dark days a distant memory.
(Image taken from photostream of Voodoochild 10588 flickr.com)