Author: Joe Barnes
7 Bible Quotes That Will Transform Your Life (Even If Your Aren’t Christian)
I’m not a Christian.
However, despite this lack of religiosity, I found myself drawn to the Bible after reading two influential books – The Power Of Your Subconscious Mind and The Power Of Positive Thinking.
Both quote the Bible extensively. They use it to both explain the points they’re making and add gravitas to their words.
It works!
Somehow, reading these old Bible sayings, written anywhere between 2500 and 2000 years ago (some Old Testament and some New), left a powerful impression on my mind.
It’s like life’s secrets are being shared with you.
Understand, assimilate and then live by these words, and the world is your oyster. They’ll show you a way to live and think that guarantees peace of mind and enables you to get what you want from life.
That last phrase might not sound very Christian. Afterall, isn’t The Bible supposed to be about serving others and self-sacrifice?
Maybe. However, the parts I’ve read, and love, read something like an ancient self-help book to me.
Tony Robbins, or Robert Greene, couldn’t have said it better.
The Bible seems to have been written by people who understand how the universe works. Tap into their knowledge and you’ll dramatically transform your life.
Here are 7 of the Bible’s most powerful quotes.
On Belief
If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.
– Mark ix. 23
I remember having something akin to an out of body experience when I first read this quote in The Power Of Your Subconscious Mind.
So, you’re telling me I can do anything I want with my life?
I can live my dreams? I have the power within me to make any outcome I want come true?
But how does the power of belief work?
Believe in an outcome and its realisation becomes a possibility. Not only do you activate all resources within you, a likely connection with infinite intelligence is also established, revealing a path towards the realisation of your desires.
Doubt an outcome, or believe that something is impossible, and you shut yourself, and the universe, down. There is no possibility of your desire occurring because you’re closed to the idea.
Ok, so this may work for the small things in life but what about the outcomes we know are impossible?
For example, let’s say I lose my arm in a car crash. If I believe it’ll regrow will that happen?
No.
You can’t defy the laws of biology and physics. However, you can work around them.
Through man’s desire to heal, and be whole, we’ve invented prosthetics.
To a medieval warrior who’d lost his arm in battle, the thought that he could have a functioning metallic replacement would seem impossible. However, fast forward 700 years and the impossible is made possible through the power of belief. (And who’s to say, in the future, we won’t discover a way to regrow limbs in a lab).
This is why it’s so important to believe in your desired outcome.
In fact, let your belief be SO strong that you meet the standard set by Mark in xi. 23,
Whosoever shall say unto this mountain, be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea, and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that these things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he saith.
The “mountain” represents an obstacle you’re struggling with in your life right now (and have maybe done so for years). Can you believe that it will be “cast into the sea” (submerged, drowned and no longer in your way)?
As crazy as that metaphor may seem, it’s useful as a barometer for how strong your belief needs to be.
Affirm, with absolute conviction, that you can have the life you want.
On Prayer
What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.
– Mark xi.24
I pray every other night. I kneel by the side of my bed and adopt the familiar prayer position.
First and foremost, I pray for the health of my soon to be born baby (4 months’ time) and for the health of my partner when she gives birth.
I then pray that my message will reach a million people through the sale of my books.
Sometimes, I even pray for obstacles to be put on my path as, historically, this has always led to greater growth.
When I pray, there’s emotion in my words. They feel like a demand and I always wake up the next morning feeling peaceful and clearer about what I need to do.
I’ve only just turned this into a routine. However, I have noticed that my prayers are being answered.
I can only guess this is because I’m activating the power of belief. There’s something in The Universe that responds to certainty. Science may not fully understand it, or be able to prove it (at the moment), but it’s there.
On Thoughts
For as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.
– Proverbs xxiii. 7
James Allen wrote a book about this line and explained it brilliantly.
You don’t get what you want in life, you get who you are.
Or, to put it another way, circumstances don’t make a person, they reveal him or her.
The Bible is telling you that you play an unrealised role in shaping your reality.
It’s not the case that you’re dumped onto the planet, in a certain environment (whether negative or positive) and the impact of this beginning then determines the rest of your life.
Instead, you have a choice. Sure, environment has an impact but you also have the power to create a new reality for yourself.
But how to do this?
Once again, The Bible provides answers in Phil iv. 8 when it says,
Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
Focus on the positive. Reject the negative.
Of course, this is easy to say but much harder to do.
Negativity is seductive. Negativity is addictive. Negativity is believable.
They’ll be so many things pulling you towards the negative.
What you must do, though, is train yourself to disengage from these thoughts and remember the verse from Philippians.
Keep pouring into the jug of positivity. Every day.
Eventually, your life will change to match your inner transformation.
On Fear And Worry
For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me.
– Job iii. 25
You attract your fears.
I learned this when overcoming a particularly bad case of insomnia. It go so bad I feared going to bed every night, anticipating only 4 hours sleep after I woke at 3am.
What I didn’t realise was that I was creating this experience through fear.
The more you focus on something, the more likely it is to occur. This is true for both the negative and the positive. However, the unfortunate reality is that the negative, especially the things we fear, seem to have more of an appeal (perhaps they’re more believable).
This will happen with every area of your life, not just sleep.
It could be a car crash. It could be getting fired from your job. It could be getting a disease.
And, if you go to extremes to avoid the outcome (such as never travelling in a car), you’ll find that your life gets negatively impacted in another way. So, in effect, you never escape your fears.
What can be done to avoid this situation?
Remember, and live by, the words in Matthew vi. 26, when he recalls Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount,
Therefore, I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, what you will wear. . . Look at the birds of the air: They do not sow or reap or gather into barns – and yet your heavenly father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
The Bible is offering you a recipe for a care free existence. Ditch the worries and, instead, know that you’ll always be provided for.
This is a much better way to live than constantly fearing the next disaster. Furthermore, you won’t be any more likely to fall foul of a legitimate danger (your instincts will see to that).
It’s the ultimate win-win.
Final Thought
When I re read these Bible quotes, the lesson I take from their words is that we, as humans, are co-creators of our reality.
We have far more power than we realise, perhaps far more than the Christian Church of old wanted us to believe.
Through the power of belief, we work with God (or the universe), and can bring about the most fantastic life for ourselves and, potentially, the most amazing world for everyone – a Kingdom of Heaven on Earth.
GET YOUR FREE COURSE
If you want to discover a passion you can make a living from and overcome the fears that are holding you back, check out my free course 30 Days to Escape The System. Click here to get the course right now! (You’ll find the tips on developing belief and self-confidence fascinating!)
Photo by Jametlene Reskp on Unsplash
7 Pieces of Bullsh*t Life Advice You Should Ignore (And What to Do Instead)
If you watch closely, you’ll notice that most people are running their lives on autopilot. Not because they’re lazy or unintelligent, but because they’ve absorbed a set of ideas that sound sensible, comforting and socially acceptable.
These ideas are passed down by well-meaning parents, teachers, friends and colleagues.
They’re repeated so often that questioning them feels irresponsible. However, when you do, something becomes clear: a lot of conventional life advice is not just unhelpful, it’s harmful.
Below are seven such pieces of bullsh*t life advice.
1. “If it’s meant to be, it’ll Happen”
Few phrases sound more comforting than this one. It removes responsibility, eases anxiety and makes uncertainty feel spiritual.
Unfortunately, it’s also untrue.
Life rarely gives you anything just because it’s “meant to be.”
Desired outcomes don’t fall into your lap. Opportunities don’t materialize because you waited patiently and trusted the universe. If you want something — a career, a relationship, a body, a skill, a life — you have to make it happen.
That means showing up every day.
It means working hard when no one is watching.
It means pushing, grinding, sweating and failing repeatedly.
Only after you’ve put in that level of effort does luck sometimes appear — and when it does, it looks a lot like momentum.
The universe doesn’t reward passivity.
It responds to motion.
So instead of waiting for signs, go after what you want relentlessly. You can always reinterpret success as fate later.
2. “Education is the key to success”
Growing up, many of us were told that doing well at school and university was the path to a good life. Study hard, get the qualifications and success will follow.
Reality is messier.
You can be highly educated and deeply unhappy. You can have multiple degrees and still feel trapped in a job you hate.
Formal education might make you employable, but it rarely helps you find your life’s purpose.
What’s far more powerful than education is self-education: the never-ending pursuit of learning things that matter to you.
- Teaching yourself skills you care about.
- Diving deeply into subjects that energize you.
- Becoming genuinely excellent at something you enjoy.
When you do that, a few things happen.
- You gain rare and valuable expertise.
- You enjoy the process instead of resenting it.
- Money becomes a byproduct rather than the sole objective.
- Success feels lighter, more playful and far less stressful.
Education isn’t useless but it’s not the key people pretend it is. Curiosity, obsession and self-direction matter far more.
3. “Be realistic”
This advice is usually delivered with concern.
Don’t aim too high. Don’t dream too big. You’ll only disappoint yourself when you inevitably fail.
But living this way is a one-way ticket to regret.
Being “realistic” often means choosing goals that don’t scare you, don’t stretch you and don’t require transformation. It’s a strategy for avoiding discomfort, not for building a meaningful life.
Instead of realism, try optimism.
Go after what your heart actually wants, even if success feels unlikely.
Even if you fail, you’ll learn something valuable.
You’ll grow. You’ll become more capable.
And you might succeed — partly because competition at the top is surprisingly scarce.
Most people are realistic. That’s why so few attempt anything extraordinary. If you give yourself permission to dream boldly, you dramatically reduce the number of people you’re competing with for life’s most meaningful rewards.
Dreams don’t guarantee success but realism almost always guarantees mediocrity.
4. “Getting rich will solve all your problems”
There’s a fantasy number many people carry around in their heads. Once they reach it, they believe, life will finally work.
Stress will disappear.
Relationships will improve.
Meaning will magically arrive.
But money doesn’t work like that.
You can be rich and unhealthy. Rich and lonely. Rich and miserable. Rich and directionless. Wealth amplifies who you already are, it doesn’t fix what’s broken.
This doesn’t mean money is bad.
Having money is great. It provides freedom, optionality and security. But making “getting rich” the primary goal is a mistake.
A better goal is self-mastery.
When you understand who you are, what makes you happy and what drains you; when you have confidence in your abilities and the discipline to develop them, money becomes easier to earn without destroying your health or your mind.
Instead of asking, “How do I get rich?”, ask, “How do I build a life where I feel alive?”
Wealth tends to follow.
5. “Live in ‘The Real World’”
When many people leave university, they’re told — with grim certainty — that the fun is over. Welcome to the real world: 40 to 50 hours a week doing work you don’t care about, for decades, until retirement.
The statement is delivered as if there’s no alternative.
But there is.
The “real world” is not a fixed structure — it’s a story people tell to justify their own choices and limitations. In reality, you have far more options than you’ve been led to believe.
- You can work for yourself.
- You can freelance.
- You can become a content creator.
- You can master a skill and teach it to others.
- You can start a business.
None of these paths are easy, but neither is spending your life doing something you hate.
The most important thing to remember is this: you don’t have to accept someone else’s version of reality. You can create your own.
6. “Life is suffering”
Some people insist that life is fundamentally about suffering. They’ll quote philosophers, spiritual teachers or modern psychologists to support the claim. And while it’s true that everyone suffers at times, that doesn’t mean suffering is the point.
Accepting this belief doesn’t help you — it narrows your vision.
You get to choose how you interpret life. You can believe life is suffering or you can believe life is growth. You can see every challenge as punishment or as an opportunity to develop strength and wisdom.
Your beliefs set the parameters of your world. If you believe life is suffering, you’ll notice every hardship and overlook every possibility. If you believe life is growth, you’ll see chances to learn, adapt and improve.
Choose carefully. Your outlook quietly shapes your entire experience.
7. “Always have a plan B”
When people tell you to have a plan B, they think they’re protecting you. They’re trying to shield you from disappointment, failure or financial hardship.
But in most cases, plan B doesn’t provide safety — it guarantees mediocrity.
Having a backup plan divides your focus. It weakens your belief. It turns full commitment into cautious experimentation.
People with plan Bs rarely go all in — they dip their toes in the water and wonder why they never find the pearl.
Extraordinary goals require cast-iron belief and total immersion.
You don’t succeed at difficult missions by hedging your bets. You succeed by diving headlong into them.
This doesn’t mean being reckless. It means being committed.
If you want something deeply, give it your full attention. That’s how difficult things get done.
Conclusion: Question the Advice That Shapes Your Life
Most people don’t choose their beliefs, they inherit them. And many of those beliefs quietly keep them small, safe and dissatisfied.
The point isn’t to reject all advice. It’s to question the ideas that sound sensible but discourage action, ambition and responsibility. The ones that make you passive instead of powerful.
Your life won’t be handed to you. It will be built — one decision, one belief one uncomfortable action at a time.
Choose accordingly.
GET YOUR FREE COURSE
If you want to discover a passion you can make a living from and overcome the fears that are holding you back, check out my free course 30 Days to Escape The System. Click here to get the course right now! (You’ll find the tips on developing belief and self-confidence fascinating!)
What To Do When It Feels Like Your Life Is Falling Apart
You have two choices when it comes to living your life.
- Adapt to the world and do your best to fit in.
- Listen to your heart and act on its promptings.
This article is written for people who choose option 2.
When you play it safe, you don’t have to confront the challenges that those who listen to their heart are forced to face. Instead, you get to sail through life, safe in knowledge that there’s safety in numbers and, if you do what everybody else does, it’s likely you can stay out of harms way.
Of course, this won’t save you from the truly terrible life events that plague us all – cancer, divorce, addiction, premature loss of a loved one. However, that’s not what I’m writing about today.
As important as that subject is, I want to focus on a slightly different aspect of the “life falling apart” experience.
In particular, I’m focusing on what to do when;
- Your business, which you’ve pinned all your hopes and dreams on, fails.
- Your money is running dangerously low because you’ve been trying to create the life of your dreams but it hasn’t panned out as expected.
- Your girlfriend/boyfriend or wife/husband leaves you because they don’t understand why you can’t settle for an ordinary life.
- You’re spending too much time on your own, and feeling lonely, because you find it difficult to engage with a world of superficiality and materialism.
- You look at other people, living regular lives, and can’t shake the thought of what you’ve given up by following a different path.
- No matter what you try, you can’t seem to get any clients or breakthrough to the next level in your business or life.
How do you handle these moments?
My Strategies
In one form or another, I’ve experienced every single one of the situations above. As a result, I’ve been through more soul searching moments than I’d care to count.
True, they were more frequent many years ago, when I was first starting out, but they still occur.
I still get down. I still question all of my life choices and wonder why the path I’ve chosen has to be so damn hard. I still get low on belief and struggle to see through the fog of negativity.
What do I do when this happens?
There are a few methods and resources I turn to in the dark moments. I’ve never documented them before but my hope is that by doing so, you might be able to borrow and adapt them to your own situation.
Yes, some of them are specific to my psychology but there should be something universal to them as well.
So, without further ado, here’s a list of strategies, perspective shifts and tools you can use when it feels like your life is falling apart.
1. Find Your Meaning
To my mind, Viktor Frankl’s, Man’s Search For Meaning, is one of the most powerful books you can ever read. Borne out of his experiences in a Nazi death camp, it documents a time when every day felt like his life was falling apart.
He had to cope with the death of almost all of his family and endure some of the harshest conditions known to man (freezing cold winters with only rags on his back, a starvation diet, hard manual labour and brutality from prison guards).
He estimated that his chances for survival were 1 in 20. However, he was one of the 5% and in his bestselling book, he shares insightful advice on how to get through anything.
Meaning is key. So long as you can find purpose in what you’re doing, it will be enough to keep you going.
For Frankl, you find meaning in one of three ways.
- Through a project or work you’re passionate about
- Through the people you love
- Through a commitment to maintaining your dignity and decency, irrespective of the adversity you face
This message has always stuck with me.
There were times when option 1 and 2 weren’t available to me – I felt like my work was failing and I was all alone. The only thing I was left with was option 3. However, it was enough.
I made a commitment to myself that even if my dreams failed and I spent the rest of my life on my own, I wasn’t going to lose my decency.
I could take pride in this. Of course, I wanted Frankl’s first two paths to meaning (and, in time, I got them) but remembering that I always had the third gave me something to hold onto.
2. Find Your Role Model
For me, two people spring to mind when I feel lost – Nelson Mandela and Rubin Carter (see Denzel Washington’s portrayal of him in the film, The Hurricane).
Both these people faced the worst kind of discrimination and depravation.
Nelson Mandela choose an incredibly hard life (not many people know this, but he could have become a royal advisor and bypassed the mountain of hardship he ended up facing). He did so because he believed in something so deeply (equality for his people) that he was prepared to give his life for this cause.
When it feels like my life is falling apart, I can picture him in his 2 by 2 meter cell on Robben Island, watching the years pass but staying firm in his commitment to do what’s right.
It reminds me that I must stay the course. Even when I appear to be stagnating, and nothing seems to work, I have to remember why I choose this path and this gives me the strength to see my mission through.
While I won’t necessarily watch The Hurricane when it feels like my life is falling apart (I’ve seen it about 4 times now so repeated viewing wears thin), I’ll remember the dignity of Ruben Carter while experiencing decades in prison for a murder he didn’t commit. I also remember a moving scene at the end of the film, when he’s finally freed and stands outside the steps of the courthouse giving a speech to the press. This reminds me that, one day, my salvation will also come.
These two people might not mean much to you. It doesn’t matter. There’ll be somebody that does and perhaps a movie or two that offers solace.
Bear them in mind when you’re feeling down. Use their example to remind you that you’re not alone in your struggles. It’s likely other people have been through far worse than you and yet still come out the other side successful and happy.
(It’s also worth mentioned that, at the end of The Hurricane, the title track So Amazing plays over the credits. This gospel infused song is something I also turn to when it feels like my life is falling apart and you should seek a similarly evocative song for yourself).
3. Journaling
This isn’t something I turn to only when I’m feeling down. I journal every week. However, it takes on a deeper significance when it feels like my life is falling apart.
The simple process of writing my thoughts down on paper can transform my mood in the space of 20 minutes.
I write about what I’m struggling with and what’s confusing me. Furthermore, I do it with honesty and without fear that another person might read my innermost thoughts.
As a result, I emerge from a journaling session with clarity. With the 300 or 400 words I write, I can usually see my way out of an overwhelming situation and find a new perspective that gives me renewed motivation.
If you don’t journal, start one now. Even if you just turn to it at your lowest points, it’ll be invaluable.
4. Prayer
I’m not religious so my prayers aren’t to the God of any religion. Nonetheless, I find the process of kneeling down by my bed before I go to sleep and asking for a solution, incredibly soothing.
Joseph Murphy, in his book, The Power Of Your Subconscious Mind, notes that most people will pray in times of desperation or when faced with a life threatening situation (whether they’re religious or not). Instinctively, we know there’s power in prayer. Perhaps it’s an opportunity to communicate with the universe.
Tell it what you want. Tell it how you need its’ help for your predicament to be resolved.
In my experience, most times, it answers.
5. Recalling Powerful Spiritual Experiences
I was 20 years old when I had the most powerful spiritual experience of my life. Lying in bed, before falling asleep at night, I was filled with a wonderful feeling that I’d always be protected.
It was euphoric and joyous and, in that moment, I knew I had nothing to fear from life.
The feeling only lasted for 5 minutes before I fell asleep but it’s stayed with me over the years.
Sure, I don’t live with it on a daily basis and neither does it prevent me from, occasionally, feeling like my life is falling apart. However, I can recall it and it’s useful to do so.
This spiritual experience reminds me that, no matter the difficulties I’m facing, some power greater than myself is watching over me and I’ll always be protected.
Recalling this makes me feel uplifted, blasting through the negativity that had, previously, overwhelmed me.
Obviously, it’s highly personal and I don’t expect you to co-opt my revelation. However, if you look back over your life, you probably have some of your own.
When did you feel in touch with a divine presence? What revelations have you had over the years?
Remember them as they act as reminders that whatever it is you’re going through won’t last.
GET YOUR FREE COURSE
If you want to discover a passion you can make a living from and overcome the fears that are holding you back, check out my free course 30 Days to Escape The System. Click here to get the course right now! (You’ll find the tips on developing belief and self-confidence fascinating!)
Photo by christopher lemercier on Unsplash
How Journaling Saved My Life (and could do the same for you)
Let me take you back to July 2003.
At the time, I was working behind the bar in a dingy pub near the village where I lived. Every night, I had to pull pints, clear cigarette butt laden ashtrays into the bin and crouch down in the pubs’ humid basement to grab bottles of beer and J20 to restock the bar above.
It was horrible work – probably the shitiest job I’ve had (it’s between that and working in a call centre). I hated it but didn’t appear to have the resourcefulness to find anything else.
This was a surprise to me as, the year prior, I’d discovered the world of personal development. Like a sponge, I’d soaked up information on the power of belief, the potency of my subconscious mind, the law of attraction, the necessity of having a Definite Chief Aim and the significance of my thoughts.
I felt like I knew it all and yet . . . here I was working in an environment that couldn’t have been further from the life of my dreams.
Something was missing.
All I knew was theory. When it came to creating a tangible change in my life, I had nothing to show. . . until I discovered the power of journaling.
Journaling On Steroids
I’d actually started journaling the previous year. At the time, I was completing my finals and needed an outlet for the angst I was experiencing about post university life.
Although I only put pen to paper sporadically (to this day, I write rather than type my journal entries), it always had a wonderfully calming effect on my mind.
After I left university, I continued the practice but changed the focus of my journal entries.
Inspired by my discovery of personal development, the dream of becoming a bestselling self-help author had formed in my mind. As a result, my journal now served the function of charting progress towards this objective.
This helped but it wasn’t until July of 2003, while working in the aforementioned pub, that I added a crucial dimension to my journaling practice that was to change everything.
The idea behind this change was simple.
I needed a way to measure my progress. While I felt like I was growing, I had no real method of ascertaining whether my life was actually getting better.
This is where I came up with the idea of scoring my days.
Calibration
From July 2003 onwards, I started rating all of my days out of 10.
With 10 being the highest and 1 the lowest, I calibrated the quality of my life and got an accurate picture of where I was at.
After doing this for a month, I came to the conclusion that I was between a 5 and a 6 out of 10.
Yes, my life was boring but it wasn’t terrible. I had a roof over my head, food on the table and although I was still suffering from a string of psychosomatic conditions and sleeping badly, there was nothing seriously wrong with my health.
Going through this process was a wake up call. Many of us have a tendency to think our lives are shit until we sit down and take stock of the things we do and don’t have.
Sure, back in 2003, I didn’t have a girlfriend, a social life, a career or an interesting way to make money (and was still living with my parents). However, I did have stability, security, my body was in tact and hobbies in the form of playing tennis and going to the gym.
Life was dull but it wasn’t a disaster.
Learning this lesson grounded me and provided a platform to aim higher. From here, I started thinking about what it would take to score a 7/10 day rating.
I also added another facet to my journaling program that would significantly improve my life.
Results
Whereas scoring my days out of 10 helped me see the wood from the trees, noting every significant result gave me the feeling I was moving forwards and switched my focus from negative to positive.
Recording your results is as simple as it sounds. Every day, write down in your journal all significant success you’ve had (and if you don’t have any just write ‘none’). (Btw, if you want to read a sample entry from my journal to see how all of this works, read till the end where I’ll share one with you).
You may ask, “What counts as a significant success?”
My answer is anything that moves your life forwards (even if it’s just a little).
For me, it was;
- Getting tennis coaching clients
- Winning important tennis matches
- Getting hypnotherapy clients
- Helping a hypnotherapy client achieve their objective
- Selling a copy of my book
- Selling multiple copies of my books in one go
- Getting a book deal
- Crossing the 1000 copies sold milestone
- Going on a date
- Getting a long-term girlfriend
- Having a really good time with friends and family
- Making a profit on an investment
The list could go on but you get the picture.
I’ve tried to include my significant results in chronological order (at least when it came to my professional successes). This is for a reason.
I discovered, when perfecting this program, that what counts as a significant result one year, might not the next.
For example, I didn’t see tennis coaching as a big part of creating the life of my dreams (more a stepping stone). So, once I’d established a client based, and it was providing me with a liveable income, I didn’t count gaining tennis coaching clients as a significant result anymore.
Instead, my focus switched to selling books. Just one sale would count as a significant success. However, over a decade on from when I started, I’d need to be selling at least 20 copies a week to have that impact.
Do you see how this works?
To build the kind of momentum that will move you towards the life of your dreams, you must continually grow and achieve at higher and higher levels.
How It All Worked
Once I added this two step program to my journaling practise, my life started to change.
Within 6 months I’d left the pub behind and was working as a tennis coach.
Within 2 years, I was working as a hypnotherapist.
Within 3 years, I was regularly going on dates and then got a long term girlfriend.
Within 6 years, I’d bought my first house.
Within 9 years, I’d published my first book.
Within 15 years, I got a publishing deal.
Did all of these outcomes occur because of the journaling practise I’d created?
Probably not. However, it was the single most influential factor.
It turned me into a positive, motivated person.
The positivity came from only recording the successes I achieved (I’ll never make a note of my failures). Of course, I still fail (they occur far more frequently than the successes and I always try to learn from them) but I refuse to allow these failures to become the focus of my life.
The motivation comes from trying to reach the next level.
When I first started this practise, I wanted to go one level higher than where I was at (6/10) and score regular 7 out of 10’s. Once I’d done that, the goal became 8’s and so on and so on.
22 years later, I now score regular 10 out of 10’s (but I want every day to be a 10). This keeps me motivated. There’s always something to aim for.
How You Can Adapt This For Yourself
I hope my story has convinced you to give this journaling practise a try. Just to be clear, there are only two parts to its completion.
- Score every day out of 10.
- Record every significant success you achieve (can be more than one per day)
If you want some help with calibrating your days, use Maslow’s hierarchy of needs (see picture below).
You can see that the American psychologist split the human needs into five different levels. For the sake of your journaling practise, each one is worth 2 points.
So, if you have all your basic needs met (food, roof over your head and don’t have a life threatening illness), then you should be at a 4/10.
Then, if you have love in your life and good relationships, perhaps you’re at a 6. If you have all this and are successful at your work, then perhaps an 8. If you have all of these things and are living your life’s purpose, then you could be at a 9 or a 10.
Having said this, though, sometimes your feelings are the best guide to creating an accurate day rating.
How good do you feel on a day to day basis?
Are you loving life?
If so, score yourself higher on the scale.
Here’s an example from my journal.
Did Journaling Really Save My Life?
Ok, so I wasn’t suicidal back in 2003. However, moments of depression were all too common and I’d just come out of an even worse time at university.
Of all the personal development strategies and hacks I’ve tried, I can honestly say that journaling (and, in particular, this system I created for myself) has been, by far, the most powerful. It’s the thing that turned my life around and saved me from a life of misery and wasted potential.
My hope is that it does the same for you.
(If you want coaching on how to use this journaling method, email me at joe@escapethesystemnow.com and put ‘journaling’ in the subject bar to get 25% off your first session).
GET YOUR FREE COURSE
If you want to discover a passion you can make a living from and overcome the fears that are holding you back, check out my free course 30 Days to Escape The System. Click here to get the course right now! (You’ll find the tips on developing belief and self-confidence fascinating!)
Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash
What Tyler Durden Can Teach You About The Art Of Letting Go
“Stop trying to control everything and just let go!”
– Tyler Durden
About three quarters of the way through the film Fight Club, there’s a scene where the narrator (played by Edward Norton) and Tyler Durden (played by Brad Pitt) are driving down a freeway.
It’s night, the rain is heavy and the sound of the windscreen wiper punctuates their conversation.
It isn’t an amicable one. The narrator wants to know why he isn’t being involved in Project Mayhem (the next stage of Fight Club). He wants to know what Tyler’s thinking and be abreast of all the details as this movement, which he sees himself as part owner of, grows.
Instead of answering his questions, though, Tyler teaches him a lesson.
He lets go of the steering wheel and allows their Lincoln Town car to veer dangerously onto the other side of the road.
The narrator responds frantically to this seemingly reckless move, screaming at Tyler and grabbing the wheel.
Tyler reacts by chastising him, calling him, “fucking pathetic.”
It seems an unfair response to someone trying to save their lives but there’s meaning behind Tyler’s madness.
He wants the narrator to let go. He wants him to stop trying to control every tiny detail of his life, attempting to force outcomes to go the way he wants and, instead, open himself up to the magic of life unfolding.
The reason he uses such an extreme method to teach this lesson is because the narrator is so strongly welded to control.
Society has taught him that he must exert the utmost influence over his life to keep up and be successful. He has to be on top of everything, micromanaging and stressing over whether things will go the way he wants. However, Tyler knows there’s a better way and is keen to show the narrator that, when you let go, you don’t fall, you fly.
The Greatest Irony
I’ve lived a large portion of my life like the narrator.
At the age of 17, I was obsessed with the gym. I wanted to get bigger, stronger and I wanted to look better. As a result, I trained almost every day of the week, putting my body through strenuous workouts in an attempt to achieve my aim.
Even when I went on holiday, I couldn’t take a day off.
I remember rocking up to Gatwick airport with a suitcase of dumbbells weighing me down.
My friends didn’t know what to think as it thudded onto the scale and registered at over twice the baggage allowance.
It was embarrassing. We had to spread the cement-encased-in-plastic weights around all four of our suitcases and we were still a little over.
I couldn’t let go. I was trying to force my naturally slim teenage body to get bigger and the thought of going a week without lifting made me feel insecure.
There’s something you need to be aware of when you attempt to force the outcomes you desire – you often get the reverse of what you intended.
In my case, a lack of time off from the gym was depriving my muscles of the much-needed rest that would allow them to grow. I was forcing so much that I was inhibiting my progress.
Furthermore, two months after my holiday, I got a shoulder injury.
Soon, I went from training every day to not being able to train at all. Attempting to control my development had completely backfired.
Letting Go
You may be wondering how you can apply the principle of letting go to your life.
First, you need to understand what you’re letting go of.
The need to control outcomes is a major factor but there are other areas as well.
You must let go of;
• Your obsessive thoughts
• Your fears
• Your problems
• Your mental recriminations (when you get in an argument with another person and then spend hours, or maybe days, going backwards and forwards over it, convincing yourself that you were right)
• Your past mistakes, failures and regrets
• Your hunt for the secret to success (thinking there’s one piece of information that will transform your business or life)
Holding onto any of the above drains your energy. You may think that doing so is normal, or that you have no choice, but you must rid your mind of these thoughts.
Here’s how.
The Formula
There are only two steps to mastering the art of letting go.
1. Awareness
2. Breaking the pattern
Awareness means spending more time monitoring your thoughts. Gone are the days of sleep walking through life.
You don’t need to be in your head all of the time (this would be counterproductive) but you do need to mentally ‘check in’ 4 or 5 times a day.
This will mean spending some time, on your own, in silence. If you don’t have time to sit still, this can be done while driving, cooking a meal, walking to work or walking the dog, cleaning the house or bathing.
Turn the podcast, or music, off and notice what you’re thinking.
Are impulsive, controlling thoughts occurring, regarding outcomes you want to go your way?
Are you slipping into some of the mental habits listed in the bullet points above?
After you develop this awareness, it’s time to break any negative patterns.
Again, this is fairly simple. You just need a word or action that’s going to shift your focus away from what you’re holding onto and into a neutral zone where you’re free from the grip of your negative focus.
For me, mentally repeating the words “Let Go” works.
For you, it might be easier to picture a red stop sign or some other image.
Or, if you’re on your own, you might want to clap your heads or jump up and down a couple of times.
It doesn’t really matter what you do (create your own pattern interrupt), so long as you disengage from whatever it is you’re holding onto.
The magic isn’t in the method you use. The magic is in the commitment to repeat the formula over a 3-to-6-month period and see the astonishing changes that will take place.
Near Life Experience
After Tyler lets go of the steering wheel for the second time, their car crashes into the back of stationary traffic. The impact flips them, launching the car off the road and into a ditch.
Emerging from the wreckage, Tyler hauls the injured narrator from the car. He seems euphoric and in a fit of laughter proclaims, “God damn, we just had a near-life experience.”
What does he mean?
Most people, when faced with death in a car crash or some other high-risk accident, report experiencing their entire life flashing before their eyes.
Such a moment is typically described as a near death experience so why does Tyler take the opposite view?
He’s saying that control equals death. If you’re spending the majority of your life trying to control outcomes and focusing on your problems, fears and petty grievances, then you’re already dead.
This is the space in which the narrator has been living. As a result, when he experiences the power of letting go, by releasing the steering wheel of his life, for the first time in perhaps many years, he actually feels alive.
With the lesson taught, the message is clear. Letting go connects you with the magic of life.
Final Thoughts
Do you want to experience this magic?
I’m sure you do.
It can strike in so many ways.
Letting go has helped me heal my shoulder injury, overcome IBS and overcome a lifelong case of insomnia.
It’s also gifted me with ideas for books and blog posts which have earned me money and made my life more meaningful.
Finally, letting go has helped me find unnumerable solutions to the problems I face and presented me the chance encounters needed to advance my life.
It’s helped me in so many ways and I hope it will do the same for you.
The biggest mistake you can make is to think you have to control every outcome of your life.
You can’t. You’re simply not powerful enough (no one is) and your reach doesn’t extend that far.
At some point, you are going to have to let go and let the universe in.
It will work its magic if you allow it to.
GET YOUR FREE COURSE
If you want to discover a passion you can make a living from and overcome the fears that are holding you back, check out my free course 30 Days to Escape The System. Click here to get the course right now! (You’ll find the tips on developing belief and self-confidence fascinating!)
The Only 2 Things I Learned From Tony Robbins
Am I a Tony Robbins fan?
Sort of.
I’ve never paid a small fortune to go to one of his events. However, I did buy a second hand version of one of his CD courses on eBay, have watched “I’m Not Your Guru” on Netflix twice and sporadically watch him on YouTube.
I guess it’s fair to say I dip in and out of Tony’s work. However, I still rate him as the GOAT of the personal development world (click this link to see a full run down of my rankings, with other prominent figures like Jay Shetty, Robert Greene and Jordan Peterson rated).
Having said that, though, there are only two of Tony’s teachings that have stuck with me throughout the years.
However, just because they’re small in number doesn’t mean you should underestimate their impact.
What I’m about to reveal is a deep insight into human psychology that has made me a more skilled therapist and helped me understand myself and other people better.
Assimilate these concepts and you’ll know more than 99% of the population regarding what drives human behaviour and why most people fail to make significant changes.
You can do A LOT with this knowledge.
Not only will you be able to transform your own life, making a breakthrough that you’ve perhaps struggled to attain for over a decade, but you’ll have an amazing insight into the actions and choices of other people, finally understanding why they do what they do.
Let’s begin.
The 6 Human Needs
American psychologist Abraham Maslow first wrote about the hierarchy of human needs in his paper “A Theory Of Human Motivation.”
He charted these needs in a pyramid, with physiological needs (food, water, shelter, safety from threat) forming the base and more complex needs (love, self-esteem and self-actualisation) coming to the fore once these were met.
The message was clear.
If you haven’t got access to food, water and shelter then little else matters.
So, putting these basic needs aside (because I know that 90% of my audience have them met), I’m going to focus on what happens next.
This is where Tony Robbins’s 6 human needs step in.
Think of meeting them as the pre-requisite to being a balanced, happy person. Furthermore, understand that they’re going to drive your behaviour and, if you’re smart about how you meet them, you can make your life infinitely more enjoyable and avoid the neurosis’s that seem to plague far too many people.
We’ll now look at each one of the six needs and discuss the ways in which they can impact your life.
1. Certainty
We all have a need for certainty.
Unless you believe you’ll have access to food the next day, your loved ones won’t suddenly abandon you and you aren’t going to be attacked when you leave your house, it’ll be very difficult for you to function as your anxiety levels will be off the charts.
This applies to everyone. However, some people take their need for certainty too far.
Life is inherently uncertain.
- You don’t know how someone is going to respond to your request.
- You can’t tell how many years you, or your loved ones, have left.
- You don’t know if your alarm will always go off in the morning and whether you’ll be late for work.
But guess what?
This is all ok.
No matter how much you need certainty, there’s something else that’s also true.
You are incredibly adaptive. Furthermore, if you look back at your life, you’ll probably discover that some of your best experiences occurred when you let go.
2. Variety
Needs one and two clash.
On the one hand, absence of change is reassuring. On the other hand, things always being the same is boring and drains our energy.
This means you must constantly juggle the first two needs.
Having certainty is good but look to implement variety within this foundation.
- Eat different foods.
- If you work from home, occasionally go to a café, a co-working space or maybe even abroad for a change of scenery.
- Experiment with a different sport or hobby.
All of these things prevent life from getting stale.
Also understand that marriages and long-term relationships can lose their spark because of a lack of variety. You’re with the same person, day in day out, year in year out, and sometimes you might want a change.
Perhaps you and your partner recognise this and are ok with an open relationship or time apart. Or perhaps you have to work hard to meet your respective needs for variety within the relationship.
Just appreciate that your need for variety can make a decades long marriage/relationship strained at times. Show understanding to yourself and your significant other.
3. Significance
This need drives a lot of human behaviour and, unfortunately, many people try to meet it in a way that negatively impacts their life.
Why do teenage boys join gangs when they know that a consequence of doing so could be prison or death?
Because these options are more appealing than being nothing or a nobody.
As a part of a gang, they are something. They have a place, a role and in the fucked up world in which they operate, a level of respect.
This need for significance, and the negative ways in which it’s met, can be seen in all aspects of human life (I believe the growth in the amount of trans people over the last 5 years has less to do with a natural inclination to be another gender and more to do with the need to be significant now that being transgender, amongst some people, is perceived as cool).
Whatever the case, make sure you meet your need for significance in a positive way.
- Succeeding at a goal
- Meeting your own high standards for how you want to behave
- Being important to the people you love
Furthermore, don’t let your need for significance run away with you. Don’t be an egomaniac or have to dominant every social interaction or block others from succeeding because you believe it will lessen your shine.
4. Connection
Don’t make the mistake of thinking you can go it alone or that you don’t need others.
I know, from personal experience, that this will only leave you prone to unhappiness and neurosis.
I used to feel weak admitting to myself that I needed others. It made me feel vulnerable.
Now, I understand connection as being an integral part of my life.
I actively seek it out, knowing that it will improve all other areas of my life and reward me with some of my greatest experiences.
5. Growth
So many people overlook this need.
They get trapped by their need for certainty (and its cousins, security and comfort) and thereby avoid the challenges needed to continually grow.
When meeting this need, it’s important to remember it has nothing to do with being better than other people.
Growth is personal. It doesn’t necessarily mean being the fastest at your 5k Saturday morning park run. However, it will mean beating your personal best.
It will also mean improving at your chosen work, perhaps gaining promotion or selling more copies of your product than you did last year.
It could also mean starting an entirely new career or business.
Don’t underestimate your need to expand and, even as you age and become less physically capable, you’ll still want to feel that you’re growing in other areas of your life.
6. Contribution
Robbins classifies this need as a spiritual one (along with the need for growth) and the first four are needs of the personality.
As a result, it’s a little more abstract and probably drives less of your behaviour. However, once you’ve met all five of the previous needs, you might turn your attention to helping others.
It’s true that there are few better feelings than coming to another person’s assistance and making their life better.
Remember this and look for projects where you can assist others and your community. Doing so might give you the feeling that you’re living your life’s purpose and be the icing on the cake of a life lived well.
The Power Of Identity
“The strongest force in the human personality is the need to stay consistent with how we define ourselves.”
– Tony Robbins
How do you see yourself?
Right now, complete three I am statements about who you are.
Mine are;
- I’m a good person
- I’m a winner (an identity I haven’t quite fully adopted but one that I’d like)
- I’m a healthy person
Of course, I could also list some negative identities but that’s not the focus of this exercise.
If, as Tony Robbins claims (and my therapeutical practise tells me is true), we conform to our identities, then negative ones need to be identified, reworked and turned into positives.
If not, you’re always going to be sabotaging yourself because you can’t outwork your identity.
Take my “I’m a winner” identity, for example.
Before I began to see myself in this way, part of my identity was focused around the idea that I was a “fighter.”
You might think this is a good identity, right?
Well, yes and no.
Good in the sense that I don’t give up – It helped me put in the countless hours needed to write my first book, wrestling with line after line, getting it to the point where it was good enough to release. However, what does a “fighter” do?
They fight. But that doesn’t mean they win.
Nowhere did this play out more than in my tennis matches. I’d fight and struggle (rather than flow and conquer), often being on court for up to 3 hours, but all too often losing matches I should have won.
Something internal was preventing me from taking the final step and securing the victory.
Of course, that something was my identity. I had to remain consistent with being a “fighter.” That self assured winning edge was not always there and, as a result, I could give everything I had and still come out second best.
Hopefully this example reveals a little more about why identity is important and how it works.
How you see yourself is one of the most important factors in getting to live the life you want.
Massive success, or a life of freedom, won’t be possible without the correct identity as a foundation.
Implementing this takes introspection.
- Complete the exercise above (the 3 “I am” statements)
- Explore your identities, and the ones you want to adopt, in a journal
- Furthermore, understand that any new identity must be believable for your mind to accept it
I recently saw a client who suffered with insomnia. While discussing the issue, he said, “I’m a terrible sleeper.”
I asked him how he could ever hope to sleep well if he was telling other people this and repeating it to himself?
Afterall, his mind was programmed to conform to his identity which meant sleeping badly.
Unfortunately, treating this issue wasn’t as easy as repeating, “I am a good sleeper.”
He baulked at the suggestion. It was unbelievable. However, after much investigation into his sleep history, what wasn’t was the identity of being an “average sleeper.”
He could believe that and, by doing so, it created the shift that allowed him significantly improve the amount of sleep he got each night.
Tony Robbins says, “Your identity is like a thermostat—it sets the standard for your behaviour. You’ll always find a way back to how you see yourself.”
Don’t dismiss the importance of identity or call it psychobabble.
Instead, investigate the role it’s played in your life. I would be surprised if you didn’t find that it’s been secretly limiting your prospects in some way. However, armed with this new information, you should now be able to set yourself free.
GET YOUR FREE COURSE
If you want to discover a passion you can make a living from and overcome the fears that are holding you back, check out my free course 30 Days to Escape The System. Click here to get the course right now! (You’ll find the tips on developing belief and self-confidence fascinating!)
Photo credit Scott Beale / Laughing Squid
3 Little Known Self-Help Books That Are Better Than “Atomic Habits”
I don’t know why Atomic Habits has sold 20 million copies.
I’m dumbfounded by that number.
Sure, I understand that when a book gets popular, it creates momentum. Furthermore, I’m aware that most people are sheep and when they see millions of people buying a book then they automatically assume it’s worthy of a purchase.
Atomic Habits has outsold The 48 Laws Of Power, The Power Of Your Subconscious Mind and Man’s Search For Meaning – all books I consider classics of the field and absolutely worthy of tens of millions of sales.
This fact makes my jaw drop and here’s why.
Atomic Habits
Atomic Habits is a very ordinary book.
It’s not rubbish but neither is it sensational.
It’s readable, has some interesting stories (the start of the book is fascinating) and although a lot of the scientific research cited is far from ground-breaking, it’s good to have it included.
But was there one thing from Atomic Habits that’s impacted my life?
No!
Of course, habits are an important aspect of building a successful life. Furthermore, making small adjustments to your daily routine (as the book advises), with time, can have an exponential impact on your outcomes. However, I knew this going into the book.
As a result, all I was left with was a semi-interesting read that gave me zero “aha” moments. On the quality of the content alone, I have no idea why Atomic Habits has sold 20 million copies.
All three of the books listed above (although these aren’t the ones I’ll focus on today), gave me multiple “aha” moments – sometimes on consecutive pages.
And isn’t that what you’re looking for in a self-help book?
You want your life to be changed (even if it’s only in a small way) or discover a new insight that you didn’t previously know.
For this reason, I can’t get on board the Atomic Habits hype train. In fact, there are so many other books I’d recommend before this one.
For instance, take a look at the three below.
It would be unfair to say they’re totally unknown but they haven’t received the sales they deserve. Furthermore, you won’t have found any of them on the New York Times bestseller list. However, that fact says nothing of the quality of their insights, writing or entertainment value.
I’ll now break them down and let you know why they’re better than Atomic Habits.
1. Never Too Late To Be Great (2012) Tom Butler-Bowdon
This book focuses on what it takes to achieve extraordinary success and reaches a startling conclusion.
Instead of talent or luck being the pre-eminent factors, Butler-Bowdon reveals that it’s time.
With a long enough runway, almost anyone can be massively successful in their chosen field. However, making use of this factor is a struggle for most because they have an immediacy bias.
Society teaches us to want, and expect, results now. It teaches us to think in terms of what we can accomplish in a year rather than what we can do in a decade.
A decade’s worth of commitment, for most, seems too long. As a result, most people dismiss very legitimate opportunities to achieve ground-breaking success.
You can learn, and grow, so much in this period of time. Furthermore, if you take into account the fact that people are living longer, and as a result have decades to spare, it’s possible to succeed at multiple endeavours.
Butler-Bowdon points this out with one of the most engaging examples from the book.
He dedicates a significant portion of a chapter to the story of Ray Kroc and how he brought fast-food chain McDonald’s to the masses (even though he wasn’t the founder).
Kroc was well into his 50s when he did this. He’d had some success with other businesses and he used this experience as a launchpad to reach an entirely new level with McDonald’s.
Another stand out from the book is Butler-Bowdon’s rebuttal of Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers.
In Gladwell’s book, he attempts to demonstrate how luck, or circumstance, plays a greater role in success than we’d like to believe (citing Bill Gates being born at the right point in history – 1955 and coming of age at the start of the personal computer revolution – and in the right location – North west coast of America where most of the opportunities and influential people in this industry were located – as the primary factors in his mega success).
Butler-Bowdon skilfully picks this theory apart, using the example of Larry Ellison – a self-taught computer programmer who was born 11 years before Bill Gates and on the other side of the country (therefore missing out on all the advantages of being born at the right place and the right time) – as evidence of the holes in Gladwell’s theory.
Why the book is better than Atomic Habits:
- Far greater depth
- Genuinely changes your perspective on an important subject
- Very well written (and this isn’t a criticism of Atomic Habits as it’s one of the books strengths)
2. How To Get Rich (2006) Felix Dennis
Felix Dennis (1947 to 2014) was a publisher and one of the UK’s richest self-made men. Best known as the owner of Maxim, he also took time out to write the little-known classic How To Get Rich.
What sets this book apart is that Dennis has lived what he’s written about. He started with nothing and the lessons he learned along the way are invaluable to anyone seeking greater riches.
Two stand out.
The first is based on the concept of ownership.
Dennis is insistent on the point that, if you want to get rich, you have to own things. Of course, ownership can take many forms – owning stock in a company, owning Bitcoin or other cryptocurrency, owning the controlling interest in a company, owning properties, owning your intellectual property and rights – but being able to say something is yours usually leads to opportunity.
Don’t give up this ownership and don’t think you’re going to get rich without it (for example, earning a high six-figure salary yet having a large mortgage on your house isn’t true riches).
Ownership is so powerful because you can take profits, benefit from asset appreciation and be in control of strategic decisions.
Dennis’s second stand out insight is on the importance of being bold.
You can’t be afraid of failing in public. Be prepared to fall flat on your face and receive the kind of ridicule that goes hand in hand with this failure.
If you can, you’ll become fearless.
This will then enable you to take the kind of risks essential to landing a lucrative deal or making a big enough statement to gain attention for your work.
While these insights are genuinely valuable, what makes them stand out are the personal stories that Dennis includes in How To Get Rich.
His writing is funny, irreverent and brutally honest. The book is part memoir, part personal enrichment manual and this combination makes How To Get Rich hard to put down.
Why the book is better than Atomic Habits:
- Far more entertaining
- The lessons are more powerfully taught and, therefore, stay with you for longer
- The subject mater is inherently more interesting
3. Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting (1999) Lynn Grabhorn
The ultimate book on The Law Of Attraction that pre-dates, and is better than, The Secret (and that’s not a knock on The Secret as I thought it was good).
Lynn Grabhorn’s book is packed full of revelations.
She starts off by telling us about how she was a self-help junkie, consuming every new book and experimenting with every new theory on how to improve her life. However, there was a problem.
Nothing she tried made any significant difference to her bank balance, health or general levels of happiness.
Then, one day, through friends, she stumbled upon a simple secret that made everything click.
This secret?
The power of feelings.
You can think about success all you want, picturing yourself with a million dollars in your account but if you can’t feel it’s reality, then it’s just mental masturbation.
The lesson?
Thoughts count for little without feelings to back them up.
Once Lynn learned this, her life transformed and the book documents how this happened and includes a useful 30-day programme for replicating the process.
Of course, The Law Of Attraction hasn’t been proven in the same way that the Law Of Gravity has (although that’s not to say it won’t in the future) and Lynn’s book is light on scientific support. However, her explanations and examples resonate and it’s hard not to believe that she’s onto something (her theory, in a nutshell, is that if you buzz – feel genuinely upbeat, happy and full of energy – then you’ll attract all kinds of positive outcomes into your life).
Like Felix Dennis, Lynn writes in an engaging and, often times, humorous style.
The book is a page turner and is packed with interesting stories about how people have changed their lives through the power of feelings. As a result, I read it with a genuine sense of excitement.
Why the book is better than Atomic Habits:
- More entertaining and engaging
- The insights will have a greater impact on your life (and that’s not to say that habit change lacks substance)
- It contains a more exciting promise
Final Thoughts
I hope you’ve enjoyed this list. Let me know if you’ve already read them, and what you thought, in the comments below.
And, if you’re a fan of Atomic Habits, tell me why my assessment wrong.
Finally, if you like impactful self-help books then you might want to read this list.
THE ONLY 7 SELF-HELP BOOKS YOU NEED TO BECOME A COMPLETE PERSON
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Eat Food, Have Sex, Stay Alive
Lately, I’ve been feeling overwhelmed. It seems like I’m being pulled in 10 different directions and not finding the time to work on my most important goals.
Yesterday, while in this state of disillusionment, I drove to one of my client’s houses to do our weekly tennis lesson. As I joined the queue waiting at the traffic light, I noticed a crow bouncing around on a patch of grass, pecking away at a morsel of food.
“How easy it is for you,” I thought. “No responsibilities, no demands, no places to be or to-do lists to complete. All you need to do is eat food, have sex and stay alive.”
In that moment, I envied the crow.
I longed for its life of simplicity and clarity. However, as I drove off and my mood shifted, I began a deeper contemplation of my own, and the wider human, condition.
Here are my conclusions.
A Crow’s Life
While my assessment of the crow’s life objectives was correct, I made a mistake in thinking that mine (or yours) are any different.
We’re all on this planet to eat food, have sex and stay alive. However, while the crow meets these needs in the most basic of ways, our route is far more complex.
Let’s compare both now.
For the crow, everything is literal.
The food is the morsels, crumbs, worms and bugs they can hunt or scavenge.
When it comes to sex, they’re driven to reproduce as often as possible with as many mates as possible. Of course, they have parenting responsibilities. They must build a nest, incubate their eggs and feed their chicks. However, beyond that, there’s little else to do.
Staying alive means survival. There are predators to contend with, made man hazards to avoid, scarcity of resources and harsh conditions. Every day, the crow must be aware of its surroundings and respond quickly to threats.
And that, in a nutshell, is its life.
The crow is driven by instincts and its success is determined by how long it can survive and how many offspring it can create.
The 3 Pillars of Existence
Humans don’t have such a strong instinctive drive.
Yes, we have our innate programming but this is often overridden by the societies we live in.
Rather than doing what we want, many end up living the life that’s expected of them.
As a reader of my newsletter, blog or books, I don’t want that for you.
Using the crow as inspiration, I’m going to show you a way of making life simpler, less stressful, and, ultimately, more fulfilling.
So, keep reading as I extrapolate on the three pillars of existence (food, sex and survival) and explain how they can be applied to the human world.
1. Eat Food
As with the crow, this pillar also has a literal meaning.
You need to consume food to function and live. However, rather than secure this resource as you might have done 10,000 years ago, you must acquire something else first – money.
At this point, we break from the crow and this causes much confusion for the majority of people.
In modern societies, money has become so much more than a means to providing sustenance and shelter.
To many people’s minds, it also provides status, happiness and access to experiences. As a result, we make its acquisition the overriding focus of our lives and forget its true purpose (food and a roof over our heads).
This causes a problem and makes life way more complicated than it needs to be. Instead of earning money to make sure that our basic needs are met, most people work ridiculously long hours in stressful jobs because they’re chasing the commonly held delusion that more money is going to significantly improve their quality of life.
It won’t.
True status isn’t acquired through wealth but your character and accomplishments.
Happiness is achieved through mental well-being, doing what you love and spending time with the people you love (all things that are difficult to experience if you spend most of your time working a job you don’t like to make more money).
And while money can provide access to a wider range of experiences, there is so much that can be enjoyed for free or at a relatively low cost (walks in nature, sex, reading a great book, some forms of travel, playing a sport you enjoy and spending time with friends).
So, what should you do?
If you want a simpler, more enjoyable and fulfilling life, remember the true purpose of money.
Earn enough, or a little more than necessary, to meet your basic needs. Beyond that, don’t make money the focus of your life.
Of course, this doesn’t mean you’ll forever be confined to having a low income or negligible assets. On the contrary, you can still build wealth while not making the acquisition of money your primary focus.
You chase greater goals (which will be explored in the “Stay Alive” section) and to have a simpler, happier life, money must be put in its rightful place.
2. Have Sex
Humans are complicated animals and, as a result, the second pillar isn’t as straightforward as it would seem.
To have a simpler, happier and more fulfilling life, you shouldn’t be looking to have sex with as many people as possible. Even the crow doesn’t do this. However, it’s undeniable that sex and reproduction are one of the most important aspects of human life.
On a basic level, they’re the meaning of life.
You are here to ensure the continuation of the species (and this is coming from someone who’s a year into IVF with his partner and staring the very real prospect of missing out on being a father in the face). It’s your first, and perhaps foremost, drive. However, it’s not as simple as completing a physical act.
You have about 30 years to get this pillar right.
For the sake of argument, let’s say your reproductive years are from 15 to 45. Of course, I know that men can father children after this age but, even for them, it gets harder (mainly because there’s an absence of fertile women their age and finding a much younger mate requires them to be exceptional in some way). And, of course, I know that 15 is below the age of consent but I’ve picked this age because teenagers will date each other and take the first steps on their journey to finding love and one day becoming parents.
These first steps are important.
On a superficial level, if you’re a woman, you want to maximise your physical beauty and, if you’re a man, you want to rise to the top of your social circle and attain alpha male status.
On a deeper level, if you want to keep a relationship and get to the stage where you might have children with someone, you need to make sure you’re a likeable person with an engaging personality.
Master these elements and you should be ok. However, there’s another aspect to the second pillar of existence that’s equally important.
Unlike the crow, you’re not hatching chicks that’ll only take a year to become independent.
Instead, you must now raise a child, which is an 18-year commitment.
While this may seem burdensome, doing this job well will provide you with some of the happiest and most fulfilling moments of your life.
3. Stay Alive
A human faces different, and more complicated, threats than the crow. While it’s unlikely someone or something is going to try and kill you, there are a variety of silent killers that you need to be aware of.
Your goal should be to live as long a life as possible. On top of being an instinctive drive, it means you get to enjoy the experience of life for longer and watch your children grow and have their own kids. However, this third pillar of existence isn’t just about the number of years you live, it’s also about the quality of those years.
While the crow just has to keep on living, you must make sure you’re actually alive.
Benjamin Franklin once said, “Most people die at 25 and aren’t buried until they are 75.”
This speaks to the fact that so many give up on their dreams.
By 25, or 30, they’re stuck in the system, playing out a role they believe everyone expects them to fulfil.
Little inspires them. Sure, they can have fun and feel moments of happiness but a good portion of their life is spent going through the motions, meeting all the obligations they believe are unavoidable.
As a result, with the passing of the decades, they die a little more inside. Eventually, they just fade away, losing the will to live once they reach 70 or older.
You must protect against this possibility. Instead of making money, and the fulfilling of societal or familial expectations, the focus of your life, you must seek to live a life that makes you feel alive.
Typically, this means following your dreams.
What challenges, quests and projects make you come alive?
Find a way (whether paid or otherwise) to be involved with these almost every day.
To some degree, doing so will prevent you from getting old. You mind will be stimulated and this will have a positive effect on your body.
Merely surviving isn’t enough. Make sure that you continue growing, learning and succeeding.
Do these three things (eat food, have sex and stay alive) and you’ll enjoy a life well lived.
GET YOUR FREE COURSE
If you want to discover a passion you can make a living from and overcome the fears that are holding you back, check out my free course 30 Days to Escape The System. Click here to get the course right now! (You’ll find the tips on developing belief and self-confidence fascinating!)
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Photo by We-Vibe Toys on Unsplash
What I’ve Learned From 20 Years Working As A Hypnotherapist
Exactly 20 years ago to this month (March 2005), I had my first paying hypnotherapy client.
To say I was nervous is an understatement.
My client wanted help to stop smoking and as I prepared the room for the session, I must have thought about leaving ten times.
Prior to this moment, I’d completed 10 months of training with a nationally recognised institute in Regents College, London. The theory they taught was fascinating and made it seem like treating clients would be a seamless experience. However, as I waited for my client to arrive, I felt woefully light on practical experience and painfully aware that my fresh faced 24-year-old appearance wasn’t going to fill the client with confidence in my ability.
I never heard from that client again. I very much doubt she stopped smoking. I feel a little bad that she had to part with her hard-earned money so a novice could get his break but we all have to start somewhere.
Since that inauspicious start, though, I’ve seen hundreds of clients, working thousands of hours on issues as diverse as weight loss, overcoming insomnia, reducing anxiety, and a host of psychosomatic conditions like being unable to look at TV or mobile phone screens without getting splitting headaches.
I’ve also worked in some interesting locations. Throughout my 20 years, I must have operated at 10 different clinics, been flown to Italy to help a client in his home and worked as an in-house hypnotherapist at a major engineering company.
What have I learned from all this experience?
A LOT.
Much like a previous article I wrote about my 20 years’ experience as a tennis coach (click here to read), there should be something here for everyone.
Whether you also want to become a successful therapist or just learn the secrets of a fascinating but little-known field, read on.
1. Leaving your comfort zone is how you grow
Let’s go back to my first session. Although filled with nerves and fumbling my words, I finished the job.
Much of my first two years was spent like this. Of course, I had some successful sessions but in many the client never booked a follow up or returned only to tell me that little to no change had occurred.
This made me doubt my abilities. Pre-session, I could feel the nerves rise in the pit of my stomach and I frequently thought of messaging my clients, making an excuse and cancelling our appointment.
However, I never did.
Instead, I reminded myself of the Woody Allen saying, “80% of success is showing up,” and made sure I take care of this side of the equation.
As a result, kicking and screaming inside, I forced myself into a situation that made me adapt, learn and grow.
To this day, I occasionally feel on edge with new clients (which, I tell myself, is a good thing) and get presented with unusual issues that make me question whether I have the ability to help. However, I’ll always push myself to meet the challenge.
My success has been built on this principle.
2. Improving as a hypnotherapist is straightforward
If you stick with a job long enough, you discover that getting better at it is fairly rudimentary.
You just need to put in the hours.
Even though, like me, you might feel out of your depth when you first start, by turning up, session after session, year after year, experiencing new cases and clients and dealing with unexpected situations (like clients breaking down in tears during hypnosis or their mobile phone ringing while in trance), you’ll be amazed at how much you improve.
There’s nothing glamorous about this. It’s not a hack. However, there’s real power in clocking up the hours.
3. You get the best results when you stop caring about the outcome
This statement needs clarifying.
I ALWAYS push myself to do the best for my clients. They’ve paid for an outcome and I do everything I can to make sure it happens. However, when that session finishes, and the client leaves the clinic, I won’t waste any time worrying about whether I’ve helped.
This wasn’t always the case.
For the first 13 years of my practice, I would die a little inside when a client reported that nothing had happened.
I took it very personally and started doubting myself and the effectiveness of hypnotherapy. However, at around the end of 2017, I stopped giving a damn.
My results improved immediately.
Stopping caring meant that I was more confident with clients, less prone to panic when something went wrong and my self-esteem as a therapist remained untouched.
I would estimate that my success rate with clients has risen from around 50% pre-stopping caring about the outcome, to over 80% since. It’s made a massive difference.
4. Your subconscious is ALWAYS trying to protect you
You want to get on a flight but you’re too scared to fly.
You want to fall asleep but something’s keeping you awake.
You want to deliver a great presentation at work but the words won’t come out.
Why do we keep sabotaging our best intentions?
You must understand that your subconscious has zero ability to rationalise. Instead, if something bad or traumatic has happened in the past, connected to the thing you’re trying to do, it will make the oftentimes false connection that that particular activity is a threat which needs to be avoided at all costs.
How does it get you to avoid the threat?
By pumping your body full of norepinephrine (the chemical associated with anxiety), and if that doesn’t work, perhaps a full-on panic attack.
It’s your bodies way of telling you to get the hell out of there.
Understanding this should ease some of the frustration you experience. You no longer need to beat yourself up over your perceived failures.
What you need to do next is update your subconscious mind by reframing the original scary/traumatic event that caused the problem so you’re no longer trapped by your bodies threat response. This can sometimes be done through self-hypnosis but it’s probably more effective to seek a therapist for help.
5. One of the most powerful hypnotic words is “notice”
“As you notice the sound of my voice you might be surprised to find that every word and sentence I speak helps you to relax more deeply.”
“As you notice the sound of the music in the background you might find yourself slipping deeper into a peaceful state.”
The word “notice” can draw a client’s attention to something in their environment they find relaxing. It also has a deeper use.
Life can be a mixture of positive and negative events but which one of those you more frequently notice will have a huge impact on determining your happiness and success.
Do you notice all the successes you had this week or do you focus on the one or two failures?
Do you notice the 10 lbs you lost over the last month or do you focus on the fact you still have 50 to go?
By using the word “notice” in trance, you can shift the client’s subconscious to focus on the factors that’ll make them feel good about changing a bad habit (how much cleaner and healthier their lungs feel after stopping smoking) or confident in their abilities (the audience members responding enthusiastically to their speech).
You can also use this word in your own life. Simply “notice” all the reasons you have to be happy and “notice” all the successes you’ve had in the past that give you reason to believe in yourself today.
6. Keeping existing clients is easier than acquiring new ones
I used to think the key to getting new clients was spending lots of money on advertising. However, when I acquired one, I’d always feel apprehensive about asking them to book more sessions because I didn’t want to come across as pushy.
This was a mistake. I was both leaving money on the table and neglecting client care.
Now, I’ll always ask a client whether they want to book another session (when the therapy has finished) or give them the other option of me emailing them in a few days’ time to arrange the next appointment.
Furthermore, if a client makes an initial enquiry and I email them back and don’t hear anything from them, I’ll send out a follow up email asking if they’ve received the first.
This is because they’re a warm lead (they’ve already displayed an interest in my services) and it’ll be far easier to convert them into a paying client (even if they have some doubts) than to pay for advertising which, over 95% of the time, will be reaching people with no interest or need of hypnotherapy.
Take care of your clients, follow up with them, do a great session and you’ll be amazed at how they become a source for more business through their recommendations and repeat sessions.
7. Limiting beliefs really do hold you back
If you recall the story that started this blog post you’ll remember that I referenced my concerns about being a fresh faced 24-year-old hypnotherapist.
This wasn’t a throw away comment. It was something I was painfully aware of whenever I’d be treating clients 10 years, or more, older than me (which was most of the time).
“How is this young kid going to help me solve my issues? What life experience has he had?” is what I’d imagine them all thinking.
As a result of these negative thoughts, a limiting belief formed. I convinced myself I was too young to be taken seriously as a hypnotherapist.
The outcome?
I spent the early years of my career struggling, both when it came to producing results and building a business.
I wasn’t alone, though, in having limiting beliefs. Most of my clients were there for the exact same reason.
As I got better at helping them and shedding my own limitations, I had a realisation.
OUR LIMITING BELIEFS AREN’T TRUE.
They’re just the product of an overactive imagination making false assumptions. In fact, they’re nonsense.
Furthermore, there’ll be an authority figure in your life (parent, teacher, media, boss, doctor) who’ll tell you that you’re not good enough or that there’s something wrong with you. However, part of maturing and developing critical thinking skills is realising that these authority figures are often flawed, incorrect or have an agenda in keeping you down.
My 20 years experience of working as a hypnotherapist has taught me that you should ignore their words (unless they’re giving you constructive advice or help).
You always have been, and still are today, good enough for whatever you want to do.
GET YOUR FREE COURSE
If you want to discover a passion you can make a living from and overcome the fears that are holding you back, check out my free course 30 Days to Escape The System. Click here to get the course right now! (You’ll find the tips on developing belief and self-confidence fascinating!)
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THE ONLY 7 SELF-HELP BOOKS YOU NEED TO BECOME A COMPLETE PERSON
Can you remember the Power Rangers?
I wasn’t a big fan of this 90s kids TV program but I have a vague recollection of each of the five rangers morphing to form one giant fighting machine (called a Megazord).
It seemed every episode ended that way. The individual rangers couldn’t defeat whatever comically designed live-action suitmation monster they were facing that week so they had to unify. Then, once combined, they were unstoppable and always won the day.
I want to turn you into a Megazord. However, rather than do it with a mastery of weapons, robotics or magic, I’m going to use books.
I’m going to present you with 7 self-help books to read which, once combined and acted upon, will provide all the life skills needed to become a complete person.
Just as the Power Rangers had a unique colour and skill, these books will focus on different areas of your development.
They’ll be a book on mastering the law of attraction, one on productivity, a couple on human relations, one on mental clarity, something on developing inner strength and more.
Read these books multiple times, put their advice into action and you’ll have the wisdom of a Buddha, the charisma of a Hollywood star and the dynamism of a billionaire entrepreneur.
Let’s begin.
1. The Power Of Now (Eckhart Tolle)
Poise and peace of mind are the words that best describe the benefits of assimilating the knowledge contained in this book.
The key concept is simple but incredibly powerful.
All anxiety is caused by worries about the future.
All depression is caused by dwelling on the mistakes and trauma of the past.
Therefore, if you can train your mind to stay present (in the now) then you’ll be happier, appreciate life more, have greater energy and perform better in pressure situations.
The Power Of Now teaches you to disassociate from, and even switch off, the parts of your mind that drain you with constant mental chatter and negative self-talk.
Free from these, you’ll have the ability to focus your mind on the goals that are important to you and perhaps more importantly, live with a calm and serene disposition.
2. The ONE Thing (Gary Keller)
There are many obstacles preventing you from creating the life you want. Of all of them, time seems to present the greatest barrier. There just aren’t enough hours in the day.
You may have to work a full-time job, have family commitments, a social life AND be trying to build a business on the side.
This is where The ONE Thing shows its value.
It teaches you how to become a productivity machine.
This is achieved by narrowing your focus. There will be key areas of your work that will make the most impact and your task is to identify what they are.
Once found, concentrate on completing just one of these every day.
Try to work in time blocks. Carve out 4 hours as early in the day as possible to work exclusively on your most impactful task and leave emails and other less important activities for later (if you can’t find 4 hours because you work a full-time job, then 1 or 2 will suffice).
This is the path to productivity. Follow the blueprint laid out in The ONE Thing and what once seemed like an impossible workload will become manageable as you double or treble your efficiency.
3. The Power Of Your Subconscious Mind (Joseph Murphy)
Over the years, countless books on the law of attraction have been written but this 1962 classic stands the test of time.
In fact, calling it a “law of attraction” book does it a disservice.
This is a deep dive into the metaphysical, consciousness and the best aspects of The Bible (although don’t think you have to be a Christian to enjoy it, I’m not).
It asks and answers the question, “What force determines the direction and outcomes of my life?”
Is it random occurrences, the environment you’re born into or the genes you inherit?
The answer is, none of the above. A belief, held with great enough conviction and backed by strong emotions (i.e. can you feel the reality of your dreams coming true?) is what will determine the direction of your life.
That belief might be negative or positive. It doesn’t matter. Your subconscious mind will faithfully obey your conscious mind and give you the energy (or lack of), ideas (or lack of) and put you on the path to meeting the right people (or remaining isolated) to make sure you realise your habitual thinking.
Of course, the book shows you the techniques to ensure you’re using the power of your subconscious mind positively and, having mastered these, you’ll be successful at whatever it is you choose to do.
4. The Celestine Prophecy (James Redfield)
What will you choose to do, though? How are you going to navigate your way through life?
The Celestine Prophecy provides an answer.
This book is unlike the others on the list because it’s a work of fiction. It’s in the same mould as The Alchemist although I feel it contains clearer and more impactful lessons and a more interesting narrative.
The narrator sets off on a journey to the Peruvian jungle in search of an ancient manuscript that will spark the next evolution in human consciousness, ushering in an age of peace and prosperity.
On this journey, he learns about the concept of synchronicity and how this is the key to finding your path through life.
If you can raise your energy to a sufficient level (the book shows you how), then people, ideas and events will be put on your path to provide a direction for you to follow.
You’ll discover your purpose in life (which is ever evolving) and can begin to move towards fulfilling it.
5. How To Win Friends And Influence People (Dale Carnegie)
Whatever that purpose might be, you can’t get around the fact that success in achieving it will largely depend on your ability to interact with other people.
How are you going to master this skill?
The original self-help classic is the answer.
Carnegie’s understanding of psychology and human relations is far reaching. He gets to the core of what motives people to take action and how to get the best out of them.
For example, when seeking to win someone over, never criticise them. Instead, show genuine appreciation for the qualities they possess (everyone has something you can find praiseworthy).
Furthermore, don’t talk about yourself all the time. Instead, become a good listener and frame anything you’re selling or promoting (whether that’s through a website, an advert or a product description) in a way that’ll benefit the consumer or solve their problem.
6. The 48 Laws Of Power (Robert Greene)
How To Win Friends And Influence People’s darker and more cynical younger brother.
As useful as the aforementioned book is, it might not be enough when it comes to developing your skills of persuasion.
The world’s not all sunshine and rainbows. Succeeding at any kind of scale will require you to operate in a cutthroat environment where everyone is out for themselves.
In such a world, being a good person won’t be enough. You’re going to have to learn how to manipulate other people and situations to your advantage and this is what The 48 Laws Of Power teaches.
Some of Robert Greene’s most impactful laws are;
- Law 6: Court attention at all costs (attention is currency so make something about you stand out and stay in other people’s minds).
- Law 13: When asking for help, appeal to people’s self-interest, never their mercy or gratitude (nobody really cares about you, they want to know what you can do for them!)
- Law 32: Play to people’s fantasies (don’t sell people a harsh truth when marketing your product or cause but, instead, let them believe their desires can be achieved without struggle).
7. Man’s Search For Meaning (Viktor Frankl)
To be a complete person, you must have strong foundations and none are stronger than those rooted in meaning.
This is a powerful truth Austrian psychiatrist Viktor Frankl discovered after surviving 3 years in Nazi concentration camps.
He estimated that he had a 1 in 20 chance of survival but then noticed a strange phenomenon amongst the few that remained alive – they all had something to live for.
If you can develop this, he concluded, then it’s possible to get through almost any difficulty you face, including loneliness, illness, physical depravation and failure.
How to create this meaning?
Frankl suggests three sources;
- Love – people find meaning through their most important relationships.
- Work – if you have a mission you’re passionate about this will keep you going.
- Personal dignity – if you commit to bearing your suffering with dignity and refuse to lose this despite what the world throws at you, it can give you something to hold on to during the hard times.
That’s the point of Frankl’s book.
There will be hard times.
Even with all the skills and knowledge you’ve developed from the previous six books, life will throw you curve balls and you need a strong foundation to keep you going when this occurs.
The 8th Book?
After I finished writing this blog post, I couldn’t help but feel something was missing. However, it wasn’t a book.
Instead, it was an aspect of being a complete person that isn’t covered by the previous seven classics – HABITS.
Habits are incredibly powerful, being the small daily actions you take that eventually create a lifetime of greatness.
The obvious go-to book on this subject is Atomic Habits by James Clear. However, I had a problem listing it with the other books because I don’t think it’s good enough.
That’s not to say I think it’s a bad book, it just fails to offer anything lifechanging or even a set of habits that might get you closer to your goals.
So, instead, I’ll leave you with a link to my blog post on the 7 daily habits that will create the life of your dreams. In return, perhaps you could suggest some great books on habits in the comments section below.
Photo by Tom Hermans on Unsplash
GET YOUR FREE COURSE
If you want to discover a passion you can make a living from and overcome the fears that are holding you back, check out my free course 30 Days to Escape The System. Click here to get the course right now! (You’ll find the tips on developing belief and self-confidence fascinating!)
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