Author: Joe Barnes
BE USELESS: SEVEN TOOLS FOR FAILURE
A couple of weeks ago, I finished reading Arnold Schwarzenegger’s new book Be Useful: 7 Tools For Life.
What I’m about to write is by no means a parody of that work. In fact, I thought the book was good and Arnold Schwarzenegger has consistently been one of my greatest inspirations. (You can read my appraisal of his unique mindset by clicking here).
However, after reading his book, I had an idea.
What if, instead of giving positive life advice, I was to create a list of 7 things you should do if you want to fail?
Why would anyone want to fail, you may ask?
Of course, nobody does. However, if by reading the following list, you become aware of what will cause you to fail then it’ll be an important addition to the powerful advice in Arnold’s book.
So, without further ado, here are the 7 tools for failure.
1. Doubt Yourself
When you’ve got your sights set on failure, nothing helps you achieve this objective quite like being unsure of yourself and what you’re doing.
I used to doubt myself all the time.
Initially, I didn’t think I could make it as a writer. All I heard were stories of it being virtually impossible to become a published author or make money from selling books.
As a result, I thought you had to be born with exceptional talent to succeed and doubted my skills, experience and ideas would be good enough.
The outcome of this self-doubt?
I wasted 5 years of my life procrastinating over a book idea I was passionate about but too scared to pursue.
The self-doubt virus also spread to my work as a hypnotherapist.
I qualified at the age of 24 and started seeing clients at 25.
As a new hypnotherapist, I doubted my ability, believing I was too young for older clients to take seriously.
The outcome of this doubt?
I created a self-fulfilling prophecy. In a job where confidence is everything, my lack of it was abundantly clear and few clients came back for a second session (unlike today).
Self-doubt completely stunted my professional and personal development and it’ll do the same to you.
Far better to back yourself in every situation, even to the point of being slightly delusional, than sabotage yourself with timidity.
2. Overthink Everything
When aiming to fail, it’s always best to paralyse yourself with endless thoughts about what you should do.
When I began my career as a writer, back in 2012, sales were slow.
It took well over a year to sell the first 100 copies of my book which, at the time, was called Screw The System.
Looking to give my flagging sales a boost, I bought a course on how to sell books on Amazon. In this course, the creator stressed the importance of a book’s title. Along with the cover, these were the two most important factors when it came to book sales.
So, I got it into my head that Screw The System wasn’t a good title for a self-help book. However, rather than immediately changing the title, I spent two years thinking over the options and wondering whether I should take this step (eventually changing the title to Escape The System in 2015).
Can you see the problem here?
I wasted an inordinate amount of time deliberating over the change. I would frequently engage in mental debates where I went backwards and forwards over the pros and cons of each option. However, rather than provide clarity, this just left me more confused.
This experience reveals one of the most perverse laws regarding the way in which our minds operate.
The more you think about something, the more confused you’ll become.
Let that sink in for a moment.
Clarity is gained through having an idea, briefly considering it and then putting it to the test.
The world will then tell you whether you were wrong or right (and if you were wrong, you can always correct your mistake).
Think fast, act fast.
3. Stay In Your Comfort Zone
If you want to fail, you should allow fear to stop you from doing anything that feels uncomfortable.
I once had a hypnotherapy client who allowed anxiety to dominate her life.
I tried to explain that testing the limits of her comfort zone would enable her to adapt to new experiences and cause the anxiety to subside once she became accustomed to the change.
She wasn’t having any of it.
She believed in the importance of her fears and listened to them all the time. As a result, as time went on, there was less and less she could do (as virtually everything became out of her comfort zone).
It got to the point where she struggled to go on holiday, couldn’t contact organisations that might offer help (for fear of rejection) and even struggled to read her favourite books (in case she lost the enjoyment of reading which was one of her few dwindling pleasures in life).
Don’t stay in your comfort zone if you want to succeed.
Instead, understand that by frequently facing your fears, you enlarge your comfort zone until there are few environments in which you can’t operate.
4. Think Like Everyone Else
Technically, this isn’t a tool for failure (more a tool for mediocrity). Think like everyone else and you can still enjoy a secure and comfortable life. However, if you aspire to live an extraordinary, or authentic, life, then being mediocre might classify as a failure.
Michael Jackson once said, “We can fly, you know. We just don’t know how to think the right thoughts and levitate off the ground.”
Crazy, right?
Maybe.
However, it’s exactly this type of thinking that led him to create the greatest selling album of all time.
Michael Jackson didn’t think like other people. He lived in a realm where anything was possible. When other musicians and industry insiders told him to expect Thriller to do roughly the same as his previous album, Off The Wall, he ignored their input.
His horizons were broader and this enabled him to conceive of an album (and everything that went with it – music videos, performances etc) that EVERYBODY would have to own.
This is what can happen when you have “unrealistic” expectations. You give your subconscious the permission to find answers and solutions that nobody else will look for, and it responds.
So, keep thinking like everyone else if you want a relatively easy, relatively dull, life. Don’t you dare think big or have any grandiose dreams.
5. Give Free Reign To Your Impulses
If you want to fail on achieving your goals, give in to your impulsive feelings.
Lacking the motivation to work on your new business when you get home from your regular job? Then just binge watch a Netflix series for a couple of hours.
Experiencing chocolate cravings a few hours before your evening meal? Give in to them and have a snack.
A client annoys you over what could be a misunderstanding? Express your anger and lose their business.
Controlling your impulses won’t come naturally. They’ll scream to be acknowledged and acted upon. However, this is what weak people do.
In most cases, you must resist the almost overwhelming urge to do as your body tells you. In time, you’ll master your base desires and achieve a tremendous sense of peace.
In As A Man Thinketh, James Allen wrote, “You will become as small as your controlling desire; as great as your dominant aspiration.”
Don’t give in to your impulses.
6. Attempt To Control Every Outcome
If you want to fail again and again, then try to force through whatever it is you want to achieve.
You don’t win in life by being a dosser. Success or love or wealth isn’t going to fall into your lap. You’ll have to work for it and you’ll have to exert effort.
That being said, attempting to force your body, your boyfriend or girlfriend, your clients or the market to do what you desire, can be as futile as doing nothing at all.
You’ve got to get the balance right.
The person who micro manages every scenario and fusses over the tinniest details isn’t displaying confidence in their ability to succeed. In fact, it’s the opposite. Underneath their controlling behaviour is a deep-seated fear they’ll fail.
The people who can let go of their need to control are those ones who believe in themselves and their chances for success. They KNOW that they’re good enough and, as a result, don’t need to worry about individual dominoes falling into place.
7. Blame External Factors For Your Situation
If you want to remain stuck in life, blame everybody, and everything, for your misfortunes.
External factors are always going to exist and yes, they do, sometimes, prevent you from achieving your aim. However, if you take a deep enough look at yourself and your actions, over the span of decades, you’ll be able to identify a moment where you caused the failure or misfortune you’re currently experiencing.
In Game 5 of the 1997 NBA finals, Michael Jordan was struck down with flu-like symptoms. Completely drained, he looked lost during the first quarter.
At this point, he had every reason to sit out the rest of the game.
However, despite feeling like shit, he battled on to score 38 points, 7 rebounds and 5 assists, helping his team win.
How did he play on when most people would have blamed external factors and accepted defeat?
Being able say, “Well, I could have won it/done it if it wasn’t for X,” didn’t give him any solace.
HE HAD TO WIN.
Reach this level of determination and there’s no external factor that can stop you.
GET YOUR FREE COURSE
If you want to discover a passion you can make a living from and overcome the fears that are holding you back, check out my free course 30 Days to Escape The System. Click here to get the course right now! (You’ll find the tips on developing belief and self-confidence fascinating!)
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The Curse Of Being Different
Since the age of 11, I’ve felt different.
When I went to secondary school, I found it impossible to fit in.
This feeling intensified as I became a teenager.
Some of my classmates were smoking, drinking and doing drugs.
I wasn’t even curious about trying. However, according to the unwritten rules of being a teenager, the kids who did partake in these activities were “cool”, the top of the social hierarchy (and they got the girls).
It was the same situation when I got to university. However, instead of just a small percentage of the year group partaking in these activities, it was the majority.
But I hadn’t changed.
I couldn’t see the appeal of going out four, five or six nights a week and getting drunk to the point where I felt ill the next day.
I loved having energy, waking up and feeling like I could be productive all day long.
But apparently, that wasn’t cool. Instead, the way to form bonds with other people was through becoming intoxicated to the point where you couldn’t remember what you said or did the night before.
Upon entering the world of work, I couldn’t have felt more different.
Why did everyone accept careers where they had to work 40, 50, 60 or even 70 hours a week at jobs they didn’t enjoy?
Why would they sacrifice their health and vitality to make money for a company that would replace them in an instant if it improved the bottom line?
It seemed soul destroying yet nobody questioned whether there were any alternatives.
Of course, I was wrong for thinking this way. Working yourself into the ground, and doing anything your boss asked, was the way to acquire wealth, status and security.
As I got older, and the issue of settling down and getting married became more relevant, I once again found myself in the minority.
I wondered why it was necessary. If you love someone, and give them your word, then why do you need to sign a legally binding agreement with the government?
Around 42% of marriages end in divorce. Why face the relatively high possibility of financial ruin and emotional devastation just because everybody else is too scared to question a possibly outdated institution?
I soon discovered that thinking this way made me a twisted cynic. Nobody gets bored spending every single day with the same person for 40 plus years and getting married is the only way for your life to be complete.
By 2020, I didn’t need any more evidence of how different I was. However, the Covid pandemic was there to remind me that I’d drifted even further from the majority.
I watched what seemed to be the entire world give in to fear and lose all ability to question authority.
I failed to understand why a virus, which although more deadly than flu wasn’t in the same ballpark as Ebola, could cause an entire world to shut down.
But apparently, I was a covidiot. Because I didn’t blindly accept what the media and authorities were saying, I was naïve and potentially dangerous.
The alien
Why highlight all the experiences that have made me feel so different?
I wanted to give you an accurate impression of how disconnected I’ve felt for the majority of my life.
Sometimes I look at the world and can’t believe I’m a part of this reality. Society’s customs, values and preferences seem warped and, as a result, I feel like an alien moving through a strange land.
Have you ever felt this way?
Perhaps you don’t agree with me on every single one of the issues listed above. It’s not important that you do. However, if you’ve also felt the curse of being different then I’ve got a message for you.
Being different made me feel incredibly isolated.
I’d need a calculator to compute the number of Saturday night’s I’ve spent alone, trying to find some way to entertain myself so I didn’t slip into depression.
This, in itself, was pretty soul destroying. However, during that time, I made a fatal error of judgement with even deeper ramifications.
The façade
Most people don’t conform because they enjoy the behaviour or activity that society requires them to perform.
Nobody actually likes working 40 to 60 hours a week in a job they find, in parts, stressful and boring.
Ask any smoker or drinker if they enjoyed their first cigarette or pint and they’ll probably tell you it was disgusting.
Why, then, do they do things that go against their nature?
Most people are followers (about 80% of the population according to my new book The Rebel Code). Their primary needs are security and acceptance. They’ll seek to meet these at the expense of freedom, integrity, meaning and even happiness. When it comes to personal motivation, they live their lives moving away from what they fear (the kind of isolation I experienced) rather than being motivated towards what they want.
This leads them to play a role – the hardworking office employee, the diligent husband, the obedient citizen, the sociable drinker – in order to fit in.
Of course, deep down, they don’t enjoy this role. However, they’ll never let on because they fear they’re the only ones who feel this way and would be isolated and rejected if they expressed their concerns.
Inferiority complex
Why am I explaining this?
It took me a long time to gain the above understanding.
For all of my 20s and a part of my 30s, I had an inferiority complex.
I believed there was something wrong with me for being different. I felt inferior to the masses of people who seemed to have no trouble conforming to society’s standards for working, socialising and thinking.
This was a huge mistake. Nothing could have been further from the truth.
However, because I believed that the majority was right and I was wrong, I didn’t trust myself or my ideas. I didn’t pursue my dreams with enough conviction because part of me thought I was crazy for having them.
This is a terrible way to live and a trap I want you to avoid.
You MUST understand there’s nothing wrong with you for being different.
In fact, if you value these differences and live your life according to them, you’re already braver, and potentially greater, than the people who don’t enjoy conforming but do so because they fear rejection and isolation.
It took me a long time to learn this liberating lesson (too long). However, now I see things clearly.
Why would I ever feel inferior to people who live their lives being driven by fear and are afraid of being true to themselves?
There’s no reason to.
Your superpower
Feeling different can be a curse or it can be a blessing.
If you allow your differences to create bitterness or make you feel inferior, then you could spend your entire life feeling disconnected and misunderstood.
However, if you realise that being different is actually a superpower, it can be your ticket to greatness.
Think of all the time you’ll have to pursue your dreams by not wasting your life socialising in ways which you find unenjoyable.
Think of the confidence you’ll develop by believing in yourself despite being in a minority of one.
Think of all the insights and knowledge you’ll gain by having a unique perspective and not being afraid to explore where it leads.
At times, being different can be isolating, heart breaking and intimidating. However, if you’re brave enough to accept who you are, and value yourself regardless of being in the minority, it can be one of the best things in the world.
Recently, I’ve watched as more and more people reject the “getting wasted” culture, placing greater importance on their health. The same could be said about the “work yourself to death” culture with greater numbers becoming content creators, entrepreneurs, side hustlers and working on their own terms. And, with the pandemic over, people are even beginning to question whether the strict lockdowns were necessary and if everyone being forced to take an experimental vaccine was wise.
The opinions and positions I took, that once made me weird, are becoming more and more accepted.
This has taught me a lesson. I was right to stay true to myself. My only mistake was not doing it with greater conviction.
I’m different. And that’s ok.
You’re different. And that’s ok.
GET YOUR FREE COURSE
If you want to discover a passion you can make a living from and overcome the fears that are holding you back, check out my free course 30 Days to Escape The System. Click here to get the course right now! (You’ll find the tips on developing belief and self-confidence fascinating!)
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GUEST POST: 3 Tools For Transformation
(By Sarah Ariela)
This story is painful to recount… because this is a story about being dependent on a wheelchair. Fortunately, I stepped out of the wheelchair using three tools and walked away with a key for transformation.
For over 15 years, I was in and out of different types of wheelchairs because of Dysautonomia. Dys- wha?! In layperson’s terms, my blood pressure plummeted whenever I stood up.
I could not maintain an upright stance. I frequently fell to the floor; gravity was my obsessed fan.
It wasn’t just walking that was a challenge. My ability to talk, chew, digest, and circulate blood flow seemed to be limitations that might last forever.
It would be stirring to say that I always had a clear goal of triumphing as an upright human. In actuality, my vision for the future was fuzzy at best. It looked like a bleak Instagram filter that might be titled “Positional Despair.”
I had heard of people supposedly “getting better” from chronic illnesses, but the concept seemed illusory. Getting better wasn’t something I truly believed would ever happen to me.
In March 2023, I had spine surgery for a complicated herniated disc – yet another physical disruption! After the surgery, I was still in severe pain, my muscles were atrophying daily, and my Dysautonomia was still a loyal constant companion.
Post-surgery, the only activity I was permitted was aquatic physical therapy. Forget walking ON water – it was going to take a miracle for me to walk IN water (in the pool).
My aquatic physical therapist was confident I could make progress, even though he told me my progress was much slower than most snails he has treated. (No wonder the exam table was so sticky…) I nodded and smiled at him, trying to buoy him, but it felt like my strength and mobility capacity was limited to moving one pinkie toe, once every other week.
I did not believe that progress was possible.
THE LONG ROAD TO SUCCESS
I patiently continued with physical therapy, and also diligently continued taking a medication for Dysautonomia (the only effective med out of 50 meds that I tried). For anyone in or out of the pool who is fighting with gravity: the medication is called Droxidopa.
The physical and the pharmacological approaches were helping, but my progress was painstakingly slow.
Then, something shifted. I saw Jeffrey Allen’s ad on YouTube about his Mindvalley Quest (personal development course). He reassuringly states that we often take all the right physical steps. To see results, it is just a matter of honing one’s ENERGY.
I wasn’t sure I even knew what energy felt like anymore. I could have won two Guinness World Records for napping frequency and napping duration. Jeffrey Allen seemed so encouraging though, so I gave it a shot.
I devoured every Mindvalley Quest I could ingest daily. Somehow, the YouTube algorithm noticed my growing enthusiasm and started flooding my feed with other Mindvalley authors. With some resistance and trepidation, I started listening to Marisa Peer’s hypnotherapy audio tracks on YouTube. (Now I am addicted to these tracks.)
At the end of six months post-surgery, I was finally starting to feel some pain relief.
A MOBILITY SUCCESS
The next step I took was working intensively with a brilliant movement coach (Greg Chaplin, DPT, CSCS), who teaches mind-body tools for chronic pain.
Chaplin, DPT, CSCS, asked me one question: “What kind of person do you want to be?”
I decided that I wanted to be a person who shattered my mobility limits.
I invested time in physically-oriented action steps PLUS mindset work.
At first, I could only walk 3 minutes a day. Then, I started walking 8 minutes a day. Then, I was amazed that I was walking 30 minutes a day.
I had thought that was impossible.
With a new orientation toward life, I started walking up stairs, walking DOWN stairs, and even began driving at the age of 34.
WHAT I LEARNED FROM MY EXPERIENCE
I zealously tried so many treatments, diets, exercise plans, breathwork, and meditations when I realized…
You can do less and get dramatic results.
Even doctors say that it is best to be moderate: I have consistently heard the medical advice to be on fewer than five medications at any given time.
We don’t always have to be busy doing 500 things for our health in order to see changes.
Instead, you can try these 3 tools for transformation:
1. PRACTICE PERIPHERAL VISION… FROM THE RIB CAGE?
Practice Peripheral Vision
Peripheral vision holds immense potential for expanding our awareness. By consciously practicing peripheral vision, we train ourselves to take in the entirety of our surroundings.
To practice peripheral vision, soften your gaze and allow your awareness to expand outward. Seeing the bigger picture (literally) can create a sense of internal safety. The safer we feel, the easier it is to heal.
Put Your Attention In Your Rib Cage
Looking out from the rib cage (instead of from the head!) allows the body and mind to operate more easily and effectively. This is especially effective when exercising and when communicating.
Are you used to being in your head? Overthinking everything? Dropping your awareness down into your rib cage offers a paradigm shift. By centering our attention in the rib cage, we tap into a more intuitive connection between body and mind.
2. KNOW YOUR ENERGY
If there are only two things in this world – energy and matter – and matter is made from energy… then are we all just infinite-potential energy bundles? If thoughts/emotions/bodies are energy… and cat cafes and K-Pop and ketchup sandwiches (?!) are energy… perhaps it behooves us to learn about our personal energy and how it is channeled.
I remember hearing about energy meridians from Traditional Chinese Medicine, but for many years, I thought of them just as pathways for acupressure or acupuncture. Then, I read a book by Mike Mandl titled “Meridians: Maps Of The Soul.”
Mandl lays out each of the 12 meridians as distinct personal development guides. I love thinking about their disparate strengths as resources for growth.
One doesn’t have to use meridians to learn more about one’s energy, but I have found meridians to be a helpful framework. Meridian personality types are accessible and memorable.
I think of Lung Meridian as a beefy gym-rat, who is an inner motivational coach. Spleen Meridian is a beauty and self-love maven. Kidney Meridian is the version of us who is brave, bouncy, and up for anything.
This may be nonsense – but what if it is HELPFUL nonsense?
3. DON’T OUTSOURCE YOUR COMFORT
I used to spend so much time searching for a body position that felt comfortable. Then I gave up and tried to find a feeling of internal comfort even when my body positions were excruciatingly painful.
Even if we find a position that feels comfy, it’s usually the context of the situation, the mindset, and the emotional approach to the position (more than the position itself!) that facilitates comfort.
Be the source of your own comfort. In the throes of chronic pain, the quest for physical comfort can often be consuming – an endless search for the perfect body position, chair, or pillow. It finally dawned on me that inner comfort can transcend any context… and almost any chair!
Even in pain-racking body positions, I learned to find ways of generating positive emotions.
Yes, positive people used to annoy me, too. But when I started utilizing positive energy, it helped my body, and amazingly, it even helped the people around me.
May you be positively energized – even in un-comfy chairs!
UNLOCK YOUR FREE COURSE
If you want to discover more tools and learn about meridian energy buddies, check out my free course: Meridian Mastery.
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Bio
Sarah Ariela was diagnosed with Dysautonomia in 2008. Sarah spent 15 years honoring strange requests from her body (no standing/walking for years, no sitting for years, no speaking for years). She underwent intensive treatments including plasma exchanges. Sarah has now remembered that if she is a human (which is questionable at times), she is also a healer. She runs the YouTube account @MeridianHealer. She enjoys being in her body even when it is very loud in there.
THE ONLY 3 THINGS YOU NEED TO DO TO ACHIEVE AN “IMPOSSIBLE” DREAM
Let me tell you a quick story.
Back in 2002, I had a dream of becoming a published author.
I wanted to write a self-help book. I’ve always been fascinated by the idea of personal transformation and thought it would be amazing if I could inspire other people to change their lives.
At the time, though, I was a clueless university graduate who’d just returned home to his parents’ house. I didn’t have any experience writing books, I didn’t know anyone in the industry and when I checked the Writer’s and Artist’s Yearbook, it said that almost all publishing companies didn’t accept unsolicited submissions.
Not a great start.
Compounding my doubt, and crushing my motivation even further, were the comments I received from the people I talked to.
- My parents told me I should look at mainstream careers as it was highly unlikely I’d ever get a publishing deal.
- A friend, who’d just started working for a major publishing company, told me about the massive number of submissions they received and the almost equally massive number of rejections these garnered.
- A published self-help author, who I’d been introduced to, outright told me there was no money to be made selling books and that it was impossible to support yourself through writing alone.
As you can imagine, all of these comments had a negative impact on my mindset.
I started to believe that my dream was impossible.
As a result, for the next 5 years, I did nothing (or, at least nothing related to working on my dream). However, in 2007, after the breakup of a newly formed relationships, I decided I needed something to bring me back to life.
So, I began writing my self-help book.
The Long Road To Success
At first, progress was slow.
It took me four and half years and four re-writes to finally have a manuscript worthy of public consumption.
After contacting an agent, and being rejected – thereby having my negative beliefs about getting a publishing deal confirmed – I decided I wouldn’t waste any more time following the traditional route.
Instead, I’d use the relatively new technology of Kindle Direct Publishing (KDP) and upload my book onto Amazon.
It took a year and 3 months to sell the first 100 copies.
It took a further 5 years to reach my first one thousandth copy sold.
My progress was slow and, baring some great feedback from readers, there wasn’t much in my publishing experience to indicate that the naysayers were wrong.
However, in 2017, I attended a YesGroup (a personal development group inspired by the teachings of Tony Robbins) meeting in London. At this meeting, an author called Brett Moran took to the stage and gave a great speech.
Afterwards, I bought his book, chatted to him and then went home.
After reading the book, I noticed he had a UK publisher and emailed him to ask if he wouldn’t mind sharing his contact.
Graciously, he agreed and I got in touch with someone at Watkins Media.
My first offering to them was Escape The System. It got rejected (although with seemingly genuine praise which made me think it would be worth contacting them again once I’d written another book).
That I did, the following year and, to my total surprise, they liked my book and offered me a publishing deal.
Fast forward to 2020 and my book, Do The Work You Love, was published. A dream, which everyone had told me was impossible to achieve, came true.
What I Learned From My Experience
Getting my book published taught me a powerful yet surprising lesson.
Achieving your dreams is easier than you think.
In fact, I believe you have a 66% chance of being successful (watch this video to discover how I came to this conclusion).
There are only 3 things that you need to do (irrespective of what your dream might be).
They are . . .
1. Take Action
You may have thought that the competition for whatever you want to do is vast. So vast, in fact, that it’s not even worth trying.
Let me tell you a little secret.
SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE!
What does that mean?
That 90% of your competition isn’t even going to take the first step to realising their dream. They’re going to believe the statements seen in the picture below, keep working their regular jobs and spend their evenings sitting on the sofa watching their favourite Netflix series.
All you have to do to put yourself ahead of 90% of the competition is take action.
- Set up your website.
- Go on that training course.
- Write the first 10,000 words of your book.
- Find a mentor.
- Create your first product.
Don’t underestimate how powerful these actions are.
Take a look at the picture below.
These are the sales rankings for my book The Rebel Code on Amazon US. It’s actually a bad sales day. Usually, I’d be floating around the 100,000 ranking and then much higher in the categories related to my genre.
However, even on a bad day, you can see that I’m inside the top 1000 motivational authors in the world.
How did I get there?
There’s nothing particularly special about me and I have no outstanding talents (otherwise I wouldn’t have to work SO damn hard for my success).
I simply took action. Again and again and again.
And while this step won’t win you the race, it will put you in the race (and that’s a lot further than most people ever get).
2. Learn From Your Failures
While achieving your dream is easier than you think, it’s not easy.
You’re going to fail (many times). That’s guaranteed.
Failure is tough and it affects us on many levels.
First, it’s embarrassing. No one wants to be seen falling short of the mark, especially if they’ve told the people around them what they plan to do.
Failure is also depressing. Forget the public embarrassment, the private defeat can be even worse. You worked so hard, dotted every i and crossed every t and yet, it still wasn’t good enough. This can weigh heavily on your soul, causing you to consider giving up.
Finally, and perhaps worst of all, our failures can appear to be proof that our dreams are impossible to achieve. What could be clearer? You tried and it didn’t work out. The naysayers were right.
This is the way most people understand failure. However, you can’t be like most people.
Instead, you have to view failure as an opportunity to learn.
Every time you fail, ask yourself these questions.
- Why did I fail?
- What can I do differently to achieve success?
Take the lessons on board and then bounce back stronger.
What does this mean?
As mentioned, your failures can take an emotional toll. It’s understandable you feel depressed in the aftermath of a crushing defeat.
However, you must become an expert in allowing this feeling to fade away as quickly as possible and then bringing even more energy to your work the next time you try.
- Be more dynamic
- Be more inspired
- Be more positive
This, combined with the knowledge gained from your prior defeat, will enable you to breakthrough and reach the next level.
3. Find A Way To Support Yourself While Working On Your Dream
Let me present you with a couple of likely scenarios for why you, or anyone else, might give up on their dream.
- You save up a sum of money to support yourself for a year. You then quit your job and give yourself 12 months to succeed at your dream. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work out. So, a year later, scared that you’re going to run out of money, you get a similar job to the one you had before. You give up on your dream, telling yourself that you gave it a good shot but that it was impossible to achieve.
- You spend 5 years trying to achieve your dream. A little bit of progress is made but you don’t get anywhere near being able to support yourself through this project alone. So, rationalising that any sane person would stop after such a lengthy period of time, you give up.
Both of these scenarios are reasonable, right?
Perhaps.
However, they’re unnecessary.
YOU DON’T NEED TO GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAM SO LONG AS YOU CAN KEEP FUNDING YOURSELF.
Plus, by continuing, you give yourself almost unlimited opportunities to succeed.
There are many ways to fund your dream.
- I use tennis coaching and hypnotherapy as a platform to support my writing ambitions. These occupations are reasonably well-paid and allow me the flexibility to set my own schedule.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger used appearance fees as a bodybuilder, running a construction company and real estate investments to support himself while aiming to become a Hollywood actor (it took him 7 long years but, because he could provide for himself, there was no need to give up).
- You might use freelancing, consultancy work, side hustling or working part-time/less hours in your current job.
Whatever the case, you must keep 10 to 25 hours a week free to work on your dream. Do this, and you can go on and on in your quest.
Then, with enough time, action taken and lessons learned from your defeats, you WILL succeed.
GET YOUR FREE COURSE
If you want to discover a passion you can make a living from and overcome the fears that are holding you back, check out my free course 30 Days to Escape The System. Click here to get the course right now! (You’ll find the tips on developing belief and self-confidence fascinating!)
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FORGET GOALS; HERE’S WHY YOU SHOULD GET A VISION FOR YOUR LIFE
You’ve probably already set your goals for 2024.
Perhaps you’ve even failed some of them.
Fear not, though, because there’s an even more powerful tool you can use to create the life of your dreams.
CREATING A VISION FOR YOUR LIFE
Where are you now? What’s your current life situation – your environment, your relationships, your job, your health and finances?
This is your reality. Your day-to-day life and everything around you are the sum total of your decisions, beliefs, actions and thoughts (of course, your life will also have been impacted by the environment you were born into).
At times, it may feel like this reality confines and limits you, but it doesn’t. Even if it feels like you’ve been living the same reality for years, there’s something you need to know.
Your life CAN change. However, a big part of changing your reality is knowing what you want to move towards.
You must know the answer to the following questions.
How do you want your life to be?
Where would you like to live? What do you want to do each day? Who do you want to spend time with? Would you like to travel? What impact would you like to have with your life?
Now, sprinkle in a little destiny.
What were you born to do? Why is your uniqueness needed?
Answer all of these questions, without notions of what society considers possible or acceptable, and you have your vision.
Now test it.
Is there an emotional draw?
When you close your eyes and conjure up images of how you want your life to be, do feelings of love, inspiration and freedom occur? Does it feel like home?
If you can’t access these emotions then your vision isn’t compelling enough.
Go back to the drawing board.
Answer the above questions again but make sure you’re not limiting yourself in any way.
Remember, the negative energy of society is going to influence you to think so much is impossible. Furthermore, living what society considers a “good life” might not be enough to inspire you.
Break free from conditioned thought. Connect with your heart. Even if it’s telling you to create the first human colony on Mars, go with it. (Elon Musk doesn’t limit his thinking).
Also, be prepared to take your time.
You might have to revisit this exercise on a regular basis and refine your vision until you’ve created something really compelling.
What next?
TRAVELLING WITHIN
Now that you have a vision for how you want your life to be, you need to understand how your reality will change.
The Secret, or some people’s misinterpretation of how the book/film works, has garnered a lot of criticism for the law of attraction and visualisation.
Because thinking about your desire DOES NOT cause the immediate manifestation of your thought, many people dismiss the idea that a vision can change their reality.
On a surface level, these people may be right but how long have they persisted with their visualisation?
Have they contemplated their vision, not just in passing moments, but for every day of their life, for months, years and even decades?
It’s unlikely, because if they did, they might find that something incredible occurred.
James Allen explains it best in his book As A Man Thinketh. He writes,
The greatest achievement was at first and for a time a dream. The oak sleeps in the acorn; the bird waits in the egg; and in the highest vision of the soul a waking angel stirs. Dreams are the seedlings of realities . . .
Your circumstances may be uncongenial, but they shall not long remain so if you but perceive and Ideal and strive to reach it. You cannot travel within and stand still without . . . Whatever your present environment may be, you will fall, remain, or rise with your thoughts, your Vision, your Ideal.
Pay close attention to this sentence, “You cannot travel within and stand still without.” Assimilating your vision (through constant contemplation), changes you at a fundamental level (you “travel within”).
As a result, you show up in the world as a different person. This more motivated, confident, charismatic version of yourself, with greater clarity of purpose, receives a different reaction from his or her environment. Doors that were once closed will now open. Ideas that were once ignored will now be embraced.
The world will react differently to you (you travel without) because, through becoming one with your vision, you have changed.
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER’S VISION
To help you in this process, I thought you might benefit from an example.
Recently, I’ve been reading Arnold Schwarzenegger’s book, Be Useful: 7 Tools For Life. Arnold’s first rule is (and seemingly the most important), “Have A Clear Vision.”
At every stage in his remarkable life, Arnold had a clear vision of what he wanted to achieve. The following example highlights his vision for becoming a champion bodybuilder. Use it as guidance for creating your own.
When I fell in love with bodybuilding, I didn’t have vague hopes of becoming a champion. I had a very specific vision of it, borrowed from the pictures inside of muscle magazines of guys like Reg Park celebrating their victories. I could see myself on the top step of the winners’ podium holding a trophy. I could see the other competitors on the lower steps looking up at me enviously, but also in awe. I could see their tight smiles, I could even see the colors of their posing briefs. I could see the judges standing and applauding. I could see the crowd going wild and chanting my name. “Arnold! Arnold! Arnold!” This wasn’t a fantasy. This was a memory that just hadn’t happened yet. That’s what it felt like to me.
There are a few things you can take from Arnold’s vision.
First, notice the detail. Arnold created an in-depth scenario which he returned to, again and again, in his mind. Small details like the colour of his opponents posing briefs were included, making the vision more real.
Also, notice where he found the inspiration for this vision. This wasn’t something created entirely in his imagination. He leaned on the pages of muscle magazines to prime his imaginative motor.
You can do the same.
Use something real to base your vision upon.
Below, you can see two images I’ve used to help create my vision.
This first is a tiny photo given to me by someone who was at the 2008 Wimbledon Final between Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal. Often referred to as the greatest match in tennis history, it saw Nadal emerge out of the shadow of Federer to win his first ever non-clay court grand slam (and become world number 1 soon after).
As a Nadal fan, this represents the ultimate moment of triumph. He’s collapsed, exhausted but victorious, having played his heart out (I know the picture isn’t easy to see but the white mass is Nadal, the white line is the baseline of the court and his racket is about 10 foot below his feet).
Although I gave up on my tennis dreams decades ago, this moment of triumph resonates deeply.
In my mind, I’ll have a similar experience once I’ve sold the millionth copy of my books. I can imagine myself emotional, collapsed and elated that a journey which has taken me so long, and for which I’ve fought so hard, has finally come to an end.
The second image is from a Christmas card I received many years ago.
It resonates with me because it evokes feelings of a warm, loving home and family. I don’t know if I’d describe it as my dream home but the environment is certainly one I want to create, and live in.
These images are powerful to me. They helped me create a vision in my mind that is full of triumph, love and meaning.
OVER TO YOU
You should now create your own vision.
Remember, visions are visual, so use whatever stimulus and inspiration you can find.
Some people like to create a vision board. If this works for you, use it.
Whatever you do, make sure your vision feels real.
Take note of what Arnold Schwarzenegger writes. He describes his vision as, “a memory that just hadn’t happened yet.”
This isn’t a fantasy.
Some physicists theorise that everything that has ever happened is occurring right now, just in a different dimension.
Treat your vision the same.
It has happened.
It will happen.
Of course, you can always settle for the alternative and dismiss the idea of creating a vision for your life.
Treat it as pseudo-scientific, new age nonsense and just allow yourself to be guided by the society you live in.
Do that, though, and it’s quite certain where you’ll end up. In the words of Tony Gaskins Jr, “If you don’t build your own dream, someone else will hire you to help build theirs.”
Visions are more than just the musings of an overactive imagination.
They provide direction.
If you know what your life is about, and where you’re headed, you won’t fall for lesser goals or settle for anything less than the full expression of what you could be.
Stay true to your vision.
Stay true to yourself.
GET YOUR FREE COURSE
If you want to discover a passion you can make a living from and overcome the fears that are holding you back, check out my free course 30 Days to Escape The System. Click here to get the course right now! (You’ll find the tips on developing belief and self-confidence fascinating!)
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7 Massive Lies Society Has Brainwashed You To Believe (rejecting them will make your life better)
At no point in history has the average person had more opportunity than in this current era.
Why then, does the human race appear to be more miserable than ever before (if you use rising medication rates for mental health conditions, lack of connectivity seen through declining birth rates in many developed countries and the increase in the cost of living with the associated difficulties this entails, as a yardstick for wellbeing)?
It’s my belief that this collective misery springs from one source – the societies we live in and their ever-increasing influence over our thoughts, decision making and choices.
Society lies to you.
It tells you there’s a tried and tested path to follow and that, if you do so, life will probably work out ok. However, as seen by the malaise referenced above, for a lot of people, this isn’t the case.
That’s why you need to be aware of the following 7 lies.
While on the surface they may appear to make sense, dig a little deeper and you’ll realise they’re nothing more than a recipe for a life of mediocrity and limitation.
LIE #1: A Good Education Is The Key To Success In Life
Let’s start with the first lie we get told.
Both your parents and teachers will insist that the most important thing you can do in your childhood, and early adulthood, is score good grades both at school and in higher education.
This, they tell you, is the path to securing a good job and making lots of money (or enough money to prevent yourself from struggling through life).
Of course, such advice isn’t completely without merit.
It’s good to be educated. However, education without fostering independence of thought, and an understanding of WHY you’re acquiring knowledge, won’t lead to genuine happiness and success.
Sure, you can take your education and gain access to an array of better paid, and slightly less monotonous, uninspiring jobs, but an education alone is never going to unlock the doors to life fulfilment.
So, what should you do?
More important than your education, is finding something you’re passionate about and putting yourself on a path to be making a living from it in the not-too-distant future.
Make this quest the focus of your life and, as the years and decades pass, you’ll enjoy a level of freedom (and perhaps wealth) that those tied to the stressful and boring jobs their education has earned them, can only dream of experiencing.
LIE N#2: Consumption Makes You Happy
We live in a materialistic age.
Whether it’s an advert on TV, an influencer on Instagram or a friend showing off their latest purchase, the message is the same. If you buy desirable products, your life will improve and you’ll feel happy.
It’s a message we must hear and see over 100 hundred times a day.
Through repetition, we become convinced by the logic of this credo.
Furthermore, there is some merit to the idea.
Buy a new car and you’ll feel great for a month. Eat some fast food and you’ll feel instantly satiated. Take a recreation drug and your mood will improve.
However, the problem with seeking happiness through consumption is that it NEVER lasts.
So, what should you do?
Seek happiness through creation.
Commit to the harder path.
Put all your energy into creating something (a book, an innovative product, a human life) that’s useful and brings joy to other people.
The reward you’ll experience will be long lasting and enrich your soul.
LIE N#3: The Media Keeps You Informed
The mainstream media wants you to believe it’s a force for good.
It lets you know what’s going on in the world and provides you with an array of subjects with which you can hold interesting conversations.
While this may be partially true you must also understand that the media has an agenda and that the information it provides does not paint an accurate picture of the world.
What is this agenda?
Like any other corporation, media companies exist to make a profit.
Through decades of operating, they’ve discovered that the best way to achieve this aim is by presenting their audiences with a mix of fear and sensation.
Pursuing the truth, the ideal upon which journalism was formed, takes a back seat to audience manipulation.
So, what should you do?
Disengage from the mainstream media.
Reduce the amount of time you spend reading or watching the news, browsing the internet and avoid paying for too many subscription services or magazines.
This will help you disconnect from a world of fear, hate and materialism, creating more space in your mind to focus on the goals you want to achieve.
LIE N#4: Doctors Know All The Answers
In western societies, Doctors and scientists are revered as Gods. Their word is final, whether they’re diagnosing an illness, delivering a prognosis or prescribing treatment.
Such status seems reasonable until you remember that doctors are humans and that humans are corruptible, sometimes power hungry and frequently influenced by ulterior motives.
Consider these stats.
- Iatrogenic illness is one of the leading causes of human death.
- Over half the people prescribed medication for mental illness report experiencing either damaging side effects or debilitating withdrawal symptoms.
- Doctors receive hardly any training in nutrition and the medical profession rarely focuses on the prevention of illness (why would it, as this would drastically reduce their customer base?).
So, what should you do?
Of all the lies society tells, this one is the most nuanced.
Doctors clearly do know a lot of answers and DO save numerous lives.
Ignoring them completely would be a foolish. However, placing ALL of your faith in their expertise and adopting an attitude that a doctor is there to “fix” you is also naïve.
YOU MUST TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN HEALTH.
This doesn’t mean rejecting the best that modern medicine has to offer but it does mean prioritising your health in such a way that you reduce the likelihood of ever needing their help.
LIE N#5: The Government Has Your Best Interests At Heart
Politics, and access to political power, isn’t available to everyone.
You need lots of money to become an elected official, the kind of money that most individuals are unable to access.
So, in the US, those running for office must secure the backing of wealthy donors. (In the UK, it’s slightly different as although donors still play a role, members of parliament can sit on the boards of major corporations and receive a salary through holding these positions).
Where do you think these politicians loyalties lie?
It’s not with the people who voted them in. It’s with the individuals and organisations who funded them to appear on the ballot in the first place.
So, what should you do?
Don’t trust your government. It’s not going to help you through life or make the burden of living any more manageable (as this would run counter to the interests of its’ backers).
Instead, you need to educate yourself and become self-reliant.
Refuse to be mediocre (something society will encourage you to do).
Instead, begin strengthening both your character and finances so you’re able to deal with whatever challenges the system puts in your path.
LIE N#6: Retirement Is A Goal Everyone Should Chase
For most people, working life is a cycle of boredom and stress, occasionally interspersed with moments of connection and satisfaction.
As a result, retirement is viewed by society as a watershed moment. It’s the point when you finally get to be free and enjoy yourself.
However, what happens when you get there?
You’ll discover that, because you traded your passions for security, you have little to stimulate you in your newfound free time.
Sure, you could always try doing something new but, because you’re older and burnt out from a lifetime of working a job you didn’t enjoy, you lack the energy to make it anything more than a hobby.
So, what should you do?
Never retire.
Better than that, never start working.
Confucius once said, “Choose a job you love, and you’ll never have to work a day in your life.”
If what you do with your days both stimulates you, and provides enough money to make a living, then why stop?
You get to continue the never-ending flow of learning, creating, improving and sharing, regardless of your age.
What could be better?
LIE N#7: You Are Powerless
Society conditions you to conform and live with the belief that your life doesn’t matter.
Who are you compared to the mass of institutions, companies, countries and religions that exist?
Far better, for your own safety and prospects, that you keep your head down, obey the rules and don’t rock the boat.
However, is living this way really the path to a life of happiness and fulfilment?
I don’t believe it is.
You should want to make the most of your almost limitless potential.
In doing so, you’ll discover you’re far more powerful than you’ve been led to believe.
James Allen once said, “The dreamers are the saviours of the world.” An individual, or a collection of individuals, has been behind every major breakthrough in science, technology and civil rights the world has known.
YOU ARE POWERFUL.
Make sure you use your power, and use it for good.
GET YOUR FREE COURSE
If you want to discover a passion you can make a living from and overcome the fears that are holding you back, check out my free course 30 Days to Escape The System. Click here to get the course right now! (You’ll find the tips on developing belief and self-confidence fascinating!)
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5 Ridiculous Things I Tried Before Finding My Purpose (and how you can find yours)
Let me take you back to 2002.
I’d just completed my politics degree and returned home after 3 years at university.
Now, I was faced with the unenviable prospect of discovering what I was going to do with the rest of my life.
I didn’t have many ideas.
I certainly knew what I DIDN’T want to do.
- I didn’t want to be stuck in an office for 40 to 60 hours a week
- I didn’t want to work solely for money (I wanted the work I did to be meaningful)
- I didn’t want to have my whole life (where I lived, when I took holiday, when I woke up, when I played sports) dictated to me by a job
Beyond that, though, I was stuck.
I knew my criteria. I wanted to support myself in a fun and inspiring way. However, I couldn’t identify an actual occupation that would both do that and to which my skills and personality would be suited.
So, I went through a period of experimentation. I tried the following 5 ridiculous options in the hope I might get lucky and find my purpose. (Please note, when I use the word ridiculous the implication is that they are ridiculous for me. For you, they might be a great fit and I wouldn’t want to dissuade you from pursuing them).
1. Acting
As long as I can remember, I’ve always been inspired by movies. Combine this with my slightly extroverted tendencies (I enjoy being in front of a camera or on stage) and acting seemed like a good fit.
I didn’t want to be any old actor, though, I wanted to be a movie star.
At the time, both Denzel Washington and Ed Norton were my favourite actors and I wanted to play powerful, moving roles like they did in The Hurricane and American History X. However, despite my grandiose ambitions, I had zero acting experience and no idea how to make it in the industry.
I had to start somewhere, though, and for me this involved enrolling on an adult education acting course.
Hollywood, this was not.
I attended 8 weeks of this course (probably geared towards people wanting to appear in local plays) and that was enough.
The final straw came when the tutor wanted us to sing while jumping around (I don’t know whether this was for her amusement or whether it’s a legitimate training technique).
At that point, I was out. I felt like I was embarrassing myself and that this environment was a million miles away from my Hollywood ambitions.
2. Modelling
What possessed me to pursue this avenue?
Probably an, at the time, inflated opinion of the way I looked and the comments of a school teacher (suggesting I should try out as a model) after I took part in a school runway show.
So, I did what any self-respecting would-be model would do and got my Mum to take some photos of me doing, what I thought were, model poses (but probably looked something closer to Ben Stiller in Zoolander).
I took this “portfolio” up to London and shopped it around at various modelling agencies.
The reactions I received varied from barely concealed laughter to being told I was classically handsome but not model material.
I did have one fan, though, who waited for me at the exit of an agency.
A 50-year-old gay guy told me he had a private room where we could take some “special” photos that were bound to impress the unappreciative modelling scouts.
I declined.
3. Becoming A Preacher
Throughout my life, I’d always been sceptical of religion. However, after reading Joseph Murphy’s The Power Of Your Subconscious Mind, I began to think of it differently.
Murphy regularly quoted the bible and explained the deeper meaning of the words in such a way that was both accessible and illuminating. Furthermore, he referenced the Church of New Thought and mentioned he was a minister of this institution.
It’s difficult to capture in words the impact that The Power Of Your Subconscious Mind had on my life at that time. Therefore, I thought to myself, if there’s some opportunity within the Church to be involved in what Joseph Murphy writes about, then I’m in.
This thought process resulted in two trips to Church.
The first was a regular, if somewhat evangelical, Church where I witnessed scripture readings and several members of the congregation being baptised and “born again.” While the ceremony moved me, it was too traditional, reminding me of the Church I’d known as a child (albeit a far more emotionally charged version).
My second trip was to a New Thought Church in London (the only one I could find – after spending a great deal of time scouring the internet). Here, the service was lot more sombre and sparsely attended.
In truth, it couldn’t have been more devoid of the inspiration I felt in the words of Joseph Murphy’s books. I talked with the preacher/organiser at the end but she dissuaded me from becoming a New Thought minister.
She explained there were limited options in London and that, anyway, the world of politics (I told her about my degree) was in greater need of Joseph Murphy’s teachings than the Church – something I didn’t want to hear.
4. Script Writing
As much as I wanted to be in front of the camera, creating powerful, moving stories was equally appealing.
So, I got myself a script writing guide from the library and studied it cover to cover.
I thought this was going to be easier than writing a book. However, coming up with a plot, characters and writing dialogue was more complicated than I imagined.
I spent a few summer afternoons, lying out in the sun, wracking my brains but not being able to create anything of note.
5. Utility Warehouse Distributor
A year after all these adventures took place, I signed up to be a Utility Warehouse Distributor.
This was a network marketing scheme that involved getting customers to switch their electricity, gas and internet and recruiting a team of distributers who would do the same.
I was lured by the prospect of setting my own working hours and achieving a substantial passive income once my network grew. However, the product, and the work itself, couldn’t have been any further from my wheelhouse.
I’m not a natural salesman (I used to struggle to sell my own books, so selling something I didn’t believe in was a total non-starter).
After 9 months, and 3 customers acquired, I quit.
How You Can Find YOUR Purpose
As you can tell from this list, I did a fair amount of fruitless searching in my youth.
Some of my ideas WERE ridiculous but did it matter?
Not really because the intention behind the search was pure.
I wanted to do inspiring work. Even deeper than that, I wanted to find my life’s purpose and if, in the process of getting to this destination, I had to go through a period of struggle, embarrassment and rejection, it was ultimately worth it.
That’s the first message of this blog post.
DON’T GIVE UP YOUR SEARCH.
You may feel like you’re wasting time pursuing different avenues that, ultimately, lead nowhere but the mere intention to find your life’s purpose is enough.
As a result of this desire, ideas WILL come to you and opportunities WILL present themselves.
Eventually, I turned my hand to writing self-help books.
I wrote 5 drafts of my first book before I finally released it in 2012.
It wasn’t easy. At many points, I felt lost and couldn’t see how this endeavour was going to work out. However, ultimately, through my confusion and struggle, I found a way and experienced success.
That’s the second message of this blog post.
IT’S OK TO FEEL LOST AND TO STRUGGLE.
A way can be made out of no way.
The thought of getting a book publishing deal seemed unreachable to me in 2008. In 2018, I got signed and the impossible became reality.
The same can happen for you. You can struggle, you can have no idea how something is going to work out and yet, you can still make it through the darkness and find clarity and direction.
How?
HOLD ONTO YOUR VISION.
Even if that vision doesn’t have an identifiable endpoint (to sell X number of books, to be a travel blogger with 100,000 subscribers, to run a business creating and selling affordable eco-homes), the strong desire to experience greater freedom, to feel excited and engaged every day and to have a life filled with love (a love for what you do and to be surrounded by people you love) is enough to get you started.
From here, and through a process of experimentation and trial and error, you’ll find out what is, and isn’t, going to work.
A path will emerge.
That path might fade at times, and take a few wrong terms, but by holding onto your vision (and it improving in clarity as you do so), you’ll eventually arrive at your destination.
Good luck!
GET YOUR FREE COURSE
If you want to discover a passion you can make a living from and overcome the fears that are holding you back, check out my free course 30 Days to Escape The System. Click here to get the course right now! (You’ll find the tips on developing belief and self-confidence fascinating!)
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A Look Inside My New Book: The Rebel Code
Below, is a excerpt from my new book, The Rebel Code: 12 Steps To Find Your Place In The World And Win.
This is just a small section from step 2. To read the whole book and get the complete picture on how to become a happy and successful rebel, look out for The Rebel Code’s release on the 4th December (you can get notified and receive a launch week discount by signing up to my newsletter – click the link below and enter your email where prompted*)
>>>>>I WANT TO BE NOTIFIED ABOUT LAUNCH WEEK DISCOUNT FOR THE REBEL CODE<<<<<<
Alternatively, you can pre-order The Rebel Code on Amazon RIGHT NOW by clicking HERE
*ignore the information for the “30 Days To Escape The System” course. You are on the right page for being added to The Rebel Code launch.
STEP 2: BE GUIDED BY YOUR HEART WHEN MAKING MAJOR LIFE DECISIONS
On a foggy Oregon morning, sometime in 1962, Phil Knight set out on a run. It was early and as the day broke, he had a revelation.
He was 24 at the time. After 7 years away from home, gaining both a degree, and a masters, and then spending a year in the Army, he’d returned back to Portland, Oregon. What awaited him, midway through his 20s, was a major life decision regarding his future career.
With a degree in business and an MBA from Stanford University, Knight wasn’t short on options. His father was a journalist and he’d considered following in his footsteps or a career in accounting. However, alongside these professions, there was something else competing for his attention.
Knight had a Crazy Idea (his own words).
While studying for his MBA, he’d completed a paper on importing Japanese running shoes and selling them to the US market. This idea was based on a recent trend he’d noticed where Japanese designed goods, especially cameras, were competing with, and outperforming, imports from other countries. If it worked for cameras, he thought, why couldn’t it work for running shoes?
For Knight, this paper was much more than a means to achieving his MBA. It was the seed of an inspired future. He couldn’t stop thinking about his Crazy Idea yet was uncertain about the possibility of it working as a business.
- Would he be brave enough to put it into action?
- Where would he get the capital to start?
- What would his parents say when he told them about his plans?
These thoughts, and more, swirled around in his head while he considered his options.
While pondering his future career, Knight also began developing his own life philosophy. His original passion was running. He’d pursued this throughout high school and university, competing for the Oregon team. However, unlike some of the athletes on the university programme, he fell short of reaching international level.
With a career as an athlete out of the picture, he was looking for some way to capture the excitement of competition with whatever work he chose to do. As a deep thinker, he questioned conventional standards of success. Sure, he wanted to have a wife, kids and a house but beyond that, financial gain didn’t provide much motivation. Instead, it was important that he should leave his mark on the world and for his life to have meaning.
All of these thoughts led him to an exciting conclusion. If he could no longer experience the thrill of competing in a 10,000-meter race then he wanted to make his daily work so engaging that it felt like play.
His mind kept returning to this word. There was too much pain in the world, he rationalised. Furthermore, a person could follow all of society’s rules, work hard, do as they were told and still find they were unfairly treated. Therefore, it was far better to pursue your own self-determined dream that felt like a good fit.
Once this thought process was complete, Knight experienced his revelation (while out on his aforementioned morning run). He was going to start a running shoe company and put everything he had into making it successful. In his memoir Shoe Dog, he recalls an almost ecstatic reaction to this decision,
I was suddenly smiling. Almost laughing. Drenched in sweat, moving as gracefully and effortlessly as I ever had, I saw my Crazy Idea shining up ahead.
Internal guidance vs external guidance
Why have I chosen to highlight Phil Knight’s experience?
Primarily because, like Knight, you’re going to face many life-defining decisions on your journey to becoming a successful rebel. In these moments, who, or what, can you turn to for guidance?
Phil Knight followed his heart when choosing his future career. The sensible option would have been to become an accountant or a journalist. He’d have had a good income, been able to support a family and could have avoided the risk of starting a company from scratch. However, despite all these benefits, this path didn’t make him feel alive.
Notice how Knight felt on his morning run, after he’d made the decision to commit to his new business idea. He describes himself as, “suddenly smiling” and, “almost laughing.” The moment seems euphoric.
What could have made him feel this way?
Knight experienced an “inner knowing” about being on the right path and this is why he felt elated. It was his spirit’s way of affirming his choice and that he should proceed with what, until that point, had just been a Crazy Idea.
His life after this moment was far from smooth. He was pushed to breaking point on numerous occasions while trying to establish his running shoe company. However, the decision to follow his heart ultimately led him to become the billionaire owner of one the world’s most popular sports brands.
Such an incredible transformation can only occur when you follow your heart.
Over the course of your life, you might be faced with many important decisions;
- Deciding whether or not you should go to university.
- Choosing a career or deciding to start your own business.
- Deciding whether to marry your current partner.
- Making up your mind about whether to leave your job.
On each occasion, there’ll be two voices competing for your attention and offering you guidance. The first of these is your inner voice and the second, society’s.
It’s heart versus head.
How do you know which one to follow?
Leaders and followers, typically, make their major life decisions based on conventional wisdom and are swayed by appeals to logic or what “makes sense.” They’ll be influenced by their parents, teachers, the media, religious leaders, their boss, colleagues and social media. All of these voices will amalgamate into one which they’ll trust over their inner voice (even leaders, in this sense, will act like followers).
Leaders and followers do what’s expected of them, regardless of whether they want to, because they believe,
- The majority must be right.
- That working with society is the only way to meet their needs (security for the follower and power for the leader).
This thinking might cause them to ignore their true desires when making an important life decision. For example, when choosing a university course, they might select one they have no interest in studying so long as it leads to a clearly defined career path.
When deciding to get married, they might select someone they don’t love (rather than hold out for the real thing) if they’re getting older, facing pressure from their parents and friends to take this step and are concerned about missing their opportunity to marry and have children.
To a degree, this way of making decisions works for the leaders and followers. It helps them avoid difficult existential questions and the disapproval of others. However, the rebel must find an alternative approach.
Rather than listening to society’s voice when making major life decisions, the rebel must heed the call of their inner voice.
This is easy to define yet sometimes hard to hear. It’s your gut instinct, your conscience and what your heart is telling you to do. No matter how uncertain you may be about a decision, it will always be there. Its voice may be muted, drowned out by all the other ones competing for your attention, but if you can develop strong self-awareness, you’ll be able to hear its call.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with listening to external sources and heeding the advice of others. Sometimes it will be wise to do so. However, relying on them to the exclusion of your inner voice might cause you to overlook your life purpose.
Divine guidance?
Phil Knight used the term “Crazy Idea” to describe his business plan to sell Japanese imported running shoes to the US market.
It didn’t make sense.
He was 24, had a degree, an MBA and had completed a spell in the army. When it came to succeeding in the job market, he was in a strong position. A host of professions and companies would have been more than happy to offer him a job and pay him handsomely for his time. However, instead of accepting the easier path, his heart was telling him to venture into uncharted waters and start a business that, many would consider, was a shot in the dark.
You may be wondering whether your inner voice can be trusted when making major life decisions.
After all, your heart isn’t always rational. Sometimes, it will urge you to do something that appears to be a risk. It might tell you to quit your job and start a business that has no guarantee of success. Or, it could tell you to leave a marriage and put yourself in a position where you’re on your own and at an age where, typically, it’s harder to find a romantic partner. However, just because your heart appears to be placing you in immediate danger, doesn’t mean the wisdom of its guidance won’t be revealed at a later date.
What you’ve just read is a excerpt from my new book, “The Rebel Code: 12 Steps To Find Your Place In The World And Win”
To pre-order a copy, click here and you’ll be taken through to Amazon.
What 20 Years As A Tennis Coach Taught Me About Making A Living From My Passion
20 years ago (September 2003), I began working as a tennis coach.
At the time, it represented a major step forward in my life.
Prior to that, I’d never enjoyed a single moment of the jobs I’d worked. I spent my entire time working in a sports retail store, as a bartender, at a call centre and working in data entry, clock watching and praying for the end of the day.
This was the first job, I thought, where I was actually going to enjoy the work and get to make a living doing something I was interested in.
What happened next is 20 years of lessons learned, surprises and personal growth.
Making a living from one of my passions was not, in any way, shape or form, what I expected it to be.
I now share this story in the hope that I can help you on your journey.
Here are the five lessons I’ve learned from 20 years as a tennis coach.
1. Your Passion Might Need Tweaking
Before starting work as a tennis coach, I had the romantic notion that all I needed to do was gain my coaching qualification, find the clients, and everything would be great.
I expected each lesson to be fun and inspiring. This was one of my passions after all, and I’d read that when you align yourself with something you love, special things happen.
The reality of coaching (at the time, I mainly taught groups of 6 to 12 children in one class), though, was very different.
It wasn’t fun. Often, the children behaved badly and the lesson was more about maintaining order than teaching the students anything of value.
Worse still, I discovered that the ethos of the coach I was working with (he initially hired me to work with his coaching company) wasn’t congruent with mine.
For him, tennis coaching was a business and although he did his best to ensure the lessons were run well, the concept of developing outstanding tennis players was secondary to making money.
A month into what I thought was going to be a dream job, I started to have doubts.
For a moment, I thought about quitting. I had all these expectations about what making a living from my passion would be like and none of them were being met.
Fortunately, though, I decided to stick it out.
Despite the difficulties I had in maintaining discipline, and the coaching ethos not being what I imagined it would be, I had one thing going in my favour.
While on court, I was in charge. I had the autonomy to make the work what I wanted it to be.
This took a long time. I had to learn about disciplining children and improve my coaching skills. However, with the passing of the years, I was able to fight for less children in my class and ensure that we were working towards a motivating goal (playing in team competitions and coaching the most talented kids to work their way up the junior rankings).
Eventually, I made the work more rewarding and enjoyable. However, the process taught me an important lesson.
No matter how passionate you may think you are about a certain job, or role, you never know what it’s going to be like. The idea and the reality are often very different. However, this doesn’t mean you’re without scope to mould your passion into what you want it to be.
Henry David Thoreau once said, “Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” This also applies to making a living from your passion.
2. Experience Trumps Qualifications
I’ve never done any further qualifications than my initial, entry level course to become a tennis coach.
Why?
Because I’ve never needed to.
- The first 7 years of my tennis coaching career were spent working for coach who had his own coaching company.
- The next 5 were spent working at a sports centre after I broke away from this coach and set up my own business at one of his venues (more on this to come).
- In 2016, I moved to a new tennis club and have been performing the head coach role there ever since.
This progression is slightly unusual for a tennis coach with only the standard level of qualification (there are two higher levels which many coaches in my position will take). However, my reasoning for never gaining these qualifications is that they will take up A LOT of my time and money while failing to turn me into a better coach.
I’m not a big fan of qualifications. By and large, I view them as box ticking exercises.
I know a few people with MBAs and Masters Degrees who spent a lot of time and money gaining these qualifications but never really furthered their careers after attaining them.
What’s the point?
You can learn whatever you need to learn when on the job, by taking smaller, one day or weekend courses and staying up to date with the latest trends and techniques in your industry with online content or a mastermind group of fellow professionals.
Years of desire to learn and improve is what turned me into a good tennis coach, not the letters after my name.
Occasionally, you don’t even need qualifications!
You might remember Lionel Logue, the Australian speech therapist whose true story came to prominence through the Oscar winning film, The King’s Speech. After many professionals with numerous qualifications had attempted to cure King George VI of his stutter and failed, Logue was recruited in the hope his unconventional methods might work.
Amazingly, they did. The King found his voice and was transformed in his ability to perform his royal duties. However, Logue was self-taught and didn’t have a qualification to his name (apart from the most important one – his experience).
3. You Must Embrace Uncertainty
Making a living from your passion is not the same as earning money through a conventional career. Often, there’s no guarantee that you’ll make any money at all.
This level of uncertainty is incredibly testing. Tony Robbins lists “certainty” as one of our 6 essential human needs. To live anxiety free, most people need to know when the next paycheque is coming and what their schedule will look like the next week.
Making a living from your passion doesn’t always afford you that luxury.
This was especially true with tennis coaching.
I’ve had to deal with bad weather forcing me to cancel lessons (I live in England), client turnover when the children inevitably change schools or go to university and the unnerving initial challenge of building a big enough client base to support me.
Initially, this lack of certainty messed with my head. I couldn’t tell whether I’d still be a tennis coach 8 months after I’d started. However, as I got used living without guarantees, something amazing happened.
I started developing the unconscious belief that I’d always be provided for.
Even if there was bad weather, and I’d miss a week’s worth of work, I believed I’d make it up when the sun came out. Even when I branched out on my own, taking the risk to set up my own coaching business after 7 years of working for someone else, I believed everything would work out.
And, amazingly, it did.
By embracing uncertainty and believing I’d always be provided for, it felt like I got into the flow of abundance.
Perhaps it had something to do with living in a more resourceful state.
Because I wasn’t worried about where the next client was coming from, I got on with my job, taught my lessons with enthusiasm, and this enabled me to keep the clients I had and attract new ones either through recommendations or people being impressed with my work.
Or, perhaps there’s a lot of demand for tennis coaching in my area and anyone doing a half way decent job can get enough clients.
Whatever the case, as someone looking to make a living from their passion, I’d advise you to embrace uncertainty.
4. Sometimes You Have To Be Ruthless And Make Tough Decisions To Grow
After 7 years of working with another tennis coach, I decided it was time I branched out.
For a couple of years, I’d been applying for head coach positions at other tennis clubs but hadn’t been successful. So, I hatched a plan to operate independently at one of the venues I’d been working at for the last 7 years.
Of course, this plan wasn’t without risk because it brought me into conflict with the tennis coach who I’d been working with since I qualified.
Despite him never working at these tennis courts (3 of them attached to an LA Fitness gym) and me having done the heavy lifting of running and growing a thriving holiday tennis course programme there, he still very much considered it HIS venue.
Fortunately, though, the managers of the LA Fitness didn’t. They were pissed off with him never paying his rent on time and owing them over £600 in fees. As a result, they were more than happy to strike a new deal with me, allowing me to operate independently at the venue.
To say my former boss was mad about this move was an understatement.
I thought if we met face to face, a fight would have ensued.
I received a couple of abusive phone calls, laced with expletives and I was also threatened with legal action (although on what grounds I’m not sure as I wasn’t breaking any law).
It was an unpleasant experience. However, it had to be done.
On the one hand, I was destroying any friendship I had with the tennis coach who gave me my first job (and that didn’t feel good).
On the other hand, this was a huge opportunity for my advancement (more money, greater freedom and autonomy).
Although part of me liked this man, it was undeniable that he was arrogant, egotistical, a habitual late payer and regularly made a point of letting the coaches who worked for him know who was boss.
In some ways, he got what he deserved.
In some ways, it was a ruthless move on my behalf.
Wherever you lie on assessing whether my decision was ethical, what’s undeniable was that it was difficult.
I expect you’ll be faced with decisions of a similar magnitude on your journey to making a living from your passion.
When you are, understand that it’s ok to be a little ruthless. I don’t regret my decision.
It had to be done so I could continue to grow. That’s the most important point. So long as you’re not REALLY harming another person (my takeover only cost my former boss 10% to 15% of a substantial income), it’s ok to put yourself first.
5. Don’t Let Something You Like Stop You From Doing Something You Love
You probably know me as a writer (perhaps you didn’t even know I worked as a tennis coach and hypnotherapist – and still do).
Writing is my main passion. My life goal is to sell a million copies of the books I write.
However, my journey to making a living from the work that inspires me didn’t begin with writing.
Back in 2003, fresh out of university, I had a plan. I would use jobs that I liked (tennis coaching and hypnotherapy) to support myself while I created a career that I loved (writing and being a speaker).
I created this plan because I believe, and still do, that working just to make money equates to a dull and soulless life. Your work has to be meaningful and enjoyable otherwise you’re wasting your talents and potential (no matter how much money you make).
Ironically, this logic also applies to lesser passions getting in the way of your ultimate goal. For many years, I’ve been guilty of not pushing hard enough with my writing because I’ve had my tennis coaching to fall back on.
Because, for the most part, I enjoy the work, there’s a lack of urgency to succeed as a writer.
You must be aware of this if you’re following a similar approach.
Don’t get too comfortable. Keep your eyes on the prize and know when it’s time to risk something you like for something you love.
GET YOUR FREE COURSE
If you want to discover a passion you can make a living from and overcome the fears that are holding you back, check out my free course 30 Days to Escape The System. Click here to get the course right now! (You’ll find the tips on developing belief and self-confidence fascinating!)
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How “The Alchemist” Can Help You Live Your Dreams
The Alchemist was first published in 1988.
Since then, it’s sold over 65 million copies and become the best-selling self-help/spirituality book of all-time (excluding religious texts like The Bible).
Furthermore, it is THE most translated book in the world by a living author, with versions available to read in 74 different languages.
The author, Paulo Coelho, has lived a life worthy of the adventures of the book’s main character, Santiago.
Born in Brazil in 1947, he was raised in a strict Catholic family and attended a school run by Jesuits.
He rebelled against this upbringing, presumably rejecting the path his parents wished him to pursue. Shockingly, this resulted in him being committed to a mental asylum by them on three separate occasions.
Once an adult, further clashes with authority ensued. Instead of pursuing the law degree for which he’d enrolled, he left university and started writing song lyrics for Brazilian musicians.
These songs were political in nature, protesting the country’s military rule. As a result, he was jailed on three separate occasions and, while imprisoned, tortured by the guards.
Despite this treatment, Coelho never stopped dreaming. Once freed, he experienced a spiritual awakening while walking the famous Camino trail in northern Spain.
After this, he committed to his dream of becoming a writer and, one year later, penned his masterpiece.
Paulo Coelho knows both about the importance of pursuing your dreams and how to achieve them.
The subtitle of The Alchemist is “A Fable About Following Your Dreams” and many people (including Bill Clinton and Julia Roberts) cite it as an influential work. However, the focus of this blog post is less on the book itself, and more on a brief 4-page prelude to the main work which comes included with the 2012 edition.
In this essay, Coelho offers insights into the subject he’s most qualified to write on – the pursuit, and achievement, of one’s dreams.
He claims there are only 4 obstacles to be concerned with when taking on this seemingly monumental challenge.
Below, I will break each one of these down, offering further insights, and explaining why the life of your dreams could be within your grasp.
Obstacle 1: The System
Coelho writes, “we are told from childhood onwards that everything we want to do is impossible.” As a result of hearing this from parents, teachers, the media, friends, our peer group, work colleagues, bosses and religious leaders, “There comes a time when our personal calling is so deeply buried in our soul as to be invisible.”
We live in a system that encourages mediocrity.
One of the life lessons we’re taught from our teenage years is that dreams rarely come true.
As a result, it’s considered a far safer route to study hard in school, get a place at university and then secure a well-paid job after graduation.
At least this way you’ll live a comfortable and secure life. Barring an unforeseen accident or illness, nothing much will go wrong.
However, what happens if a “normal life’ isn’t good enough for you? What happens if you can still hear your “personal calling” and hold out the smallest hope that it’s more than just a fantasy?
If this is the case then you must unplug from the system.
Stop listening to, and avoid, the people who tell you your dream is impossible to achieve. Remember, what they’re telling you is an outright lie.
Unless your dream is to be the first human to make contact with an alien species, it’s likely that whatever you want to do, no matter how outrageous it may sound to others, has been done before.
THEREFORE IT’S NOT IMPOSSIBLE.
Realise this and understand that it can be done. Then, if possible, connect with the people who have achieved what you’re aiming to do.
You’ll benefit from their perspective, and knowledge, and this should get you a quarter of the way to your destination.
Obstacle 2: Other people’s expectations
Although there are similarities, obstacle two is different to the first. It’s more direct, involving the people around you – the ones who are closest to you – and the influence they can have over your decisions.
We all need connection. However, what happens when our need for connection requires that we play small and ignore our need for exploration, expression and meaning?
It’s a difficult situation to be in. Coelho writes, “We know what we want to do, but are afraid of hurting those around us by abandoning everything in order to pursue our dream.”
For fear of being called selfish and for fear of being isolated and alone, we’ll sacrifice our dreams so we can have harmony at home.
But how long will this harmony last?
Sure, your spouse, parents and kids may feel better but how are you going to cope with living half a life?
Fortunately, Coelho has a solution.
He flips the situation on its head by writing that love shouldn’t stop you from pursuing your dreams but, instead, propel you towards them.
If someone truly loves you, they want you to be happy. Therefore, if some of that happiness is dependent on you exploring your personal calling then they’ll support you on your journey.
Of course, in every relationship there’s a degree of compromise involved. However, try to think of ways to let the people you love know that you pursuing your dreams is a win-win for everyone.
It’s a great example to your kids, it could lead to some very proud parents and your spouse gets to enjoy the best version of you.
Obstacle 3: Failure and suffering
If you’re considering, or are already, following your dreams, there’s something you must understand.
The path you walk is different to 99% of the population. Although you have a chance to enjoy life’s greatest rewards, you’re also confronting life’s greatest challenges. As a result, it’s more than likely you’ll experience some heart breaking failures.
Coelho writes, “We who fight for our dream suffer far more when it doesn’t work out, because we cannot fall back on the old excuse, ‘Oh, well, I didn’t really want it anyway.'”
You must face the pain of putting everything on the line and still failing. However, if you can get through this, victory is assured.
Coelho writes, “The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and to get back up eight times.”
He also mentions that ignoring your dreams carries its own form of suffering. This is more subtle and, “eats away at our soul,” eventually becoming impossible to deal with in older age.
So, don’t allow the fear of failure or the potential for suffering to deter you from pursuing your dreams. These are inevitable experiences and are actually a key part of the process to becoming successful.
Embrace them and understand that you CAN overcome any obstacle.
Obstacle 4: Self-sabotage
You are now three-quarters of the way towards living the life of your dreams. However, the final obstacle you face is, perhaps, the hardest to understand.
Coelho writes, “The mere possibility of getting what we want fills the soul of the ordinary person with guilt. We look around at all those who have failed to get what they want and feel that we do not deserve to get what we want either.”
Humans are social animals. We like to feel connected to others. Therefore, when faced with the prospect of succeeding on a level that far exceeds anyone we know, we fear isolation.
Coelho writes, “I have known a lot of people who, when their personal calling was within their grasp, went on to commit a series of stupid mistakes and never reached their goal when it was only a step away.”
Why?
The sickness of mind known as “playing small.”
We falsely assume we’re being virtuous if we stay like everyone else. As Coelho writes, there’s a, “saintly aura” about, “renouncing joy and conquest.” Society promotes the false narrative that the best people are the ordinary ones who work hard, keep their heads down and give to others.
While there is merit in this approach, it ignores our need to be inspired, realise our potential and live life to the fullest.
These needs can only be met if we have examples of dream achievers to emulate.
Ironically, we don’t always serve others by playing small so they can escape feeling inadequate. Instead, sometimes the best way to serve others is to let our light shine so they have permission to do the same (to paraphrase Marianne Williamson).
So, don’t for a second feel guilty about your success.
You living your dreams can ONLY be a good thing for those around you and the world at large.
GET YOUR FREE COURSE
If you want to discover a passion you can make a living from and overcome the fears that are holding you back, check out my free course 30 Days to Escape The System. Click here to get the course right now! (You’ll find the tips on developing belief and self-confidence fascinating!)